“After my relatives raped me 30-40 times, it didn’t hurt anymore”

Published: June 27, 2015
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I was 7 when I was raped. My mother served him tea in the very room. PHOTO: REUTERS

Protesters rally against brutal rape of five-year-old in New Delhi. PHOTO: AFP I was 7 when I was raped. My mother served him tea in the very room. PHOTO: REUTERS

“It’s been years. I don’t feel the pain in my vagina anymore.”

“But why didn’t you tell anyone?”

“I was shocked. Ma used to see me bleed, but she never did anything. So, I thought it’s something to be done regularly. I was 7 then. I am 20 now.”

“Since then? Till you moved out? Every day?”

“Almost, till I planned to move out.”

As we were sipping on some nimbu chai (lemon tea), I looked into her eyes. She had no expressions. She didn’t really care much about it. I grabbed her pack of smokes. We shared one. I noticed a faint smile on her face.

“You know, every man in that family tried to touch me – Mama (maternal uncle), Kaka (paternal uncle), Masa (maternal aunt’s husband). But, but Baba…”

“What? What did he do?”

“He didn’t stop them!”

She opened her purse to buy candy floss. I could see condoms in her purse. I didn’t ask anything, I knew she’d tell me everything. After all, she was going to be engaged to my brother.

“He didn’t stop them because he wanted to earn without working, and I was the only option for him. He didn’t let any other man touch me but my relatives, and he claims that with pride.”

“Why the hell didn’t you go to the police, Shruti?”

“Because when I tried doing something, I was asked how my breasts had been grabbed and I was asked to demonstrate and then…”

“And then?”

“I was asked to strip and show them the marks.”

I noticed tears rolling down her eyes.

Shruti is one of the most overexcited women I have ever come across. She is always smiling and always jumping, and always smoking. Always with no gaps.

“And then?”

“Regularly hota aya hai na. Hota gaya (Because it would happen regularly, so it kept happening). I crossed puberty. My school was very strict and I had no friends. Kisko bolti (who would I have told)? My own parents betrayed me. You think my school would have helped me?”

“Look, I am going to write for this site that’s going to publish this story. I want you to tell me everything so that we can stop another Shruti.”

She paused. Lit another smoke, gave one to me.

“I was 7 when I was raped. My mother served him tea in the very room. My dad took money from him, I was in pain. Something below my stomach was paining and I couldn’t understand anything. The next day, Mama (maternal uncle) had come over. I was so happy. He entered my room with Nutties and raped me just like Kaka did. He held my breasts really hard and then inserted his fingers inside me. The pain was unbearable.

I wanted to run away; I was crying and screaming. He penetrated something and I felt like I was dying, and then I was lying on the floor, naked. My pet, Tito, licked my head and arms and sat there, without barking. This continued. Just because they wanted to derive pleasure, I was raped by Kaka and Mama on the very same day, just before my exams. I bled for days. Eventually, I didn’t feel the pain anymore. Their penises became familiar and friendly, yet so unwanted. I was always ready with my legs spread and my clothes off. Baba and I hardly spoke then, I couldn’t tolerate them. In fact, I was pregnant and was asked to choose an abortion. Obviously!”

“How are you now?”

“I am awesome. I am getting married which was something I always wanted to avoid. A man fell in love with this torn body which has been used in every way by many men. Sex, not love. Now, I am getting the love I deserve and that makes me smile. I have left them now. I live with my friends and I am happy.”

“Why don’t you file a complaint against them?”

“I can’t. Baba is involved. Let them be. I am strong enough to stop another me, police kya karegi? Just like you are penning down and recording (my story), others will too and this will spread. Laws in this country will not help you, you can help yourself, you can help others and authorities will NOT DO ANYTHING.”

“What are your plans in the future?”

“Hahaha. I am going to complete my degree here. Get married, continue my studies abroad and then work with Raj.”

“How many babies do you want?”

“I can never have kids. I have complications. I have been raped more than 30 to 40 times. I can never have babies, but I want to adopt as many dogs and cats as possible and live… happily.”

The pack of smokes was finished. We exchanged a very deep look. I hugged her and she left for work.

