What MI 4 taught me

Published: December 22, 2011
Email

Mission Impossible 4 showcases a UAE that looks like a third world country as compared to India. PHOTO: PUBLICITY

Mission Impossible 4 present a lot of inaccuracies. PHOTO: AFP The movie showcases camels just sauntering down the highways of Dubai. PHOTO: PUBLICITY Mission Impossible 4 showcases a UAE that looks like a third world country as compared to India. PHOTO: PUBLICITY

In a weak moment, I decided to watch Mission Impossible 4: Ghost Protocol. I got roped into watching this movie despite the fact that I am not a fan of MI3, and I haven’t even seen MI1 or 2.

Yet, sometimes in life you just have to sit back and be grateful; I am grateful that I watched MI4 because it taught me a few invaluable lessons. Please find below a list of things I learned from this movie (in order of appearance), and note that a few of these might be spoilers.

  • American agents can plant/overtake surveillance cameras inside high-security Russian prisons. They can also control their electronic lock systems, and execute the escape of a high profile agent. It is all a mere walk in the park for them.
  • There is a server in a room on the 129th floor of Burj Khalifa which has a code; the safety of USA depends on this code. Moreover, this information is available in Russia. The only way to reach the server room is by climbing over the walls of the Burj, wearing magic gloves. This Burj Khalifa stunt lasted shorter than Kim Kardashian’s marriage, by the way.
  • Dubai still has flocks of camels just sauntering down highways.
  • The Dubai police will never show up no matter what you do. You can break multiple windows of the world’s tallest building, climb on it casually, throw people out of its windows, plant cameras in its hotel rooms, shoot people on its escalators – and piles more. The police will not disturb you.
  • Dubai can have sudden sand storms coming from the beach side (yes, sand storms from the beach side).
  • When you run out of the Burj Khalifa in a sand storm, you end up in an old traditional Arab town straight from Arabian nights.
  • You can chase your enemies in a BMW coupe, which hits other cars at high speed without getting a scratch on it until it crashes on a bridge. You can still lose your enemy though, who escapes in an Isuzu pickup truck.
  • Russians can fire nuclear missiles at America from India. Missile codes are safe with the Indians.
  • Anyone can get access to extremely high-end parties in Mumbai; the kind of parties where waiters carry cell phones on trays.
  • Mumbai has better infrastructure and finer cars than Dubai. In fact, UAE is presented as a third-world country as compared to India. Don’t be surprised if you hear that Sheikhs are looking for jobs in India.
  • There are more BMWs in the world than there are sheep in New Zealand.
  • After an electricity breakdown, a server takes less than one second to completely reboot and function properly. It doesn’t require any restart authentication even if it is about to stop nuclear missiles.
  • Only one second before hitting its target, if a button is pressed in India, a nuclear missile targeted at San Francisco softly hits a building and falls into the water without making any noise whatsoever.
  • Secret agents cannot meet their wives but they can wave at them from a distance.
  • No matter how yummy the nachos and salsa sauce are, you won’t have enough to keep you entertained throughout the movie.

sami.saayer

Sami Saayer

A Dubai based Pakistani looking for excuses to write.

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.

  • http://islamabad Maryam

    OMG!…..
    if my friends read it , they will kill me…we plan to watch the movie tmr and it was me who was insisiting… :pRecommend

  • marty

    Really man… get a life ! Recommend

  • narayana murthy

    One of the most immature blogs on ET!!!!

    The fact that you went to watch such a horrible film in itself is tragic. Then the fact that you took it seriously to make observations is even more tragic. Then you decided to write a blog on something sillier than my dog wagging its tail is even more tragic. Then the fact that ET publishes it is even more tragic. Then the fact that I’m commenting is…disastrous.Recommend

  • Haqqani

    bulls eye… !!!!Recommend

  • ez

    somebody has a good choice here!
    good going writer, u spoke my mindRecommend

  • RAW is WAR

    Dear Sami,

    No matter how yummy the nachos and salsa sauce are, you won’t have enough to keep you entertained throughout the movie.

    from the amount of observations you give, the movie looks intresting. Only thing you are pissed off as India seems to be shown in good light.

    sour grapes. I will take a bet, the movie will top $ 500 million, if not less.

