Who knew life was all about making babies

Published: April 26, 2011
SHARES
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If you’ve been married for a few months, you probably have been asked the same question repeatedly – ‘the baby question.’

Now, I’m not in any way opposed to people who pop little-poo-filled-bundles-of-joy nine months after their marriage. But please, I urge them to spare us.

When you ask me 15 days after my wedding if I’m pregnant or not, you are not only being a tad bit intrusive, you are also being highly insensitive.

Asking newly weds every month whether they have been visited by a certain ‘special aunty‘ is not only a huge pain in the behind, it is also a terrible downer for people who are still honeymooning.

Also, imagine if the person you’re asking is trying hard to get pregnant.

It took me months to get pregnant and Alhamdullilah now I am. But, it was extremely painful finding out each month that my little-bundle-of-joy was still in my dreams – without having excited aunties elbowing me at every wedding whenever I took an extra bite out of that biryani or overslept another afternoon.

I remember one woman kept badgering me all through a baby shower, insisting I tell her when it was going to be my “turn.” I wanted to scream and let her know that I could accuse her for harassment just because she kept winking at me and trying to touch my flat stomach, which she was adamant was about to sprout a bump.

Then there are those who sigh every time they see you holding a child to remind you of what you’re missing out on. I know exactly what I’m in for— round the clock poop fest and picking out nasty little boogers. So, please do not feel sorry for those not with child.

On the other hand there are also those who find every other opportunity of accusing you of using contraception. Now, I know that women think it is their right to not only start rumours but also have unfounded faith in their own lies, but seriously, what happens in someone’s bed is their own business. Period.

My favourites of course were the worried types who believed that it was mineral water which caused my “infertility” their contention being that since most bottled water is produced by the “Jews,” therefore it must be contaminated.

Others have suggested that women who eat white bread can’t get pregnant, while there have been some who believe that my long ago stint at a cushy office job left me infertile and barren.

Yes, they were all right of course! That’s why I’m five months pregnant now with no complications so far.

Of course what little delay I had was probably caused by the stress induced by women with too much time on own hands and too little grey matter in their heads.

Shaza Nishat

Shaza Nishat

A housewife, writer, painter and new mommy.

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.

  • Maryam J

    Hahaha, very well written. Sensitive yet extremely funny. Great work! Keep writing, Shaza!Recommend

  • K

    Congrats on your pregnancy!! :-)

    This is right on the mark, and many married girls/women surely would have been thru something like it (both abroad and in Pakistan). I just don’t know why the aunty types think that it is their right to inquire about my personal life, think about it, when they ask such questions they really are being intrusive asking questions about your sex life, your family planning plans, etc etc. and the last time I checked it had nothing to do with anybody or anything or any aunty but the couple. I gained some weight after I got married and the aunty types kept nudging my mum and asking how far along I was. Hello I got married 2 months ago!!!
    I know people in Pakistan, especially, in Pakistan like to pop a baby a minute after they get married and that is their choice, but it is not same for everyone and honestly, it is none of anybody’s business. I think I have vented enough. But good post and right on the mark.Recommend

  • Yggr

    I think “maulvi’s” are after this entire drama they are the real culprits………… since they are “responsible” for everything else in our beloved country :PRecommend

  • faryal

    Brilliant! funny… true… bold… maza agaya!Recommend

  • Aine

    First it’s all about getting married, then it’s all about making babies! AUNTIES please back off a little and let women breathe! Recommend

  • zarina asghar

    So true, Wait till u have ur first one:) When the baby will start crawling they ll be after u for the second one :) It never ends!!!!Recommend

  • Rauf

    Great and good luck for everything :)Recommend

  • NC

    Well written!Recommend

  • parvez

    Fun read. You made me laugh after a depressing day. Liked the ‘ mineral water ‘ bit, very original that.Recommend

  • Rabia

    Shaz, that is great news! And yes, I love the piece. Irritating aunties make lives horrible. And haven’t they bugged you into telling the sex of the baby;)Recommend

  • Rabia

    Btw is the whole pregnancy period scary? I don’t know how I’ll manage it when my time comes. ErrrRecommend

  • http://grsalam.wordpress.com Ghausia

    Congratulations. :) You’re in for a heck of a poopfest for sure, but babies always love you unconditionally which is pretty awesome. :) Recommend

  • Ali Haider

    Lame!Recommend

  • Happy Man

    May be they are too eager to see their grand kids in the first year. I don’t think its a big deal but anyways, everyone got there own issues.Recommend

  • sheraz khan

    EXCELLENT ARTICLE…your husband is a lucky fellow to have a life partner like you :) Godbless you both and congrats for the baby :)Recommend

  • A.