She has grown up with the men in her family exploiting her body in every dirty way possible. No, it is not that she isn’t raising her voice against them, she is doing the necessary by talking to people who are willing to share her experience. But she doesn’t wish to penalise them because she loves her parents.

Shruti works with NGOs now and is studying psychology.

She is smiling but do we really know how loud her screams for help are behind her smile? Can we see the pain behind that smile?

This post originally appeared here

Rumela Chandra

Rumela Chandra

A writer at Rise For India and an actor at Royal Shakespeare Company.

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.

  • timbak2

    we men are worse den dogsRecommend

  • shehzil

    Astagfirullah we are worse than animals. Recommend

  • Raza

    Not all men are sameRecommend

  • Faria Ijaz Khan

    My uncontrolled tears and my throbbing heart is unable to say a single word. The Damned Human Race is below humanity. Recommend

  • नाहिदा एस

    no not all men.. good and bad and everywhere.Recommend

  • Pakistani

    Why we are sharing the perversive stories from India? India is so called secular so be it! We the muslims have been ordered to be modest for the same reasons. This tribune, not TOI, so please stop share cross the border vulgur stories!!!
    Recommend

  • Essam Fayyaz

    not all men are.. but the ones who are put the good ones to shame as well. When the constitution that was installed to protect you does nothing, who would you turn to..Recommend

  • iqra ali

    in this era there is no family no reletions …. n the reason is just money .. they think from money they will get evrything but this is wrong very wrong Allah zror saza de asy logo ko jo galt hai woh galt haiRecommend

  • sadi

    Allhamdullilah this seldom happens in Muslim countries… Islam respects women more just like sacred holy
    books.Recommend

  • https://twitter.com/Kamranhayder1 Kamran Hayder

    Want to comment something but really dont know what to write. Dont have any words !!Recommend

  • Haya

    Really? Really? THAT is what you’re gonna say now? I really hope you’re not a Pakistani. FYI, This DOES happen in Muslim countries and I’m pretty sure their religion doesn’t promote rape or incest either.
    Honestly instead of judging and having pride in something that isn’t even true, just wish the victim well or pray for her. Better yet, if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say nothing. Recommend

  • Ahmad Arslan

    Truly, human is the biggest animal in the world. Can’t express my feelings :(Recommend

  • antisadi

    If you think that, you are deluded. Yes, Islam commands a high level for respect for women, but that doesn’t mean women don’t get raped or assaulted in countries with a large Muslim population. Just because a lot of cases don’t get reported doesn’t mean shit doesn’t happenRecommend

  • jiyala

    The fact that ET published a story with strong and open sexual words (even though a tragic story) should be welcomed. When highlighting an important story such as this one, it’s the message that should matter, not the words that describe it.Recommend

  • roshe

    Nothing to write :(
    Recommend

  • Qasim Shah

    Really?are u for real?
    This happens in our country too.every DAY!and the ones to do it most are the supposedly pious bearded molvis..who don’t even leave male children alone!Recommend

  • Stunned

    What world you live in? Do you not know that Islam’s followers hardly follow Islam teachings when it comes to women specially? Have you not heard about children are raped everywhere in muslim world on daily basis including Pakistan? Stop being so naive please and come out of this silly pride and face the harsh reality. If your statement, “this seldom happens in muslim countries” is so damn true then what do you say about rapes, honor killings of women, customs like Vini and marriage with Quran etc? Stop being a moron please.Recommend

  • Ro Shan Virk

    Allah ul Kareem will punish them in this world… In Sha AllahRecommend

  • The full picture

    Indeed. I wonder if you ever go through the news and see self proclaimed baba’s raping women, wait! I’ve heard about Mukhtara Mai too.Recommend

  • Salma

    I was victim of incest and I am Muslim and live in a Muslim country. Don’t bring religion into anything. Its not about being Hindu or Muslim. Its about being a sick human being.Recommend

  • Wingless Angel

    I held my breathe until I wasn’t done reading it. You know when we say
    someone was raped, victim of incest or molested. These are the hideous
    details we hide behind these single words. This is how exactly it is
    like. I feel sad and proud both for this girl!
    hats off to you for living and overcoming such pain. I can’t imagine
    the pain when someone would say I was already naked because I knew I was
    about to get raped and there was nobody who would save me. Not even the
    ones who brought me to this world.Recommend

  • Shamuel

    Can’t say a single wordRecommend

  • http://www.thewearyscribe.com Saqib Mansoor

    @disqus_pQh0p1iXdk:disqus Stop spewing rubbish and smell the festering pool outside the comfort of your deluded life. It’s happening everywhere, even in Muslim countries.

