11 Pakistani WTH moments from 2015
1. The one-of-a-kind fashion show
At the top of the list, it has to be the one-of-a-kind fashion show that took place at cow mandi, Lahore. ‘Qurban hojana’ took a literal turn when models took to the ramp. Ok, perhaps, there was no ramp but rather sand and a little mud with questionable manure thrown about here and there as decor. This was when both fully accessorised women and cattle walked together, limb to limb accentuating their… I actually don’t know what.
2. Corporate Trolling
An ad with a sprawled Nargis Fakhri appeared on the front page of an Urdu newspaper. Some hated it, few were shocked, while others spent their whole time licking the newspaper page that whole week. The turn was when Faisal Qureshi appeared in the exact pose (though a tad bit challenged in the gluts area) on the same paper and the term ‘Corporate Trolling’ was introduced. Rumors are that Nargis has been calling up Faisal to learn how to pose in a way where people don’t objectify her and pay attention just to the product she is selling.
3. The now infamous Sapphire Lawn sale.
No guard, no Ranger, no tank, no drone, no one could have stopped those determined ladies from acquiring what they had come for. Even the Taliban touched their ears to do “Tauba” saying,
“These ladies are too vicious even for us. Malala hi achi thi bhai.”
4. The manshara
Fashion (again) took a turn towards feminism and equality this year. The designer said,
“If you can wear pants, why can’t I wear your sharara?”
And I will! And thus the ‘manshara’ was created. Beard and flowy skirt, what else could one ask for.
5. The Junaid Jamshed chronicles
Ex-blasphemer Junaid Jamshed returned to Pakistan, continuing his misogynistic comments (women should not drive etcetera) and then turned up one day, tightly holding hands with a lady he was not related to. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but Pakistanis learnt that day what the word hypocrite means. Perhaps, her short hair confused him momentarily? If you think she is a boy, all is halal.
6. Earthquake? Blame the women!
A number of earthquakes took place this year and each and every single one of them was blamed on women. Apparently, one just needed to look at the woman and not the Richter scale to judge the intensity. Bare ankles meant mild tremors while shoulders and knees – full out catastrophe.
7. Zakir Naik – Part Two
Hamza Ali Abbasi could not decide what he wanted to be this year – an actor, a politician, a scholar, a saint, Zakir Naik part two, etc. He didn’t know whether to stare at women, to cover them up, to strip or to cover himself up, to preach, or to run for a Facebook pageant where he could be king. So instead, he decided to be a pendulum. Back and fro. Back and fro.
Indian PM Modi made a trip to Pakistan that no one but PM Nawaz Sharif knew about. After a quick 15-course meal, with Nihari and paye for our PM (obviously), they went ahead to meet the family. (Already? This is serious!)
The way they walked, talked and held hands, it made all the single people jealous and lonely, while all the couples felt pangs that the romance was gone from their lives.
It was obvious how happy they were. Rumors are that PM Modi had a suit stitched for Nawaz Sharif as well, just like the one he has. With his name embroidered about 115,000 times on it. #RelationshipGoals
9. The return of the Mummy
Well actually just cricketer Mohammed Amir. His welcome was more hostile than for the villainous mummy or Voldemort even. Apparently a person who has paid his dues and for the crime he committed, will still forever remain guilty and does not deserve a second chance to prove himself, as per many people. The same people who walk every day to various places with a large invisible “Baghairat” stamped on their forehead.
10. Does anyone want a Zaid Hamid? He’s free of cost!
Self-proclaimed expert in everything, Zaid Hamid was arrested by KSA earlier this year. He was rumored to have been sentenced to over a 1,000 lashes and eight years in jail. I wonder if they let him go because he refused to stop talking there as well.
11. Bachna ai haseeno
And last of all, the Maulana Sherani and Ashrafi scuffle. I mean they both could not decide who is the bigger bigot between the two and just had to fight it out in front of cameras, media and the whole world.
“I hate more.”
“No no, I do!”
Maulana Ashrafi’s collar was ripped. Seeing how he can barely fit into his clothes, ripping must have been easy.
Sherani is the scholar who supports child marriages while Ashrafi is the one who appears on TV, usually drunk. It is expected that next week, they will be back to the same/equal level of hate for everyone and will be found taking pictures just like PM Modi and PM Nawaz Sharif. Soon. That is if Ashrafi doesn’t accidentally roll over Sherani first in conversation.
Happy 2016, guys! Let’s hope its a little less WTH!
The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.