Pet peeves: Why men irritate women

Published: April 13, 2012

We’re helping you save your time. We choose to wear pajamas for two weeks because we love you. PHOTO: AFP

Sometimes, men irritate the hell out of women, and honestly they know it but they just act like they don’t. Growing up, I remember teasing the girl I liked the most in school only to get her to notice me. So perhaps the irritating streak has continued to be part of our DNA as we’ve grown up.

Having been married for sometime, I’ve been able to pin point a few areas where the male species has mastered the art of irritation.

1. Toilet seat conundrum

We don’t know why we do this, but we do. No matter how many times you tell us to put the toilet seat down, we will leave it up. I guess your constant nagging gives us the satisfaction that we’ve been able to get under your skin. So by that logic if you stop getting irritated by it, we may just put it down one day. Think about that.

2. Dichotomy of long life pyjamas

I don’t understand why women want us to change our pyjamas every second day, even when they don’t smell foul (and you hate when we check them for bad odour too!)

I say if it doesn’t stink, it doesn’t stink and it doesn’t need to be changed. So why not leave us be with our pyjamas that don’t require washing for two weeks?

Think of it this way, we’re saving water, time, and effort. In that sense, we’re helping you save your time too. We choose to wear pyjamas for two weeks because we love you.

3. Not brushing my teeth on holidays

It’s my day off, and I want to be lazy. At least I gargle and use mouthwash (sometimes) – then why all the fuss?

By definition, us men were born to live as bums only so that you women have a project to work on for the rest of your lives.

If we were perfect, who would you nag?

4. Short version syndrome

Woman, even if you were a best-selling author, I would still want to hear the short summary of your day and not a minute by minute account. I read somewhere that women on average speak 8,000 words a day while men only speak about 3,000 – it’s probably because you don’t really let us talk at all.

5. Weekend quandary

So I spend close to 50 hours a week working, and on the weekend I need to have my time with the boys to relax.

But somehow you women are always planning what we  should do over the weekend as a couple, while men are thinking about “what do I do over the weekend” with the boys. Granted, we can be selfish but then again you get your time with the girls during the week, don’t you? So when do I get my time with my boys?

6. Quick shopping fixation

Send men/boys into a gadget store, and they’ll spend hours there. However, we will spend those hours playing with the products, not thinking of what to get. Men have been programmed to make quick decisions, and we pride ourselves on that.

We cannot and will not be able to spend hours with you in a mall, looking at clothes you want to buy, jewellery you wished we had bought you, or furniture that would make our home stand out. If you want to buy something, please know what it is before you enter the store. It helps if you follow the list you’ve made before leaving the house, which you tend to forget when you’re in the store.

7. The sick baby

When women are sick, they take it quite well. They’re able to manage their sickness in a graceful fashion, and get back on their feet pretty quickly. However, when we get sick, it’s like the end of the world for us. It doesn’t matter if it’s a cold or a car crash, our response is always going to be the same as a reaction to a brush with death that requires extra care sprinkled with a dose of over-dramatisation.

Nevertheless, it gets us the attention we crave so much.

Note: This message has been endorsed by my wife. I can say this because I have my wife’s permission to do so.

Read more by Adeel here, or follow him on Twitter @Adeel_Ansari.

Adeel.Ansari

Adeel Ansari

Adeel Ansari moonlighted as an RJ on Cityfm89 (as Jellyman) but now works at Henkel after completing his MBA-Marketing from Lahore School of Economics and is currently settled in Dubai. He tweets as @Adeel_Ansari (twitter.com/Adeel_Ansari)

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.

  • Yousuf Malik

    Dear blogger,

    You seem to derive pleasure from irritating women. Might i suggest getting help for your sadism.Recommend

  • Morning Glory

    Thats so lollish!!

    Nicely written and a good read.Recommend

  • Sana

    Hahahaha thats funny….and yes true too :pRecommend

  • HZA

    Ill prefer staying single if guys actually act such freaky after marriage.Recommend

  • Nandita.

