Life is plastic…in a Barbie world

Published: September 7, 2011
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Megan Fox is ‘foxier’ after having surgical procedures that have taken her to the pinnacle of Hollywood beauty standards. PHOTO: REUTERS

 Megan Fox is ‘foxier’ after having surgical procedures that have taken her to the pinnacle of Hollywood beauty standards. PHOTO: REUTERS Mickey Rourke, Oscar winning actor, went from “9 ½ Weeks” suave to a villain in “Iron Man 2” for a reason.
PHOTO: REUTERS Joan Rivers, E! host, is virtually unrecognizable from the photos of her youth.
PHOTO: REUTERS

Half the fun in flipping through celebrity tabloids and society magazines lies in speculating who’s had ‘work’ done.

Although plastic surgeons ethically shouldn’t operate on patients with surgical addictions or Body Dysmorphic Disorder, the following results demonstrate otherwise:

Overt Barbie-ism – Lips, nose and bust combo package:

• Megan Fox is ‘foxier’ after having surgical procedures that have taken her to the pinnacle of Hollywood beauty standards.

• Lindsay Lohan is a controversial actress who looks about the same age group as her mother, Dina.

• Katie Price, a British reality TV star, is as ‘real’ as a drag queen.

• Preity Zinta is decidedly ‘pretty’ after all the work she’s had done.

Botox Freeze – A perpetually surprised expression, and slight smile accompanied by a shiny, crease-free forehead:

• Marcia Cross of “Desperate Housewives” manages to act without the need of facial expressions.

• Anna Wintour, the intimidating editor of American “Vogue,” somehow appears to be smiling all day.

• Nadia Hussain, is one among many Pakistani women (and men) prematurely turning to Botox.

• Shane Warne, the Aussie cricketer, traded his sun-damaged complexion for a wrinkle-free, shaped eyebrows look when he started seeing Elizabeth Hurley.

Fish Lips – Dramatic lip augmentation and collagen injections have transformed these thin-lipped ladies into pouty blowfish:

• Meg Ryan, Hollywood’s “Sleepless in Seattle” sweetheart who ditched her cutesy pie image for a taut-skinned, pouty look.

• Lisa Rhinna, TV actress married to Harry Hamlin, has lips big enough to, well, play a trombone with.

• Melanie Griffith, starlet married to Antonio Banderas with a history of cosmetic surgeries.

• Elizabeth Hurley, who went from the small mouthed, bushy browed girlfriend of Hugh Grant, to a voluptuous style icon with generous lips and cleavage.

• Kangana Ranaut, just one of the many Bollywood actresses who’s image has gone from lean and mean to over-sexed.

Alleged Butt Implants – A common procedure in Brazil where thongs are popularly worn on the beach, booty enhancements are growing increasingly popular worldwide:

• Shilpa Shetty Kundra, Bollywood actress and former “Big Brother UK” winner, allegedly upgraded her bottom after completing facial and breast procedures.

• Nicole Austin aka Coco, adult glamour model married to Ice-T, claims that she was born with her gargantuan rear end.

• Kimberly Kardashian Humphries, reality show queen, recently provided an X-ray on “Keeping up with the Kardashians” to prove that her massive derriere was all-natural.

Nose Jobs that Collapsed – these candidates have had more than their share of Rhinoplasties, judging from their collapsed nose bridges:

• LaToya Jackson, Michael’s sister who shares a familial love of cosmetic surgery.

• Kimberly Jones aka Lil’ Kim, petite rapper with a daring sense of style, is a ‘lil’ too fond of the surgeon’s scalpel.

• Tara Palmer-Tomkinson, British socialite, also owes her damaged nose to excessive cocaine snorting.

Strangest Breast Implants – these globular protrusions from size double-zero ribcages are a sheer marvel of gravity:

• Tori Spelling, former “Beverly Hills 90210” star, enjoys his-and-hers cosmetic enhancement procedures with her husband, Dylan McDermott.

• Victoria Beckham, former Spice Girl and David’s wife, went from a 34 A to a 34 D, then wisely reduced it to 34 B.

• Tara Reid, “American Pie” actress, upgraded her look with cleavage and simultaneously downgraded her acting career.

Dramatic Eyelid Work – eyes may be the windows to a person’s soul, particularly when they’ve had eyelid lifts and blepharoplasties:

• Catherine Zeta Jones, Oscar-winning Welsh actress in Hollywood, went from a “Darling Bud(s) of May” (her UK TV show) to a sultry-eyed glamazon.

