Why people should NOT get married in Pakistan

Published: May 2, 2015
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Years later, today, I have developed an aversion to the concept of shaadi. PHOTO: PINTEREST

Before you wrinkle your eyebrows in a ‘holier-than-thou’ frown and judge my very existence, let me assure you that this blog is not a preaching of what you should or should not do. This blog is based on mere observations of human relationships and a concept that defines our lives in so many ways – shaadi (marriage).

I was familiar with this word at a very young age. But it was at the age of six when my brother (eight-years-old then) told me something that freaked me out. In sheer exasperation, that only an older brother can have, he said,

“I can’t wait till we marry you off so that you’re not around to annoy us anymore.”

“I’ll still be here,” I said.

“No, you’ll be living at your husband’s house. You won’t live with us forever.”

I don’t think it would be an exaggeration to say that the ground beneath my little feet shook as I came to realise he was serious. I did what any six-year-old would do, I burst into tears.

“What? No. How is that possible? Husband? I can’t leave my house, this is where I live. Why would you say that? Ama Baba will never let me leave! They won’t let me go, I’m their daughter. Will you leave too when you get married?”

These were the questions I somehow managed to word out.

With regret on his face, my brother apologised and calmed me down. He explained that every girl has to leave her parents’ house after marriage. He explained how our mom lives with us and our dad and not with Nana Nani (maternal grandparents). He said just like she left her house to live with her husband, I will have to as well.

That was my first reality check.

Marriage isn’t all fun and games; it is something that takes you away from all the things you love. It’s better for boys; their lives pretty much stay the same. But for girls, your entire life will change. Since then I began to observe our society. I observed married people and their actions. As a student of psychology, I analysed their verbal and non-verbal cues, signs of distress, facial expressions and body language.

While people my age ventured into relationships and ‘dating’, I became that one friend who gave the best relationship advice and who knew what to do despite never being in a long-term relationship.

Years later, today, I have developed an aversion to the concept of shaadi. People shouldn’t get married and here are my reasons. Once again, these reasons are based solely on observations.

The institution

No, I don’t believe the institution of marriage is flawed. Since the beginning of time, through religion, culture and society, people were to find a partner to spend their lives with, in holy matrimony. Marriage was a sacred bond; legends and epic tales are proof of the sacredness of this union.

Today in our times, however, this institution has lost its sacredness because people stopped respecting the bond itself. It became a ritual performed because ‘we have to’. Parents took it upon themselves to get their children married to the most suitable partners. Consumerism increased the need of more rituals, a need to display the union to the world along with a desire to compete, boast and beat others at it. Shaadi no longer means marriage, it means wedding.

Our generation

The generations before ours (our parents, grandparents, etc) had a different meaning of relationships than we do. For them, it was all about compromise and fixing things. They are the kind of couples who go through hell and still stick together. I’m sorry but I don’t think our generation has what it takes to tolerate and be with each other through thick and thin. The rising divorce rates back up this argument.

We, the youth, are conditioned to be independent and free thinkers. What we read, learn and watch (through the media) has evolved us into accepting individualism. We rebel against the system, question norms and think out of the box – that is what our generation is. There is nothing wrong with these qualities but perhaps it is these qualities that cause problems in relationships.

When both the partners are so opinionated and do not have the ability to compromise or sacrifice their own needs and wants for the other, then how is a relationship supposed to work?

They call us the resilient generation, well resilience also counts for our ability to move on and bounce back when a relationship ends, so perhaps that’s why we don’t try to fix relationships and work on them the way our parent or grandparents did.

Divorce is no longer taboo; if we can’t stand someone anymore, we leave or think of leaving.

Sexist time bomb

Our society is extremely sexist to BOTH the genders, especially when it comes to marriage. Not only does a girl have to leave her home, her room, her parents and her freedom to move in with her husband, she also has a constant psychological ‘tick-tock’ on her head since the day she turns 20.

Trust me, this tick-tock is a constant nuisance hanging over heads. There is so much that I want to do with my life. I want to study, work, build a career, travel the world, and write a book! To this argument, I am told by everyone,

“So, no one is stopping you. You can do all of this after your shaadi.”

Agreed that you can study after marriage and work post-shaadi but what about the other things?

Will my husband have the patience to let me be locked in my room writing for most of the day? Will he be fine if I want to focus on my career for five years and not have children?

And boys don’t have it too easy either.

