It’s not easy being gay

Published: July 29, 2011
Email

I am a male. I am a Muslim. I am a Pakistani and I am gay.

I come from a deeply religious family, where everyone prays five times a day and reads the Qur’an every day.

I came to the realization when I was eighteen-years-old, while I was in a relationship with my first girlfriend. Even though I was with her, I did not feel any sort of attraction towards her. The only feeling that I felt for her was of a friendly affection, nothing more and nothing less.

I say realization, but deep down I suppose I always knew that I was different from all the other guys. I never used to sit and ogle at girls and pass comments about them, but at the time I attributed that to my upbringing and to the fact that I had learned to respect women, having lived with three very admirable women at home, my mother and my sisters. And even though that still stands true, now I understand that it was something else – something inside me which made me think and behave differently.

I began to hate myself when I gradually became more and more convinced about my sexuality, trying to cut myself with any sharp thing I could lay my hands on, knives, scissors, blades, anything at all.

Whenever such thoughts came into my head, I went and locked myself in my room and tried to hurt myself.

I started to pray even more. I sat on the prayer mat for minutes and hours on end crying, begging Allah to change me, not to make me the way I was turning out to be.

I thought Allah was testing me, that He was testing my faith, my imaan; that He wanted to see if I could fight temptation. But I couldn’t, no matter how hard I tried, no matter how much I struggled or how much I prayed and asked for help, I failed every time.

Now I’m reaching that age where my parents are starting to discuss my marriage and whenever I listen into their conversation, a part of me dies inside.

The feelings of helplessness and impotency that I go through cannot be compared to anything else.

My parents have been planning my wedding ever since my older brother got married eight years ago: how can I go and tell them that I cannot get married? How will I be able to live with myself if (or when) I am married, knowing that I’ve ruined an innocent girl’s life because surely I will never be able to give her the love and intimacy that she truly deserves?

Sometimes I contemplate on whether I should tell my family the truth and stop living a lie, thinking that they will love me no matter what. Then my fantasy comes to a grinding halt. My bubble bursts, when I hear my sister or my brother passing comments full of hate and prejudice about gay men and how much they detest them, whenever they see them on television or in person. I sit and think what they would say to me, if anything at all.

But now I feel that I’ve come to terms with whom and what I am.

I have accepted this fact, that no matter how hard I try I will not be able to change myself. Although, that does not mean I’ve moved away from my religion or from Allah. Why can I not be who I am and stay close to my faith at the same time? Why does it always have to be one or the other and never both?

The average person tends to think that people like me are the way we are because we choose to be this way. This may be true for some people, but it definitely was not true for me.

Why would I choose to live a life where I have to constantly lie to all those who I care about? Why would I choose to live a meaningless life where I may never be happy? Why would I choose to be this way when I’m fully aware of what my family would do to me, if they ever were to find out the truth about me?

Anonymous

Anonymous

The blogger wishes to remain anonymous.

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.

  • Ovais

    brother, whatever it is … dont marry if u dont want to .. but homosexualism is strictly prohibited in islam. if you are so concerned about religion then dont go through this path Recommend

  • Abdul Rehman Gilani

    I agree with a guy named reader here, this article is nothing more than nonsense but if the benefit of the doubt is given, I want to say EVERY person has a choice, Allah has given us free-will, let the soul control your body, not the body control the soul. And the Noble Quran has given the answer, through the advise of Prophet Lut(A.S.) that you marry women (which is easier than living a celibate life), eventually your homosexual desire will wither off in the air, and I also want to thank a guy here for giving a link on this matter named muslimmatters(dot) org

    From a person in Pakistan.Recommend

  • Danish

    Completely Fake.
    If someone come out from a religious family and do prayers n all…then you never think like this..as you have a girlfriend at the age of 18. Rather than to being turn out to homo go and study Islam . It seems like to make people mind to start thinking about that religious families have homo member between them.So think about before publishing these kind of articles.and those who support them. kindly research and study about your religion. Dont make Islam so difficult .
    Thanks.Recommend

  • Hani Ansari

    Question: Is it okay for someone to steal if they are born poor?
    Question: Is it okay for someone to kill if they feel the urge to kill?
    Question: Is it okay to rape a woman because you find her attractive?

    When it comes to natural inclination, one is always tempted to do things that are considered wrong. Every criminal in his/her own mind has a reason/urge/justification to do what they did and what they want to do.(not trying to compare the two, only trying to prove my point)

    So, stop arguing about whether its natural or not and start thinking about the consequences.

    There is no harm spending time with someone you like but why do you have to sleep with someone of the same sex, especially when neither are biologically equipped for such an endeavor.

    I am not trying to be judgmental here but there are people out there who hold on to their beliefs so strongly that they fail to acknowledge when they are going wrong.

    As for those dragging Islam into this, it very explicitly condemns homosexuality. So, stop making Islam sound like a problem here there is no compulsion of course, if you don’t like it you can always choose a religion that does allow it.Recommend

  • Iftikhar Naseem

    Its fake and ET would do anything to generate clicks: anything. The compulsions of wanting to catch up with your competitorsRecommend

  • Annonymous

    Dear friend,
    First of all, respect. Respect that you wrote this article, respect that it was published. It’s a difficult life, and I can’t even begin to imagine.
    Homosexuality is a sensitive topic and there are many branches of it, and as you said, it’s not easy being gay. I have had friends come to me, and I have done my research and thought long and heard about it too, and its not that I have any answers for you. I wish I did, but I came across an article once, and I don’t know how, but I hope it will be somehow useful to you. It’s the best I can do from a human being to another.

    Living the Good Lie Should therapists help God-fearing gay people stay in the closet?
    By MIMI SWARTZ
    Published: June 16, 2011

    http://www.nytimes.com/2011/06/19/magazine/therapists-who-help-people-stay-in-the-closet.html?adxnnl=1&adxnnlx=1309802574-GPZDtVA919HcC3UlUxjRIA

    Regards. Recommend

  • Farah Kamal

    @MT: whoever you are, sorry to say, your response is uncouth, heartless and discriminatory. This need to be voiced, publicised because he exist, do you know he exist!!! he is living!!! has emotions and heart and need support and compassionate handling. It is not his fault that he is born this way!!! If he is not heard and understood, alongwith him another life would get into misery if his parents force him into marriage and like one of the person mentioned, Pakistani women can be easily fooled where intimacy is concerned. There are many like him, and they are not heard or supported because of some religious interpretation. Somehow, our society loves the pigeon syndrome hiding from reality pretending it will go away itself. Recommend

  • Roger

    Now this is all but a fake story.the sequence of things as well as the factors do not matc.and could we all Pakistanis leave religion out of every issue that we face.Extremist miderates and the liberals,all of us bring religion to the court.

