Our company said if he didn’t touch you, it isn’t harassment

Published: November 13, 2016
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I want to tell you that this was his first job as a van driver.

What happens when you finally voice your opinions over the unbearable harassment that you’ve had to face for three months? You are ridiculed, you are blamed for having filth in your mind; you are indirectly under suspicion in everyone’s eyes and all this, for what? Only because you raised your voice against something you do not want to endure anymore.

Three years ago I started working at an IT company – it was the beginning of my professional career. The company provided a van service for women, a facility which almost every working woman needs and that is one of the reasons why I accepted the job.

Every morning, I was the first one to be picked up. The distance between my house and the next girl’s was around 15 minutes. The van driver was a man in his 30s, about 5’3, medium built with a black beard. So for 15 minutes every day, I was alone in the van with the driver. Being my first job, I didn’t know how to deal with situations in a particularly professional way and would respond whenever the driver spoke to me. Soon, I realised he would speak without reason, just to make conversation. Some days, he would greet me and I’d greet him back out of courtesy.

The one thing that annoyed me most about him was his eyes. The way they followed me from the moment he parked outside my house till I sat down on my seat. Even then, they’d watch me. Initially, I tried to ignore them but it became like a ritual for him. I began sitting in a seat that was away from his gaze to get away from them.

He would bad mouth the other girls to me, even when I showed my disinterest, as they were also my seniors at work. I avoided conversation with him, but the eyes, I could not avoid. I’m not calling myself a saint, or saying that I don’t backbite but I didn’t want to discuss anything with him. One day, I sternly told him to stop speaking poorly about them infront of me. He was offended. He retorted,

Mein burayi kahan karta ho, mein tu sirf apko bata rha ho

(I am not backbiting, I am just telling you)

One time, I was filling up my water bottle in the office kitchen and he must have spotted me from the window as he began yelling my name out, as if I were his best friend. Like the eyes, I ignored this as well.

I remember this one morning where I forgot to greet him as I got on the van. He feigned irritancy and asked,

Aap aaj mujhe Salam karna kyu bhool gayi?”

(Why did you forget to greet me today?)

It was unintentional, as he usually picked me up around 6:55am when I used to be half asleep and drowsy. Safe to say, he didn’t let that go so easily. He told me,

‘‘If you don’t greet me, I will not pick you up, even if I have to leave the job.’’

I was shocked by what he said. But again, I chose to stay quiet. Maybe I didn’t tell anyone at work because I thought that no action would be taken. Or maybe it was because ever since I was a young girl, I was never told what harassment actually was.

Starting the next day, I ignored him completely. I didn’t greet him. That was when he started misbehaving with me. He would ask me personal questions from why I was doing this job, whether I needed the money and things like that. He even told me that working women are not considered highly amongst other things. Those 15 minutes would feel like an eternity for me. I can’t even put into words the angst I felt in that duration.

I want to tell you that this was his first job as a van driver. He used to work as a truck driver before this. I’m just trying to explain the circumstances; it’s not about degrading anyone.

I finally decided that I had had enough. I told my mother everything. She said I should discuss it with the rest of the women in the van-pool. When I told them, I realised how wrong I was. He treated all of them like that. Every female he came into contact with in the van said that he behaved badly with them.

One of my van fellows told me,

“I had a late sitting in the office, I was going back home around 9:30pm so he asked if we could stop at his house first as he needed to pick up something important.”

That made us uncomfortable hence she said,

“No, please first drop me home and then you can go anywhere.”

“Trust me, I’m a good person, I just want to pick something up,” he tried to convince her.

But she refused firmly.

He got furious and retorted,

Agar itna darr hai tu baher nikal kar kaam karne ka kya shouq hai?”

(If you are so scared, then why are you so fond of working outside your house)

Staring, whistling, and intervening in personal lives was his venom. He did it with all the women. We finally decided that together, we can take a stand against him. We wrote an application against his misconduct and once it was submitted, he was called in by the administration of the company. They warned him severely, but they did not fire him. He didn’t try and apologise, instead, he got angry. He got offensive. He started picking us up according to his mood.