While a boy gets to live in his own home with his parents after shaadi (lucky son of a gun), he also faces the constant tick-tock. He is told he has to complete his entire education, build his career and get settled at least by mid or late 20s so that he can ‘afford’ to have a wife and family. I really don’t think that’s fair. The pressure of getting the best job and high-figure salary can be really stressful.

What if he wants to become an artist or travel, things that won’t get him the money he needs. What about his dreams?

Marriage is a full-stop to our dreams. They say we can pursue them after shaadi but who are we kidding?

 Shaadi changes people

During the pre-nuptial period, everyone is on their best behaviour. Not just the couple but the families of both treat each other like royals. It is all about gifts, wedding preparations and impressing each other.

It is only after the shaadi that everyone becomes comfortable with each other and reveals their true selves. Mother-in-laws, who before the wedding sang praises of how perfect their bahus (daughter-in-laws) are, begin to mentally make a list of all the things their bahu does wrong and how awful she is. The bahu suddenly sits, walks, cooks and breathes in the wrong way.

For the bahu, she begins to see her mother-in-law as nothing less than Cruella De Vil.

Every single person in both families feels responsible and overly concerned about the couple and their relationship. They become mediators and judges even though no one asks them too.

The boy and girl gradually begin to change into constantly irritable, annoyed and bezaar (fed up) human beings. Stress levels increase, tempers boil and each day, the ability to tolerate each other reduces.

These are some of my reasons (I have many more) of why people shouldn’t get married and why I won’t (till my parents have had enough of my excuses). I have seen and heard of so many couples getting divorced (many who were deeply in love with each other), people cheating, families turning against each other, children fighting with parents, people ending relationships in a blink of an eye. I have heard of khalas (maternal aunts) turned mother-in-laws, physically abusing the bahu. I have heard of a man throwing his wife out on the street a week after their love marriage. I have heard of in-laws kicking the girl out because she couldn’t produce a son.

I have heard of enough shaadi horror stories to loathe the entire concept.

If this is what holy matrimony and relationships come to then thank you very much, but I’m better off.

Sonal Arshad Siraj

Sonal Arshad Siraj

A student of psychology and social sciences, who likes to eat and write in that order. She tweets @Sonal_arshad (twitter.com/Sonal_arshad?lang=en)

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.

  • lkhan

    well said. travel the world, do continue to write, and lead your individual life until and unless you find a man who respects all your qualities, individual rights, and takes you far from those horrid in-laws!!! Marriage today is a farce….Recommend

  • Ozair

    A very childish and naive article. I am sure she will be married in the next 2 to 3 yearsRecommend

  • laila

    I love everything that u have written….keep it up, I wish girls every where could adopt this conceptRecommend

  • Fawad

    I am a male and i agree that marriage is a menaceRecommend

  • https://twitter.com/MalikSaabSays MalikSaabi

    I think you have a lot to say but too little space to say it in, and too few who might actually listen.
    A lot to be agreed with. As I write this, a loud disagreement is going on between the ladies in the neighbourhood. Impeccable timing.

    Marriage is… something. It’s not to be taken lightly, not to be taken in jest, not to be thrown away as obsolete.
    There were all sorts of marriage stories of peoples past; same is the case today. Some in the new generation are even better at it than their elders, while some get it so very wrong its bewildering.

    This too shall pass, and you too shall wed – such is life – what you make of it is part destiny, part your own effort; one you accept, the other you take care of yourself. Recommend

  • kaamAdmi

    No animal ever got marriedRecommend

  • kaamAdmi

    Every one is entitled for his/her own choice. But we must remember one thing no animal ever got married. also humans are social animal. Some more social ….some more otherwiseRecommend

  • anon0912

    Honestly i agree with you.Being 20,the world marriage to me right now just means responsibilities.That means i have to earn and take care of a wife and kid.Plus i don’t think people are meant to be 50 years together anyways and science backs me up.Whether i will give in or not later on,only time will tell.But no matter what you say,us humans have a need for human contact and yearning to share a bond with someone that transcends understanding..to be adored and understood on a deeper level but unfortunately most of us take for granted what we already have.Recommend

  • shinaaya

    I really wanna know y u find it childish? Please elaborate. I am sure u must have something in mind when u judged it Recommend