    Amazing piece….I love it when ppl automatically assume that since you are married you want to have kids asap and if God forbid you don’t it means you are dying to have one and due to some unexplainable reason are unable to conceive!
    I feel sometimes we feel so pressurized to have kids even though we don’t want one. Damn this society, can’t let the women live in peace!. First there is a certain age by which girls should be married, the babies should come asap and should be a BOY!…and it goes on and on…Recommend

  • Tasawwur Zubair

    hahahah trust me when ull av Ur first baby they ll be after u for the second one :) It never ends!!!!Recommend

  • Asad Hasan

    Straight from the heart !! just love every line of It..

    All the best with your remaining P

    now its your turn to Irritate other newly weds :DRecommend

  • MAD

    Would you believe that guys are asked the same question. I know it happened to me.Recommend

  • MS- Mariya

    Disappointed that you just sent a message GIVE UP AND GET PREGNANT. I know many girls who took a stand and made sure that life is not all about making babies. They delayed the pregnancy for few years to enjoy being with hubby, going out for movies, working etc.

    Well life would not have been all about making babies if you really believe in it too. You gave up because you wanted to and nothing else.

    I don’t know you so can’t say if you are one of those majority Pakistanis girls who think that their status is raised once they get MARRIED. Your status gets raised further once you give birth to a child. And yes if its a son..well you are now officially a higher being. You have earned a license to look down on anyone who is not married and god forbid married but no kids.

    BTW I noticed you take Hijab, would you take this off too if some 2 dozen aunties question you about it?

    Anyway Good luck with your pregnancy but please don’t blame the aunties for your lack of goals in life.Recommend

  • http://hotmail sarah raaz

    yeah this usually happns,,, my sis has faced the same prblm u knw she was pregnant after 1 nd half year of being marriad jst after a moth every1 was meanly anxiosu abt her pregnancy… huh silly people … by d way love ur articleRecommend

  • http://www.linkedin.com/company/sociality-360 Babar Khan Javed

    I have nothing useful to add here except, WOOHOO BABIES!Recommend

  • Bina

    Simply superb ShazaRecommend

  • Munazza Sami

    nice article and its really according to my situation.i got married on 11th feb of this year and every one in my in-laws inquired me that KOI GUD NEWS HAI?my saasu maa really cares for me and i’ve good relation with her but still she also inquired me about pregnancy in hidden way……..she use to say that i will wear saaree on my grand child’s aqeeqa…OMG its really embarrassing for me and i feel myself infertile…..some aunties also says that you are office going lady that’s why u faces the problem………uffffffffff so many arguments and suggestions…..but thanks to GOD that my hubby is very supportive and he always say that its only 2 months passes and why every one treated us like many many years have been passes and we dont have a child…….he said to me that its all up to ALLAH he will give us a baby on right time.uuuuuffffffffffffffffffffffff….BTW congrats shaza and plzzz pray for me that GOD give me child so that all can shut their mouths up………Recommend

  • http://www.myasinmasood.blogspot.com Muhammad Yasin

    Thank God… America is not behind all this.

    Nice tale of the woes of a supposed-to-be-pregnant-soon lady…. How and when to keep your mouth shut is really hard to learn. Recommend

  • Raza

    Nice article. I am in the same boat or a neighbouring one, since I am the chuby hubby of a newly wed girl going through the same phase. We’ve been married for 4/5 months now & dont plan to spur out a toddler ASAP but rest of the world seems hell bent on us sharing with them the ‘KHUSH-KHABRI’!!! :)

    PS…both me & my wife dont think now is the right time but then we also think that its best when its unplanned! ;)Recommend

  • http://Lahore Naveed Javed

    Admirable piece of writing I must say! But on a serious note, it’s the greatest wish for the most of the persons in our society to play with their grand children, like me I’m yet to get married but still I fantasy the spice of having grandchildren! :)Recommend

  • seeker

    women you have talked about usually a have a lot of time with few chances to invest their free moments, and nature has given them an equal share of curiosity to keep alive.

    When the intelligentia can be curious about the royal wedding in England, and also about IMRAN KHAN’S terms with Jamima,these souls just want to know whether you are pregnant or not.Whats so big deal about it to get so serious to set to write a blog

    Their innocent questions should be cherished and be preprared to face more and more and more———— Recommend

  • Deen Sheikh

    In Pakistan, it never ends, your parents aren’t exactly supportive, at first its pestering you into getting married, then immediately its like we want grandchildren, and when the couple says they need time to get to know each other, you hear arguments like quick children are important for a marriage or we want to see grandchildren in our lives, then its the boy needs a sister or the girl needs a brother. Then comes, 2 children small family, big families are a good thing. It never stops, our society fails to understand how socially the urban youth has evolved in their thought process. Recommend

