Seven traits of the average Pakistani college girl

Published: April 21, 2011
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It's really hard to argue when most women are genetically predisposed to believing they are always right.

Disclaimer: The following is a result of the writer’s personal experiences that he gathered after seeing the sufferings of his friends. Though the writer himself is no real authority and none of this should be taken seriously, he can still argue over traits as he reminisces his days as a medical student in Lahore.  By the end of this article, you will know why the author has been single for many moons now.

1. She hates most of her friends

Girls always find plenty of emotional support, and friends for dance practises for weddings which gives the impression they are friends for life, but most will always confess to having some sort of beef with every girl they know or are friends with. I have seen the fluff of hugs, kisses and exaggerated pleasantries wear off as soon as one of them fails to call back in a day’s time. Most girls will judge everything their friends do.

“XYZ (close friend) was wearing such skimpy clothes that night!”

“Oh really!? Do you have pictures?! Wait – isn’t she your friend?

2. She loves to pretend she is the most Shareef girl you’ll ever meet

Yes, they all perform namaz and they all do parda when the need arises.  Many will even swing their dupata over the head ever so gracefully when they hear the azaan. But, they also don’t mind going on an iftari dates during Ramadan.  They will not miss any opportunity to praise their father and brothers in this regard either, making us mere mortals wonder if we can ever become similar paragons of virtue and civility.

3. She is always right

It doesn’t matter if you’re intelligent, if you have a thinking mind, or if you know your sports. You are wrong and your opinion is flawed, Afridi is the best cricketer in the world, and long hair beats short hair any day.

Don’t say you have to study when she wants to talk. It’s really hard to argue when most women are seemingly genetically predisposed to believing they are always right.

4. She expects you to understand all sorts of hints

Yes, even hand signals and eye blinks. A wave may mean goodbye, but it could also mean don’t-come-near-me-my-aunt-is-here. The innocent shrug of the shoulder doesn’t necessarily mean she is being indifferent about your friend third-wheeling tonight – it means “NO.”

The confusion created by girls to keep the average guys on their toes is ridonculous. Don’t fall for it. Pretend you don’t understand sign language or hints. Pretend, when she writes “k” in a text message that it really means everything is okay and that she isn’t really in a bad mood. If you dare pretend to understand even a single hint, be ready for the weight of understanding all of them.

5. She likes money

That’s right. They didn’t make that Bollywood song “Pesa Pesa Karti Hai” for a movie. They were trying to sing the reality of today’s world.

Girl’s love pretending they are not materialistic. But, most of them will flaunt their new hand bags and other accessories the minute they get the chance. They will notice the diamond in your watch from across the table, but your literary sense and general awareness of the world will generally fly over their head. They watch with great interest what other girls are wearing and may pass admiring remarks, but don’t expect the feeling to be mutual if you are found agreeing. In fact, be ready to give lengthy explanations if you are caught in that trap.

6. She doesn’t mind dating, but let’s talk marriage

Dating is totally kosher as long as there is a road map leading the two of you towards holy matrimony. Pressurising a guy into marital commitments is part and parcel of every Pakistani girl’s relationship. I mean, why else would they want to date!? For the fun of it?

Don’t be silly.

You might still be in high school and yet she would be planning that perfect wedding. What can you do? You’re not a heart breaker like all those other guys she keeps telling you about. If, God forbid, you fall short of delivering on those sacred plans, you are forever shunned as the most atrocious villain to have ever lived.

7. She has unrealistic expectations from watching romantic movies

They love putting guys in place of men from romantic movie’s and novels.

If she was crying at the end of Titanic because Di Caprio froze to death after safely placing Kate Winslet on that piece of plywood, she probably expects the same from you if the situation ever arises. Be sure to remind her that the plywood was big enough for at least three people.

Unrealistic expectations lead to great disappointments – letting them build over time by constantly trying to live up to them will only land you in icy waters.

Don’t be shy to fall asleep with the speaker phone on while she’s rambling on about her latest shopping trip. You may pull off being ‘sweet’ once, or even a few times, but will you be able to sustain forever? Be realistic.

said.chaudhry

Said Chaudhry

A doctor and cricket fanatic who blogs at saidcanblog.blogspot.com and tweets @saidation

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.