My quest to find Mr Right online

Published: January 11, 2012
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This is not about Memogate or about Zardari. This issue is bigger than them all, the most frequently asked question in our country.

For the last couple of years my mother has been asking me the same questions:

“Have you met someone?”

“When will you start looking?”

“Are you getting older each day or younger? (Umer ja rahe hai k aa rahe hai?)”

The worst is when she tells me that if I don’t find someone for myself, she will do it for me. An image of Mr Kohli from Bride and Prejudice pops into my head after this declaration (shudder).

You might think that I am talking about the biggest issue in Pakistan. But no, this is not about Memogate or about Zardari. This issue is bigger than them all, the most frequently asked question in our country:

“When will you get married?”

Yes, that’s the one.

On my recent visit to Karachi, my sweet father, my biggest supporter, came to me after his Fajr prayers and said:

Beta (dear child), if you like someone – even if he is from a different faith – just convert him and marry him. Your happiness is supreme to me.”

I was pleasantly surprised. I decided to search for my Prince Charming and avoid kissing all the frogs.

I did what everyone believes in; if you don’t believe me, Google it.

I searched online for a Muslim introduction agency also known as as online rishtay wali Aunty (match-making aunt).

After a little apprehension, I joined the site and it opened a whole new world for me. Here, I could observe without being visible myself, search all I wanted for my future spouse. But within two weeks I realised that not many people on these websites are seriously looking for a life parter. I have forgotten the number of  profiles I saw and the guys who contacted me. But after months of searching, I can easily classify the kind of people you will find on these particular websites. Here is a list for your amusement:

Mr Perfect

This guy is a high achiever, has done well academically and will not marry a girl who is not pursuing professional goals. He hints ‘no picture no replies’ in his profile, which means only girls with extraordinary beauty should contact him. Of course, I don’t stand a chance here so I didn’t contact Mr Perfect.

Mr Know It All

“I know I am your dream man. I will take you places and we will see the world together but if you want me to be your typical Bollywood hero, you are not my princess.”

If you respond to Mr Know It All, he will have his own assumptions about your life. He will show his disapproval  particularly if he sees people from the opposite gender engaging with you online.  Of course, women are born to compromise.

Mr Player

This one is the worst kind and he is present on every single website. You cannot resist to accept his interest as he is very civil in his initial contact mail. He has the gift of  gab. However, once he calls you, his mannerisms are enough to put you off.

Mr Serial-hunter

This one has been looking for years and not because his criteria are strict. He just wants to be your chat buddy, raise your status to add you on a social networking website but  never bothers to really know you. And oh yes, he is judgemental too.

Mr Asia

This guy has recently come to the UK for studies or work. He is looking for a British girl only. If he is younger than you, he will say:

“I have no issues with age. You sound wonderful.”

Mr Mature 

This one is either divorced, a widower or looking for a second wife. He doesn’t want to know you, neither does he want anything from you. He is in it to win it. Scary!

Mr Bratish

Aha! This one is ridiculous. A second or third generation desi who considers himself British. He dislikes his roots and any connection that reminds him of his origin. He will only marry ‘The British’ professional girl. He would also brag about his citizenship. Now honestly, if you want to marry someone does their citizenship really matter?

Mr Hindustan

Well educated, well-bred, second or third generation Indian guy who never notices your origin and realises you are a Pakistani after you tell him, after which he goes:

“No you don’t sound like a Paki”

Kick his ass then and there.

Mr striving-to-be-a-good-Muslim

I have nothing against guys being religious, but this guy is from another planet. He was born and bred in England, had a very confused upbringing and is now looking for a Muslim woman to guide him to the path of heaven or lead him to Jannah (paradise).

Interesting bit on his profile:

Drinking: Yes

Smoking: Yes

Children: One

Marital status : Never married

My reaction: Run!

Going through these profiles and speaking to a few guys over the last few months made me realise that Mr Right is not present on these websites. He is straight from a Hollywood movie or a romantic novel.

Samreena.Shah

Samreena Shah

The author has a Masters in International Commercial Law. She is currently residing in England and preparing to do a PhD.

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.

  • zeeshan shafi

    Why do you need to convert mr.right to your religion in order to marry him? why can’t you accept him for who he is? if you like who he is,then he reached that position being atheist or being in the religion that you would convert him out of.why would you want to change what makes him what he is today?Recommend

  • http://thedabbabrigade.wordpress.com riffyr

    @zeeshan: Dude I’m sure her dad was just kidding.Recommend

  • Acorn Guts

    I decided to search for my Prince Charming and avoid kissing all the frogs….

    … only to end up kissing enough frogs to make a blog post out of.Recommend

  • wahab afridi

    tough luck dear but tell you what asians and whites hardly matches and they will end up leaving you in the end like mostly BBCD girls here do now adays in uk they just want a time pass with black and whites and then marry a simple innocent guy from pakistan who follows her orders lol .. i would suggest you to go for freshy he will be under you and dont lose control good luck lady and dont believe in matrimonial services as one of my friend is a recent victim. if you really wanted to choose or getting married from sites before getting married ask the guy details and dig your self, there is always hidden behind the scene that is why they are on these sites.. Recommend

  • http://blogs.tribune.com.pk/author/430/faraz-talat/ Faraz Talat

    I’m repulsed by the very idea of looking for a spouse for the sake of looking for a spouse. That it’s this inescapable, unavoidable obligation that we all have to fulfil at a certain age.