• Paris Hilton, American socialite, was left with one squinty eye after her eye work in Brazil went literally awry and left her with a naughty expression.

Most Obvious Cheek Implants – after facelifts became passé and fuller cheeks became synonymous with youth, often to the extent of being mistaken for Chip & Dale:

• Priscilla Presley, Elvis’ widow, has features that have been ‘all shook up’ by plastic surgeries.

• Urmila Matondkar, Bollywood actress, had a surgical makeover that included very full cheeks.

• Phoebe Price, professional paparazzi poser, has virtual éclairs in her cheeks.

Perpetually Arched Eyebrows, Chiseled Face – a possible combination of eyebrow lifts, Restylane injections, tooth veneers and lip augmentation may result in a dramatically sculpted makeover:

• The Minogues, Kylie and Dannii, still look like sisters in their identical cosmetic procedures.

• Hilary Duff, actress, eschewed her slightly hefty “Lizzie McGuire” tweeny build for a more angular Hollywood look.

Scariest – These take the cake—no description required!

• Jocelyn Wildenstein aka Catwoman, American socialite, has spent millions on her infatuation with plastics.

• La Duquesa De Alba, Spanish aristocrat, recently gave up her personal fortune to marry her comparatively young beau despite her fondness for expensive surgical enhancements.

• Mickey Rourke, Oscar winning actor, went from “9 ½ Weeks” suave to a villain in “Iron Man 2” for a reason.

• The entire Stallone family—Sylvester, his mother Jackie, his ex-wife Brigitte Nielsen—deserve a family discount for all the work they’ve had done.

• Nicole Kidman, Oscar winning Aussie in Hollywood, went from a pinched look and curly locks to the creepy, robotic-expression blonde she depicted in “Stepford Wives.”

• Donatella Versace, Gianni’s sister who heads the Versace brand grows more blonde, tanned and pouty by year.

• Lara Flynn Boyle, slender actress from “The Practice,” can barely hold up her now-hefty lips that go with her crease-free forehead.

• Hunter Tylo, soap star, is “(The) Bold and (the) Beautiful” no more.

• Joan Rivers, E! host, is virtually unrecognizable from the photos of her youth.

• Dolly Parton, country western star, has had repeated back injuries because of pressure from her massively enhanced chest.

• Demi Moore, Hollywood and Twitter star, may soon start looking younger than her daughters Rumer, Scout and Tallulah.

• Cher, Grammy winning singer “believes in life after”…plastic surgery (not “love”).

• Heidi Montag, reality TV personality, changed her looks from a typical Californian girl to a typical Californian bimbo.

• Nadya Suleman aka Octomom, reality TV star, could play Angelina in a low budget movie with her eerily copycat-Jolie features.

Sneakiest Procedures – one might never have guessed, but they’ve been at it too:

• Narrowed noses: Angelina Jolie, Sandra Bullock, Scarlett Johanssen, Gisele Bundchen, Kate Moss, Blake Lively, Jennifer Aniston, Natalie Portman, Halle Berry, Cameron Diaz, Salma Hayek, Kate Hudson, Tyra Banks, Zac Efron, Shia Lebeof, Hadiqa Kiyani, Stacy Ann Ferguson aka Fergie of Black Eyed Peas.

• Hooks removed from nose tips: Patrick Dempsey, Ryan Gosling, Calista Flockhart.

• Ears pinned back: Brad Pitt.

laleen.khan

Laaleen Khan

An international columnist and media consultant who Tweets @laaleen

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.

  • khan

    very interesting information conveyed. like itRecommend

  • soup

    Are these things worth discussing ? Why not write about some serious/important and useful stuff ? Recommend

  • http://laaleen.blogspot.com Laaleen
  • H

    @soup:
    They are worth discussing because they are indicators of changes in what society considers “beautiful”, which is important when figuring out what the hell a society is going through at the time, which is important for studying society in general

    For example, in the distant past, fat women were considered beautiful because fat=you have food=you have money/you might last longer during the winter and thin women like the kind the world (well, some of it) that likes to see in their films and magazines today would be hopeless peasant charity cases.Recommend

  • soup

    Another unnecessary post. I read the first paragraph of this write up and a few lines of the link you pasted here. I’m sorry i can’t bring myself to read such stuff. No offense Miss !Recommend

  • soup

    I couldn’t read more than a few lines of the article whose link you’ve pasted here .. but i enjoyed reading some of the comments below :DRecommend

  • http://laaleen.blogspot.com Laaleen

    Links to corresponding ‘before and after’ photos for those of you who are interested: http://laaleen.blogspot.com/2011/09/life-is-plasticin-barbie-world.html
    …And if you aren’t interested in celebs, then WHY are you reading this? Spare me your inane comments!)
    Recommend

  • soup

    Miss, the first rule of blogging is – be open to criticism. It is not a personal attack. This is a public forum, you can’t expect everyone to like everything you write. Recommend

  • H

    @soup:
    True, but that doesn’t excuse you for saying something dumb.

