Do I even belong at all?

Published: December 10, 2017
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The sea’s waves are rolling and rolling, yet I remain still. PHOTO: PIXABAY

I see the point where the sun meets the sea,
Glistening in effervescent orange,
Hues of orange pulp and pineapple slices take over the sky.

I picture myself on a beach,
Eating those fruits –
I look back out, the sun has begun to sink.

Relief –
Almost as if my breath were holding the sun
Hanging, steady, in the middle of nothing,
Echoing how I feel;
Suspended between my reality and my thoughts,
Verisimilitude.

Floating –
I am a set of eyes,
I see the sun drowning,
Relief turns to fear;
The sun is leaving.
Will it come back again?
Will I?

I am a set of eyes,
I see the encompassing blue of the sea,
I long to be a part of it.
I trail the waves and drift back to the sun,
I let the fear encompass me.

I am a pair of hands,
I shake and shake and shake,
Working on the page,
Moving from the top to the bottom,
Nothing is clear.
My hands point to the little bit of sun that remains,
I sigh;
It’s leaving me.
I’ll be more alone than ever,
The sea, the darkness, and me.

The sea’s waves are rolling and rolling,
Yet I remain still,
Thinking of how essential movement is
I shake, shake, shake my hands.
I drift back to the sun.

The smell of salt wafts into my room,
I am there;
I am one with the air,
The salt guides me closer to the sea,
I can almost sense the waves building, and crashing.
I am one with the sand;
The waves caress my feet,
They trickle onto me and leave, over and over again.
I cease and fall, cease and fall.

The grains of sand take over me,
I feel how they build each other up,
One by one,
Numerous grains make up this one vast body,
And I tell my cells to move,
To build,
To make me.
But I am stuck in a state of verisimilitude.

Back and forth, between here and there,
Not knowing which one is real,
Not knowing which one I belong in,
Or if,
I even do belong at all.

Maheen Humayun

Maheen Humayun

The writer studied Literature and Creative Writing from John Cabot University in Rome. She is the author of the novella Special. She is currently a sub-editor at Tribune. She blogs at karachiiloveyou.wordpress.com/ and tweets @MaheenHumayun

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.

  • Hassnain

    For someone stuck in the exact ‘state of verisimilitude’ , the whole poem resonates with me so much… You really killed it in the end:

    “Back and forth, between here and there,
    Not knowing which one is real,
    Not knowing which one I belong in,
    Or if, I even do belong at all.”

    Its like someone saying narrating what I feel everyday so perfectly and precisely !!! God bless you !Recommend