    If such is the case, you’ll never find the Mr.Right. You’ll only find “Mr.more-bearable-than-the-rest-of-the-sorry-lot“.Recommend

  • Parvez

    When you land up with a soul mate, write a blog as to how it happened, should be interesting.Recommend

  • Asad

    wonderful article- serious and hilarious at the same time. If you have not met anyone at work, Uni or through friends, then its best to get married according to your parents wishes (to someone they know well). I am a guy but these so called dating and marriage sites scare me greatly. The guys and girls on these sites mostly use them for flirting purposes.
    In my previous job I had a second generation British Indian colleague who beacme a good friend. He met all his girl friends through these sites and told me that he dumped each one of them, after meeting them and having ‘Mauj Masti’. Finally he had an arranged wedding in Rajistan (Where his Parents originally came from) and his Bride was a proper Shareef girl with eastern values. Just reminded me of the Story of Pardes movie (with no ShahRukh Khan in it)Recommend

  • http://paktutorial.com Paktutorial

    If you have anyother personal issue please do write about that also.Recommend

  • vigilant

    @Author
    Pointing fingers is easy……..Can you define physical and chemical properties of Mr. Right???……..lets see how many qualify? & there was no normal guy….not even one???Recommend

  • zezu

    Marry your Cousin !!Recommend

  • http://www.pakistani-revival.blogspot.com Ovais

    there is never a Mr Right .. since you even cant be Mrs right .. try to Be Mrs Someone and u will find that Mr. SomeoneRecommend

  • Wisk

    Reality check , No such thing as Mr.Right and marriage is hard work so don’t get into it unless you are ready.Recommend

  • Pakistani

    Match making is going day by day difficult in our society. There are different demands from both side. We all should follow the teachings of ISLAM truly.Recommend

  • jay

    How about living your life as a single unmarried woman? Can you imagine doing that?

    More and more women are choosing not to marry. They do it out of choice and not compulsion.

    Why not live to achieve your own goals in life rather than waste your life changing smelly diapers?Recommend

  • wahwah khan

    Let me say something to the Author:
    “I have never been lost, but I will admit to being confused for several minutes”….:)
    As they say, “Good people die early”. so is the saying ” Good girls find their husbands early.
    If you are confused, you are not paying attention…hahhahahaRecommend

  • Samreena

    @ Asad

    You are so very right! I am no more looking and this was enough for me to know how odd people can be and what silly demands they have. Alhumdollillah didn’t meet anyone in person blessed I must say :) let me add here who I don’t want to marry,

    I do not want to marry someone who is interested in a money-making machine, who is looking for a way to remain in the UK, for who his wife would be a trophy in his arms, a guy looking for a Miss World look-alike, or a machine for nascency and has no affection, he who will leave me at home and will forget about me, who on his return could abuse me, a man who thinks he is a God, a man who is looking for financial gains or who is going to be with me because it helps him keep a good face among his social circle, a man who is everything but a real man. Who has a degree a career and stands tall but is not a real man. My Mr. Right is a real man worth waiting for!Recommend

  • Sikandar

    Arrange marriage isn’t all that bad. Ask your parents to introduce you to guys and take your time to see if one of them is right for you. Meet and talk like regular couples date. In that case arranged marriage will be more like parental matrimonial service. I bet it will be a lot better than the Online house of horrors. Plus the added advantage that this method is an acceptable way to date several guys at a time. Good Luck!Recommend

  • Warda

    so true and very nicely expressed, i still wonder if these sites are legit sites Recommend

  • Zara

    PatheticRecommend

  • Yusuf

    My Gracious wife said, Will she consider you? Probability is She would not want to complicate her life. I hate electrical generators for comfort, so Noisy.Recommend

  • BRUISED INDIAN

    @zeeshan shafi: Tell your parents that they have done a great job raising a humanist like you. Unfortunately the Recommnend tab only accepts one… I would have recommended your comment a zillion times to raise awareness. Recommend

  • SAK

    Cheap way to find a right match.Recommend

  • Kiran

    Hi Samreena, Hilarious blog. I can quite relate to your predicament…been there. I think every girl goes through it at some point in time, so don’t worry. You seem like a great girl, well grounded, I’m sure the right person will come along Inshallah. I can quite imagine what kind of creatures inhabit online matriomonials and how you have described these characters is really funny. But I’m not judging anyone who finds a partner through online. Someone close to me signed up for shaadi.com (the global site, not the geo version), who lives in the UK and is now married to somebody who is an Indian Muslim through the website and she is Mashallah really happy. I’m sure there are a few hoax’s out there, but you never know…
    Its always good to meet somebody through your friends, because you can get to meet some one who’s likeminded. Or have your parents choose for you and you can get to meet he person. Mind you, there is no such thing as perfect, but should be someone you would like to be with and who generally shares the same values (that can be different for different people). Wish you all the best! Recommend

  • X

    take it easy samreena!! there are better things to do in life than getting married or searching for Mr Right.Recommend

  • Nasir

    To do marriage in Pakistan is very very simple even its arrange.Just asked your parents that you are ready to do the marriage and find a good partner for you.I hope they will not take more than two months to find a suitable match for you.The highly educated young people do,nt want to go abroad for the sake Marriage or to settle there.The trend is changed now.In the last decade the young people who are working with good companies are very well settled and they do,nt want to go abroad on the shoulders of his bride.One suggestion at the end “do,nt choose the high class or low class.Just go for the best class and that is same class as you belongs to. J.Recommend

  • Angel

    Hilarious!Recommend

  • Lofted Shot

    Search makes you more confused. Such relations happens if not then they’ve been brought by elders.