    As far as “criticism” goes- well, “subject matter” is hardly something that can be criticized most of the time. If you had said something about her style of writing, grammar, tense, etc. then it might be “criticism” in any sense of the word.

    Instead you whined that someone isn’t writing something you’re interested in.

    Recommend

  • soup

    @H — the “fat women = food = money and thin women = peasant charity cases etc” comment was quite something. Seriously, i haven’t read such a ridiculous comment in a long time. Had a good laugh. It’s time to move on to other topics. So long!Recommend

  • http://laaleen.blogspot.com Laaleen

    @soup: What H probably means is the ever-evolving concept of beauty in societies and cultures across the world. Nobody’s talking about ‘peasant charity cases’ (how did you come up with that one?!)
    Great, as long as I got readers to think a little and decide for themselves. Check out my other blog for visual representations so you get a better idea.Recommend

  • Immymud

    nicely written Larkee! but not worthy!! And don’t be harsh on critisism, Its for your own good. better luck for the future. Recommend

  • soup

    @ laaleen – she ( or he ) has mentioned “peasant charity cases” in the statement. Read it closely. I understand the whole ” ever evolving concept of beauty in societies ” etc etc but why write about plastic surgery and give it so much of importance? Imagine the pressure on young girls who read this stuff and end up with ideas of not fitting in or being good enough. So basically we end up with one screwed up generation after another. Delusional souls.Recommend

  • http://laaleen.blogspot.com Laaleen

    @soup: wake up and smell the coffee. Girls are already growing up with warped self images, whether it’s from their insecure mothers talking about how ‘fat’ they are or watching flat-stomached Bollywood starlets gyrate in music videos with impossibly large, green-contact lend eyes and false eyelashes, breast implants etc.

    I’d be happy if readers looked at the before & after plastic surgery photos on my other blog, they’re more candid, and:
    a) realized the extent to which what plastic surgery victims end up looking like (therby being put off for life), and
    b) realized that ‘beauties’ like Megan Fox aren’t naturally beautiful, noone is.
    Give girls some credit, they’re sharper than you think.Recommend

  • Parvez

    I thought this was fun, silly but its good to read junk now and then especially when its pretty well written. It takes talent to amass trivia such as this and then organise it all and present it so that its …. fun to read. Wow !!
    On a more serious note, plastic surgery from what I’ve read is booming all over. There’s the positive and the down side to this and its not only the rich and famous who go in for this. You have focused on the glossy or as I call it the fun side of this.Recommend

  • Majid

    What a shaandar waste-of-time of an article this is!Recommend

  • http://www.facebook.com/noman.ansari Noman Ansari

    @Laaleen:

    Dude… probably shouldn’t feed the troll. :)

    Some of those pics on the blog are just frightening. I remember watching a show on Oprah as a kid on those plastic surgery addicts. Was quite freaky!

    Mickey Rourke I remember reading got disfigured after going crazy and trying his hands at boxing. His nose and face were broken etc.

    Anyway… YIKES! Now I can’t go back to sleep. Recommend

  • M.

    What a shame the author (supposedly) is so sensitive to criticism.. This is a public forum and we have the right to criticize and that’s what YOU gave us by blogging here, Ms. Khan.

    So please calm down and stop attacking the readers here.. And take criticism lightly and learn from it. Recommend

  • http://laaleen.blogspot.com Laaleen

    @M. Yup, we all have that right, myself included. RelaxRecommend

  • http://laaleen.blogspot.com Laaleen

    Incidentally, I also write for print, at: http://tribune.com.pk/author/967/laaleen-khan/Recommend

  • https://www.facebook.com/mahrukh.azhar.ali.khan MRK

    More than half Hollywood and Bollywood actors and actresses go through plastic surgeries. Even Lollywood actors and actresses are in the list… Recommend