    Secondly,there is no point of publishing this article on ET, i see that all of a sudden in these privious weeks “gay rights and gays” are highlightened in the media. those who wants gay rights and have sympathy for gays or are gays themselves, my sympathies to you.its a hard time for you people but unfortunately you wont get away with it anyways.people are dying and you have the time energy and conscience to shout for gays.Recommend

  • Farah Kamal

    @Danish: I work with young people, and sorry to say, yes there is no guarantee that if you come from religious families or you are religious you will not have girl friends. Seen that and dealt with many such youth!!! Dont you know some of the medressahs have homosexuals and there are sexual abuse existing there!!!!!Recommend

  • AZ

    @ Shavaiz Khan
    I think it’s you who needs the guidance and a lesson in spelling and grammar. The author did not ‘choose’ to be gay unlike you who chose to be a fundamentally-inclined, self-righteous yet horribly narrow-minded individual. (Feel free to consult a dictionary to understand what I just wrote)
    @ Umair
    So, you’re suggesting that he should go and try to be a hetero by being with ‘other beautiful girls’. And kudos to you for comparing this sensitive issue with your ‘love for food’ and the subsequent exploration that you have suggested. If you have any form intelligence in your skull besides the exploratory love for food, you might want to read what you wrote and then hit yourself in the head with the spoon you are currently using to shove biryani down your throat. Clearly, you’re the one who needs some ‘treatment and medications’ or at least a thorough spanking to beat some sense into your puny little brain.
    @ Maverick
    Religion is a personal matter. Who gave YOU the right to decide what goes ‘parallel’ with his (author) religion. It’s his (author) choice to live his life AND it’s also his faith. YOU have no right whatsoever to pass judgment of any sort.
    @ Touheed
    You could not have said it better.
    @Muse
    Clearly, the point of the entire blog was lost on you. The author is not ‘justifying’ anything. He is merely being brave enough to bring to light a highly sensitive issue, which has left him extremely perturbed. And the point about incestuous relationships was simply disturbing. What is going on in YOUR head?
    @Adil Mirza
    The teaching of Islam has nothing to do with that. It’s not about running away, it’s simply about social acceptance of a person the way he/she is. Our society is just too messed up to understand certain things. The collective notion of religiosity is enough to drive any sane person towards the depths of insanity. And surely you also fall in the same majority.
    @Ahmed
    Hahahahha… I was wondering when some fool would bring the matter of the US Embassy’s hidden agenda… Conspiracy theory, anyone?… After drone attacks and economic sanctions, now they are turning our youth into homosexuals… ahhahaha.. you really need to be a top-class idiot to suggest something THAT bizarre.

    @Blake
    well said

    @Bahram
    go back to whatever it was that you were smoking. It’s time for your next dose

    @To all the illiterate HATERS (you know who you are, all of you)
    Get a life, all of you. Homosexuality is NOT a disease or a medical condition, neither is it a psychological problem. It’s a natural phenomenon and is present throughout the world. Please, stop with the mindless suggestions for getting ‘professional help’. The author has written a simple yet thought-provoking piece and he has been brave enough to admit the agony that he is going through. Do us all a favor, if you can’t support and help the poor man in his current disturbed state-of-mind then just go stay silent. Nobody likes a hater except for the haters themselves which is ironic on a completely twisted level.
    That being said, all the ‘religious experts’ who are two comments away from calling the author a ‘kaafir’, ‘Zionist’, ’RAW/MOSSAD/CIA agent, ‘Cylone’ etc etc. etc. Islam ALSO teaches tolerance! It also teaches kindness to others, to help others, to lend support for someone who needs it. If Homosexuality is prohibited in Islam, then so are other things as well. But that simply does not give YOU ALL a right to be self-righteous saviors of religion and start bashing the poor man. So, repeat after me: RELIGION IS A PERSONAL MATTER! –period- . . . Everyone will be judged by the ALMIGHTY for all their deeds, and like it or not, there is a lot more to life than just sexual orientation (which is ALSO a personal matter). So, please go back to whatever useless yet supposedly ‘pure’ life you have been living and leave him alone.

    @The author
    Hey Man,
    I must applaud you for being brave enough to write about what you are going through. It’s a tough situation but nothing that can’t be overcome. Ignore all the haters above and remember, it’s your life and your choices which matter. Not what other people say or think.
    At the end of the day, all that matters is that YOU have be a good human being regardless of sexual orientation, creed, religion etc.
    PeaceRecommend

  • amna

    i feel too that you should go through therapy… i heard too that it exist… it wud b hard and difficult to go through a change but wudnt it be better than living a lie?? lets face it that you cant tell ur siblings and parents… u cant tell anyone… u cant have a legal relation… u cant announce y u dont want to get married etc. i know u have made ur peace with it but how long can u keep it in? for always? then ten years u have spent seems hell to u, how r u going to spend next 50 years?? i wud have too asked u fer moving abroad or keep lying or cheat ur wife, but if u r religious and if u want to stay close to God then try taking a step fer Him. i wudnt want my brother to live a life where no one wud approve his identity and he might be left alone. think on it….
    i can help u out with this by finding smth if u want… u can contact me on [email protected]Recommend

  • ilqa zafar

    For god sake, we have better and important things to talk about.Recommend

  • http://facebook jalal ali adam

    Allah help those who help them self, Recommend

  • anon

    there is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay, its as unintentional as the colour of your hair or of your eyes. its a pity that the society that we live in doesnt permit you to be who you are and celebrate you based on that, and i salute your bravery in persevering irrespective.
    however, and this is really what matters, do not get married. up until this point, you have done nothing wrong, in fact you are actually protecting your family and putting your own needs and desires on hold, but if you do get married, you’re signing up for a life of deceit and lies. not to mention if you have kids you’ll just end up hurting more people in the long run because your marriage will be built on hollow ground, and sooner or later the truth will come out. such secrets just dont last, its unrealistic.
    like some other people said, leaving the country is your best bet, but that is a luxury to most and not feasible for everyone.
    and also, gay ‘conversion’ or ‘saving’ is well, not true. most churches that claim to do such things are some of the most right wing and ridiculous institutions in the west. check out the documentary, ‘for the bible tells me so’ if you want to see how they ‘convert’ people.
    its true, religion does forbid it, and that is a battle that you must fight based on what you want and what you think is right. as far as culture goes, dont forget that 30 years ago the west defined homosexuality as a mental illness and now slowly lgbt rights are gaining speed in the us and parts of europe. heres hoping time will make this easier for people like you. know that you have allies who wish you the best. Recommend