    Seedhi Baat, Suchi Baat.Recommend

  • RAW is WAR

    @ Samreena Shah

    if you love an atheist also, will you convert him to Islam?Recommend

  • nadeem khan

    online search is better option in such a case i think….i did it and having a wonderful life….i hope a soon to be Phd has clear idea what marriage is. i married for kids… and a low-profile physical satisfaction….but i happend to find a friend in the my wife to. try thisRecommend

  • http://deleted Shahbaz lodhi

    Wasteful stuff”””Recommend

  • narayana murthy

    RAW is WAR writes

    “@ Samreena Shah

    if you love an atheist also, will you convert him to Islam?”

    What a stupid question. She does not love anybody. That’s why this online search for a “match” and not for “love”. She and women like her are incapable of love…sorry Ms. Shah!!!

    They search and search and search only to fall for Mr. Wrong!Recommend

  • Asad

    @Samreena

    I understand your position. It can be hard for girls (and guys also!) living abroad to find a suitable match. At least you are lucky that your parents are in Pakistan and can find some decent guy for you there.

    The guys and girls with their parents in the UK (who are recent immigrants/citizens like myself) find it even harder to find a suitable match, because the UK born and bred guys and girls are a different breed all together, and the similar minded matches in Pakistan are not accessable!

    So you are in a better position, with your parents having access to Mr Rights in Pakistan!

    BTW you have perfectly and hilariously explained the ‘Mr/Miss Bratish’ and ‘Mr/Miss Striving’ to be a good muslim categories. So true! Recommend

  • Ali Tanoli

    Khungat Utaya tu behosh bride 35 and groom 49 years old this what it is on line rishta wallia.Recommend

  • Ali

    Samreena

    When you stop looking it will happen by itself… Good luck!Recommend

  • fia

    @Samreena:
    that is so vague samreena, i bet you will want a guy to be well educated, from a good family, financially stable, confident, successful, well liked, good tempered, good character guy who also treats you like a princess, believes in equality and doesnt expect the wife to compromise, is progressive, mature, caring, romantic, funny, pitches in housework, spends time with you, etc etc
    we all have these requirements. hwever, we have to realize we are not ms rights or ms perfects ourselves so expecting that from a guy is really unfair. Recommend

  • http://myspace.com/taravadu Kulamarva Balakrishna

    Vienna,January 11,2012
    Oh suitable boy, you were born before websites. Websites
    keep changing, contacts in cryptic letters of twitters.
    Conversions of currencies are only known.Realize young
    lady you are overgrown down to earth.Let the “boy” chase
    you.There is fun.
    Taravadu Taranga Trust for Media Monitoring TTTMM India
    —Kulamarva BalakrishnaRecommend

  • Khawaja

    Fia, this si human nature, everyone want to have all the qualities in his/her spouse, just like one wishes to owe a unique car :). However, you look at your resources and eventually settle for a Mehran :) and then a time comes when you start loving your Mehran despite having money to buy a Reborn. But the question is will you wait for years to buy a Reborn and or prefer driving Mehran now? Probably, you could buy a Reborn say in late 50’s but that may not be ideal time for you to drive a car :) so you are basicaly buying it for your kids or for the driver :). Let’s be fair and admit that each one of us have high hopes and unrealistic dreams :). However, with the passage of time there is a realization which makes us realistic by that am not saying you should not look for what you want but you can always prioritize them. It all depends on an individual whether he/she is more concerned about physical beauty or say educational background, cultural social and moral values etc, so one can then weigh them according to their priority. A girl with an average looks but from a decent family, educated and having social moral and cultural values can prove to be Ms. Right for someone while someone like Katrina Kaif may not be Ms. Right for someone despite being the beauty queen :).
    As for arranged marriage is concerned, the tradition was good few years back but these days it’s better if it’s sortta mix of the two, no doubt our parents are much more experienced than us but over the years we have witnessed some changes. Therefore, a mix of the two is essential in today’s world. I believe that in a meeting or two with a girl and her family may not give you a true and fair picture, they can artificially portray things and same goes for a guy’s family. Getting to know a girl will reflect alot about her family and stuff and that too in an unartificial world. I feel, one is more comfortable and quite open so you can actually avoid that artificiality. Recommend

  • http://www.matchforlife.co.uk Aliya

    Great article Samreena- sadly your experience is not unique…we have recently launched a brand new way for people to navigate this quest- we offer bespoke and personalised matchmaking for busy Pakistani (origin) professionals- matching people on shared values and compatibility in personality and what people want for the future. There IS a Mr Right for everyone but someone else’s Mr Right may be Mr. Absolutely-No-way for you :)

    Check us out at http://www.matchforlife.co.uk or http://www.facebook.com/matchforlife