    And even if it is not, was this the correct moment to ignite that dumb comment? Start looking at yourself in the mirror more. Recommend

  • Parvez

    You are not only very wrong……..but it seems you are happy in your self delusion. Recommend

  • AJ

    That’s crap mate, this is unfortunately a much more common occurrence in the sub continent, and the less said about “respect for women” in the middle east, the better. I am a Muslim man from a (supposedly) Muslim country. It makes me ashamed to identify myself as someone from the same region or religious and beliefs after the things I’ve seen and heard.
    Please don’t bring religion into it, every religion propagates that people should have basic rights and should be dealt with respect, etc. This issue is more to do with the society. It’s just that in the ME and subcontinent, such things are not openly seen or heard, which creates the illusion that Muslim countries are all good etc. Try opening your eyes in the real world, and you’ll be shocked beyond measure..
    Recommend

  • Seriously?

    Do you even live in Pakistan?Recommend

  • Ali ahmad

    This happens in muslim countries too and like alot. Open your eyes and look around. Islam does respect women but men dont whether they are Muslims or not. Stop being a hypocrite.Recommend

  • mim

    Are you nuts, what are you talking about…its happens everywhere in the land of pure. It happens with our masis (house help), their daughters, mentally challenged women and even the girls and women inside the confines of our “secure” homes. Ask any girl who has travelled in public transport or walked in a market how are “muslim” men treat them.Recommend

  • Sigh

    AHA. AHA. AHAHAHAHA
    Where do you live honey?
    Worse things have happened in Muslim countries especially so because sex is such a taboo. You need to research stuff before you declare things.Recommend

  • alvi

    Why do you people have to drag islam in every single discussion?Recommend

  • Arsh

    I’ve seen a father abusing his daughter. And you tell me that it doesn’t happen in our country! It’s everywhere. People just don’t tell! Kill these beasts !!!Recommend

  • Zinia

    OMG i am become speechless. Is it really happening in the world. Her relatives were worst than animals.Recommend

  • BabaSacha

    Almost everywhere this happens,,,I know girls who were spoiled by uncle (Mamu, Chacha) and very trusted maids…..!! At the time they are spoiled they even dont know defination of rape…!! All rape in the world happens due to parents responsiblity,,some are poor and some are soo busy in social media, social gathering, and illicit relations so handover their kids to be look after by devils (Maid, Uncle,Tutor,Qari,etc)…,,Recommend

  • Numan Anwar

    What would you expect ? Han , What would you EXPECT ?
    Media is busy in promoting nudity , vulgarity and crossed limits only to get high T.R rating,
    Bollywood is busy in making in Crores by screening item songs , lust , nudity and pathetic love stories.
    Tell me names of drama’s and movies which a family can sit together and watch.
    Promotion of lust , lust and lust.
    You are building minds of people in a wrong direction , if you want to stop it then forget these crore movies business and T.R rating !!
    What would you expect from a common man , who is growing in this atmosphere.Recommend

  • Moosa

    You must be the dumbest person ever!! It’s not about being a Muslim or not. Recommend

  • Sharoon Yasir

    C’mon this isn’t true. Yes Islam respects women but how many Muslim men follow what Islam says? This happens quite frequently in the Muslim Countries too. Recommend

  • Nasreen Riaz

    Oh please! Gone are the days when people had Fear of Allah pak. Now a days, every one consider oneself God and doesn’t hesitate to exploit the weak.Recommend

  • Ali

    It does happen, relatives do sometimes rape young girls. But how often are such cases highlighted in the media or brought to the police?Recommend

  • Sidra Al-Jalaly

    Crap!Recommend

  • Qasim57

    It is against our Islamic/Pakistani values to publish and promote this junk. The victim should be helped, the criminals should be punished.