    I have a husband ,a father, loads of brothers and friends but I don’t know any man who doesn’t brush his teeth or doesn’t change his pajamas days on end.

    So not brushing your teeth and wanting to wear the same pyjamas for two weeks just means YOU HAVE BAD HYGIENE HABITS. I don’t think these are tactics to irritate women, a person with good hygiene couldn’t behave that way. They are other ways to irritate people.

    So, i’ll get back to reading the rest of your article but seriously do you really skip brushing your teeth eww.Recommend

  • Umer Rasheed

    Such articles should be in Cosmo or Vogue as fillersRecommend

  • Nandita.

    @Ahmet katzoglu:

    How racist are you ?

    Dear Moderator –
    Seriously, you let people get away with saying loads of crap.Recommend

  • Usman

    LOL I was reading this article and I was like this dude’s wife better know about this article keeping in mind the mobile article he wrote. The mention of wife’s permission at the end of the article just cracked me up! :DRecommend

  • Rizwan

    Congratulations!
    now you have started irritating men too by writing this piece.. and stop including ALL men in your assumptions. i am out of this stupid league who purposely annoy women Recommend

  • http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Jahanzaib-Haque/149352001744540?ref=ts Jahanzaib Haque

    Deleted. Thank you (Web Desk)Recommend

  • Mona Rahman

    Loved reading it…. It’s funny I couldn’t help laughing at short version syndrome I do that sometimes generally speaking with every one then remember that let the other person speakRecommend

  • Usman

    Rizwan, you won’t get laid this way! :)Recommend

  • talha

    that guy has bad hygiene habits, that ain’t lazy that’s filthy dude !Recommend

  • nash30

    Number 7 is true for all guys I know. And is annoying as fooze! :@ Hate it.Recommend

  • Big Rizvi

    So… How many Pakistani women does it take to unlock a car door? I know, one hundred! One to hold the door and the rest to watch humsafar, then go COMPLETELY crazy that the whole country starts spinning around for them! (Well, you need rotational motion to open the door, no?) :PRecommend

  • http://NewYork Falcon

    Being a guy, I might not agree with the rest but 4 and 6 are certainly common.Recommend

  • Umair

    That’s simply bad hygiene habits! Do not generalize it on all menRecommend

  • Ahmed

    Good Oral Hygiene with Mint.
    Fresh Pajamas every day.
    & Shut lid of the toilet seat…… I DO ALL THAT!!!!Recommend

  • Yuri Kondratyuk

    So I spend close to 50 hours a week working, and on the weekend I need to have my time with the boys to relax.

    But somehow you women are always planning what we should do over the weekend as a couple, while men are thinking about “what do I do over the weekend” with the boys

    Welcome to my weekly weekend hell :-PRecommend

  • Asad

    That’s a nice read and I did giggle while going through it.
    To be honest I am good in No.1 and No.3 but the rest are right on the money. My wife get so annoyed with me because of my Pyjamas as I don’t change them for like two weeks at least and it’s good to see that I am not the only one doing that lol. And yeah in addition to that I don’t change my t-shirt as well for weeks until my wife hides it somewhere…hehe…I don’t know why we do that as I am sure we all have cupboard full of t-shirts…..Recommend

  • Farah Kamal

    Your assumptions:

    all men wear pajamas for two weeks, meaning they never perform wudoo and offer namaz since they keep wearing dirty clothes.
    All wifes sniff their husbands pajamas could be gross then this
    all wives party with their girls during the weekdays
    all men work 9-5, and get sundays off
    You forgot that in average Pakistani families it is entire family day on sundays and every evening and they live in joint families and there is nothing like boys day or girls day.

    You wrote about a handful of so called westernized wannabe husband and their wives, someone mentioned cosmo and yes you tried to act like a man from these mags. Hah!!! Complexed!! This is from nowhere even close to any educated, semi educated, uneducated, urbanized or rural man or his wife.

