You are so not Prince Charming

Published: November 10, 2011
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A husband is a clingy, attention-seeking, insecure wimp, who's 'upset' with you all the time.

The more I interact with men, the more I realize how loathsome they are. They usually have just one thing on their minds when talking to a woman – no – make that always, and it doesn’t require a lot of imagination to think what it is.

Why, I ask is that? I understand that it might have a little to do with biology and chemistry and some other sciences but it gets boring, mundane and repetitive.

Even if a man has the power to hold my attention for more than a few hours with his intellect and humor, by the end of the evening he ends up becoming a carnivore looking for a piece of meat. And if a man has the guts to deny this to my face may God send the pox on him and his progeny.

I find, being single in these times hazardous to say the least. All kinds of vermin and weirdos creep up trying (quite literally) to crawl up your sleeves. Am I being crass?

What is a woman to do when men are, from all angles, sides, crevices and gaps trying to slither their way to you as though you are Manna from heaven itself? Men, please back off because for me pursuit is the key; if you stick to me like leeches, all I can do is bleed and try to get as far from you as possible.

I can say with authority that the Pakistani man is a desperate being. He wants a woman, no, he wants lots of women all the time, for only one thing and that thing only. Add to this the complete idiocy of our men doing the rounds, sticky hair sticking up, strange clothes plus stranger shoes, always a wife ensconced in the background but never really brought out and discussed in the open, stingy habits, sub-zero sense of humour and worst of all – no conversation.

I’ve lost hope of ever coming across a man who can converse well. Perhaps in the next life, or in another universe – no harm in hoping, is there?

So if you are a man, and if you have nothing to say then the best bet would be to stay clear of this deluded cow.

I want a hero

I do.

Is it too much to ask for? Have we been duped all our lives? Is the fairytale a very cruel joke?

All our lives, we women are fed stories of strong men who, aside from being tall, dark and stunningly handsome, are the epitome of courage, bravery, integrity, class, and politeness. Armed with the job of protecting and saving damsels (distressed or otherwise) they are mysterious like Zorro, lithe, athletic, well-read, patient, and fall madly in-love with us. Moreover, they stay madly in-love with us for the rest of our lives.

The rude shock of reality hits a girl with the first romantic relationship she has. Instead of a daring macho hunk, you are handed a clingy, attention-seeking, paranoid, insecure wimp who is ‘upset’ with you more than half the time you are with him. The twisted logic he gives is of loving you so much, that he loses his mind and is rude and jealous.

With marriage, all illusions one may have about love and romance disappear. Your husband, who is supposed to care for you, love and cherish you turns out to be a tattered soul in perpetual need for something or the other. Leave aside the thought of him taking care of you; he is the one in need of constant attention and appreciation whether he deserves it or not. He wants everything that will make him feel good about himself – he needs to be cajoled and pampered, put on a pedestal especially by his wife (apparently, something to do with male-ego.)

When you have children this facade starts to fade. Sometimes a grown man can be jealous of his own child.

Yet, despite everything I’ve seen I believe in dreams. So even if reality is crude, there must be a realm where the fairytale man exists.

Lubna Khan

Lubna Khan

An ex-civil servant and literature buff who is a full time mom to a 12-year-old.

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.