    But this should not be written/published to make millions more think on these lines.Recommend

  • Zam

    We are okay with the stories… we will read them… mark our comments and then go back to sleep and next day we will vote for the same dirty and shsmeless politicians who are nothing but the jokers of the circus. How can they create or pass a law to protect the woman & kids from such incidents? Because… its okay for them if someone got raped in Dehli Bus or Sakhar ‘s villege.
    Oh human… you are not worthy of that word now.Recommend

  • babar

    Islam respects but people don’t
    Recommend

  • Shahid Ahmed

    Humans are supposed to fight Iblees but instead many choose to become his desciples & that is the reason that this world is in turmoil
    Allmighty Allah sent many prophets to lead the human race on his right path, but many preferred to follow iblees to terrible hell forever in the never in the never ending life hereafter rather than following the straight path of Allah ( SWT) one & only one creator & master of all known & unknown things
    The rulers & people with worldly powers will also burn forever burn in hell for not taking strong / effective steps to check / control crime / poverty
    Islamic rules are the only effective way to check all types of crimecrime but the devil influences his desciples to brand them as inhuman laws
    It is the distance from the only true religion which has put this world in a mad frenzy & will result in total ultimate destruction as is the result of going against any law of nature
    All who read this must understand that our worldly / ultimate fate has been given in our hands by Allmighty Allah
    SO CHOSE & DECIDE FOR YOUR SELFRecommend

  • Hassan Abbasi

    Explaining the story could have been little tidier, every one knows, what body parts are involved when someone is raped. but mentioning it like a story, is indicative of as usual smoke from Tribune group. Explaining sex positions, and acts in a sad story doesnt show any decency or sympathy.
    Smoking is injurious to health too, you didnt do anything great there a well.
    If you have sympathy with all those tearful eyes, start exposing the zionist media, which is promoting, sexuality vulgarity, which is also contributing towards rape factor.

    Recommend

  • Mujeeb

    U need to leave your cocoon and look aroundRecommend

  • hasan

    it happens in Muslim countries too… but surely no one is here have a moral to tell that to anyone…Recommend

  • Aethist

    you bloody piece of crap..how come you bring the debate of religion here..the situation is much worst in Muslim state..we know how woman is treated in so called Muslim countries.
    Recommend

  • Anushe

    Which world are you living in?Recommend

  • …….

    A chilly wind blew inside me after reading this… May Allah give this girl jazaaand better life he and after…Ameen..
    Recommend

  • NRS

    Says who? I live in a muslim country and trust me it happens here but is rather never surfaced on media. Because there are some muslim countries where woman herself is punished for being raped. Please don’t blabber crap and misguide peopel. Bad thing happen to people every where in theworld and there is no exception to muslim countries. Because bad people are found everywhere. The evil in oneself do not surface based on religion. It’s a disease that plagues the entire world!! Recommend

  • No Mo

    Materialism and money oriented approach disgrace the very basic components of relations and Humanity. It’s not depict nervelessly response of her family rather it shows their love for money……………Recommend

  • Shah Atherr Alam

    You’re mistaken my brother, there are many instances like this in poor regions of Pakistan as well.Recommend

  • BHARANEE

    What world is dis , full of selfish and cruel people , not even god can help us.Recommend

  • Ali

    We are a bunch of animals!
    People like this should be executed!Recommend

  • Hera Iftikhar

    Are you blind? What makes you think this SELDOM happens in Muslim countries? Have you seen the state of Pakistan!? This is fairly common practice but sick twisted people like you choose to ignore it. ISLAM may respect women..but you men certainly dont. Kindly stop linking religion to countries. Religion is no justification for character. And based on your comment..you dont have much of a character anywayRecommend

  • Sue Aqeel

    You are absolutely wrong Sadi. I worked on this issue for sometime after a very close friend was repeatedly raped by her father,,,,,,,,,a muslim. The numbers were shockingly alarming and mostly fathers were involved.
    This has nothing to do with religion; it’s all about men’s lust and low morals.Recommend

  • Muhammad Ibrahim Khan

    wrong, Please don’t tag this matter with religion, and Countries, there’s crappiest type of ppl everywhere thy don’t deserve leaving on earth, but they are……
    crappiest mentality , sick and useless ppl have no respect for women………………..Recommend

