10 terms desis on the internet need to stop using

Published: August 10, 2011
Email

 1.Dis/Dat/Dere:

Every time I see a “dis”, a “dat”, or a “dere”, I can hear a Pakistani English language teacher crying softly somewhere. Here is a hint: try using those words with a “th” instead of a “d”, and the next time you pick arguments with Indian cricket fans on YouTube, you might actually sound less moronic! It is just *one* more letter people!

2.‘Nuff said:

Short for ‘enough said’, the correct use of this phrase is to complete a very short, usually emphatic sentence. Instead, what we do is end a sentence with ‘Nuff said, and then follow it with a five thousand word diatribe. That’s not ‘Nuff said! That’s *too much* said.

3. Shoo Cute/Shoo Shweet:

Any girl over the age of twelve caught using this phrase should be covered in honey and thrown in a bear cave. ‘Nuff said.

4. Aight:

Unless you are the Pakistani Kanye West, you have no business using this word. Also, if anyone sees Kanye, please punch him in the face for molesting the English language. ‘Aight?

5. Jeanius:

I am a man of simple pleasures, and I love it when two Pakistanis are arguing on the internet, and one sarcastically calls the other a ‘genius’, except that they can’t spell the word correctly. Oh irony, how delicious you taste.

6. Facepalm:

OK, I love this as much as the next guy, but for god’s sake don’t *facepalm* every time someone says something remotely disagreeable.

For example:

– When our president makes a dull speech? No, not the appropriate time for a *facepalm*.

– When he flirts with Sarah Palin on international television, and calls her ‘gorgeous’? *DOUBLE FACEPALM*

7. Epic/Epic Fail: Please stop with the epic. Comic genius, Maddox, can explain better:

“Now every minor inconvenience is an “EPIC FAIL.” And if it’s cool, it’s not just cool but an “EPIC WIN.” And for the record, fail is a verb, and is something you do, like fail at English. The act of failing is “failure,” and is a noun. People can be failures, but they can’t be “fails.” That doesn’t make sense. So when you …  say “epic fail,” what you really mean is “epic failure.”

More from Maddox on the issue: here

 8. FTW:

Even American sports announcers stopped using ‘FTW’ at the bicentennial. It is out of fashion, and it sounds lame. Stop!

 9. Just sayin’:

Normally, this is used to take the heat off a rude or snarky comment by guys who think this overused phrase makes them sound cool. You know what I say to such people? “You are an idiot… just sayin’.”

 10. I LOVE WRITING IN CAPITAL LETTERS:

So this is more an annoying habit than a piece of internet lingo, but the two following Pakistani internet poster types are most guilty of this:

a) Fans of Shahid Afridi, who usually refer to him online as ‘Shahid Bhai’, and spend an unhealthy amount of time defending him (when they are no doubt writing erotic fiction about him).

b) Apologists for the Pakistan Army, who normally come at anyone who is the slightest bit critical of the national military, with pitchforks, torches, and long angry paragraphs THAT END IN CAPTIAL LETTERS FOR NO LOGICAL REASON. Normally, their arguments are filled with words like ‘INDIA’, ‘KASHMIR’, and rhetorical questions like, “HAVE YOU NO SHAME?”

Any I missed? Do let me know in the comments section below.

Noman Ansari

Noman Ansari

The author is the editor-in-chief of IGN Pakistan, and has been reviewing films and writing opinion pieces for The Express Tribune as well as Dawn for five years. He tweets as @Pugnate (twitter.com/Pugnate)

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.