  • http://habloid.wordpress.com Habiba Younis

    I feel sorry for you. simply leave the country and go some place where people dont judge u with reference to who you sleep with. thats the only way, u have all the right to live your life the way you want, best of luck! Dont let life treat u as a miserable, ever!Recommend

  • J

    i strongly believe that being gay is absolutely not natural. its just something that man has built up in his mind, probably experimenting himself. and its definitely not appreciated by God. But your struggle is appreciable. And don’t chose this life. In a society like this it’ll only bring misery. Have faith in God and u will figure out what to do pretty soon.Recommend

  • Awais

    The condition is absolutely genetic. Has anyone heard about the discovery of the ‘gay-gene’? It’s a shame that society fails to recognize their plight.Recommend

  • Fahad Raza

    In this world you still have a chance to correct yourself if you choose, so do it. Being gay is all about wasting energy God gave you. So If you say you’r a “Muslim” and you believe in all the thing you need to be called a Muslim. Then your choice is simple come back Have Hope.
    You said you’r an impotent then you can’t be gay as its about men loving men since you can’t satisfy men. Yes definitely marriage is an Issue but In this world of science and technological advancement this can be cured if you like it to cured.
    Don’t fall in the world of licentious traps, act upon the right path.
    You need help so here it is in Good faith
    http://menshealth.about.com/od/sexualdysfunction/a/TreatImpotence.htm
    http://www.noorclinic.com/Book2/Page250/men
    health_217.htm
    Stay safe dude..Recommend

  • anon

    his journey is his alone. Leave him be and lets not highlight our bigotry by comparing him to a thief or comparing homosexuality with incest. I wish you luck bro. Stay strong. Recommend

  • stella

    leave country.

    don’t be a cause of discomfort and pain to your parents who have sacrificed everything to rear you. your life isn’t just about who you have sex with.

    Go work out in the gym or something to divert your thoughts.

    and you ARE being tested. homosexuality isn’t allowed in ANY of the religions. except those man-made ones maybe. but not in any of the revealed books. Recommend

  • Anonymous H

    Can anyone take out the Surahs from the Quran, where God is actually condemning homosexuality? (I’m not talking about Surahs where God is talking about how men and women are made for each other, but Surahs where it states that it is unlawful/haram to be gay?) Why do you think gay people are gay? Why would someone CHOOSE to be gay and be slandered and pointed at? Its the way he is, its not by choice (It kind of like being blind, or being too gifted by God or just different from the norms). Keep in mind, God makes no mistakes, so how can you call people who are gay wrong or condemn them?Recommend

  • muslim

    Wrong. i was gay and alhamdulilah i have stopped committing and thinking about this act of sin. it is psychological, a thought which grows as you keep thinking about it. you need to change your company, or find things to do.

    Remember. you cannot present this article before Allah ta’la on the day of judgment. He is going to judge you according to HIS rules which PROHIBIT any such activity. i am sure you are sensible enough to know that the minor issue of who you are having sex with will seem even more silly once you read and realize how much TORMENT and PAIN you will have to go through if you disobey Allah Ta’la and His Messenger (pbuh) for the rest of ETERNITY.

    revert.Go back to Allah ta’la and get over yourself. it isn’t impossible. i have done it alhamdulilah. Recommend

  • http://blogs.knonie.com Knonie Dost

    Finally someone chose to stop being a hypocrite…Recommend

  • lilith

    Be bold and accept yourself. If you keep worrying about mummy, daddy, chachi, dadi, you’ll be nothing more than a dehumanized object. If you’re gay, accept it and find a man you can be happy with.
    No religion allows you to live in misery. Ignore all the bigoted comments here. These people can only preach. When it comes to understanding, they’re all zeroes.
    God doesn’t like bigotry. All those who supported Salman Taseer’s assassination will bear the brunt of it. Similarly, those who condemn you will bear the brunt of it too. Relax. There are plenty of guys out there. Be happy. Pakistan needs people like you – people who can break through this bigoted, religious fundamentalism.
    Believe in God, not what people say. While God has condemn homosexuality, he has also not prohibited you from being human. Take His name and start a relationship with a man. All will be fine.

    @haters: see you in Hell :) Recommend

  • optimist

    I understand your problem. There is too much ignorance in Pak. Even English newspaper readers are asking you to have some THERAPY! Need I say more?

    I wouldn’t expect you to become a Shaheed by challenging the status quo. Can’t you find a Lesbian girl to pretend to be your wife? Best thing is to move out. Recommend

  • Nojeba

    I pray you find peace. It would be easier for you abroad. Whatever you may do, please do not agree to let your parents get you married to a girl untill you feel this way. It would not be fair to the girl. Go abroad and give yourself time, discover who you are.Recommend

  • Jim Beam

    Kudos to you sir. Keep going on and don’t ever change an inch! Your voice will help create awareness and tolerance.Recommend

  • maru

    fake fake fake
    things that masons do to waste our time!
    to think people are dying of poverty and what not in this nation. on the very street of this fake dude perhaps. aur isey apni sexuality ki pari hai. astaghfirullah author person, tum ne religious conservative families dekhi nahi hein! wahan chup k bhi you cant afford to have a girlfriend or any such relationship before marriage, unless urge drives you to which certainly wasnt the case in your situation!
    express tribune, we’d rather see updates on air blue crash case or state of karachi at the moment rather than THIS. better still, why not cover the absent state of mind of billawal bhutto? who has no link whatsoever with the youth of lyari and is going to stand as lyaris MNA! the future of pakistan will be doomed in that case..Recommend

  • confused

    it says clearly in the Quran that having relations with people of the same gender is a sin. so what happens now? Recommend

  • LOrion

    I would just say that, there have been other Muslim gay blogs which turned out to be not from anyone in MENA. One from US and one from Scotland. So nice sentiment but I don’t really believe it.Recommend

  • Mir Agha

    Anonymous by foot. ET ‘liberals’ trying to get cute.Recommend

  • Gabeel

    Of course this happens, but you should seprate your life. Traditional Pashtuns have repuation for being homo in youth section of life but when they marrieed they become hetro. They just do it as a subsitiute for women. It also happens in Lebabon there many gay clubs. And in Arabia they go to the desert and where no ones watching. But all these people eventually get married. I think you learn ftom this and get over this stage of your life. It it cmmmon but eventually people get married Recommend

  • http://dinopak.wordpress.com Hasana

    I have nothing against gay people, though I put them in the category where they choose to be that way.

    Brother, you say you are from a very religious family, you read Qura’an pray to God and all. Let me tell you something. There is no flaw in God’s creation, none at all. The way I see it, some incident ‘relating to women’ have traumatized you (in the past) and that is why you don’t feel that way about women (I am just speaking hypothetically).