    What a waste of ET space.Recommend

  • http://blogs.tribune.com.pk/author/430/faraz-talat/ Faraz Talat

    An fairly sexist article with same old, rehashed gender jokes (the offensiveness can sometimes be tolerated in the presence of good comedy, which is not the case here).

    “You women talk too much!”
    “You complain too much about the toilet seat!”
    “You want us to clean up after ourselves! Oh, the horror!”

    Where have I heard those before? Everywhere, stretching all the way back to the 90′s. We’ve literally exhausted all possible jokes in the women-nag-men-to-stay-clean genre.

    The last bit was kinda funny. I’ll give you that. Recommend

  • Parvez

    …..the best part is its written by a man. Thoroughly enjoyed the read.Recommend

  • Nobody

    @Usman:
    Lol so you’re suggesting he WILL get laid by irritating women? You’ve got it backwards my friend. Recommend

  • Huma

    ummm… u started off with one irritating point, and then proceeded to go on and on about what u find irritating in women… i guess thats the most irritating bit about this whole post. And lack of personal hygiene isnt irritating, its downright gross! although why ur wife doesnt just throw ur dirty pajamas for washing after a day or two is also something very strange…Recommend

  • Ayesha Pervez

    My husband is cleaner than me. Also he never makes a fuss when hes ill… but yes the traits you have mentioned I find in my father and brother a lot! Recommend

  • http://www.doomedlions.wordpress.com Doomed

    Sexism and sadism is funny, and sometimes more logical, and more meaningful in a pointless evolutionary colossal accident of a biological life.

    Nice humor for my weekend Adeel.

    The men who call this sexism, they only do so in public to score points with females by being that “nice guy.” But that is not how you will get to take women to your bed. Keep trying though, purely just by chance you might get a woman for a night. Recommend

  • omer

    nice work ansari….the faraz talats of the world will always try to appease the mahreen kasanas of the world…for once take something in good humorRecommend

  • http://blogs.tribune.com.pk/author/430/faraz-talat/ Faraz Talat

    Omer,

    Trust me, nobody stands for free expression and comedy like I do. The chief complaint here isn’t sexism – it’s the lack of originality, the inability to come up with something that hasn’t been worn out through overuse.

    As I said, the offensiveness can be tolerated if it’s all in good humour, but good humour just wasn’t there…for the better part. The bit about best-selling authors and endorsement from his wife made me smile.Recommend

  • omer

    faraz,
    although i dont agree fully but by and large your point taken and acceptedRecommend

  • Asad

    @Yousuf Malik:
    i concede with ya point …though itz kinda uproarious…and itz pertinent to mentione thtz now a dayz these sorta things dnt really perturbs them…Recommend

  • Natasha

    very well written!! i soo agree with u.. Recommend

  • Leylla

    Very funny read. People now have forgotten the purpose of a blog and why its there in the first place. It made me laugh and it got me thinking about my boyfriend through some parts! everyone needs to calm down on his oral hygiene and what not, there are a lot of exaggerations. That is just the way it has been written,
    IF YOU WANT TO READ SOMETHING SERIOUS ”THE GOOD LIFE” ON AN ETRIBUNE BLOG IS NOT THE PLACE.
    WARNING: THIS CAN SOMETIMES BE FOR FUN, LAUGHS, GOOD TIME YOU KNOW? Recommend

  • Mrs. Adeel Ansari

    I am also get irritated; when you put our personal stuff on ET.Recommend

  • http://none vikash

    women and men never understand each otherRecommend

  • ali

    Whatever….the beauty of life is because of the Girlz!!!!Recommend

  • http://www.tanzeel.wordpress.com Tanzeel

    What Rizwan said.Recommend

  • Sarah H.

    Hah! funny read. As for the toilet seat, I would suggest to leave it up to let the smell go quickly! Seriously, sometimes guys leave surprises there! Recommend

  • Placebo

    Loved this article.

    I can really relate to some of the things mentioned here.

    Ps I hope my wife doesn’t read this cause I’ll be in big trouble if she doesRecommend