Adoption: Patience is truly a virtue

Published: December 30, 2011
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Mehru and I were finally parents of an adorable little angel. PHOTO: ADEEL ANSARI

You could be blind and still see the love in Mehru’s eyes for that little angel. PHOTO: ADEEL ANSARI Mehru and I were finally parents of an adorable little angel. PHOTO: ADEEL ANSARI It felt like my daughter was communicating with me, telling me never to let go, to be always there for her, protect her, care for her and most of all, love her. PHOTO: ADEEL ANSARI

My wife and I have been married for almost five years now. Like many couples married this long, the yearning for parenthood – the most intense of all human emotions – soon over powered us too.We wanted a baby. We were longing, waiting, yearning for one. We had tried everything. We visited doctors in every city, and they all told us the same thing:

“Nothing is wrong. You just need to be patient”

But that is easier said than done. Friends and family were supportive, yes, but there were days when we couldn’t take it any more. All we could do, at the end of the day, was be patient, like the doctors had asked.

Thus, the days went by, but the pining never eased. One morning, however, with the sound of television and washing machine running in the background, the phone rang at 10 am. This phone call changed our very ordinary weekend to an extraordinary one.

I was lazying around when I heard Mehru, my wife,  screaming in excitement after answering the phone. I ran to her in shock and found her jumping up and down with joy, shouting:

“They found her, they found her! Adeel they found her, they found us a daughter.”

She kept repeating the same sentence over and over, and with each repetition, her voice cracked a little and at last faded into a whisper. I could see tears of joy in her eyes and a smile on her face that I had never seen before. She walked up to me, held my hands and said:

“Adeel we’re parents now, we’re actually parents.”

I looked at her and saw a feeling of calm and peace pass over her face. She looked as though the weight of the world had been lifted off her shoulders. The smile on her face translated into a smile on mine. It was easy for me to feel what she was feeling; we had both wanted this so badly that when it actually came true in a matter of days, it was not just surprising for us – it was a miracle by God.

It was November 30 when Mehru and I took a trip to The Edhi Foundation to confirm our adoption registration. We had filed an application a couple of months back and had been contacting the foundation off and on through telephone from Dubai. However, later we felt that it was important to meet them face to face too. Hence we planned a trip to Pakistan.

Sitting there in Edhi’s office, we were skeptical and knew inherently that nothing would happen too soon. We were given the same message that everyone who had filed for an adoption before us, was given:

“The waiting period is two to three years. We don’t have any babies at this moment, but if we do, you’ll be informed. In case we don’t inform you, keep contacting us regularly, but please don’t contact too much either”

The conversation was stale but the optimism was fresh. Mehru and I, feeling determined, left their office after a brief meeting of 15 minutes. We decided to give it all we had. After all, we had a plan; we would constantly keep in touch with them and make sure they recalled our names as soon as we uttered ‘hello’. We planned to make them so tired of hearing our voices that they would have no other choice but to find us a baby.

With our heads full of these thoughts, we returned to Dubai and only a day later we received the most important call of our lives. Our baby daughter, Inaya Adeel Ansari had arrived in this world.

Who was she and how did they find her? These questions weren’t important. All we were interested in was where she was and when could we pick her up. I was finally a father, and my wife a mother; nothing could be more exciting and overwhelming than that.

We had to fly back to Karachi immediately and collect our daughter who was less than a day old. Our friends in Karachi had already brought her to their home, and given her all the love and care that children get the moment they are born; she was  showered, fed milk and put to sleep in a comfortable bed.

Mehru got to hold her first. She finally held our future in her hands and the love that radiated from her mesmerized me. You could be blind and still see the love in Mehru’s eyes for that little angel. The moment she held her, I swear I could see a sigh of relief  escape from Inaya as well – as if she knew her mother was holding her. Tears started to flow from Mehru’s eyes and I knew it was love at first sight.

Then came my turn. After almost 14 hours of anticipation since the call we got, I was finally going to hold my daughter in my arms. I put my arms out to hold her and the moment I did, time stood still. Everything around me was a blur; just me and my daughter existed in that moment in time. Looking at her sleep, hearing every breath she took, brought a sense of calm to my being.

She was real, this moment was real.

All the time I had wondered what it would feel like to hold my baby in my arms, and finally I was finding that out. It was an exhilarating feeling, a memory I wouldn’t trade  for anything in the world.

And then when I thought it couldn’t get any better, the most amazing thing happened; she took her tiny hand and grabbed my finger- it was magical. It felt like my daughter was communicating with me, telling me never to let go, to be always there for her, protect her, care for her and most of all, love her. People say this is a child’s natural instinct to hold on for safety that has been engrained in their DNA but to me it was magical. Give it whatever scientific reason you want but for me it was a communication between my daughter and me. What I felt at that moment is impossible for me to describe, but I do know that I said a silent prayer for my daughter that very moment and saw a hint of a smile on her face. It was all I needed to see and all that I needed to feel.

Five years of waiting had at last come to an end, patience had paid off; Mehru and I were finally parents of an adorable little angel, our Inaya (gift from Allah).

I don’t know if adoption was our only choice, but seeing Inaya in our arms made it all worthwhile. The anxiety of waiting, the constant contact with the agency, the fear that they might not find someone for us;

Yes, it was all worth it.

To view the original version of the blog, please click here.

