Stories about pain

Borderline Personality Disorder: ‘‘Every time I get angry or sad, I cut myself with a blade’’

‘‘Every time I get angry or sad I cut myself with a blade. The pain and sight of blood helps me to calm down.’’ A 20-year-old patent told me this in a psychiatric emergency room while showing me her forearm which had multiple superficial cuts. “Every time I feel numb from stress or emotional pain, I cut or burn myself. It’s not with the intent to die but it gives me certain pleasure.” She kept explaining it to me without any emotion on her face. “Life is like walking on egg shells for me, I mess up at every level. I have severe ...

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How to cope with the loss of a loved one

I feel so dazed and numb, like this is all happening in a movie and not in my life. I feel guilty for feeling relieved that she is gone, as I could not bear to see her go through so much physical pain. I feel like I lost a part of my identity and support. Everything around me reminds me of my mother as if she will suddenly appear from the next room. Why do bad things always happen to me and my family? Can’t God give us a break? Why do people leave us when we want them the most? Why ...

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In loving memory of a friend lost

I am sitting here thinking of what I want to say, But it just won’t come out so I found another way.   Though I am writing out my thoughts, but you’ll never really know, Everything you meant to me, that I couldn’t really show.   In all the ways you have changed my life, I can’t ever tell, Upon me, it looked like, you had cast a magic spell.   The way you calmed my angry moods, You showed me love when I was blue.   For all those gruesome times in which you assisted me, For all the confidence and optimism you poured in me.   I can never express enough gratitude, For helping ...

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Will Hakimullah Mehsud be the ‘man who wasn’t given a chance’?

Hakimullah Mehsud is dead. Pakistan should be celebrating because we are rid of the man who has caused so much pain to us over the years. However, I cannot shake off the sinking feeling that whether we like it or not, Hakimullah Mehsud will emerge as the man who was wronged. This man will not be remembered for the blood he has shed, but will be the ‘man who wanted to talk but wasn’t given the chance’. That is the importance of timing. Mark this statement because we are all going to hear it for years to come from our beloved ...

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My mother’s last words to me

I wrote this a few days after my mother passed away today on October 2, 1989. I have carried it with me since not knowing if what I wrote was meant only for me.  As the memories of that night flood me again, I feel that the heaviness of carrying it for so long has made me weak. I also don’t know when I might join her (and my dad), and this true story will go down with me. I suppose by sharing this with you I can tell you what a fine woman she was and how all she ...

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Give me pain! Hot, spicy, yummy Asian pain!

As an expatriate, the memory of the most routine things back home can sometimes bring out the most intense feelings of nostalgia in me. One of these memories is that of eating out at a cornucopia of restaurants, eateries and street vendors in Karachi.  From Bundu Khan’s lip-smacking chicken tikkas, to the appetising Student Biryani, to the delectable kebab rolls at Khadda market, the list is never ending. Spicy seekh kebabs used in kebab rolls. PHOTO: Facebook page Kabab Rolls One dish in particular brings back a flood of mouth-watering memories, and that is nihari. It originated from the legendary royal kitchens of the Mughal Empire ...

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The white garment

Thursday, August 11, 2011- 6:30 pm Saddar was too crowded today. I was already getting late. I took the Rs100 change from the cashier, which was all the money I was left with, picked up the shopping bag and rushed out of the store. The unusually humid August and the hassle I had been through since morning had turned me into a sweating shower by now. Despite that- I was excited. Very excited. My Ali was going to be happy today. He will not be disappointed in me anymore. He will not have to face any insults now. He was upset with ...

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If I euthanise my mother, will I be forgiven?

She can’t speak, she has no concept of reality and she is not living anymore. This woman who just exists now is my mother. Nine years ago, after a terrible car accident, my mother went into a coma, leaving three children at the mercy of a heartless world. I was only 15-years-old when this happened and my younger sister, Aiza, was just five. Aiza couldn’t even comprehend where her mother had gone. It was earth-shattering to see a once vibrant and lucid mother’s sad transformation. My father devoted all his time and efforts to fill the gap my mother’s sudden loss had left ...

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When will our police act?

I had not completely recovered from the shock of losing six of my friends in the Airblue plane crash when I witnessed another gruesome death on Wednesday night, day two of the recent spate of violence in Karachi. I was returning home from work when the situation in Gulistan- e- Jauhar suddenly deteriorated. There was heavy firing between two spots in the area, Jauhar Morr and Jauhar Chowrangi. In a state of panic, most cars turned around on the same road creating a jam. In the midst of this, my eyes were drawn to a few bystanders looking down at something. With a ...

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What are we worth?

I knew six of the 152 passengers and crew on the ill-fated Air Blue Flight 202 personally. They were friends – not very close – but friends nonetheless. Two more among the passengers I didn’t know in person, but knew about. The initial news had shocked me to the core. Until then, I wasn’t aware my friends were on board and I watched the national tragedy like the rest of Pakistan on television. The messages of the deaths started to pour in late afternoon, when the news spread from family to relatives and then friends. Four of the crew members were ...

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