20 names of places that could break Pervez Rasheed’s wuzu

Published: May 3, 2016
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Perhaps in an earnest attempt to set the Guinness World Record for longest simultaneous face palm across a single country a few days ago, politician Pervez Rasheed attacked rival Imran Khan at a press conference by saying that he couldn’t name the locality where Khan’s boys studied, for it would break his wuzu (ablution). Continuing the silly line of attack, he added,

“If he believes in wuzu.”

It didn’t take long for the internet to tear Rasheed to shreds over his comment. The area he refused to mention, of course, was Middlesex. Later, he tried to save face by claiming he had meant Hamfield.

But wait, how is that any better?

Let’s just take a look at who Rasheed is. Not only is he an experienced politician, but he’s the minister of information, mass-media broadcasting, and national heritage. What’s more, he was the chairman of Pakistan Television (PTV) for a couple of years.

This explains a lot about the state of those organisations.

Comic value aside, to hear a prominent face in the Pakistani government utter such ignorant words is depressing. As a nation, we are already caught in a war of classes between the progressive left and the regressive right, who are intent on spreading their illiterate and intolerant ways like a virus across Pakistan.

If our minister of information can say something so immature, then what hope does the rest of the country have?

I also dispute that uttering either Middlesex or Hamfield would break Rasheed’s state of purity. As George Carlin would say, they are only words; context is important.

If Rasheed believes premarital sex is a sin or that to consume ham is against his religion, how does he teach this to his children? Does he use sign language or would he play charades?

When a carpenter comes to his house, does he force him to use something other than a hammer? Does he refuse to speak to men named Hamza? Has he banned all copies of Hamlet from entering his house? Is this why he refuses to negotiate with Hammas? Will he refuse to read this blog because it was the hammiest? Let’s just hope he never hurts his hamstring.

More importantly, how does Rasheed fill out departure cards when flying? When he fills in the box that requires him to write his sex, does he write haram (unlawful) instead? Or does he quickly head to the airplane toilet to purify himself?

This attitude is more dangerous because it reeks of intolerance.

Here are a number of places someone like Rasheed should avoid:

1. Lahore (Pakistan)

2. London (England)

3. Climax (USA)

4. Bumpass (USA)

5. Anus (France)

6. Beaver Lick (USA)

7. Blowhard (Australia)

8. Muff (Ireland)

9. Pennis Wood (England)

10. Hookersville (USA)

11. Weener (Germany)

12. Twatt (Scotland)

13. Wank (Germany)

14. Three Cocks (Wales)

15. Sexmoan (Philippines)

16. Little Dix Village (West Indies)

17. Long Dong (China)

18. Knob (Australia)

19. The Cock of Arran (Scotland)

20. Rough and Ready (USA)

Do you think using the names of the places mentioned above can break your wuzu?

     View Results

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Noman Ansari

Noman Ansari

The author is the editor-in-chief of IGN Pakistan, and has been reviewing films and writing opinion pieces for The Express Tribune as well as Dawn for five years. He tweets as @Pugnate (twitter.com/Pugnate)

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.

  • wb

    LOLROF!Recommend

  • http://www.waqasaliabbasi.com Waqas

    hahahaRecommend

  • Raju

    U forgot about Lund, Sweden Recommend

  • Zubair Khan

    It reminds me one suggestion. As Minister of Information etc he can order all female anchors to wear Hijab and reamain bawuzu when on duty. While on dulty in case wuzu is broken ancour can always say, “Moaf Ki Jiay ga wuzu toot gia hai. Intizar farmain main wuze kar kay wapas aati huin.”Recommend

  • someone
  • omair hassan

    on earth these above mentioned places and on our solar system ….. Uranus :DRecommend

  • Parvez

    Well…….Parvez Rasheed asked for it and you obliged.
    Although most realize the wretched state of mind many of our politicians ( and clerics among others ) have, the sheer nonchalance with which they display this, is simply depressing.Recommend