    Facts are stranger than fiction, it is time to look deeper within yourself. Because it is a serious allegation you are putting on God, I am not giving any fatwa, I have sympathies for you. I hope you get out of this dilemma soon.Recommend

  • imran khalid

    it is symbol of qayamat..”boys ll start looking like girls and girls like boys” people defame madrassas for these things but when it comes modern society they call it democracy…Recommend

  • Zarmeena Ikram Babar

    You know it needs guts to narrate ones own life story -and that even when its too heart breaking -I’m glad you shared your feelings -Infact you have changed the opinion and mind-sets of thousands of people about gays –

    I won’t simply tell you that please be strong and may you’ll get peace in life –
    Feelings get triggered through a number of ways -perhaps if nothing is helping you -be yourself –

    There is no point in changing yourself -It’s not your fault -You should discuss it with your family-
    I don’t think they’d hate you -even if they detest gays –

    You can get married also- but It would be more appropriate if you find the girl yourself and you clear her about everything – Recommend

  • narayana murthy

    @Abdul Rehman Gilani, who says “I agree with a guy named reader here, this article is nothing more than nonsense but if the benefit of the doubt is given, I want to say EVERY person has a choice, Allah has given us free-will, let the soul control your body, not the body control the soul.”

    Allah has given you freewill to be either dumb or smart, yet you choose to be dumb and ignorant.Recommend

  • Jawad Nasser

    Its good to know that you have Imaan and trust and look to Allah for help. my advice to you is that take this trust and your aquaintance with Islam to the next level. Start with reading the Quran with a proper tafseer. Start with where it talks about the people of Prophet Lut. Inshallah you will automatically be guided by Allah.Recommend

  • F

    @Advice:
    my advice, dont listen to this person’s advice

    you cant ‘cure’ homosexuality, you cant cure the way a person feels and thinks.
    I suggest you do your own research and see that there isnt any ‘scientific’ research proving that homosexuality is not inherent or genetic. The west esp. america is struggling with its own christian population coming to terms with homosexuality in society and they have constantly produced bogus research proving the effectiveness of therapy. For that matter there is more independent research that suggests homosexuality is genetic than it is acquired.
    if gay people could be made to think like straight people then by that logic every straight person could also be gay.
    People who do ‘convert’, do it under coercion from pastors, family and society. if you are gay YOU ARE GAY!!!
    and you always know it!

    anonymous,
    I would suggest you to go abroad esp. the US, meet people who can help you and your family go through this. What you need is a good social support system and i doubt you ll find one around you right now.
    also check out this movie “Jihad for Love” its about muslims around the world trying to come interms with their sexuality by holding on to their muslim faith.
    i really admire your effort not to ruin any girls life. Also you are a million times better than those straight men who beat up their wives, put restrictions on them and think that they are superior to all women.
    also here is something for your amusement
    http://www.happyplace.com/8958/the-most-hilariously-convincing-gay-marriage-signsRecommend

  • Zarmeena Ikram Babar

    Its bizarre to see people among us compelling this guy to leave -Why on earth should he abandon his motherland? This country is his country as much as its yours -Why can’t you people have some respect and dignity for human sake, If not for the sake of religion? Islam was meant to bring peace among us all -rather than ridiculing each other –

    It seems like your Islam permits you to throw such people out of the country and my Islam teaches me tolerance- My Islam doesn’t make me feeble like your Islam does -My Islam tells me treat humans like humans not like animals.Recommend

  • junaid

    boy… consult a doctor…be open. dont be shy..

    this goes out to everybody who’s reading this article.Recommend

  • Mehreen

    Life comes once, live it.You have to let go one thing, either getting married ever in your life (which you will regret later)or letting go your sexuality (which will be painful for the time being but i dont think for the rest of ur life).
    Think long term.. not from heart but from head. another name of Life is compromise and sacrifice, you have to do it in any case, so why not do something which is giving you more advantage.
    Leave your happiness to Allah, why do u have to worry about it. Just follow the path which you think is RIGHT.Recommend

  • Khalid

    I am not a religious scholar, but I believe very firmly that as long as the evil stays in a hidden state it remains a matter between the individual and Allah Almighty. But sooner it is exposed by an individual to the general public it comes into a category of “Fawahish” and becomes subject to persecution in all religions. Since the writer has expressed himself to be hailed from a religious background he must understand that. As far as this particular case pertains to a psychological problem, instead of a Right. In my opinion he should uprise his family, or some close friends and get help from a qualified psychiatrist since that kind of ailment is curable. Recommend

  • http://lonepkliberal.wordpress.com Loneliberal PK

    Argh! Don’t mess with our heads with your wonderful thought-provoking articles and a whole lot of common sense! We’re ignorant and hateful, and darn proud of it!

    Yours sincerely,
    PakistanRecommend

  • http://www.salmanzq.com Salman Qureshi

    Hey kudos for writing this. I have to admit its a challenge for muslims to find the middle ground because on the one hand we’re told it’s forbidden and yet I can’t think of God as a persecutor. I’ve always had difficulty consolidating religion and reality. My personal take is that even if we think of it as a sin, it should not be a reason for persecution, etc. I mean in no way are the rest of us not sinners in some area or something. Isn’t this eventually between each individual and God? I guess the root problem comes down to our society having become very judging and consisting of individuals who think they should be forcing their version of virtuousness on everybody else. Recommend

  • Omair Shakil

    Know that you will be rewarded for your courage and honesty and for your respect for the rights of the woman whose life you rightly chose not to destroy. My understanding is that this state of mind ought to be considered a challenge from God, much like any other physical/mental incapacitation and that you need to fight your urges to stay true to your religion. And at times when you feel like berating your fate for making you this way, think about all those without a limb, eyesight or those born with numerous diseases, painful or otherwise, and you will realize that in spite of everything you’re still better off than a lot of people. And thank God for that, for showing gratitude to Him will give you all the more reason to continue to live your life honestly. And that to lose hope is to sin. I wish you the very best in your endeavours to live this courageous life. Recommend

  • Asghar Ramzan

    I think the article is manufactured one designed to create some more space for the gays OR an attempt to attract reader’s attention by invoking a controversial upper class issue.Recommend