It became unbearable. Again, we complained about his behaviour but we were told to “compromise”. I remember my administrator said to me,

Aap ko staring and misbehaviour ke ilawa apke sath harassment toh nae ki na.

(Other than misbehaviour and staring, he didn’t harass you, right.)

I was appalled by his statement; just because he didn’t touch me; it does not mean there was no harassment. What about our emotional discomfort? What about the way we could watch his eyes following us everywhere we went? What about his tone when he spoke to us? My administrator probably didn’t know the definition of harassment. When someone annoys you to such an extent, you get psychologically disturbed. And the way he was acting, it was not innocent. Our complaints were justified. We felt threatened and no one was doing anything about it.

Apart from what our administrator said, we did not let it go so easily. In order to validate our point, we initiated a silent protest in which we abandoned the van facility and instead, took the public bus. To our dismay, the company’s ‘solution’ to this problem was to end the van facility completely. They could have easily hired another driver, but no. They took the easy way out. They took the chauvinistic patriarchal way out – by ignoring the women all together.

What astonished me more was the behaviour of the other female staff in our office. Instead of empathising with us, these girls blamed us (Gulshan van girls) for creating a mound out of a molehill. They targeted us, they mocked us, and they questioned us.

Did they think to ask us what happened? No.

Did they want to know? No.

We always stress on the fact that the workforce is dominated by men and that’s why they try to pull down the women. We also hear that men do not give women the positions they deserve and that every bad thing that happens to women is because of men. But this made me realise that this was a case of women putting other women down. There was no sisterhood, no help for us.

I know it’s been three years and I realise that I could have stopped this earlier. Getting out of university and entering the professional world was like a dream come true. It was my first job; I was naïve and didn’t know how to handle the situation at the time. I am sharing my story to let people know that sexual harassment is not the only kind of harassment. Other forms of harassment, including verbal, are no less than psychological torture. So the next time you see a pair of eyes wandering over you; don’t ignore them. And always stand up for what you believe is right.

Madiha.Akhtar

Madiha Akhtar

A freelance writer, an avid reader and a blogger, she has worked as a field reporter for a brief period and has written articles as a freelancer for different publications. She tweets as @mistful83 (twitter.com/mistful83)

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.

  • MrRollsRoyce

    Brave of you to write about experience Madiha. It is only by speaking out that the massively entrenched sexual harassment in our nation can even begin to be reduced.

    Also, a pox on not just the van driver but your erstwhile colleagues for being so insensitive and positively neanderthal in their approach to a serious issue.Recommend

  • MR.X

    women always crying how oppressed they are..Not supporting “bad looks” of people but women also do that e.ga hot guy(Chaiwala). some aunties also trap young men and harras them…By this definition everyone is harrased..Everyone is oppressed..Stop being sensitive about everything..Recommend

  • M Waqas Sajid

    So, you are saying that you couldn’t argue to your company to prove that it was actually harassment. You didn’t stood up for your right and expecting others to stand up for you (other female staff)..Recommend

  • Critical

    Its sad that your HR team is so oblivious of the dangers posed by working women…In majority of the IT companies in India,they make sure that the last person to leave the car is not a woman and few times it even inconvenience some of the men if the woman lived in a far place and they had to make a return journey…
    Also second thing,they never allow the same guy in the same route again and again,they keep changing it

    I guess these points need to be taken by the HR team …

    Plus,there is another problem where a college educated urban chic woman gets offended just because a 8th fail,village guy tries to make friendly conversation,so they just cant keep firing drivers …Give a warning,change his route and if they receive multiple complants from different women,then take action…Recommend

  • Syed Hasan Rizvi

    Excellent work against this man. We should have more voices like yours and definitely less like the administrator of that IT. Company. Recommend

  • Z. Joshi

    Hugh Mungus wot?! Is that sexual harrasement? Recommend

  • ارشد حسین

    These women when @ university while sitting with boys, use to slap on boys thighs with joy over any joke. But when a boy just touch them by mistake. It becomes “Harassment”. Its my own experience.Recommend

  • Shamaila Abdullah

    Nice write up and i totally understand what you gone through. Yes sexual harassment is not the only form of harassment, other harassment do affect us too badly Recommend

