Spare me the Zionist conspiracies

Published: January 6, 2012

Why stop at Imran Khan? The people who attacked the Sri Lankan cricket team were part of a Jewish conspiracy to end cricket in Pakistan.

“The parts are Jewish!” screams Barry, an ill-tempered white convert to Islam, played to perfection by Nigel Lindsay in the critically acclaimed film, Four Lions.

The car has broken down and rather than admit to his friends that he hasn’t had it fixed, he claims, “Jews invented spark plugs to control global traffic.”

We’re meant to laugh at outrageous, outlandish accusations such as this, but this scene could be used to portray a sad reality in Pakistan. It highlights what is wrong with a large segment of our society.

Many Pakistanis seem to have this unhealthy obsession with conspiracy theories, especially those with a Zionist twist to them. Shows such as Zaid Hamid’s were the catalyst needed to bring this once fringe ideology to the forefront. My Facebook page is flooded with posts in this regard.

A close relative of mine is a proud Sialkoti and a staunch supporter of the PML-N. He watched with apprehension as Imran Khan’s PTI gained traction which culminated in hundreds of thousands of supporters flocking to jalsas in Lahore and Karachi. However, it was easier for him to believe that Imran Khan was being propped up and financed by a large Jewish consortium than to understand the fact that people are frustrated with the corruption and incompetence of the same old people that have been elected in the past.

Yay tu pakki Yahoodi party hai!”

(He’s a Jewish collaborator for sure!)

Why stop at Imran Khan? The people who attacked the Sri Lankan cricket team were part of a Jewish conspiracy to end cricket in Pakistan. The people who are blowing up mosques and killing innocent people around the country are also Jewish because Muslims could never kill other Muslims. Our cricketers caught up in the spot-fixing scandal too were wrongly implicated and maligned by the powerful Jewish lobby that controls the media, because they were obviously afraid that Pakistan was going to become the best team in the world. Even the doodhwaala (milkman) must be a Jewish infiltrator because no true Muslim would ever be involved in milawat.

The Veena Malik scandal, on the other hand, was a RAW conspiracy to disgrace the pristine image the world has of Pakistan.

In matters such as these, why should we let something as trivial as facts tell us otherwise? Who needs hard cold evidence when we know in our hearts that something is true?

Anyone can see that things are bad in the country. But rather than facing the problems, it seems as if a lot of us have developed a victim complex where we, the innocent and perfect Pakistanis, are being tormented by external forces.

These conspiracies seem to give us an easy way out of taking responsibility for the mess we are in, and that is extremely dangerous. In order to resolve any problems, we must first acknowledge the mistakes that have been made, otherwise there will be no advancement and Pakistan will be stuck in a rut.

We have elected one corrupt and incompetent government after another. Military dictators have come and gone. One leader after another has served every other agenda except the betterment of our country. Our public institutions are mismanaged and public funds embezzled. They have done us more harm than any foreign power can ever dream of.

We the people have ignored the rising rhetoric of hate in these so called Islamic seminaries culminating in the production of unhinged jihadis with no true knowledge of our religion. How difficult is it for the government to actually introduce a standard syllabus and carefully vet each and every seminary? It is a huge task for sure, but if the government was actually determined to do something about it, it is not impossible.

We the people have ignored the broken education system in the country. With knowledge comes power, with education comes progress. Millions of dollars in foreign aid meant to be utilised in improving our educational standards are squandered.

We ignore the destruction of schools for girls. These girls will grow up one day to become mothers. Educated mothers are vital for the progress of the future generations of our country.

There are many more problems we face. We can close our eyes and pretend we are blameless and we are perfect, but the problems will still remain, and only worsen as the time goes on if something is not done about it.

We can admit we have issues and try to resolve them, or we can be like Barry driving a broken car, blaming Jews rather than just getting it fixed.

Mani Khawaja

Mani Khawaja

A journalist and musician. He tweets @manikhawaja88 (

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