Help! I can’t get over my ex

Published: April 14, 2011

I have mourned, grieved and been called a fool for falling for him so hard.

Dear Miss Informed,

I am a 20-year-old girl and no matter how hard I try, I can’t get over my ex-boyfriend.

We dated for three months but he lived in another city for about 70 per cent of our relationship. Initially, things between us were delightful, as all new relationships are, but slowly he started to cut me off. Then, he dumped me.

It has been six months since this happened; I have mourned, grieved, been called a fool for falling for him so hard after just a few months and heard many bitter things from my friends. But I can’t stop thinking about him. I can’t help but feel scared that I may never have him. He doesn’t miss me much and has not reconsidered his decision even once.

Please help me! Brainwash me – like what happens in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.


Can’t get over my ex

Dear Can’t get over my ex,

How old did you say you are – 20? You sound like your life is over and you’re destined to a lonely spinster’s existence. If you are harbouring either of these thoughts, please believe me when I say that neither of them is true. You are young and will meet other guys.

Look around! Have you ever thought that by spending all this time overworking your tear glands, you may have missed out on the opportunity to meet someone else? Like you said, your ex is determined to stick to his decision no matter what. So being emotionally unavailable and pursuing a lost cause isn’t going to help you move on. It may just result in low self-esteem and a feeling of loneliness. Every experience makes you stronger, and you need to start looking at this relationship as just that – an experience, not the end of your life.

Open your eyes and look around you – or watch Jab We Met! It’s a great movie with an inspiring message: the man you are obsessively chasing after may not be the one for you, but there could well be a better (and cuter) one nearby.

As for the mourning and grieving, here are some tips:

  • Talk to your friends about it. This could be a good way to self-reflect and get advice from people who care about you. They might tell you that he was a jerk, or that maybe you made some mistakes that you can improve upon.
  • Get busy! If you have too much time on your hands, you won’t be able to help thinking about him and how his absence has left you lonely and despondent. Start a new TV show, bake cup cakes (you could sell them and make some extra cash) or take up a new hobby.
  • Go on vacation! If you can afford a getaway, go for it. There’s nothing like a change of landscape and room service.

Do you have a problem that you can’t solve all by your lonesome? Miss Informed is here to help! E-mail her at [email protected]


Miss Informed

A Karachi-based social guru who will help untangle all the complex questions life throws your way. Ask Miss Informed for advice on romance, work, family or even how to make the perfect pumpkin pie!

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.