  • Khalid

    stop denouncing marriage or bring an alternative the article is a piece of confusion because author has to follow any system and most people in our country follow the marriage institute,and of course in west there is an alternative to marriage,which author can not endorse openly in our part of the world,due to reasons one can understand although in west marriage is really difficult due to legal consequnces of divorce,when both spouses suffer equally,so rather than not believing in marriage,improve ur cultural,social,legal shortcomings in our society or one can follow the westren alternative which of course is currently not applicable in our country,
    Only denouncing something without presenting alternative is deficient and creates more confusion among people who are already confused.Recommend

  • Annonymous

    You just proved her point. You’re the reason our society gives no space to women to actually have a life after they get married.Recommend

  • Parvez

    The fear of the unknown that was in you as a little six year old seems still to reside in you even today. The bond of marriage is an evolutionary step in the life cycle, its not easy but its fulfilling……and your apprehensions of loosing your individuality is misplaced because that would depend entirely on you.
    You claim that today’s girl is independent and different and you may be right but remember that today’s boy has also evolved…….so its up to you to choose wisely.Recommend

  • Sabeet

    To be very honest; this article is very well articulated!! I for one agree that the meaning of marriage has been lost and we do need reform-Major Reform!Recommend

  • Sarah Rehan

    Loved reading this! Especially your account at age 6. Agree with almost all of your words and thoughts.

    Good luck with life and co-existence with the haphazard social order around you, my friend.Recommend

  • Iftikhar Ali
  • Saad

    Much sooner than that, I have already sent my rishta proposal to her placeRecommend

  • Jawad Ul Hassan

    Rightly pointed out…
    go girl…Recommend

  • abc

    Lol………… I know few others like you, who are not getting any proposal are talking in same toneRecommend

  • AmericanMuse

    Yes indeed! People should not get married in Pakistan, or anywhere else either. Marriage is a dying institution and will not be around in a few generations from now.Recommend

  • Adeel

    She is spot-on when she says, “No, I don’t believe the institution of marriage is flawed. Today in our times, however, this institution has lost its sacredness because people stopped respecting the bond itself.”

    And the irony is you can sometimes convince people around you but they won’t support you for the fear of “Zamana” “Log kia kahien ge?”.Recommend

  • Z Khan

    Very well written , though I disagree with a few of the assumptions about the in-laws(that’s not always the case). Especially the “Sextime bomb” para…..Recommend

  • Jehanzeb Mahar

    How will the people satisfy their sexual urge? Recommend

  • Huz Younus

    Dear kid..you seem to be a great writer..but a very poor observer…your reasons are very childish and immature..you need to work hard in this sector.. May allah guide you.Recommend

  • zoalord12

    i agree with most of what u’ve said, but the solution is to find a genuine partner, not a time pass lover. also, improve ur english if u wan to write a book, use “to” instead of “too” here …….”They become mediators and judges even though no one asks them too”Recommend

  • Qasim

    The Bond always works for those who are not myopic and foresee there similarties and otherwise in a realistic manner, or for those who are well seasoned into the status quo established by the society: to compromise at all and then the comes the happy chant, they lived happily ever after.Recommend

  • Aamir Khan

    I stopped reading at “It’s better for boys; their lives pretty much stay the same.”Recommend

  • asher

    I guess if the whole article supposed to be true then there shouldn’t be any marriages at all..Recommend

  • GI JOE

    What a trashy article.Recommend

  • haseeb

    Here we go again, another song about “Innocence of Women” OR “After all we are living in Male’s world”. :-)Recommend

  • Saad Bin Javed

    Life will teach her a very powerful lesson if she goes through with this fantasy.Recommend

  • Ajay gupta

    No wonder you are marriage phobic if your 8 yr old brother knew with confidence that one day you will be gone and all that he sees around him will be his. Of course his thinking is at par with the laws of the land and the mental makeup of the society u live in. Charity begins at home. Your parents need to change your brother’s mentality before they can hope to have a broad minded man for their daughter!Recommend

  • https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=8559594100366660134#allposts Supriya Arcot

    Why so negative ?Recommend

  • Moeed Khalid

    chucklesRecommend

  • Mohsen Ansari

    Great write-up! Today for the condition for boys its the salary figure which should be in 6 figure and profession. For girls condition is to most beautiful girl in the world who can work like a maid after marriage.Recommend