  • Nali

    Are you seriously joking and using a praise to Allah that it seldom happens? What disgusting and empty minded thinking? Thid happens everywhere! Religion has nothing to do with it because their are horrible monsters amongst us all. Islam respects women but the people the hypocritical men in particular are spineless and have raped their daughters, sisters and women the same! Even one rape is wrathful and you use thr word seldom!Recommend

  • Husky

    Recently i have read so many such stories about indian women being in agonising state…. Seen such videos which can traumatise one. How can India call them as developed country . …..Sorry my fellow indian nation …..I feel sorry for you that knowning all this yet u have keep quite and watch your bollywood speak the fake india.
    Recommend

  • Amir Yaqub

    I have seen the comments inserted by many, strangely few are sympathising with the poor girl. Instead the discussion seem to focus on religion and region. Is that all we the civilized people can contribute. If raping and killing and doing other crimrz has any thing to do with religion, trust me almost all of us are part of at least one of these criminal beliefs. Recommend

  • maheen

    kya bakwaas comment hai….. Most of it is in Muslim countries…. get your head out of the sand!!!Recommend

  • Navaira Ali

    Agreed…Recommend

  • Shahid Umrani

    hera iftikhar I agreed with you.we always put religion in fornt to defend ourselves we respect womens just in word’s. check first your own characters then put fingers to other’s. May Allah give all of us hidayah.Recommend

  • Maaz Ghauri

    No words to sayRecommend

  • Suhaib Aamir

    Thank you Express Tribune for sharing another erotica story during the holy month of Ramdhan.
    U r the best fetish and kinky newspaper on earth. The stories you guys present are the best fiction fantasies one can ever read.
    Readers stay in touch with Express Tribune for all the masala, sexy n pornographic news from Pakistan n around the world.Recommend

  • Bilal Fazal

    Stop dragging religion in every shit. according to our faith daughters and sons of Adam had sex which is called Incest so the human race grew. Right? Additionally there are many such cases in muslim countries as well. This is a psychological issue it can happen in any society be it muslim or non-muslim.Recommend

  • RK

    Im a doctor n personally knw three Muslim girls who r raped by their own real father on regular basis. N no one in the family s raising voice Recommend

  • Haresh Talreja

    I wish I could do something more better than to just write on this post…!!!!!Recommend

  • Lt

    I hate to bring it to you but raping a 7 year old is pedophilia – it happens everywhere regardless of race or religion, more so in countries where there is little if any accountability and weak rule of law. And it is sick, a soul piercing crime that robs a child of their innocence.Recommend

  • Syed

    Wrong! I know many cases of rape victims in our society. From the westenised elite to the poorest of the poor. Lets not pretend here.Recommend

  • bilal rana

    Guys it’s not about religion it’s all about the people, not a single religion permits to do this crap… its the people who become animal
    Recommend

  • Kashif khan

    Seriously no words after reading this blog, such people are disgrace to whole humanity, no matter which religion or caste they belong to.Recommend

  • Mohammad

    The story narrated, if true, is very saddening and regrettable, while we must take all the necessary steps to eradicate these evils of out societies. However, this story could have been narrated by the author in some responsible and professional manner instead of making it look like an erotic/sensual piece. disgusting! These are cheap ways of getting popularity and high ratings these days. I wonder where is the ET sensor team now a days…Recommend

  • saeed

    it happens in Muslim countries but in a very small percentage.
    Because Islam teaches us to respect our ladiesRecommend

  • Raheel Khan

    Agreed.. It does not have anything to do with the religion. Such beastly acts happen everywhere.
    I hope people start to respect other females the way they respect their own mothers and sisters.Recommend

  • adil

    What is the need of publishing such stories? This is going to make situation worse rather than improve. Your media has turned human into animals. Did you ever published a story regarding how we are spoiling our people through our media and 18+ internet? Did you ever post a story about how dating and socializing sites spoiling our youth? Did you ever post an article about how the uncontrol media is brainwashing our youth for adultery?Recommend

  • Saad Niaz

    The people saying that” all men are not same”, I just wanna say that they have not got an opportunity… Shareef sirf wohi banda Hai jisay mauqa nahi mila…!!!Recommend

  • Saad Niaz

    U r talking about poor regions… There r examples in well educated families too… There r no differences between rich and poor…!!! Recommend