Adeel.Ansari

Adeel Ansari

Adeel Ansari moonlighted as an RJ on Cityfm89 (as Jellyman) but now works at Henkel after completing his MBA-Marketing from Lahore School of Economics and is currently settled in Dubai. He tweets as @Adeel_Ansari (twitter.com/Adeel_Ansari)

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.

  • http://www.facebook.com/ashraffamily Marisa in California

    What a wonderful story! You will be a great father! Congratulations! Recommend

  • http://www.pakistani-revival.blogspot.com Ovais

    I dont get it .. do u want your child to know that you adopted her …???Recommend

  • Talha

    Very touching post.

    Congratulations on having a daughter.Recommend

  • S

    Aww. Keep her safe and shower all your love on her. xRecommend

  • MuzzAt

    thanks for sharing such a magical moment with us. i can easily see all the love and feeling of yours through this article. good style of writing. 100 thumbs up for the author/father. Recommend

  • Ambreen

    This is such a cute post!!! I wish the writer, his wife and their daughter all the happiness and love in their future life :D
    I do wonder still why there is such a long waiting period to adopt a child. No offence but there is hardly a dearth in the supply of orphans.Recommend

  • http://bakedsunshine.wordpress.com Shumaila

    This was so touching. It brought tears to my eyes.

    You and your wife’s decision to adopt is a highly commendable one. You’ll be able to give your daughter a much better life than she might have had otherwise…adoption’s a blessing for both your wife and you, and for your child. I wish more people thought of adopting, there are so many like Inaya that need love and cherishing that parents like you guys can give.

    I wish you the best of luck and many years of happiness and love with your new and beautiful daughter :)Recommend

  • Aiman

    Beautiful blog. Very touching and inspiring. Adeel Ansari ( Writer ) has, it seems, written every word from heart and it touches ! May God bless you and your family. Recommend

  • Usman

    This article belongs to facebook, not to a newspaper.Recommend

  • raaxaa

    @Usman:

    You are absolutely right Usman. Perhaps people have stopped distinguishing between a Facebook “Wall” and a Newspaper’s “Blog”!!! Which means, even more junk to filter for your daily readings!Recommend

  • umair

    good to see peoples mindset changing regarding adoption. The person who brings you up is as much your parent if not more then the one who gave you birth. Congrats to the couple!Recommend

  • MK

    what a beautiful blog..the best article i’ve read on ET in a long, long time. Many congrats to you both – you’ll be awesome parents!!Recommend

  • Hareem

    Made me cry. So so sweet.Recommend

  • rabia

    It actually made me cry……best of luckRecommend

  • Usman

    I dont want to be all depressing during such a Happy Time, but just wanted to give you a heads up for the times ahead. Please remember that the Pakistani constitution does not give the same rights to adopted children. They cant legally have their adopted fathers name. They also dont get their share in inheritance. The list of all the rights that they dont get is too long to be mentioned hereRecommend

  • Erum Ahmed

    So proud of u n ur wife! U guys did n amazing thing… N ur daughter is very very lucky to have both of u as parents. May Allah bless all of u… Ameen Recommend

  • ashok sai

    @ Author

    Congrats, let the almighty bless your family of three !

    P.S. : If you find time watch the Mani Ratnam’s Tamil film, ‘Kannathil Muthamitaal’.Recommend

  • mokh

    @Ovais-whyever wouldnt he want his daughter to know she was adopted?She is doubly dear to her parentsRecommend

  • Parvez

    Little Inaya is one lucky girl and the two of you seem like made for each other. Best of Luck and Happy New Year.Recommend

  • ashok sai

    @ ET
    Wish you all the success in your efforts, you have been kind to me to publish my comments, God bless you for revival of visual media and keep up your good work, Happy New Year.

    Thanks for keeping my useful comment under moderationRecommend

  • Awais

    The first paragraph straight away reminded me of a chapter of The Kite Runner (the character Amer and his wife Soraya want to have a baby, the character explains his feelings and their yearning for a child).

    This was a great read, congratulations on becoming a father, I wish you and your family all the best.Recommend

  • http://sheeraz1022.wordpress.com Sheeraz Shaikh

    Yeah very touching story.
    Congratulations to you brother!..Recommend

  • Sally Kostandy

    Adeel and Mehru,
    so happy for you! you guys are going to be the cutest, most loving dad and mom. Inaya is sweet, lovely blessing. May your days be filled with happiness and joy as you see your little angel Inaya grow day by day.Recommend

  • http://www.parentmatch.com Lori Ingber

    Congratulations! We help parent’s to adopt and we love hearing stories like this. It warms our hearts.Recommend

  • anonymous

    congratulations! i wish her a happy and a very healthy life.beautiful blog by someone very warm and loving.good luck.Recommend

  • Erum

    What a wonderful role model you two are!! Recommend

  • http://islamabad Maryam

    it was so touching , brought tears ….

    wish ur family all the health, happiness and love!Recommend

  • http://www.rtipakistan.com/ HAG

    Its really good to see such an inspiring and clear sentiments regarding adoption. may Allah bless you and your family with all the bounties of life and may your daughter have a happy &wholesome life (Ameen)Recommend

  • sobia

    Im so happy for you guys….. SOO NICE TO see that ppl are adopting… our society could use ool like you.
    So amny children could use a loving home! Recommend

  • V

    Why is the Islamic law and the law of Pakistan against adoption of babies and giving them father’s name and inheritance?Recommend