  • Asfandyar Khan

    Somebody got rejectedRecommend

  • p r sharma

    The misleading title is given by the ET personnel to sensationalize the blog.. author has all the observation /hearsay from the society . So the problem lies with the individuals and not with the institution of marriage. In case you don’t have sufficient opportunity to know about your prospective life partner there is every possibility of a failed marriage particularly when you do not give space to the other. If after marriage each wants and expects the other to mould as per his/her liking relationship is bound to get deteriorated.Recommend

  • Aftab Riaz

    Hmm…
    immaturity at its peak.!Recommend

  • Lost

    Another rant, another blog Recommend

  • riziriz

    It is men of our society who have failed to respect this sacred institution and also the failure of women who have become mothers of those men and forgotten a simple fact that they were also women and so are their daughters.
    Husband is supposed to be one very special friend or should I say BFF.
    rizwanRecommend

  • Ovais Syed

    Everything was so biased in this article. I am afraid what she has to say about the 80% (according to a gallup survey) happily married couples. This is life, and life demands compromises. They can be on your goals, ambitions, and ofcourse on you lifestyle. Childish, naive, and very biased.Recommend

  • areeba

    Very nice….!!!Recommend

  • Dr. Ayesha Jamil

    Would u throw away a car just because u dont know how to drive it? There’s a right way to do things… u cant escape just because it is difficult…. not marrying has bigger consequences on the society and individuals… what about future generation? Can a child grow up in the absence of a stable household? u r a psychology student.. u must have read abt child psychology as well… Or nobody should bear children either? I am not judging u but u published ur opinion on a public forum… ppl hv every right to contradictRecommend

  • Samman

    Compared to girls, it is better but definitely not the same. Recommend

  • mooodey

    Some of it is true but most of it is nothing but a pile of silly stuff. I don’t understand what’s wrong with ladies or gentlemen these days. Let’s not complicate a relationship which is so pure & divine. I’m not being dramatic here, I’m a married man and I strongly believe that sacrifices are STILL THERE, compromises are STILL THERE and the love is STILL
    THERE. Let’s not mess it up. Please? No? Ok. Recommend

  • Abracadabra

    You will be criticized for writing this piece. But it is good that you did. Do what makes you happy. Most people are like sheep, they do what they are told. It takes courage to do something different. In the long run, we are all dead so might as well live your life the way you want to.Recommend

  • Bushra

    Well written but I don’t understand why the title says “in Pakistan” … This is sort of a global trend. I guess its just there to make the topic sound more controversial. Media gimmicks!Recommend

  • kzr313

    I don’t think she said anything about having children growing up in the absence of a stable household.
    Your comment is based on the assumption that she means people shouldn’t get married but should be having kids anyway.
    And again, she’s not forcing her opinion on anyone, people will still do what they want to. We need to be less shocked and outraged by people’s opinions (right or wrong) if we are to grow as a society and be able to expand our consciousness.
    Personally, I think fewer people should be having children (and fewer children) as I feel most people don’t fully appreciate the magnitude of the task and the effects their actions can have on the lives of their children and society. Most people have kids because that’s just what people do right? (Get married, have kids…)
    But again, just my opinion.
    Recommend

  • Zeen zeen

    So true …our traditional Pakistani marriage is fixing and compromising and they are a kind of couples who go through hell but still stick together. I agree with you.. I just don’t know why our parents don’t leave us to make our decision our own for marriage & to chose the person we do wish to marry ..after all they give us education up to the level of 18 still they want us to live life on their ways and their rules… Recommend

  • Ammar

    Instead of completely writing against marriage you should have written how to improve them. It seem like u r also full of negativityRecommend

  • rameez khan

    A very nicely written article clearly stating the present society and the problems within. I 100% agree with the concerns highlighted in there and yes it takes guts to compromise and i dnt want to quote a figure here but yes its the girl who has to compromise and men stick to there thinking which leads to problems.
    But at the same time you cannot deny the fact that there are gopd conaiderate people within our society and the world that do realize the sacrifies a girl makes and act accordingly so u all it takes is to have a good education be as nice as possible and enjoy the ride to hell coz in the end its better to be married and have someone close to talk to when u r in ur last stages then regret not having one because u were to naive to take this step.

    In the end its good to read the concerns of the society through these articles . makes the sensible think and pave the way forward for themselves !