  • Ayesha

    I got pregnant 6 years after my marriage… I just wasn’t ready. Plus career and education took precedent. Anyway… my trick was that whenever anyone asked me I just said i had fertility issues… It made them stop pestering…
    It is really sad….specially since most of the marriages over here is arranged and the couple dont really know each other …Recommend

  • S

    Congrats on your pregnancy…I’m also currently expecting my first child and that too after 7 yrs of marraige. I’ve been through hell with Aunties but I never blamed them. I guess people never understand unless they’ve been through it themselves. I’ve had people directly yell at me during social events for being “not normal” and “too modern” and that too right after a miscarraige. But who cares! Enjoy your pregnancy and enjoy motherhood as much as you can. It’s a blessing from Allah.Recommend

  • bushra

    Zabardast..Recommend

  • PriyaSuraj

    Firstly congratulations are in order. Secondly very well written. And thirdly and lastly I hope 35-40 yrs down the line you don’t become one of the above mentioned kinds :). Recommend

  • Mrs Saeed

    Salaam Aliekum,

    Although I agree with what you have said in your writing, I feel sorry for your unborn child whom you refer to as
    ‘little-poo-filled-bundles-of-joy’ and
    ’round the clock poop fest and picking out nasty little boogers’.
    Babies are not just that, wait till you hold yours for the very first time!
    all the best!Recommend

  • http://www.rewaj.com Hina Safdar

    Well written………:D
    One has to wait for the right time, Like I had to wait for 8 long years and imagine what I have been through from Aunties to Relatives to In laws and the list goes on. Jis tan lagay wo janay wali baat hai.Recommend

  • Mariam Khan

    good1 n 100% true….but ur torture is not over yet….if it is girl then u will be ask for a boy n it goes on n on…..all the best.Recommend

  • a ercelan

    witty!Recommend

  • http://islamabad M

    i am going through the same phase….
    its been 1.5 yrs since i got married and we werent planning a baby till a year…n now when we are….its seems as if there is a lot of pressure,….
    my husband is not ready as yet but i m pushing him into this…

    and congrats for your P
    God bless u n ur baby!Recommend

  • Laila Dharamsey

    Love it!! Congrats on the baby bump!Recommend

  • 007

    husband’s emotions are also v imp…. how desperate is he to become a father! that must also be respected by the wife!Recommend

  • Waseem

    “My favourites of course were the worried types who believed that it was mineral water which caused my “infertility” their contention being that since most bottled water is produced by the “Jews,” therefore it must be contaminated ”

    Hahaha that is really good.. thats how our people in pakistan are.. or even outside pakistan.. they hate everyone around them.. either jews, christians, sikhs, hindus, then they move on to the cast, either butt or sheikh or jatt, next is the skin color, and after that country of origin.. WE are filled with hatred towards others.. we think we are the best yet we are the worst in the whole world.Recommend

  • shehryar

    hahahahahah… very well written… seems as if i was reading my wifey’s words :DRecommend

  • NABEEL

    Wish we could like lines like that of facebook :D

    my favrits are

    Of course what little delay I had was probably caused by the stress induced by women with too much time on own hands and too little grey matter in their heads.

    hahahah awesomely writtenRecommend

  • Hira

    HAHAHA likes :)Recommend

  • http://russianroullete2.wordpress.com/ Jeddy

    Our dog in particular became very possessive about the baby as if it his duty guard and protect against all intruders. Our cat however was in complete shock made lots of noise for some days till adjusted to the fact there is new addition.Recommend

  • ak

    Anyone else out there who was told by their husband’s aunt which sex positions are more likely to help you conceive???
    Or has the head of the family making ‘ijtamaii’ duas for you at every gathering??
    I avoid one auntie in particular who, if she sees me from from across the room comes barreling towards me asking me if there’s a ‘baba’ in my tummy yet!! She then proceeds to rub my stomach (which grosses me out BIG time!!) and blows duas on my face !!! I dont even know her name and she does it EVERY time!!!!

    Congrats on getting preggers :)) My husband and i are going to start trying soon..hope we get there without losing our sanity!Recommend

  • Zeeshan Zaidi

    Hahaha, very bold indeed. I never knew about this pregnancy drama. Well it was fun to read.Recommend

  • ak

    @MS- Mariya:
    No where in this article did i sense that the writer got weary of battling the auntie brigade and decided to get pregnant for the sake of shutting them up. Wanting to have babies is natural for a lot of people and so is NOT wanting to do something everyone’s pushing you to!
    The message i got from the article isn’t what you said it is.
    I and a lot..hell ALL the newly married girls i know feel the same way about this social pressure to pop..everyone knows when they’l be ready to parent and should plan accordingly :)Recommend

  • jj

    Well written, made me laugh :D

    May Allah bless you with pious offspring and keep your family healthy and prosperous – AmeenRecommend

  • saba

    Congrats Shaza! and yes thts an awesome peice. in fact a slap on all those weirdo aunties. its time tht they get a life and let us live our lives according to our wishesRecommend

  • Arsal

    Great writing skills! Brief, to the point, & meaningful.

