Stories about married

I will not quit my job just because I am married

“Yes, I cannot quit my job. I am a career-oriented woman, and I have put in years and years of hard work to get to where I am today.” Rija’s fiancé decided to end their relationship when she explained to him that her career would hold a certain amount of priority in her life after they tie the knot. “Why are careers important for men only? Why do most Pakistani men not want their women to work and excel in their profession?” asked Rija sadly. I didn’t know what to say to her, but am thankful that their relationship ended before they got married. Things ...

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Do you have a Sarah in your house?

Whenever I see her, her eyes haunt me. The sadness in them is unspeakable and the horrors of her life, incomprehensible. She is young and beautiful yet her heart yearns for a minute of peace and happiness. She is Sarah*, a married girl who lives with her in-laws. Sarah married into a family of four sisters where her husband was the only son. The torture began almost immediately. Her three unmarried sisters-in-law cannot stand the very sight of her. They never speak a kind word to her, and always address her with stern and blank expressions on their faces. The very faces that smile ...

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Ice cream sandwiches: A one-way ticket to impressing the mother-in-law

48 hours into married life and I spilled a glass of chilled coke on the lunch table which conveniently made its way onto my mother-in-law’s smartly dressed lap. My heavily make-upped mascara filled eyes refused to look up. The rest of the lunch was spent in shame and no coke either. On the same evening, I decided to make up for the horror and volunteered to put together an ice cream cake for the guests arriving the next day. As you all know, the wedding fanfare continues until the dear bahu gets pregnant. 52 hours into married life, lawfully wedded Mr A took ...

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Man-xiety: Why men are afraid of marriage

Do you really think single women are the only ones stressing about their shrinking marriage options? According to my keen observation, single men in their 30s also face a similar dilemma of wanting to get married. Men in their 20s continue to live in a bubble where they think they will be young forever. But in their early 30s, they see an old man who has a sound career but is in a relationship which is going nowhere and looks at other men of his age who are already fathers. There comes a point in their life when they ...

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The ‘frandship’ caller conundrum

It might be odd for many but a guy like me has also gotten frandship calls over the years. Partly because my voice didn’t break for the longest time and the pervert on the other end didn’t believe that he was, in fact, talking to a guy. Similarly, I had to pretend to be my sister when the pizza delivery guy called confirming the address. Pizza guy: Aap Mr Ali kay ghar say baat kar rahi hain? Me: Jee, main Ali ki behen hoon. However, though the history of my former voice seems interesting, it is not the point of this blog. It is in fact, about the annoyance of frandship calls that ...

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Do you have the ‘Naik Perveen Syndrome’?

My list of friends on Facebook has increased quite dramatically since I got married. I am ‘added as a friend’ on a constant basis by most of the married women I have ever interacted with in my ‘youth’ or pre-marital days. But sadly or gladly, this drama isn’t one with a happy ending. It is sweet of them to count me in as a new member of the ‘married club’; all of them believe to be a part of the ‘my-married-life-fan-club’. My timeline has also dramatically shifted from ‘political’ posts to random quotes shared by the ‘Islamic Wife Club’, ‘I Love My Husband’, ...

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Bajee: I only realised her importance after she left…

“Baba, Bajee…?” asks my two-year-old, rather inquisitively, each time I put him to sleep or wakes him up. Bajee, the nanny, had been with us since before our son’s birth and had recently left for her village in Punjab to get married there. My son didn’t take her departure very well and became frustrated. He would go about the house calling out for Bajee and looking for her. Putting him to bed became difficult and the worst thing was that he would keep getting up in the night to ensure that either me or my wife were present. Since then, he has not ...

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What it’s really like to be 26 and single in Pakistan

Sometime back, I was reading an article written by a woman about how she finally learnt to be single and ‘happy’ at the same time. What interested me more, though, was a comment under the article that read, “Why do single women constantly need to declare that they are happy that way?” To which someone else had replied, “Because, whether directly or indirectly, everyone feels the need to remind them that they are single and assume that they are unhappy.” I couldn’t have agreed more. On a personal front Most single girls my age will tell you, the words they dread the most coming out of anyone’s mouth are, “Why aren’t ...

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Weddings in Pakistan: Down with the dowry, enough with the spending!

An often ignored reality that has plagued Pakistani society is that getting married is a financial nightmare. Marriage in our country is an occasion for insane displays of spending on outrageously lavish valimas, mehndi banquets, jewellery, give-aways, dowry and similar acts. What is interesting and downright appalling is that all classes of society are guilty of this madness. Our upper-class uses the occasion to show how wealthy they are. The middle-class, as always torn between the echelons of society, tries its best to spend as much as it can and register itself within the upper-class so as to feel accomplished. The poor take out the money ...

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The repercussions of being a working woman instead of a mother in Pakistan

Recently, I posted an article on Facebook titled, ‘Sorry but being a mother is not the most important job in the world’ only to be faced with the wrath of many women, both with and without children, about how insensitive this article was and how I would never understand the importance of motherhood until I had my own child. The reaction I received to the post points to two things. First, perhaps understandably, the reactions seemed to be based on emotions rather than a critical reading of what the article actually says. The author is in no way trying to deride or ...

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