  • Sane

    Very very correctly said. In man dominated society such things are taken trivial. Females must standup against such discrimination.Recommend

  • Kushal

    In India the last person to drop and first person to pick up should not be a female, and even if it happens a security person should accompany the driver. It is govt mandate.Recommend

  • MJ

    In this age of technology and you being an IT professional…record him, either audio or video or if you can, then both. Also record your conversation with the HR people who think that is not a matter to be deeply concerned with. Believe me, it will help further down the road.Recommend

  • farhan

    They slap,ive seen it..a woman in my university wouldnot give me space to go by just for attention seeking i guess..but i did not write an article …Making a mountain of a mole…sensitive feminist princess..
    Also if a rich guy gave her that look, the chance would increase that soon they would be going to family planning doctors. it would not be harrasment but loveRecommend

  • Xayna

    True! Infact .. This is experienced on a daily basis by a vast majority of female Karachiites…. why can’t we have female drivers? We must propose solutions to these problems…. Recommend

  • James

    Feminist. If cant deal with equality why ask for it. Want all the previleges of equality but no responsiblities and duties.Recommend

  • MR.X

    yes more female drivers , more crashesRecommend

  • MR.X

    lol, family planning..”it was love at first sight”Recommend

  • Saurabh

    I would say they want privileges but no hardships, that comes with being equal.Recommend

  • Madiha Akhtar

    The point is not about privileges or hardships, it’s simple harassment is not acceptable in any form. Unfortunately most of the people including men and women don’t understand this. And I know regardless of what i write you would stick to your mindsetRecommend

  • Madiha Akhtar

    your comment depicts you are anti-women or probably you are just a troll, so I shall pass because whatever I shall say you will counter my argument and it will go on and on. I guess I shall follow ‘to each his own’ mantraRecommend

  • Madiha Akhtar

    I think you need to read the whole blog againRecommend

  • Rex Minor

    This is nothing nice but pure stalking, and the driver is a stalker! I have not read the article but seen such a phenomna in many parts of the world. Such kind can turn into a dangerous individual and is usualy put under restrictions.

    Rex MinorRecommend

  • farhan

    women in this age really think they are entitled to everything..The media and some desperate people have massaged their egos for way too long..And off course they are always against men(not in this case, the man was wrong, but the feminist made a mountain of a mole)..next thing a law will come “if a women feels she is being stared at , it will be taken as rape” .Recommend

  • MR.X

    Here you go for personal attacks(anti-women), counter with arguments!..”I shall pass” , you said.But you still replied. Its a fact, ive been driving for 6 years.Most women panic under pressure. A formula 1 champion also said ” happens often with women in car” when a female host crashed when he was sitting beside her. Google Kimi Raikkonen the video is available on youtubeRecommend

  • farhan

    whenever somebody tells women that this is wrong..They always personally attack the guy:”O u must hate women” or “oh u must have been hurt”.. Are there any logical arguments or just shaming tactics you use to counter men?? I can also say that looking at how you talk it looks like you hate men..how would you feel?Recommend

  • farhan

    lol..not everyone can get the joke..they need to see this, women think that
    everyone is desperate to get them these days..They need to get get their egos beaten sometimes..
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6sL7Rkq4XQARecommend

  • disqus_MKeynes

    Such troubling symptoms are indicative of lurking criminal intent. Is the company going to wait for something bad to happen? The girls did the right thing. This was the perfect response from the author. It is our stupid culture where people blame others without thinking or finding facts. May be the other women were jealous because you displayed a value system different from theirs. Their value system perhaps allows compromises even in situation where none is called for.Recommend

  • shabir ahmed

    Madam I came across this blog a bit late but I am surprised by the way you have expressed some of the facts, to add ketchup to your views. I assume the administration’s response to your genuine grievances wasn’t the way you have expressed. I believe the incident was handled differently, as I was heading the administration at that time and I did my best to take strict action against that driver. I request you to avoid undue criticism and distorting the facts in any story, only to create sensation.Recommend

  • khuudaadad

    Agree with you sirRecommend