So you think your wife doesn’t torture you? Think again!

Published: November 16, 2016
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“I tell you, it’s driving me out of my mind, I often think of killing myself”. PHOTO: PINTEREST.

When I read about the man who has gone to the Council of Islamic Ideology (CII) to deal with the matter of husbands being tortured and thrown out of their houses by their wives, I burst into laughter.

How can men be tortured by their wives? In most countries, it’s the women who are tortured, and in Pakistan, the torture is usually accompanied by rape and stripping women and making them walk on the streets even when they have done nothing wrong. Yet here is this man saying it’s the men who are being victimised by women.

So I thought I’d look around and see if there are any such men in my midst.

I was shocked by what I found.

While I couldn’t find any man who was physically tortured by his wife, I found some who are subjected to mental torture by their spouses.

Walking past the apartment of a Customs Officer, I heard his wife yelling,

“I didn’t marry you to live like a pauper, look at your colleagues who buy new cars every year, and who take their wives and children twice a year to Europe. Why are you such a moron?”

The poor man tried his best to convince her that he was very honest, didn’t take bribes, and they would have to subsist on his meager salary. It didn’t help. He yelped in pain as she threw something heavy at him. So there’s physical as well as mental torture for you.

I asked another man working in the private sector if he was being abused by his wife.

“Almost every day,” was his response.

“I earn barely enough to keep body and soul together, and here she is, splurging on clothes and whatnot. Yesterday I agreed to her buying a Rs15000 dress for an upcoming wedding, but she used my credit card to buy a Rs50,000 one. I’m spending sleepless nights wondering how I’ll pay my credit card bill”, the poor man concluded with tears in his eyes.

Then I asked my meat-seller if he has any complaints against his wife.

“Like all men in my family, I too wanted to have 10 to 15 children, but I discovered that she takes birth control pills, so I only have two kids, and all my male relatives taunt me for it”. This, in my opinion, is the height of mental cruelty.

The fourth man I met is quite well-to-do, but he too thought his wife tortures him every minute of the day.

“We go abroad on vacation three times a year”, he said,

“Yet she keeps complaining that I don’t spend anything on her. She used to cook when we were poor, but now she has two cooks, so if one is absent, the other will do the cooking. Not a day passes by that she doesn’t throw a party at expensive restaurants for her friends, yet she tells everyone that I’m a miser. I tell you, it’s driving me out of my mind, I often think of killing myself”.

“Why don’t you take another wife?” I asked, and what he said really shocked me.

“I signed the marriage contract without looking at it, and later I found that if I ask her to allow me to take another wife, I have to divorce her and pay her a hundred million immediately. I’m not a politician, Sir; I don’t have that much money”.

I wonder why the man went to the CII in the first place. That August body has already declared the Women’s protection bill as un-Islamic, so did he think they would respond favourably to his petition demanding protection for men? It would be interesting to wait for the CII’s decision. But seeing that they have accepted his petition to ponder upon it, will they ask the government to pass a “Men’s protection bill?” to protect Pakistani men from their highly aggressive wives who are making lives miserable for the poor chaps? Let’s wait and see.

Until then, whether our Pakistani he-men admit it or not, most of them are being tortured by their wives!

Shakir Lakhani

Shakir Lakhani

Engineer, former visiting lecturer at NED Engineering College, industrialist, associated with petroleum/chemical industries for many years. Loves writing, and (in the opinion of most of those who know him), mentally unbalanced. He tweets @shakirlakhani (twitter.com/shakirlakhani)

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.

  • MR.X

    The feminist will start a witchunt against you.. How dare you say men are also oppressed..How dare you ?!!!!
    Men can never be oppressed , women are always oppressed and they are the best things on this planet…See all the inventions, buldings, greatest discoveries were made by them..(Note:Just being sarcastic)Recommend

  • Haroon Rashid Khan

    You forgot how women use children to emotionally blackmail men. It is one of their biggest weakness.Recommend

  • Nusrat A.

    I can’t believe what kind of garbage I’ve just read. I’m not saying that violence against men doesn’t exist, and surely the wife throwing an object at her husband counts as domestic abuse. But please enlighten me (ie. mansplain) how complaining or overspending is the same kind of torture as being beaten? I don’t even understand how not wanting to have 10 to 15 kids is “the height of mental cruelty?” Kids are a joint decision between husband and wife, but ultimately it’s the wife who is doing the childbearing and the childrearing. Her uterus, so she has more say in the matter, should that not be obvious?Recommend

  • Fahim

    Picture on this article reminded me that what was happened to me 2 hours ago.Recommend

  • farhan

    brace yourself for comments and personal attacks “o you hate women or are anti women”. Why are you writing against womenRecommend

  • Keyboard Soldier

    Housewives are selfish by nature. Especially the ones who are totally dependent on their fathers, brothers and husbands for money.