    Also when the middle east oil runs out, you will find Shiekhs begging with bowls.Recommend

  • Zeshan

    … It’s a movie … Kahani hai … anything is possible in tge movies. Take a chill pill don’t make it an issue. Well said naryan …Recommend

  • farooq

    Bro you seriously need to get a life for not differentiating between a Movie and Real Life. It you take your observations out of this movie then it would become reality, NOT A MOVIE :)Recommend

  • Imran K

    i didnt read this article……dont want to spoil the movie.Recommend

  • Yousuf Ali

    Impressive observation! However, nothing beats the “HOLLYWOOD AWESOMENESS” demonstrated in a particular scene from the 2003 movie, “The Core”, in which Taz ‘Rat’ Finch (DJ Qualls) plays around with Dr. Keyes’ cell phone and hands it back to him saying, “Here, you now have free long distance on this phone… Forever”. O_ORecommend

  • Anthony Permal

    Agreed 100% with this piece. He wrote everything I felt.Recommend

  • semra jalil

    Just enjoy the movie its M14 after all not some artsy movie based on tragic observations of real life. Its whole premise is based on the ‘impossible’. Recommend

  • http://zaidzamanhamid.wordpress.com/ Ahmeq

    So..
    You are unhappy because it has stereotyped Dubai as camels were roaming on the highways.
    You are also unhappy because it has not stereotyped India with poverty and slums.
    How unhappy you actually are.Recommend

  • CB Guy

    thanks for saving my money bro!Recommend

  • indi-pop

    @sami sayyer
    It is a movie dude , sit back and enjoy the stunts and go home . Why do you have to dissect it like the future of the world depends on it? and what is wrong if India is shown in a good light for a change rather than the overdose of poverty and slums which generally gets portrayed. A new India exists along with the slums and the poverty. The India of F1 tracks and super luxury townships , let it get its fair share of fame. The sarcasm you wish to convey through your blog, comes across more like cribbing. Im also not a fan of action films but sitting through this one was easy, i enjoyed it a little also i guess. Best part was waiting to see Anil Kapoor in the film, didnt last for too long , eh? Recommend

  • Zulfiqar

    haha ! Good one ! I saw the movie, its not that bad though ! :PRecommend

  • Haris Javed

    Sami Sayeer i would be yelling anxiously had i been the producer of MI4..!!!
    BUT good blog, i must say, as far as critical observations are concerned.. however dude the thing is the movie is named as Mission Impossible.. so these kinds of unreal phenomena are bound to happen.. further dude most of the movies are just based on fascination so that audience can enter into some other realm of enjoyable artificiality.. so let others to have fun :)Recommend

  • Anum Rasheed

    That’s some exaggeration!Recommend

  • American

    Hahahaha great stuff Recommend

  • CounterTerrorist

    @Writer: Im LOL at you as you LEARN from movies!!!!!! Nothing could be even more hilarious.
    Btw this is the PURE CASE of Sour Grapes.Don’t worry bro, Pakistan will be featured in MI 400.Recommend

  • MD

    Author.
    Dude, it’s just a movie. If it is possible in a movie to bring to life 70 million year old extinct dinosaurs, then why a fired nuclear missile cannot hit a building and fall into the water?
    But, you have proved yourself as a true Pakistani by showing love for Arabs and hate for Indians, a typical Pakistani trait! Recommend

  • CounterTerrorist

    I can see the smoke under the writer’s………
    Somebody please call the firebrigade.Recommend

  • Rational

    I should also start writing a blog on this paper.. in fact we all shouldRecommend

  • Ethan Hunt

    Seriously?! Why don’t ‘realistic and practical’ people go watch a real documentary where secret agents works under cover, on National Geographic? It might as well save them a trip to Cinema and a ticket.Get real!Recommend

  • Eddie

    Still movie managed to do business over 13 Million Dollars in first week ….
    http://www.imdb.com/chart/

    Have highest ratings
    http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/missionimpossibleghost_protocol/

    Its a Sci-Fi not some “Romantic Khichri” of Bollywood or Lollywood.