  • a r modak

    morality and religion go hand in hand-
    as a muslim, no one can escape the flak if he is found out!
    islam is not just a religion, its a way of life, encompassing every facet!——-defending the ethos within islam does not equate to being self-righteous.
    pakistan is a muslim country, espousing all that is within the religion.
    while liberal minded people will accept this, in the main, Pakistanis are a “homely”
    society-communalism and family life are paramount in their lives—-
    -so, persecution will take place .
    in the end, God’s design- the way it is intended to be- is rejected even amongst us——-and all along, we were critical of the many non-Muslims who were not “straight”
    it is nothing, but the scourge of modernism, of western societies playing a profound role in our lifestyles, -in dressing, talking, illicit relationships, parental neglect, divorces, family murders/suicides…………….
    amazingly, when one runs counter to the above argument (of liberalising gay/lesbian rights), one is tagged “narrow-minded”
    finally, agar iman hai (as he says), then why this confusion?Recommend

  • Optimus

    @Fahad Raza:
    Dude, he never said he was impotent! The word has different meanings, look them up!Recommend

  • globalnomad

    @Shavaiz khan: you have our sympathy, get a life man!! Leave him alone!!Recommend

  • Ali

    Completely made up fake blog!
    Thumbs down.Recommend

  • Abdul Rehman Gilani

    @narayana murthy

    Its crystal clear you have made the choice not to listen. No wonder my clear words dont make sense to you.Recommend

  • Abdul Rehman Gilani

    @muslim,

    I salute you brother, you came back to the true Islam, you have Mashallah successfully won your Jihad against your desire and purged yourself of this desire. May Allah Bless you for this Reward(Ameen) And may He give this blogger who writes this article, the same strength and determination to purify himself also, just like you. (Ameen)

    With sheer will and determination, everything is possible, didnt Edison take a 100 tries to make the light bulb?Recommend

  • Adil Mirza

    @AZ
    Islam teaches us how to live our life, every bit of it and you are saying the teaching of Islam has nothing to do with that. I would have never commented if the guy had never said that he was a Muslim. But now as he is my Muslim brother, I shall brighten his way so he can choose the right direction by ‘himself’.
    and Social Acceptance? LOL, you think we should not try to stop a person from falling in the street gutter, we should not stop him from going on a path at which soon he will have no U-turns and until he realise he was on the wrong path, it will all be too late?
    If people are not guided at individual level, the problem becomes a social menace. This is not collective notion of religiosity, no one can force him anything, no one have asked him to leave the country just because he is gay nor has anyone given a ‘fatwa’ against him but as a practicing Muslim, its my duty to show my brother, both sides of the picture.Recommend

  • Contradiction

    I come from a deeply religious family, where everyone prays five times a day and reads the Qur’an every day.

    I came to the realization when I was eighteen-years-old, while I was in a relationship with my first girlfriend. Even though I was with her, I did not feel any sort of attraction towards her. The only feeling that I felt for her was of a friendly affection, nothing more and nothing less.

    :S Contradiction in bolds, isn’t this?Recommend

  • AZ

    @ Lilith
    WORD!….Recommend

  • H.

    @Anonymous H:
    THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE Recommend

  • Anthony Permal

    I honestly believe God is sitting up there judging not the author but all of those commenting here saying he is a liar or that God didn’t make him this way.

    Whether or not I or you support or are against homosexuality is irrelevant, what matters is that this young man has opened his heart out, crying for help and the ONLY ppl with the guts to publish his cries are ET.

    Young man, I have no advice to give you because any advice I have will be me lying to myself that I know what is best for you. However I echo some thoughts here that in the end, the only person living with this situation is you. Now you have to decide should you live in hell by lying to those around you, or live in freedom of your mind by telling your family and bearing with their prejudice temporarily. My friend, blood is thicker than water. Even the most hardened mother will always come back to her love for her child.

    You believe in God? Then pray to God NOT to change you, but to open the eyes of those close to you. And I promise you, I will pray for you too.

    Everyone else: stop judging, start loving. Things would be much better then.Recommend

  • Naveed

    I am unable to understand, are you impotent or attracted to males or both ???????Recommend

  • Abdul Rehman Gilani

    @Anthony Permal:

    When you do not have knowledge on a subject please stay quiet on it, I dont know if Christianity promotes homosexuality but I do know that Islam strongly prohibits it. So why are you saying that he should pray that his family accepts him as a homo?

    Fact is, that just like you cant love a rapist, you cant “love” a homo, the only solution is that the writer of this blog makes a resolution to himself that he will purge this desire from his psyche. I guy named muslim here also did the same thing, and he was successful; this is the true Jihad. Inshallah the blogger will achieve success.

    Everyone ALWAYS has a choice, the blogger will become(and is) gay only if he wants to, and if he sincerely doesn’t, then he will be able to rid himself of this psychological disease.

    And as far as ET is concerned, I dont understand, whats with the promotion of gays? Arent people dying in this country? Or arent there more problems in this country then people who have deranged thinking like this?Recommend

  • http://www.facebook.com/britpak Mohammed Abbasi

    Live And Let Live!

    The Human Family is diverse in many ways and we need to look out for one another as brothers and sisters.

    Mohammed Abbasi
    Co-Director
    Association of British MuslimsRecommend

  • The Author

    As much as I am grateful to all the people who have shown support and tolerance after reading this blog, I would like to make one thing clear, that I didn’t write this to gain sympathies. I’m not that much of a depressed soul. Really.

    The reason was to try and make people understand my point of view, and it seems I’ve gotten through to an overwhelming majority and I thank all of those people from the bottom of my heart. And I was pleasantly surprised by the fact that no one once told me to “go and rot in hell”

    Also, it seems that I’ve offended quite a few people due to the fact that I come from a supposed “conservative family”. To all those people, please read the blog again, I did not once use the word “conservative”, it has a totally different meaning to being “religious”. Plus, I never said that I was always “deeply religious”, I said my family were. So, please read carefully.

    Now, to the person called “reader”, could you please explain what my being from a “conservative family”, as you put it, have to do with me having access to a computer to write this article?

    Also, to Mariya, please refrain from such comments. You accuse my family of pointing fingers at others, yet you’re doing it yourself.

    And finally, I would once again like to thank all those readers who understand! And also to ET, it must’ve been extremely hard for you guys to decide to publish this, but you did, and I couldn’t thank you enough for that.Recommend

  • mahnoor shah

    @ factor
    i hope i don’t sound offensive but thats an extremely ill advise..even if a girl is that naive,no one,at all, has any right to spoil her life like that..marriage isn’t just about pleasing the society and making babiesRecommend

  • http://its-not-easy-being-gay khurshid

    It is as natural as anything else to be a gay. Do not get discouraged as they are many persons with gay orientation but will not expose themselves as society is not ready to welcome them. Even do not reveal to your parents if they are more sensitive and not in a position to understand the variation. There are many people who do not marry but carry on their professions with more dedication and excellence. I also advise you not to bring religion or gods into this picture. Finally I share your thoughts and appreciate your openness.Recommend

  • Now I know my ABCs, Next time won’t you sing with me?