    I had heard so many horror stories about internet sites and the rishta aunty route…plus it’s really difficult to meet people when you are stuck in the office all day in cities like London or New York- I thought it was time for a rishta revolution!Recommend

  • Queen

    I guess your article has hurt the male egos around here as i see majority of the comments are from male readers. However, i 100% agree with what you have mentioned in your article. Good piece.Recommend

  • Desperate House(to be) wife

    Where are all the achay larkay in Pakistan’s burgeoning population, any way? :PRecommend

  • Sidra

    I still think there is nothing wrong with meeting someone online. I used to think of it as something for “desperate” people but seven of my close friends have met their spouses online. They are all shareef nice individuals, not players at all. At least in England or Pakistan one can meet Pakistani people easily, but in the US, many areas have only a handful of families, so choice is limited. If a person does not go online, they have to sponsor their cousin or marry a local gora. Sure, you might meet a lot of sucky matches online, but even in real life that is the case. We only have to meet one person- it’s ok if 999 of them suck.

    The only thing is, now that you have posted this article, Mr. Honay Wala will google you and find this page, and he may think that you overanalyze, or are going to box him in one of these categories. So, next time, it may be better to write under a pseudonym :)Recommend

  • http://www.matchforlife.co.uk Aliya Ali-Afzal

    Great article Samreena! sadly your experience is pretty typical…it’s either the joys of the rishta aunty process or sifting through gimmicky profiles on dating sites -not the most logical ways to approach the quest for your perfect match. But let’s not be too negative either- there may not be “A” Mr Right but there is definitely a Mr Right “FOR YOU”….the truth is that someone else’s “Mr Right” may well be your idea of “Mr No-way-on-earth”! It’s just about matching……I have a different approach to the process- I run a personalised matchmaking service and match according to personal compatibility and values- rather than just basing a life time’s happiness on how tall you are or what your father earns:) just something to think about!Recommend

  • Samreena

    @Asad: Thank you I am glad at least someone is able to make sense out of the blog. It was not about if I will find a Mr Right but what a joke finding a Mr Right can turn out in real life.Recommend

  • Samreena

    @Kiran: Kiran by Mr Right I do not mean he needs to be 100% perfect but the one who would be right for me. :)) Thank you for your interest.Recommend

  • Maryam

    Mr right means the one who is ‘right’ for you! It doesn’t mean one who is perfect in all ways.Recommend

  • From across the border

    Mr hindustan.
    Well educated, well-bred, second or third generation Indian guy who never notices your origin and realises you are a Pakistani after you tell him, after which he goes:
    “No you don’t sound like a Paki”
    Kick his ass then and there.

    I don’t understand why pakistani girls send rishtas to indians in the first place. One of my friends is an indian muslim and he keeps telling me he gets rishtas from paki girls online. He declines them ofcourse. Pakis lose no time in insulting indians esp on ET. why send a rishta to an indian then?because indians are more educated and financially well off ? Indian economy is booming. Indian IT companies and professionals rule today. Everyone wants a piece of the pie.Recommend

  • http://paktutorial.com Paktutorial

    Girls like you usually wait for love story to happen and someone come and propose you. If you have been married at the right time. You would have a child the age same of justin bieber.Recommend

  • Umair

    Haha, this is really funny, but not very funny at all, It’s really a very serious matter, I mean I’m surprised to see these kind of acts from our generation. How we are misusing the right things, the things which are surely in our favor, like shaadi online sites, social networking sites, we know there will be girl who is made for us and once we get married we will have to live with each other but I don’t know why we are in a hurry, why we go to the wrong path even there is a right path with right things and according to ISLAM after waiting for right time, we can have all the fun with our wives but we need fun and mauj masti with our girl friends illegally (including me). I’m not blaming these guys but I’m including myself also :( That is happening because we are going against ISLAM, the values of ISLAM. Well, I just want to get to the roots of this kind of bad act, we have lost our way to success. Well, I think we have right to choose our right and perfect spouse but compromise should be from both sides, sometimes a girl has to compromise, sometimes a boy but that’s true how we can choose Mr. or Mrs Right for us if we were not Mr. or Mrs. Right. We should have faith on ALLAH, and I’m sure ALLAH will surely guide us in this regard, but I must say ALLAH always guides HIS people to the right path but we just rush towards the wrong path.Recommend

  • Umair

    @From across the border:
    It doesn’t mean if a person is well educated, well-bred and well established, he could be a Mr. perfect, he could have all bad habits and can have a bad character as well, the topic is not about education or something, it’s about values and character a person have. Whatever your friend’s origin is, but actually girls might be interested in that guy because of his character or whatever he has wrote in his profile. So, as you mentioned that he is a Muslim guy. He might be a Mr. perfect for a Muslim girl living in Pakistan.Recommend

  • rabbahs

    Seriouly, I am very sick of this Mr Right thing … normally in Pakistan the Mr. right is a person which is more educated and having more money then the girl’s family.
    for education, the result of metric and intermediate board always tell us the story that girls out run boys. The medical colleges are full of girls and increasing population of girls in Engineering institutes are also an alarming situation. An it will create an imbalace in our educated society it does not mean that girls doesn’t have to go for education
    I have witness that nowaday most of the highly educated girls remain unmarried till they react age 30+, because their families unable to find a good educated person for them.
    for Money: off course you can buy any thin with money, except happiness. but in this era, with money one can buy even buy happiness with money specially taking wife out for shopping
    Sect. The person should have to be on same sect

    and their are many more social things involve in our society, like urdu speaking normally dont marry with other language group, and it apply to ever other language groups I am also a urdu speaking family.
    similarly many things more.