    Also, really depressing to read such sentiments of my co-generation. If it was just meant for fun, great! It was pretty interesting to read. But if it wasn’t (which it wasn’t, or else you wouldn’t be sharing your personal life for a joke) then having a sacred life in your body for which your sentiments are that it would be nothing more than “little-poo-filled-bundles-of-joy” or source of “round the clock poop fest” is… tragic to say the least. I feel for the baby whose mother, of all people, has such sentiments about him/her. I guess it’ll be better off giving it away to Bilquees Edhi!

    Yes, our poor aunties, sometimes in ignorance, sometimes for mere curiosity, can really do become exasperating. But why is it that we have so little understanding, so little tolerance for our elders? Wouldn’t it have been WAY better to answer back/curse/slap those aunties then and there, rather then telling the ENTIRE WORLD, about them having “too little grey matter in their heads”?! Its a shame.Recommend

  • ak

    @Arsal:
    what’s wrong with a poo filled bundle of joy?
    nothing!!
    Because babies DO poop and they ARE bundles of joy!!
    A mother needs some sense of humor in her life..NOBODY can love a child more than their mother and NOBODY has the right to tell a mother to give her baby to edhi just because she wrinkles her nose at diaper changing time or cracks jokes about it!
    GOD..!!

    As for respecting elders..ermm..i dont think you should be passing judgments because you’re condoning “answer back/curse/slap those aunties then and there” !! REALLY ?!?!?

    How would you feel if i twisted your words and told you to give your parents to the Edhi old homes? Recommend

  • Arsal

    @ak:
    It wasn’t about the words. It was about the message that I got from it, and I am sure many others will feel the same way reading it, just like I did. Perhaps it made me no different than the writer herself to pass that Edhi comment, so I do apologize for that. But hey, with the comment about elders, you again got stuck in the words leaving the message out of context. I wasn’t condoning ill treating them, what I said was that it would’ve still been way better to do all that, rather than projecting them on the web in this manner, for the entire world to read.

    Just shared my difference of opinion, do not mean to impose a particular way of thinking on anyone. It was actually a good, surprising experience to know that a lot many people share the writer’s view on that. Caution advisory! to be more watchful in finding someone to spend a life & have kids with! :) wish a great one to everybody. Cheers!Recommend

  • ak

    @Arsal:
    You’re saying it wasn’t about the words yet you quoted the specific words that offended you and twisted them around. You’re talking about the message you got from the article and all you got out of it was ‘disrespecting elders’ :/ The article wasn’t about that at all in my opinion.
    It was about what young women go through after their marriage. Since you’re a guy, imagine what it would feel like if at every social gathering men would ask you persistently if you had any ‘mardana problems’..! Maybe you would not let it bother you the first couple of times but what if it just went on and on and on..? Not only would their questions hurt if you actually were trying for a baby with out success, they would also be embarrassing if they started giving you advice on how and when etc. Would you not get angry if they told you that you have fertility problems because of stupid reasons like working in an office, wearing jeans or something unrelated? Would you think it would be better to slap/curse those old men in public or vent out on the internet maintaining their privacy? Would you still think that those old men have a lot of grey matter and that they’re giving you the right advice?Recommend

  • Arsal

    @ak:

    Don’t know what made you that feel I’m a guy. Anyway, it would be highly unfair to the masses if I continue to argue with you in this comments feed. If you’d like to teach me a lesson, you may email me or something.Recommend

  • yusra saquib

    asslam o alaikum!! 1st of all many congrats 2 u 4 ur pregnency! nice written shaza,this is a bitter truth of r society :( n u know v well abt me iv been gone thru this n tolerated such type of auntz 4 2 long years, bt nw Alhamdulillah i hv a cute lttle angle in my arms! i only say dat only trust Allah . thx n take cr! Allah hafiz.Recommend

  • yusra saquib

    assalm o alikum! 1st of all congrats 4 ur pregnency i hope u can tk gud care of ur self as well as ur up com’n baby. my all prays r wd u. as u know v well abt me i 2 gon thru dis pain full period 4 two long years n nowAlhamdulillah i hv a cute little baby in my arms. this is all b/c of my trust on Allah n aftr that my husbnd’s support! always trust n leavs evrythng on Allah n see the result inshallah!
    this is my own xprience!
    okk shaza thx 4 sharing this wondrfull
    “ull feeling wid us may Allah bless u n ur family!
    take care Allah hafiz.Recommend