    Hey, I have not much knowledge about homosexuality, but from what I read above, I feel that just because you are not attracted to girls and have started to hurt yourself does not mean that you are gay. It might mean that you have no attraction towards any sex at all. I hope it helps. Recommend

  • hani

    its so ironic how some people talk about intolerance and give so little room for a different school of thought…argue with them and the next thing you know is a load of patronizing comments coming your way…thumbs up for the self-styled and self-proclaimed-intellectual-elite of PakistanRecommend

  • Sarah

    Saying that this article is fake is one of the most ignorant things a human being can say. Just because you close your eyes on an issue that you choose not to have knowledge about, won’t make it go away and it certainly won’t make it untrue. All it will do is help you sleep better at night because you can’t face the harsh realities of the world. Recommend

  • Mustafa Jawad

    All I can say is accept who you are. Get out of here. Focus on your career. Move to America or Europe. You’ll never find peace in this bigoted country. No one understand that homosexuality is not a choice. Recommend

  • Shiraz

    Brother a true practical advice..

    Tell your parents, im pretty sure they will understand, even if they dont you cant live like this
    Try to read it up online and get medical help if possible
    Dont get married until you problem is solved. If it doesnt, dont get married, Live a happy single life, BUT NO WAY IN ANY CIRCUMSTANCES according to religion you are allowed to have any homosexual partners.

    .Recommend

  • I am not gay, but I am tolerant

    The only thing fake here is the claim of most of these commentators of being tolerant.Recommend

  • shahnawaz

    bro, stay strong,
    i suggest have courage to tell this to your family, (specially if you can support your self – you know in case of an ‘extreme’ reaction)
    get it over your chest. your family will IA understand.
    and IA you will get through all your difficulties and tests.
    Igonre any harsh or negative comments on you at this page.Recommend

  • DeadToady

    I think that to all those here thinking that being homosexual is something you can just shut out of your system, block it out and go on living life pretending to be “normal” are just living behind a wall of denial instilled inside them through a lifetime of conditioning in terms of religion and culture. I don’t like telling people that what they are is wrong, or that the decisions that they make, or the way that they feel is “wrong” to a degree that it is punishable by law. I know people who jump onto the hate bandwagon, those who point fingers at the so called miscreants are just suffering from a bad case of blind faith, and I for one do not believe that it is God’s will, for us to follow the ‘commandments’ without any contemplation…that is why we as humans have been gifted (cursed?) with the freedom of choice…freedom to choose life over death, conformity over rebellion, one religion over another. So who are we to condemn? You cannot change something that you believe is deeply embedded inside the very core of your being. You cannot go to therapy in hopes that the counselor will give you assurance of what you are, and what you’re trying to do is right…when in fact, no-one but god can define that. Anyone who condemns another human being for what they are is prejudiced. No matter what they say…a person who looks down upon homosexuals can also look down upon people of faith practicing a different religion…an example of that could be taken from the 2006 movie, V for Vendetta..

    Did you like that? USA… Ulcered Sphincter of Arse-erica, I mean what else can you say? Here was a country that had everything, absolutely everything. And now, 20 years later, is what? The world’s biggest leper colony. Why? Godlessness. Let me say that again… Godlessness. It wasn’t the war they started. It wasn’t the plague they created. It was Judgement. No one escapes their past. No one escapes Judgement. You think he’s not up there? You think he’s not watching over this country? How else can you explain it? He tested us, but we came through. We did what we had to do. Islington. Enfield. I was there, I saw it all. Immigrants, Muslims, homosexuals, terrorists. Disease-ridden degenerates. They had to go. Strength through unity. Unity through faith. I’m a God-fearing Englishman and I’m goddamn proud of it!

    Would you react when you read this statement? Of-course you will. Or would you experience that sick swooping feeling in the pit of your stomach as you uneasily push the ring of familiarity at the back of your head, shake it off and move on..
    All that I’m trying to say is that…you carry your own hell with you..
    And the Writer has a lot to figure out in terms of the big choices in deciding how to live his life. For that i sympathize, and I wish him luck. I would also recommend therapy, without the hope of “curing” homosexuality…but for managing it.
    A few years ago drug addicts were also thought to be immoral degenerates before addiction was officially registered as a biological, mental, physical and spiritual disease.
    Give it time. And keep your faith.
    It is you alone that knows your relationship with God. And as we all know, God is merciful and loving. He loves all his creation. He knows your heart. Talk to God, and do what feels is right. Good luck.Recommend

  • Anonymous

    I’m disgusted after reading some of the replies here. Marry a woman and occasionally ‘sleep over’ at a guy friend’s house, simply because it’s not questionable? You would rather have him marry a woman, whom he could not love wholeheartedly, and on top of that, encourage cheating on her as well? What is the poor woman’s fault in all this? Where does Islam disappear now?
    The author is not asking you people for your approval or lack thereof, and as it is, I’m sure it’s taken enough guts to write this. I’m not saying that it’s perfectly acceptable in Islam to be gay, but to each his own. You cannot force your opinions on anyone and sadly, that is one thing our society has never been able to learn. We just shoot the other person down if s/he is a little different than society as a whole. Our religion does not encourage living a lie, it respects each individual’s identity. Our religion is one of the few ones that’s tolerant and acceptable of every race and religion, isn’t there enough that can be drawn from that? It doesn’t have to be religiously correct, but if it is how someone feels, you cannot simply force your way of life on them.
    I’ve heard of so many cases where the man turns out to be gay because obviously, he’s too afraid to tell his own family. A few years down the marriage, he leaves the wife and the kids. Is that right? I wouldn’t encourage him to marry a girl just because the situation requires it. However, living a gay life in our country won’t be easy either. God loves all his creatures and it’s not our place to judge anyone. So I encourage all the extremists here, to please learn to live and let live. I just hope the author finds happiness.Recommend

  • Ali Khan

    My friend Anonymous,

    I am sorry you have been going through all of this. And I’m sure this is a test from Allah.

    But for your information and for the information of other people here, Allah destroyed that nation known as Qaum -e lout by Muslims who had indulged in Homosexuality and refused to VOLUNTARILY give it up after repeated warnings from the prophet.

    If you are religious, you should know better about this. Its all there in the Quran.

    I dont think there should be any discrimination against gays, as they too are human beings. But gays who are Muslim, should see light from what Allah has said about homosexuality and understand it is such a big sin.

    In the end, after all our struggles, we are who we choose we are.Recommend

  • Qudsia

    Takes a lot of courage for anyone to highlight these VERY real issues. Kudos for printing this. ET finally got something right.