    final word: We live only once, so just do what every you want if it is not against Quran or sunna. and give chance to every one and dont make any conclusion before meeting couple of timesRecommend

  • Khawaja

    from Across the border: dude, dont u think it would be a good idea having cross cultural border marraiges? I mean what you, me or many of Indians and Pakistanis have gained by this for last 65 years except for hatred, intolerance and again throwin ** at eachother or our countries? Don’t you feel that we can be the leaders of change? Recommend

  • http://adnan.chohdry.com Adnan Chohdry

    Mr. Right do exists, so does Miss Perfect, but people forget sometimes both get “Haan Ho Gai!” before any search or anything or may be sometimes before six years of planned marriage.Recommend

  • x509

    Story of every bachelor living abroad pursuing their goals .. welcome on board!Recommend

  • Yuri Kondratyuk

    @narayana murthy:

    They search and search and search only
    to fall for Mr. Wrong!

    Not to pry but, you seem to have had some bitter experiences in the field:)Recommend

  • Yuri Kondratyuk

    @From across the border:
    Money and love know no religion!Recommend

  • geeko

    @From across the border:
    It’s one case, I really doubt that Pakistanis want to mate with Indians, Hindu, Muslim or anything else, really.
    Has nothing to do with ‘booming economy’ (aren’t Indian Muslims an heterogeneous community, and, in some parts, far from being the most prosperous ?) but just culture and religion in common.
    That’s an epiphenomenon though, the Pakistani-Indian Muslim “friendship” is overrated by Shiv Sena & co… Recommend

  • geeko

    @Desperate House(to be) wife:
    In the same virtual paradise where Pakistan’s achi larkyan are. :PRecommend

  • Ishtiyaque

    a great article, i agree with @Sameerna, one thing i would like to add, that i want to marry a girl for whom i wont be a person but the whole world in a person, and for me marriage is not a due thing to be done in specific age, like we mostly hear people saying:

    ‘oh you’re 25, get married as soon as possible, this is perfect age and wont come back’ and bla bla…

    marriage should be done only when one finds someone worth living with.Recommend

  • Huma Kapadia

    Witty and lovely article. Got to read an interesting article after a long time, hence enjoyed it immensely. Your way of writing is simple yet effective. Would love to read another one from you! I was able to relate to this article on a personal level too and as badly as I want to deny, but I had also indulged in these so called matrimonial sites too and trust me my experience was exactly wht you came across. Those days are over as I did find someone I love and Insha Allah we might get married this year! I hope and pray you find your someone special very soon, Insha Allah. Best wishes and looking forward to another interesting article from you. Take Care & be good :)Recommend

  • Huma Kapadia

    Super Article!! Witty, funny and interesting! Enjoyed reading it immensely. Great job! I can certainly relate to your dilemma; as I have faced similar experience. As badly as I would like to deny, sadly I was also part of signing up for one of these matrimonial site. And trust me, the way you have described the “type/catagory” of guys around; it was perfect to the T. Looking forward to another interesting article from you. I hope and pray that you find someone special soon, Insha Allah. Take care!! Recommend

  • Khawaja

    @Aliya: Sounds like you too are trying to give a boost to your business by asking people that you run a personalized match making service and match according to personal compatibility and values. I may be wrong, but I personally I feel that no one can judge you better than you yourself can. Similarly, you can best judge what you want, what are your priorities, which aspects should be given due weight age and which factors may be neglected/compromised on for a healthy life. I mean if we can’t design our own life plans, chances are we’ll fall into someone else’s plan. This life belongs to us and we have every right to play with it instead of giving it in the hands of others. As you rightly pointed out, “there may not be “A” Mr Right but there is definitely a Mr Right “FOR YOU”….the truth is that someone else’s “Mr Right” may well be your idea of “Mr No-way-on-earth”. Then how can you find a suitable match for people? 