  • Sohaib

    this is an NSFW article..and tribune didn’t even warn…lolRecommend

  • salman

    If I comment ROTFLMAO, do I have to do wuzu again?Recommend

  • Maliaa

    Silliest thing i have heard in a while…
    your wuzu breaks by taking a name.. not by lying and being corrupt!! Bloody Hypocrites… And now am running for th Wuzoo…Recommend

  • Tabinda

    After a long time there was something actually hilarious…
    P.S. You blog broke my wudu…. Recommend

  • Fazal Rahim

    I dont know if it was an attempt to satire by the writer but it seamed a little tricky on his part else he seems to be an admirer of imran …does he lose account of imran speeches during dharna…i think pervez looks more abluted and modest compare to his political counter part…any ways it wasnt worth reading ..the values he is describing are the part of glorious past we had long left behind ..nobody seems to care anymore…if not just watch the today’s Electronic Media…Recommend

  • Bisharat

    I see that 54 people have chosen Yes in the poll saying that they think their wuzu would be broken if they said these words. I hope people put Yes as a joke and there are not actually 54 people who really think that. But who am I kidding? This is Pakistan and we are doomed.Recommend

  • Raj – USA
  • Omar Khalid

    How about landikotelRecommend

  • ARK

    How can you forget Lora Lai in the land of pure! Recommend

  • Mamoon Alvi

    Lund,SwedenRecommend

  • Irfan Khalil

    wtf! :DRecommend

  • Ranjha

    Nawaz Butt is another name to avoid!Recommend

  • gp65

    Wonder if he ever listens to Hamd.Recommend

  • hothead007

    How can Pervaiz Rashid be in a WuZU, when he is busy in dealings with wrong things?Recommend

  • Javed M.

    @ Omair Hassan. “Ur-anus, “Brilliant!”Recommend

  • NKAli

    Mr. Parvez Rashid is a strange man. He belongs in a special cage in the Gandhi Gardens. Salams
    Recommend

  • abid mahmood

    the worst part is the poll at the end 12% of people actually think that using the names of the places mentioned above can break your wuzu.Recommend

  • Kashif Rohilla

    You forgot Lund, Sweden Recommend

  • Irfan Hussain

    Lower TOPA near Muree….Recommend

  • Ahmed

    you forgot BangkokRecommend

  • Parvez

    Pardon my ignorance…but what is Hamd ?Recommend

  • salman

    Whats so tricky? Pervaiz made a silly statement, and was lambasted all over for it. Don’t blame people for laughing if a state minster for information utters such silly statements.
    And there is no value in our past that says taking the name of a place called Middlesex or Hamfield or similar breaks our wuzu. Think about it, the word swine (aka ham, pork) is mentioned at least 4 times in the Quran. So if saying taraweeh those suras are read, does everyone then have to do wuzu again before continuing prayers?Recommend

  • gp65

    A song praising Allah I think. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/HamdRecommend

  • Ranav

    Bengaluru, India, Pennnsylvania,USARecommend

  • guest

    Hahaaaa….you nailed it. Love your commentRecommend

  • Fahim

    LMAO, our great PM Nawaz Shareef ButtRecommend

  • gp65

    Hamd is poetry/song in praise of Allah just as Naat is poetry/song in praise of prophet Mohammed (pbuh)Recommend

  • gp65

    This author is very consistent in his viewpoint. HE praises or criticizes based on merit and not based on his political preferences. In an earlier blog published right here on ET, he supported Nawaz and criticized Imran. http://blogs.tribune.com.pk/story/33040/who-thought-nawaz-sharif-would-turn-out-to-be-a-bigger-liberal-than-imran-khan/Recommend

  • Amused

    How does he count in Urdu, does he stop at thirteen (Tera) and skip to fifteen..Recommend

  • Parvez

    One lives and learns…….thanks.Recommend

  • Someone

    they’re just busy commentingRecommend

  • Sameer K

    If he were to God forbid, say “chutzpah”..he would probably end up creamin’ his jeans…thus breaking his ghusl !! Then what ???Recommend