    But please do not give him the wrong advice and ask him to be married or get therapy. Marriage is NOT the solution to every single problem as it is thought to be in this country! And anonymous, Your sexuality is not a disease, please do not blame yourself for being gay. You’re different, but that doesn’t make you any lesser than everyone else out there, if not better. Be proud of who you are and carve out your own life. The family pressure will pile up, but being true to who you are means not falling for it. You are not disrespecting any of your familial values by doing so. Live your own life – very few get the courage to do so. Recommend

  • Bilal Naveed

    As i read the article it was as if each word was piercing into my skin. For everything in the article expresses what I’ve been feeling for a long time now, what I’ve gone through, and the dilemma that i’m facing as well. I’ve event spent my life with three very admirable women – mother and sisters – and an elder brother who got married a couple of years back.

    The main difference is that I get attracted to girls too but never has the feeling been such as that i get towards a man. And now with the ultimate question of marriage being posed, i find myself getting nausea every time the topic is brought up. I’m afraid of pretty much the same thing as you – would i be ruining the girl’s life?

    I’m not an extremely pious individual, but i am a believer and i try to pray 5 times a day and recite Quran and follow Quran and Sunnah… And after much emotional torture to myself – like you i spent most of the day thinking about hurting myself or thinking of accidents and started hating myself to the core – that led to studying the literature on my own, i came to the conclusion that feelings are perhaps not in our control, it is the actions that define us.

    Perhaps my being a homosexual – or maybe bisexual – has got to do with how i was raped when i was in my teens. And surprisingly, i was not raped once but multiple times by different people at different aspects of my life. That alone led me to believe that i was maybe somehow cursed and thus why all those people could so easily target me and get away with it.

    Anyways, what i would like to point here is that it is society that is killing us. The fear of becoming an outcast, the target of an angered mob, or something like that. If you read Quran and Sunnah, it is clear that Islamic laws are for what are open to the public. What happens in the privacy of one’s home is between the individuals and Allah and the community has no right to act based on suspicion or rumors.

    Is being homosexual a sin? The feelings are not! One might get the urge to kill another when that person is being annoying, does that make that person a murderer? (not the most perfect example, but i think you get the point?)

    And what if you act on these feelings? What if you get involved with another guy! Then in that case, the matter lies between you and Allah as long as you don’t publicly flaunt it.

    Hope that helps a little… I personally found the will power to stop myself from hooking up with guys having focused myself with various other activities. Sex isn’t life, it is just a “small” part of life. But i’m not model citizen either… I might slip today or tomorrow or the next week. Everyone has to live life to their satisfaction, and i’m satisfied for now.

    If you feel like talking, you can email me at bilal.nav @ gmail.com. Obviously this is not my real name and neither my real email address, but i’ll try check emails on it occasionally.Recommend

  • merobz

    You just surrender yourself before the Lord and pour your heart out to Him. He will give you all the strength to talk to your parents as real you. They’ll understand i am sure :)Recommend

  • Imran

    @Abeer:
    I am Agree with.Recommend

  • http://lonepkliberal.wordpress.com Loneliberal PK

    Abdul Rehman Gilani: “Fact is, that just like you cant love a rapist, you cant “love” a homo”

    And with that piece of absurdity, you leave no room for doubt about your complete lack of knowledge about homosexuality.

    I’m not a Christian, but I agree with what Anthony says. What two adults do in the privacy of their room with each other’s consent is none of your business. You can poke your nose into other people’s bedroom lives AFTER you’re done correcting your own flaws, not the least of which is being insufferably sanctimonious. Remember that each person will be judged according to his/her own aamal.Recommend

  • Prometheus Unbound

    I deeply and wholly respect your feeling even though I do not share in them. When you talk about your faith then you must discuss how your faith views homosexuality. Keep marching on and keep thinking. When you have thought it out, just do it. Recommend

  • Grim

    @Advice:
    You can go spread your pathetic ignorance elsewhere – instead of on a post of a troubled person. I can relate with him, I know what it feels like. And there is no therapy because it’s not a goddamn disease. He can no more get therapy for homosexuality than you can for your heterosexuality. So GO AWAY.Recommend

  • Grim

    @Danish:
    Allow me to tell you that it’s people like ‘YOU’ who are making Islam difficult for US. All that Allah has asked of us is to love our parents, siblings, neighbours and friends. And honestly, there are bigger things in the world than a gay Muslim. How about rape and bribery and murder? THOSE are real issues. This man is a creation of God who hasn’t HARMED anyone, who is pious, sensitive, and CLEARLY a good person in his own right.

    I challenge you to give me a single phrase from the Qur’an that suggests any punishments that you have to give to homosexuals. I dare you to twist the Holy words to fit your own short sighted ends. You don’t know the first thing about Islam and you’re asking HIM to study it?

    You’ll rot in hell for being a prejudiced moron.Recommend

  • he1234

    @Factor:
    You’re saying that he should ruin the life of an innocent woman, deprive her of the chances to every be truly happy with a man (who will actually “love” her); just so that he doesn’t have to face the persecution that will precede his “coming out of the closet”. What an absolute callous sexist you are.Recommend

  • AZ

    ‘I thought Allah was testing me, that He was testing my faith, my imaan; that He wanted to see if I could fight temptation.’

    There’s your answer. Maybe this is the kind of temptation *you* have to be tested with.

    Or try doing Istakhara (namaz and then the dua). Allah will surely tell you what to do :)Recommend

  • Raeesa

    @Advice: That is absolutely ridiculous. Anonymous, I admire your strength. I used to be one of those people (like your family members and like ADVICE over here) who thought being gay was a choice, a sickness, and a horrible lifestyle, like alcoholism or addiction. After one of my best friends came out of the closet when she was 16, her conservative family completely shunned her and she was ostricized from the community. It was an extremely painful experience for everyone involved, but she overcame it. She now is rebuilding her relationship with her mother and her sisters–of course some of her family members want nothing to do with her. But they don’t matter. She had attempted to commit suicide, because her family was trying to encourage her to get married as well, before she came out of the closet.

    So Anonymous, my advice to you is to be honest and open with yourself. You are gay, not by accident. That is what makes you beautiful and unique, and your creator made you that way. Islam is not a religion of hate and judgement. Islam is a religion of tolerance, peace, and love. There are many things that contradict themselves in all cultures and faiths, but please realize that ultimately, it is not justifiable to condemn another human being to hell, regardless of their personal choices. God is the ultimate forgiver, and he has given you a struggle to deal with. That struggle, in my opinion, is not to make yourself “un-gay”, but to live your life being yourself, regardless of what your loved ones think. Best of luck, and I wish you all the love and happiness in the world…Recommend

  • Azka

    Sorry the above istakhara comment is from ‘Azka’ not the other ‘AZ’.

