Did Yasra Rizvi deserve to be trolled for her unconventional mehr?

Published: January 7, 2017

Yasra’s unconventional mehr was something many had not heard of. PHOTO: FACEBOOK.

When actress Yasra Rizvi set out to marry Abdul Hadi, little did she know that her claim to fame will be that she married a man 10 years younger and her mehr, which her husband agreed to, is Fajr prayer (obligatory morning prayers for Muslims). The couple was scrutinised harshly through the lens of a magnifying glass, and was trolled on social media for one simple reason – they dared to do something against the norm. And nothing scares us like what we do not understand.

People are still familiar with the older-woman-weds-younger-man scenario, even though they see it as abominable, even those who harp on about how important following the example of the Prophet (pbuh) is, forget that it is also his Sunnah that he married a woman 15 years his senior at the prime of his youth.

But Yasra’s unconventional mehr was something many had not heard of. We, as a nation, have common misconceptions about this Islamic tenet, stemming from a lack of awareness. Yasra, thank you! You taking this step out of the norm may just have triggered a debate that could result in some authentic information regarding the concept of mehr trickling into our collective narrative.

Here are just a few very basic facts about the concept of mehr. While these are just a few pointers, I hope this will encourage us to talk about mehr and help expose some myths:

Mehr (also called haq mehr) is a mandatory payment of tangible assets, currency, property or an intangible, conditional commitment or understanding that both parties agree upon.

Yes, a mehr can be intangible, as is in Yasra Rizvi’s case. The best example of an intangible mehr comes from the Sahabiya Umm Sulaym Bint Milhan al-Ansarriyah (ra) who agreed to marry Abu Talha (ra), and the mehr was him accepting Islam.

Islam has not fixed an upper or lower limit of mehr. It will depend upon the financial standing of both the man and the woman.

While no amount or limit has been prescribed, it shouldn’t be an amount so extravagant that the man cannot afford to pay (and is just fixed to portray financial or social standing). Nor should it be so miniscule that the tenet appears to have been taken lightly. However, once again, no sum or limit has been set, neither upper nor lower.

The amount is to be decided upon after mutual consultation between the man and the woman tying the knot. This is one more reason why the couple entering into the contract read through and understand the clauses of the nikkah nama, and the terms are mutually agreed upon. If elders of the family help with the consultation, it should be made sure that the man and the woman are on the same page and are aware of the agreement.

Mehr is an absolutely obligatory clause of the contract of marriage for Muslims, no matter how big or small the amount.

Mehr is designed as a means of security and protection for the woman. It will be the sole property of the woman and she will have discretion over how and when to spend it. It is therefore a part of the nikkah, and its payment is not conditional with or tied to the incidence of talaaq (divorce). It is therefore strongly recommended that it is paid at the time of the nikkah. However, if there is a genuine reason why it cannot be paid at that time, mawajjal/muakhhar (deferred/promised) rather than mo’ajjal/muqaddam (immediate/prompt), then it should be paid as soon as the man can afford to pay it. Till such time that he pays it to her, it is considered a kind of debt that he owes to his wife. Islam makes clear that if he cannot pay it at that given time, he should intend on paying it at the earliest.

Upon a man’s death, all that he leaves behind as inheritance for his heirs may not be distributed among the inheritors until all payments or debts he owes to anyone are paid off, which includes the mehr.

No man who wishes to marry a woman is exempt from mehr. Thus, the custom of asking the wife to “forgive him the mehr” is not in line with Islamic tenets.

Knowledge gives one the power to make informed decisions. Yasra used that power. Instead of wasting time judging her decision, it’s best to learn more so that we, too, can make informed decisions.

Information shared in this write-up is based on authentic Islamic traditions.

Farahnaz Zahidi

Farahnaz Zahidi

A writer and editor, who has worked as a Features Editor with The Express Tribune. Her focus is human-centric feature stories. She now writes as a freelancer, and works as a media trainer and communications practitioner. She tweets as @FarahnazZahidi (twitter.com/farahnazzahidi?lang=en).

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.

  • Waqac

    I believe this is one of the best decisions about Mehr by anyone. He/She who trolls her is too stupid to grasp the importance of this Mehr.Recommend

  • Bhatti

    What if he misses the Fajr? What happens then?? To me it seems like a publicity stunt. The Mehr should be easy on the husband…like u mentioned in the articleRecommend

  • Parvez

    That was an interesting and educative read.
    Considering that the haq mehr is usually a monetary amount and is subject to much wrangling and also the reason for many a match falling apart etc. ( my knowledge comes from TV ) ….why was / is the amount not set at a fixed amount thereby simplifying the issue and thus helping the less well off.Recommend

  • PatelPara

    This happens when everyone thinks they know Islam more than anyone.

    Haq Mehr could be anything. and it could be waived as WELL by the wife.Recommend

  • Rahul

    Most older woman-younger man marriages are destined for failure. Let us see if these two can beat the odds. Meanwhile she is going to regret her mehr when this finally blows up.Recommend

  • Ahmar

    That guy. Hadi. Is he serious?Recommend

  • Anon

    And Fajr prayers are difficult? This is farz in Islam anyway.Recommend

  • GlobalNomad

    Ok so does that mean that there is success ensure with little or no age gap? Are all couple with 1-5 years age difference never parted, fought divorce and are in eternal love. Recommend

  • Salman Saeed

    Yusra is a celebrity and people need something to criticize, it is her personal matter.It is silly thing to indulge in personal matters (Haq mahr, marriage etc.)Recommend

  • Muhammad Ali

    I Havent read the whole article yet but thanks to yasra rizvi.
    we over here are talking about women empowerment and “Jahaiz aik lanay” but no one talks about Haq meher, a lot of responcibilty lies upon the shoulders of Groom as well , i havent seen anyone asking for Jhaiz openly but girl parents ask for haq meher openly, in haraza division this amout ranges from 1 mil to 5 mil PKR, and im not including property and gold in it.Recommend