    Totally disagree with the writer and complete waste of time reading this article…. Recommend

  • Prashant

    get life bro.. go and watch Slumdog millionaire, it will make you happy and will fulfill your dream to see poor India. and MI 4 is a movie and not a real life incident. Recommend

  • Zujaja

    did this guy just wake up or what…. bachpan sey MI series daikh rahay hain hum… they have been doing this stuff since we were in diapers we loved it then we love it now…
    MI4 is exactly what ‘I’ wanted…. good entertainment.
    Recommend

  • Parvez

    ….and there was no female in the whole movie ???Recommend

  • Umar

    @RAW is WAR:

    It is a BLOG and writer’s personal experience. And it is about a movie, NOT ABOUT INDIA, And just for the record, although It’s other Arab neighbors are pretty oil rich, Dubai where it was partially filmed and is mentioned in this blog as well, doesn’t have much oil at all, , yet I see people from India dying to get jobs there. Dubai’s economy is mostly services based.

    Back to the movie. I saw it and knowing it is Hollywood action movie I expected stuff like that. Author’s observations are correct and interesting to read, but hey it is a movie, and its objective is to entertain, I was entertained (both by this blog and the movie).Recommend

  • Ali

    Spot on man.. what a bad movie ,it was just really American.. No strong plot and too many loopholes. Just stunts.. Recommend

  • iffat

    great blog… loveddddddddddd it:DRecommend

  • Mehdi Hassan Zafari

    @RAW is WAR:

    Joke of the year ….. “Sheikhs begging with bowls”!

    Please provide public toilets and a place to sleep for the millions living on the streets in Mumbai!Recommend

  • Mehdi Hassan Zafari

    I wonder how will the Bollywood version of this movie be, I am sure it is in the process of being copied!Recommend

  • Kafka

    Really great sarcasm! Holywood’s ignorance about the rest of the world is sometimes really annoying and they go overboard in fiction sometimes, though not always. The people who did not like your blog are used to bollywood (or mollywood!!) movies, where it is perfectly normal if music breaks out anywhere and hundreds of people dance and sing in perfect harmony.Recommend

  • Indian

    firebrigade.Recommend

  • umar

    wooo!!! what a crtic man, you saved my money although i dont know you but i would believe everything you worte cause, i expect the same crap from bollywood hi fi ation action movie sequals Recommend

  • Usman Ahmad

    I loved this blog. Don’t be disappointed by the trolls and stalkers from across the border. Cyber yuddhas and desh k rakhshak from across the border. They take everything literally and can’t digest a little humor. It was supposed to be fun. Just chill people! MI4 is like ane English version of late Sultan Rahi’s movie.Recommend

  • http://peddarowdy.wordpress.com/ Anoop

    If rovers can be controlled on mars from Earth, why not missiles? If World’s richest house, World’s top billionaires are in India, why not costly cars? If India has the technology to get World’s top IT giants to invest in it, why is all this so far-fartched?

    Recommend

  • Lofted Shot

    @ Raw is War

    Take a chill Pill, writer is actually portraying ridicule of action script with his honest thought :D Recommend

  • Muhammad Adnan

    Brilliantly Entertaining!Recommend

  • Ahmed

    @RAW is WAR:
    and that is in some 200 years time. Untill then we can expect half of India begging for jobs in the middle eastern countriesRecommend

  • Ali

    Fantastic review…. but movies are not for you friend!!Recommend

  • Nandita.

    I don’t get into the indo-pak debates generally but there’s only so much a person can tolerate. So to all the Pakistani’s here talking about ” half of india begging for jobs in the middle east ” – err, actually indians are the people who run half of Silicon Valley,California USA …Please see these videos about ENGINEERS FROM INDIA.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJuSL96MIkU

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tb-wg-7NQPU&feature=related

    It’s about kids from India for whom American ivy league schools are the second choice when they fail to get into top indian engineering colleges. iT’s about Indian kids who run American corporations. So you people are way off the mark about India and its people.
    I really don’t want to gloat but some people just ask for it.Yeah, i am soo proud coz I don’t see such progress in any other south asian country.Recommend