    @Asad: It’s not only hard for people living abroad to find suitable matches, the issue is still harder in Pakistan except if you are ignorant. So the saying ‘ignorance is a bliss’ is true for our society, the more you get a chance to interact with people, the more you explore the society you will get to know imperfections persists and things may not be up to your expectations. So, if you feel that UK born and bred girls and guys are altogether different breed let me ask you to get that misconception out of your mind. They could be far good Muslims and human beings than us. What I am trying to convey is that all fingers are not alike. It’s evitable that parents do look for a decent match but at the end of the day it could be the most indecent for various issues:
    a) Either the judgment was not up to the mark.
    b) Lack of maturity/sense of responsibility on part of one or both individuals.
    c) Lack of patience, mental compatibility bla bla bla…. The list is never ending!!
    d) And let me be very honest in telling you that parents do look for an ideal match but they may not be knowing much about your ‘to be spouse’ and you could have a better idea. Just try to imagine a cousin or a family friend whom you are very close as a ‘friend’ and whom your parents would like you to marry. Think for a moment and you will get an answer, you may know them personally more than your parents and might have shared some personal stuff.
    @Queen: Wow, I really don’t like to appreciate the way you infer things: P. Look, it’s a reality and both girls and guys are facing the same issue, I don’t think any of the guys who commented on this blog show any biasness.
    @Desperate Housewife: They are like fish, deep down in the sea, so you have to get down in waters to catch them . Good girls and guys know their value and they really want to make sure that you worth it 
    @Sidra: So true, but the trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was… we just need to change the mind set. Fortunately or unfortunately, we live in a society that shows strong resistance to change, if you find your soul mate on net at first you will be bashed by your parents, relatives and friends saying that such relations never last long and/or people are fake etc etc. Unfortunately all this resistance sounds realistic and is to a great extent vetted by writer as well. Thus, even if you try to bring the change the facts don’t support you. What we need to do is to bring that change by making a positive use of technology. We can eradicate this evil of ‘rishta aunties’, ‘marriage bureaus’, and social custom of presenting a girl like a goat in front of guy’s family on visit by setting strong grounds. However, the good part of finding a match like this could potentially be that we can see low divorce rates in future, by that I mean if you think person is not suitable you always have a choice rather than compromising later in life.
    @from Across the border: I think the writer was trying to prove how desperate they are, at first place they don’t know your identity, and later when you let them know that you are from Pakistan, they show no respect for your country yet desperate to talk to you, so KHAO!! . It’s about showing mutual respect, if you won’t respect someone’s country do u really feel it gives them an impression that the individual will respect them? As for materiality is concerned please get it off your head. (Am not going in more details, we should ideally look for positive aspects rather than throwing, u know ).Recommend

  • narayana murthy

    @Yuri Kondratyuk who says

    “@From across the border:
    Money and love know no religion!”

    I don’t think u understand the blog or the comment by ‘from across the border’. This blog is not about love but about a match. I hope that you at least understand the difference between a match and a love. What ‘from across the border wrote was about match also.

    So, where’s the question of love?!!!!Recommend

  • http://saidcanblog.blogspot.com Said Chaudhry

    man…wow.Recommend

  • tahira

    I found my husband thru Match For Life , I am delighted ! For a couple of years after graduation , I had to go thru agony , round one would be meeting with ” the parents ” , put aside all programes , get dressed , serve tea , make small talk . Round two , enter pootential spouse , I was either too modern , too conservative , too smart , not smart enough …….I thought I would never find Mr right ! The problem was that the ” mother ” was looking for the perfect daughter in law and the ” son ” for the perfect wife ! My husband was told about Match For Life , by a very good friend , and I saw it on the net ! The perfect spouse was literraly ” just a click away ” !! Dont lose hope , Match For Life is not like an internet dating site , your details and requirements are kept very confidential , wish all of you looking for a soul mate , all the best .Recommend

  • Khawaja

    @Aliya: Sounds like you too are trying to give a boost to your business by asking people that you run a personalized match making service and match according to personal compatibility and values. I may be wrong, but I personally I feel that no one can judge you better than you yourself can. Similarly, you can best judge what you want, what are your priorities, which aspects should be given due weight age and which factors may be neglected/compromised on for a healthy life. I mean if we can’t design our own life plans, chances are we’ll fall into someone else’s plan. This life belongs to us and we have every right to play with it instead of giving it in the hands of others. As you rightly pointed out, “there may not be “A” Mr Right but there is definitely a Mr Right “FOR YOU”….the truth is that someone else’s “Mr Right” may well be your idea of “Mr No-way-on-earth”. Then how can you find a suitable match for people? Recommend

  • Khawaja

    @Asad: It’s not only hard for people living abroad to find suitable matches, the issue is still harder in Pakistan except if you are ignorant. So the saying ‘ignorance is a bliss’ is true for our society, the more you get a chance to interact with people, the more you explore the society you will get to know imperfections persists and things may not be up to your expectations. So, if you feel that UK born and bred girls and guys are altogether different breed let me ask you to get that misconception out of your mind. They could be far good Muslims and human beings than us. What I am trying to convey is that all fingers are not alike. It’s evitable that parents do look for a decent match but at the end of the day it could be the most indecent for various issues:
    a) Either the judgment was not up to the mark.
    b) Lack of maturity/sense of responsibility on part of one or both individuals.
    c) Lack of patience, mental compatibility bla bla bla…. The list is never ending!!
    d) And let me be very honest in telling you that parents do look for an ideal match but they may not be knowing much about your ‘to be spouse’ and you could have a better idea. Just try to imagine a cousin or a family friend whom you are very close as a ‘friend’ and whom your parents would like you to marry. Think for a moment and you will get an answer, you may know them personally more than your parents and might have shared some personal stuff.Recommend

  • Khawaja

    @Queen: Wow, I really don’t like to appreciate the way you infer things: P. Look, it’s a reality and both girls and guys are facing the same issue, I don’t think any of the guys who commented on this blog show any biasness.