    Btw, @Factor- are you suggesting he take advantage of women’s illiteracy about their sexuality, here?
    Such sick thinking.Recommend

  • Nomi

    Interesting piece. At least in the elite circles of Karachi, there is an increasing presence and acceptance of the gay community. I met some members of the LGBT community at T2F a few years ago. Perhaps you should reach out to the owner and see what resources she has for you.
    That being said, if this is the life you choose for yourself, then you should be prepared for a life fraught with challenges because homosexuality will never be accepted in Pakistan, ever.
    All the best to you. Recommend

  • luqman

    too difficult to decipher the originality of the article …. but if it is having any level of reality …… its truly painful …. Respect …..Recommend

  • Ajlaan

    Thank you for reaching out like this. it makes one realize that gay people are around us (they are not just a western phenomena to be joked upon) and they need to be respected just as anyone else.

    I’m sure you’re aware that you’re not alone in your struggle. it saddens my heart to see gay people being forced into marriage who later end up cheating on their wives simply because a girl wont cut it for them.

    Do not hurt yourself. this how you are, and this is how its meant to be. build a support system. going through life becomes much easier knowing that there is someone you can be yourself at all times. Coming out to your family first may not be the wisest decision for now. start from your close friends, you’ll be surprised by the acceptance you get. true friends are your friends because they like you for the kind of person you are. who you sleep with, is not their concern. as for those who turn away… were probably not your friends to begin with.Recommend

  • Munis

    This is a very courageous step for the author and Express Tribune indeed . The author is certainly going through alot , I wish best for himRecommend

  • khan

    ppl have got so sick by accepting abnormal things as normal…. today homosexuality seems right, tomorrow incest will become OK…. keep burying morality, ethics and faith…. one day we will turn back animals….Recommend

  • rizwan e alam

    I’ve seen many people around us teasing these kinda people alot .
    okay if you don’t like them fine but at least keep one thing in your minds they’re human beings and the most important thing they’re ALLAH’s creature!!!
    @ you
    mate you gotta tell your family asap cuz it could get worse in the end, come on don’t get scared and tell them everything otherwise your and that girl’s life will be doomed…think over it please….Best of luck!
    Recommend

  • http://hotmail sarah raza

    i know its against nature, nd being gay is completely jst wrong, God made us like this for a reason.. nd wen sumthing is prohibtd it’s for our own gud.. nd i believe nobdy is born gay it’s a way of thinkin that makes them think they were born gay. Pakistan’s family system is the prime target of such activities. i will defintly pray 4 u tht may Allah help u to keep on right path.Recommend

  • Siya

    @Advice: worst advice ever.
    Homosexuality is not a disease that it can be cured. You thinking that it is just reflects on how ignorantly happy Pakistan is in it’s what-will-people-say mentality. Recommend

  • S

    It’s ironic, isn’t it? The very people who are bawling at the fact that homosexuals need to be accepted in our society are hostile to the idea of a homosexual trying to switch to heterosexuality. Please stop filling people’s head’s with this idea that they don’ t have a choice. Homosexuality, like many other psychological phenomenon, has a biological AND an environmental basis. It’s an uphill fight, but not one that can’t be won.
    Oh and FYI, before you start quoting the DSM’s exclusion of homosexuality as evidence for your case, I suggest you read up on DSM itself as well. It’s hardly the trump card you guys are making it out to be.

    To the author: You do have a choice in the matter, dude. You can break away from homosexuality but I wont lie; the days ahead are not going to be easy. You’ve got to stick to your guns and you’ve got to give it all you’ve got. The Quran says that we only get the burdens we are capable of handling. You can pull through this, and INSHALLAH, you will. The important thing is to never waver in the belief that you can. I hope and pray that you achieve peace of mind, happiness and Allah Ta’ala’s boundless Love. Take Care

    And P.S: May you have a splendid Ramadan. :)

    With love,
    A friend. Recommend

  • anonymous

    Who ever says homosexuality can be treated make it sound like its a disease…can your straight orientation be treated and turned into homosexuality? I believe its you guys who need to see a psychiatrist…Please keep your comments to your own petty little minds…You are making the guy feel even worse…one is never born with the choice of his or her gender or sexuality…Recommend

  • faizan

    The writer and others might find this article useful:

    http://thedc.com/omlZkz

    there are also lots of online resources for LGBT Muslims, if you do a search. Recommend

  • Ali Kazmi

    Dear blogger,

    As a gay man who’s out to his friends and family, I daresay I can give you sound advice.

    First of all, ignore all the morons who think you should undergo psychiatric treatment for homosexuality. Homosexuality is not a disorder because it doesn’t fit the criteria of a disorder. It was removed from the DSM’s list of disorders back in the 70s and so-called “reparative therapy” is completely ineffective at altering people’s sexuality. All it does is make homosexuals depressed.

    Secondly, come out to your family. I know, easier said than done, but if you are financially independent, then coming out is a good idea. I came out to my folks when I was 20 and though I continue to pay a price for being out to friends and family, the price for living honestly and with dignity pales in comparison to being two different people. Everyone of us is just one person. Living a double life can corrode your soul and so it’s best you sacrifice a few comforts and start living honestly. Furthermore, you have no right to ruin an innocent’s girl by lying to her.

    Thirdly, ask yourself why a god who’s supposed to be loving and just would create you gay and then ask you not to be gay? Expecting gay people to become straight is like expecting dark skinned people to become fair skinned. Not everyone can use Fair and Lovely or do a Michael Jackson and nor should they.Recommend

  • Ali Hassan

    I read you blog twice… Actually same problem is with me but I never got enough to write something like that……. my family is also forcing me to get marry but I even do not have 0.01% interest in girls… I told my family that I never wanna marry but the take it as a joke… but I am serious….. this is really not easy to be a gay….. Recommend

  • Sana

    I must say that I am pleasantly surprised on how majority of commentators have supported you instead of shunning you. Those who are against the idea of homosexuality also mean well in a way, as may be they cannot digest it as a “reality” of life.
    I hope our society becomes tolerant and non-judgemental and try not to make everyone but themselves a perfect muslim. The biggest problem of Pakistan is hypocrisy and I pray that this ends and we find solutions to more important societal issues than focussing on weaknesses of people around us.
    I dont suggest you talk to your family. Being in a Pakistan society they will be just too hurt even if they accept you. Try to avoid marriage and dont spoil a girl’s life just to gain acceptance from our hollow pinpointing society.Recommend

  • Ihk

    @Bilal Naveed:
    You are a hero.
    I pray that you have strength to do the right thing always.
    May Allah bless you both and give you peace.Recommend