  • Jayesh Mirchandani

    Dude rape happens in every country.Even US,UK have rape problems,that doesnt stop you from calling them as developed country so why this double standard with India?Recommend

  • Umair

    No words. Recommend

  • Mehreen

    I have a friend whose young son was abused in Madrasas. Get out of this self-denial syndrome. It happens in all countries including Pakistan.Recommend

  • saud saleem

    makes me wanna cut thier throats………………!!!!!!!!!They will not be forgiven in the afterlife For there’s HELL wiating for themRecommend

  • israr

    Right because it is not religious practicesRecommend

  • Mr Nauman

    kuin k Islam 1 muqamal zabata e hayat ha!Recommend

  • Salim Alvi

    Hope this is not Nautanki of shakespearwale like http://www.gujaratriots.com/index.php/page/2/?sRecommend

  • Salim Alvi

    Why is Shruti raping her own lungs with Anglo introduced tobacco? Why erudite wana be Anglo Rumela celebrating this Lungs Rape?Recommend

  • liberal-lubna-fromLahore

    sounds like a fictional tale for no one is this cruel or surely it must have happened in a backward country like India.Recommend

  • liberal-lubna-fromLahore

    because it preaches the ideal way of living lifeRecommend

  • liberal-lubna-fromLahore

    what a irrelevant comment. so u r saying if u get a “MAUQA” u will do it? this is absolutely pathetic as u r being an apologist for rapists. Recommend

  • Milind A

    Excuse me…I’m a non-Muslim with limited knowledge of Islam, but I’m sure (from talking to Muslim friends) that this month is about penance, taking stock of your deeds, facing reality and identifying with the pain of the oppressed – and by pain I just don’t mean hunger. And this blog does just that, but you’re unable to do that… Son…looks like you have more work (spiritual & personal growth) to do..Recommend

  • ZM19

    The need to publish such stories is to bring attention to them. By not speaking up and by not condemning such actions publicly means that we have silently given our consent. Maintaining silence and covering up such stories signifies that we don’t care about standing up for the oppressed.

    There is a popular hadith or teaching of the Prophet Mohammad (s.a.w) on this matter.

    I think there it a very wise statement and regardless of your religious beliefs, it is something that EVERYONE should incorporate in their lives. Caring about one an other is what makes us human.Recommend

  • ZM19

    How was this comment approved?

    Please remove this at once! Regardless of the fact that this is sarcasm it is a vile and hateful comment.Recommend

  • ZM19

    First of all cases of rape, sexual abuse, pedophilia, incest predate modern technology, Bollywood and the media in general. So please stop hiding behind that nonexistent veil.

    Secondly, every normal human being expects a common man NOT TO RAPE ANYONE. There is NO EXCUSE to rape a child, a man, a woman, an animal or anyone.

    Why does the notion of NOT RAPING ANYONE seem so foreign to you ?

    Rape is NOT a normal reaction to watching a couple kiss on the big screen.Recommend

  • Jannat Anees

    Of course, but you are wrong. Islam has given more rights to women than the West. But isn’t Pakistan a Muslim nation? Where so many girls are raped everyday! This isn’t the way a Muslim nation was supposed to be liez and this is because of lack of education- people are beasts! Recommend

  • Saadi

    OMG……..that’s life in most case….let’s not leave the voice unheard
    Recommend

  • Jehanzeb

    Worse than being raped is the fact that she found her parents to be accomplices.Recommend

  • Sheikh Arhum

    In every country this is happening somewhere it is hidden and somewhere shown .. but no one come closer to any crime happening infront of them …. May Allah Almighty give shruti strenght and power to face her problems … i wish that every men should respect women … May Allah give shruti a peacefull place in heaven .. and May those people die as badly as possible who ruined shruti’s life ….Recommend

  • Sheikh Arhum

    Agreed ..Recommend

  • Sheikh Arhum

    It,s not about religion .. every religion respects women … there are men who are becoming sick ..Recommend

  • Sheikh Arhum

    Girls can’t even say a lill word for their own life … Islam is a very kind religion but most of the muslims thinks that girls are just the punistment for them … girls can ruin their respect but what are muslim mens doing if they do zina then they have no objection .. i am Muslim guy … i see these types of cases in daily life here in pakistan .. May Allah brings every men on a straight path .Recommend