    @Desperate Housewife: They are like fish, deep down in the sea, so you have to get down in waters to catch them . Good girls and guys know their value and they really want to make sure that you worth it Recommend

  • Khawaja

    @Sidra: So true, but the trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was… we just need to change the mind set. Fortunately or unfortunately, we live in a society that shows strong resistance to change, if you find your soul mate on net at first you will be bashed by your parents, relatives and friends saying that such relations never last long and/or people are fake etc etc. Unfortunately all this resistance sounds realistic and is to a great extent vetted by writer as well. Thus, even if you try to bring the change the facts don’t support you. What we need to do is to bring that change by making a positive use of technology. We can eradicate this evil of ‘rishta aunties’, ‘marriage bureaus’, and social custom of presenting a girl like a goat in front of guy’s family on visit by setting strong grounds. However, the good part of finding a match like this could potentially be that we can see low divorce rates in future, by that I mean if you think person is not suitable you always have a choice rather than compromising later in life.Recommend

  • A_little_like_you

    I dont read the Tribune but somehow ended up here to read this, and Im glad that I did.

    Im sort of in your situation, although I am a guy. My parents arent bothering me, but my friends are. Im from Pak, but been in the US for almost 10 yrs, and am almost done with my PhD. Im not comfortable with my parents finding me someone but then havent been able to find someone who I think is worth spending the rest of my life with even though Ive been in a few relationships and dated a bit. I have an issue with being hooked to someone back home who I wont really get to see or spend time with until marriage.

    But I think one thing Ive become more comfortable with is being introduced to someone through friends/family without any strings attached and see how things go. I think this online thing is a nice social experiment but leads to the same kind of stuff that you ran into. As someone said, the best way is to be introduced through friends and get to know a person without the pressure of marriage or whatever.

    Hopefully this will be something you will think about… Good luck :)Recommend

  • http://www.matchforlife.co.uk Aliya Ali-Afzal

    @Khawaja: You are right when you say “I may be wrong, but I personally I feel that no one can judge you better than you yourself can. Similarly, you can best judge what you want, what are your priorities, which aspects should be given due weight age and which factors may be neglected/compromised on for a healthy life.” BUT, once you have identified your criteria and priorities in life and your future partner, where are you going to find someone that “ticks your particular boxes”? That is where my service comes in- I have a client-base of self-aware people who realise that they are not going to come across people who also want to marry someone they are personally compatible with over a tea trolley rishta introduction- or know who they are dealing with on an internet site. So, I am not telling people what they need in a husband/ wife- just facilitating the matching process in confidence. I do want to promote my business- because I believe that it finally gives us a way to connect in a “real” way- it is an honour to be able to connect 2 people who you know have at least the best possible chance of happiness:) Surely there cannot be any objections to that?Recommend

  • http://www.matchforlife.co.uk Aliya Ali-Afzal

    @tahira: thanks for sharing- it was great working with you too:) Recommend

  • http://solomon2.blogspot.com Solomon2

    Are you now ready to try your father’s advice, Ms. Shah?Recommend

  • http://isharearena.com M.Aswad Mehatb

    I am Under the impression that you are kidding only ..RIGHT ? Otherwise Why on Earth a sound Minded Person Waste His/Her Months in Finding MR/Miss Perfect ON INTERNET ?

    This is not the place One should look for such Material …or should i say Scarce Material :)
    Same as you do not Search Uranium on eBay ..lol BTW a Good Read !Recommend

  • Jat

    @Desperate House(to be) wife: They all are off to North Waziristan for vocational training as ‘strategic assets’ Recommend

  • aneela

    I liked your article, it is true to a certain extent and totally your personal experience, i do not understand why some males r getting touchy over it, to them,believe me ,as a mother of a teen girl, this haunts me as well ,the way the things r going with the guy’s demands,its getting difficult for the “good girls” to get married, yeah all the “model girls” are getting married:(((((Recommend

  • Bee

    Hahaha….really hillarious :D Mr.striving-to-be-a-good-muslim was the best of all..but wondering why on earth did you even think of finding Mr.Right via these online match-making services, where most of the Misters-ready-to-mingle are big time frauds!Recommend

  • http://www.sadafhafeez.blogspot.com Sadaf

    Samreena It was a hilarious write-up. Wish you best of luck!
    Tahira : Finally some one has said something hopeful on this pessimistic comment-thread;-)

    Recommend

  • Khawaja

    I think the point is that we are probably not effectively utilizing the available resources that if used efficiently and effectively we could help make a difference. Few days back I was watching a talk show and they were giving the analysis that last month only 500,000 odd people visited the website maintaining an onlin version of Holy Quran, whereas more than 2.5 million clicks were observed on Veena Malik’s photo in less than a month. So the technology is not bad itself it’s the people who have bring bad name to it Recommend

  • Yuri Kondratyuk

    @narayana murthy:
    Once again, I do have the loftiest regards to your substantial intellectual prowess, but, Sir, you should look at my comments with a little sense of humor :-)Recommend

  • Safi A.

    I don’t know what problems you face in researching and following the Islamic methods.Recommend

  • Ayaz Munir

    Well, my friend Samreena, I am an internet lover to the extreme, I have met all kinds of people from all parts of the world, mainly people who post for marriage proposals on the internet are not really good ones, If you want some one good, that person would spend more time on his job than on the internet, & as far as Mr. right is concerned, you just make a good but realistic image in your mind & If the image is realistic than InshALLAH you will find him one day.

    Best of luck to you in your serach for the Mr.RightRecommend

  • Miss Angel

    Ms Shah, wonderful article and lovely thoughts. i also agree that finding a Rishta is very difficult in pakistan but those people who are abusing must keep one thing in mind. why girls are expected to compromise all the time? Can’t they get what they want ?