  • CounterTerrorist

    @Nandita.: Perfect reply to these “EDUCATED and CIVILIZED” people…

    CounterTerrorists Win!Recommend

  • bitterTrue

    Common..Its a movie….Recommend

  • http://don2.com Don

    @Mehdi Hassan Zafari:

    For this please see DON2. :)Recommend

  • Saad Hassan Khan

    @CounterTerrorist and Nandita:

    Yes the perfect reply to people who were discussing a movie not the sacred cow that is India. I do not understand why Indians have to cry foul every time a Pakistani so much as utters the word India in whatever context it maybe.Recommend

  • Anonymous

    The difference between south indian movie and a hollywood movie is that hollywood movies r sometimes successful to make
    Recommend

  • Nexus

    Enjoyed the blog! I’m still watching it for TC, the one and only reason!Recommend

  • No

    @narayana murthy:

    Brilliant !! hahaRecommend

  • Faysal

    Secret agents cannot meet their wives but they can wave at them from a distance.
    Who wants to be a secret agent? me lolRecommend

  • G.V.S Reddy

    @Ethan Hunt:

    “Why don’t ‘realistic and practical’ people go watch a realistic documentary where secret agents works under cover, on National Geographic?”

    Actually we can not blame the blogger for his views,issue is they could not really differentiate between fiction and reality. when BBC released Double Cross author and his likes thought it was a sci-fi thriller !!!

    @author
    “Missile codes are safe with the Indians.”
    and you found a new meaning to cheapness. Recommend

  • Shibl Gill

    I didn’t read after “…havn’t even seen MI 1 or 2…”
    The movies are Legit.Recommend

  • No

    @ writer: ”

    check out this link

    link textRecommend

  • JZ

    Dude, You use a ‘Blog’ to communicate your views but u definitely are not competent enough to understand technology nor a concept called ‘Movie’!!!
    American agents can plant/overtake surveillance cameras inside high-security Russian prisons. They can also control their electronic lock systems, and execute the escape of a high profile agent. It is all a mere walk in the park for them.
    When Americans could fly into the heart of Pakistani Military town, Kill the most wanted man in the world, crash their helicopter doing so, set it on fire and then escape, as if it was a walk in the park, unchallenged and undetected by the Pak defence, then why is it so difficult for u to believe that a hacker can hack into a software and get control over it?!! also why single out this Movie as such is this ur first ever movie where u have seen hacking in the plot lines!?!!!!
    There is a server in a room on the 129th floor of Burj Khalifa which has a code; the safety of USA depends on this code. Moreover, this information is available in Russia. The only way to reach the server room is by climbing over the walls of the Burj, wearing magic gloves. This Burj Khalifa stunt lasted shorter than Kim Kardashian’s marriage, by the way.
    Do you not follow English or were u watching the movie on a pirated CD where the audio quality was too bad for you to comprehend?!!! The Server room did not have a code!!! The server room gave them access to all the lifts and security camera in the building!!!!And what do you even mean by the stunt lasted shorter than Kim’s marriage? Is this ur attempt at adding some humour to ur master piece of a blog?!!! U could have rather asked ur readers to lift their arms up in the air, bend it at the elbows and reached under their armpits and tickle themselves up so that they could have some laughter while reading ur blog
    Russians can fire nuclear missiles at America from India. Missile codes are safe with the Indians.
    No, The Indians did not have the Code, just like u had no clue what was going on in the movie!! The plan required use of a satellite and that’s why they were in India, because they were planning to use a satellite owned by an Indian billionaire.
    Mumbai has better infrastructure and finer cars than Dubai.
    What a lame point?! Just because Pakistan takes billions of dollars in as AID from the world, would that mean that no one in Pakistan owns a Rolls Royce, Ferrari, Bentley or BMW? no right? Same way in a country which has one of the denser populations of billionaires would it be too difficult to spot the best of the best cars or have a luxurious Hotel?!!
    Most of your other points are also pretty lame so I would not address them individually, but seing the intellect behind it I am surprised you did not add these points too:
    one minute the CIA agents can be in Russia and the very next second they can be in Dubai, not only that after some 30 mins in dubai(where they had less action than Kim did in her marriage) in the next split second they can be in India!!!!
    The Russian terrorists work in a parallel universe, because they blew up Kremlin, but I looked up the internet and there is no news of Kremlin being blown up and the Kremlin seems to be IntactRecommend