    This list also includes stay-at-home adult sisters and daughters, who are not interested in making a career for themselves (or are banned from doing so due to Shariah-compliance) and are waiting for that rich prince (who doesn’t exist) to whisk them away.

    Office-going/working women are way better than housewives because they are well aware of the hardships men have to go through to earn that monthly pay check.

    BUT, most Muslim men do not prefer such women because of Shariah restrictions. They believe that office-going women are most likely to cheat on them by having affairs with their work colleagues.

    So, in a way the burden goes both ways. Majority of Muslim men do not want their women to make their own money and at the same time want them to remain under their control.

    Well, Muslim men cannot have it both ways. Either give freedom to your women to pursue their own financial future or just suck it up and drown in debt and misery while trying to pay the bills for your wives, sisters and daughters.
    Recommend

  • Mehroz Ali

    Cannot agree moreRecommend

  • Mehroz Ali

    I understand your painRecommend

  • farhan

    men should speak up now. Also men die more in industrial accidents,mines around 90% as i was reading.. We need more feminists there.. Death is the only way they will stop whining about being oppressed about every little thing.The media is afraid of women and usually against men Recommend

  • farhan

    enjoying married life??Recommend

  • farhan

    haha.Not by islamic law..Husband has the authorityRecommend

  • MR.X

    writing against women is illegal..Feminisr law#4Recommend

  • MR.X

    When we say these things , women usually say oh you have been hurt..They aways try to counter arguments by shaming you. Thats their best attack usually. A man was talking about mens right and i was appaled to see women calling(&supporting). Thats the mindset they have today. Women have never been more selfish in history than they currently are.. This fact should burn themRecommend

  • farhan

    hats of to the writer for having the courage which men in this age lackRecommend

  • SN

    I sincerely hope this was satire. Recommend

  • Parvez

    Ha ha,……that was funny.Recommend

  • Azam Gill

    Artfully argued!Recommend

  • MR.X

    only one way to find out..get married..lolRecommend

  • Zarrar Akhtar

    I had been personally a victim of this kind of abuse by my ex-wife, thank God that she asked for divorce since I had become numb by her everyday useless arguments. I have heard numerous stories of men being thrown out of their homes by kids persuaded by wives at older ages. And sad thing is that no one ever take their grievances seriously.Recommend

  • Zarrar Akhtar

    I totally agree with you Haroon.Recommend

  • Zarrar Akhtar

    Here the author is referring to those men who are civilized enough not to beat their women, whereas most women make their husbands suffer mental torture, doing which she does not require any formal education at all. Try to think like a wise/rational person when you want to criticize the writer and men at large.Recommend

  • Avijit Lahiri

    This is far more pathetic for Indian men (Hindu), who have to marry Indian women (Hindu) !!!

    I think, by and large, Muslim women are more decent compared to Hindu women.

    For various reasons, when the husband becomes dependent on his wife, financially or otherwise, he faces an excruciating mental torture (verbal abuse, attack and assault) most of the time in his family, whether living in India or abroad (USA).

    Again, these scheming wives poison the mind, brain and psychology of the children in the families and brainwash them against their Dads !!! The wife will work to ensure that there exists no discipline in the family and show respect to the Father !!! So, sooner or later, the kids too start disrespecting their Dads !

    It is absolutely true that Media is scared of women and in the name of Women’s Lib, Media pampers women in India so, man always becomes the villain in relationships !

    This marriage is a killer… and, counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists, therapists and everything else, no matter how much you try to improve your marital relationship absolutely fail always !!!

    A deceitful, manipulative and revengeful woman is difficult to change for better in today’s nasty, mean and vicious social environment.

    Divorce and Re-Marrying is not necessarily the right solution always… you may jump from a Frying Pan to Fire !!!

    I’ve found the only solution which works best is to have a very limited interaction with the family members, staying away from these complex characters as much possible, maybe in isolation, so one can live with self-respect, peace and mental poise.

    Thanks a trillion to Mr. Shakir Lakhani and everyone else for sharing experiences, grievances and miseries here… any comment is most welcome !Recommend