    The author has expressed the inner voice of so many girls, married or un married. through her writing skills. she has read the minds of many.

    @ From across the border, shame on you is the only world for you . & trust me Pakistani Girls dont want to marry an Indian Guy, but an Indian Girl and most of the Indian Girls has married Pakistani Guys, Example : Sania Mirzaa Recommend

  • saad

    Do what you love and you will find love. Unfortunately, it’s hard to do what you love in Pakistan because there are so many restrictions on life due to religion.Recommend

  • Muhammad Umer Khan

    I am sure people will start contacting you for the RISHTA after reading this blog. I am actually very surprised people make an effort to search their Mr/Ms Right online. BTW good luck with the huntRecommend

  • Lail

    @riffyr:
    No bro he actally was’nt :)Recommend

  • Lail

    @wahwah khan:
    yeah really the find them early and then out grow them ,and start looking for the 2nd one :PRecommend

  • Lail

    Hilarious !
    Very ineresting loved our writting skills ,
    a very serious problem discussed and shared in a light manner ,,
    do’nt pay attention to any one criticizing or discouraging coz most of the guys commenting are Pakies and thats what they are good at!
    “ it will happen very soon IA….Recommend

  • http://mysticsmuses.wordpress.com Le Mystique

    The guy who doesn’t wanna talk to you unless you have a photo to show may not be looking for miss world but would only like to see how you look like or that you ain’t a boy posing as a girl.
    Ask yourself, would you like to marry a guy who isn’t comfortable with showing you his photo? I don’t think so. Recommend

  • KB

    I personally believe all this stems for the fact that marriage really has become a big deal in Pakistan, i mean keeping all the expat population aside ( as its even more tough for them ) even in Pakistan i find single people in every house crossing 30’s not because they cant afford but because they can’t find someone suitable.

    I feel it’s because of the materialistic attitude of people that the business of these social sites and rishta aunties is booming, Boys arent getting educated and girls are just making degrees.

    There is an imbalance and the qualified boys look for someone richer and younger

    Being an Expat myself and a father of 5 young Daughters MASHALLAH, these kinds of articles really scare the broad day light out of me….. Recommend

  • JIM

    The fact is that marriages are infact pre-ordained….who you marry,when you marry is all pre-ordained.So no point fretting over it.Whats not pre-ordained is how happy or miserable your marriage will be ! and dont for a second believe that you will make sure yours will be a happy marriage,because it takes two to tango.So chill,and dont blow marriage out of proportion…its nothing beyond a social necessity.Recommend

  • Sabeen

    @From across the border:

    Dude? Seriously??

    Paki (its a slang in case an educated Indian like yourself is not aware of it) girls do not send rishtas .. or for that matter in Pakistan, larki wala’s do not go asking for rishtas from larkay wala’s like in India, its the other way round here .. and my apologies but your comment is sort of delusional because I have a quite a big family in India and I would never ever want to marry there .. not because of India / Pakistan issue but because I have heard such horror stories about middle classes there .. especially muslim families.. We are good right here thank you a Pakistani man is more then good enough for us at any given day … I hope this post does not burst your bubble but you sure have delusions that Pakistanis want to have a piece of some non existing pie .. a pie which is already very scarce for the 1 billion Indians :)

    Thanks but we love our Pakistani cake and its quite plenty for us !!Recommend

  • Overseas Pakistani

    You have to understand that people who go on the internet to find someone are those who are unable to find their mate in real life. Such people are socially inadequate to varying degrees, and thus not the ideal choice for a partner.Recommend

  • m

    Hahahaha how very lucky for miss aliya, what are the odds!! Someone who found ‘love, happiness and all that jazz’ through her rishta online site, wrote on the same blog she tried to recruit potential rishtas from.Recommend

  • sana

    @wahwah khan:
    how extremely hurtful and judgmental of you. The age of marriage is rising globally for both men and women. Look up some stats before making baseless comments.Recommend

  • Fairy

    Samreena, life poses challenges all the time. After marriage, you will face issues of having healthy children and staying young. Consider yourself lucky for getting plenty of advice. And be a giver in the relationship rather than a taker. Its happier living like that.Recommend

  • https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=515157292 Maheen Sethi

    Beginning with a chuckle this truely funny,why is our society always suffocated by this questions When will you get married?” “Are you getting older each day or younger? (Umer ja rahe hai k aa rahe hai?)”… uff.. im sick of such question,these days I meet girls of barely age of 17,18 tensed about getting married they are in complete wrong complexes if in 1 or 2 years they dont get married their life has an end and with themselves they are influencing their friends too ,who do not have such mind for marriage are taking on themselves just in sphere or looking for The Mr.Right ,Why is our world ending over this question ,”shhadi huu ke nahi ?”. You article is one good clap on those stereo types people who think thier daughter are nothing without a man or marriage ,even to such girls who are living in such complexes ,they should get out of this and think that that men should be looking for you as “Miss.Right” instead we are runiing after The SO-called “MR.RIGHT !.Recommend

  • leila rage

    @Wahwah khan: Your name says it all….mama’s crybaby. What delusional world do you live in? If a girl is single in her 30s it doesnt suggest ANYTHING against her character.

    Fazool admiRecommend