  • mad

    link text

    This link is for the writer Recommend

  • Hira

    Valid points, but at the end of the day it’s just a MOVIE. Fictional stuff dude! Everything they show doesn’t necessarily have to be true and close to reality.Recommend

  • Anita

    @Nandita.:
    you havent read about Asian Tigers than Gul … go study them first …and why you indian keep forgetting china :P:P you cant beat them Recommend

  • Vigilant

    Well said….Hollywood is used to change ground realities & history just for nothing…..& i can see some commertators from India are really jealous from your bolg……. :)Recommend

  • TGK

    @Anita:

    I think nandita was talking about SOUTH ASIA. do you know which countries fall in south asia ?
    and of course there are countries more advanced than india but we are growing at a phenomenal rate and pakistan can never catch up with India. Recommend

  • http://hhaaddii.webs.com Qaiser

    This is a movie to entertain the people and i think todays in yuong generation it is not well or boring you commented on that, bcz this is liking and dislikin of your,s. bt people have no interest. so this as says already a chill.Recommend

  • ACH

    Interesting… i see comments from indian brothers in every blog. They are so proud of their engineers,doctors etc etc etc ruling the world, but most of them (their media, politicians even common public) still bother to know,watch and read every thing related to a 3rd world country named Pakistan, unlike 90% of Pakistanis who do not actually give a whatever to what is happening over there .. I never comment to any blogs videos or etc but after reading comments of some proud indians commenting on what a Pakistani (not so special person) thinks about a hollywood movie, i think i should also add some spice to it ;))))) Recommend

  • CounterTerrorist

    @ACH: See,We[Indians] are so generous,even if pakistan is a 3rd world failed country,we still consider your forum worth commenting.Recommend

  • Naeem Javid Muhammad Hassani

    Dude, it happens in movies esp in action/fiction movies. That is y it is a movie. Recommend

  • saqib

    Sami, Whatever you wrote in Blog is absolutely correct, I want to add the disgrace which Anil Kapoor done on himself, He better stick in Bollywood, rather getting this type of roles, but he fact is I enjoyed the Movie, Helo just a Movie. Recommend

  • Manju

    @Umar:
    Would you please enlighten us of the ‘service based’ economy of Dubai, well other than the tap the oil and pump it to the world service that is..
    Yes, it is about a movie, NOT ABOUT INDIA, but do you understand it?
    “yet I see people from India dying to get jobs there” – Oh please try to find some pride in your country and don’t you fret about ‘I am a Muslim ergo i own everything Muslim’..Recommend

  • Asad

    @Counter Terrorist and Nandita

    Your post shows an inferiority complex. A few rich Malliyas and Mittals do not mean India is a utopia. India does not even have adequate public toilets for the ever rising population. Also the average indian in rural areas (and even in Urban Ghettos) lives below the poverty line. Not to talk of the corruption, religious and communal violence India is infested with. Recommend

  • ethicalman

    “Sheikhs are looking for jobs in India.”…since when on does arabs work in office..they’re just end users..they never look for jobs ..they have oil wells..and they’re useless..Recommend

  • An Indian Layman

    @Asad:
    ‘inferiority complex’ – LOL.. Who?
    ‘India does not even have adequate public toilets’ – Oh!!! I see… Pakistan has!!
    ‘corruption’ -Oh!! I forgot you are from ‘the land of pure’!!
    ‘religious and communal violence’ – Does a person from the ‘Islamic Republic of Pakistan’ even qualify to comment of this?Recommend

  • Waz

    @ MD

    Making comments about a film does not show hate towards Indians.

    But showing Muslims in Indian Cinema as maids, grave worshippers or terrorist does show Indians hate towards Muslims.

    So try and look outside the box.Recommend

  • An Indian Layman

    @Waz:
    ‘terrorists’ – I understand people get offended. But ‘maid’ and ‘grave worshippers’. Some stereotyped mind you have. If i am not wrong (being a ‘Hindu’ that is!), ‘The Holy Quran’ does not say any profession to be low and any worship to be downgrade… Some hypocrisy there is in the four lines you wrote!!Recommend