    CheersRecommend

  • islooboy
  • ارشد حسین

    I agree with you, We have to sacrifice in every aspect of like like study, living, job business, social stuff
    Then why to blame only this pure loving relation.Recommend

  • Deen Sheikh

    The generations before ours (our parents, grandparents, etc) had a different meaning of relationships than we do. For them, it was all about compromise and fixing things. They are the kind of couples who go through hell and still stick together. I’m sorry but I don’t think our generation has what it takes to tolerate and be with each other through thick and thin. Therising divorce rates back up this argument

    She makes a Valid point on rising divorce rates…..people have become too self obsessed.Recommend

  • Danish Dildar ALI

    I have some more reasons to share with her, wish I could talk to her. And I really enjoyed her satirist approach lolx; well yes she is right but she lacks some more fundamental reasons which are the base of all the major problems in many societies around the world especially in India.Recommend

  • Danish Dildar ALI

    easy for you to say; do you even process anything ? ? ?Recommend

  • kk

    Sacrifices by female partners only/Recommend

  • Individualist

    Finally someone speaking truth about marriages in Pakistan! Recommend

  • Sidra Riaz

    I can relate to every word you`ve written except for how you assumed that men don`t have to change much after marriage. I think men too have a compromise a lot and it is an equally difficult decision for them too. Rest assured, I sure as hell don`t want to get married (not atleast anytime soon).Recommend

  • Saba

    I do believe that men are as stressed and pressured as girls but that doesnt mean that are supposed to be superior. Also the typical mentality that still prevails in our society needs to change. There are few households that still feel that women should not be working, and they should be more understanding towards their husbands cause they earn and feed you. But the truth lies that things are changing and women are as hardworking as men, they also can travel and have life of their own which they never had before. Our mothers and khalas never had life of their own, so its important to balance the things out and create an environment that should have equality not in how much salary or gender but towards treating them with respect and and showing tolerance and listening to them as no human is perfect and believes to make mistakes.Recommend

  • Sadia Sheikh

    Totally agree. The problem is not in marriage, it is in how our society has influenced such a beautiful relation by all the negative ways possibleRecommend

  • Sheikh Danish Ejaz

    very interesting read… a lot of points are spot on! though there is some lack of experience which i wont blame you for :)…Recommend

  • AM

    sweetheart. life is like this, not always rosy..did u commit suicide? do u eer imagine that lufe shoudnt have happend so u would have been saved from the stress? No, u didnt stopped living becasue its tough at times, and u dont stop getting into relationships because it might hurt u. pretty immature on your part but wont blame you. just a word of advice, get to know your partner before marrige and be his best friend, love evaporates after a few years its the friendship and trust that keeps u together, as for susral, they re nobody, dont listen to every tom dick and harry and wory aout thoer opinions, never share the personal stuff between u and hubby with ANYONE, not your parents not even ur best friend. get married. its beautiful and miserable at the same time. just like Life. GoodluckRecommend

  • Shumaila Siddiqui

    AgreedRecommend

  • Ghazanfar Ahmed

    This is a good read Sonal, few misconceptions are there but I liked the guys salary part. Best of luck.Recommend

  • turtlehead

    i think she would want it that way too. Its her life and her mistakes.Recommend

  • Turtlehead

    Good read ! I totally agree with you ! best to not get married until one feels ready for it, age is just a number that’s all ! I wish you the very best in life !!Recommend

  • Turtlehead

    Saad – She is sure to Reject youRecommend

  • Arsal

    Just follow ISLAM u will get the answer of everythingRecommend

  • Misbah saad

    I have only one problem why she used our country Name Pakistan … Marriage problems she wrote is almost related to every country even American facing the worst relationship problems
    Dear I just want to say don’t use our country in negative wen I read the title of this story I push myself to read this story to know k aisa kia ho gia Pakistan Mae

    I don’t stay Pakistani couples r perfect but much better then rest of the world
    “Careful wen u use our Pakistan name”
    Recommend

  • Junaid Khan

    LOL… All i can sayRecommend

  • Abbas Khan

    I love turtles.Recommend

  • umam

    agreed with you zeenRecommend

  • Saman Irshad

    Well said….life is all about balance….

    Recommend

  • Danish Zaidi

    Very true!!!. Very logical explanation and reasoning have been provided in this article. i ll be marrying in next month and now had a same feeling what you have expressed, being a boy even i have now so much fears….Recommend

  • Raaz

    Nonsense article…… It suggests all marriages are hell a bias assumption n of course how does it justify living single is blessed ….. Immature write n content should be throughly examined before printing!!! Recommend

  • billy

    she is soo right…about everything !!Recommend

  • Aleeha

    Sonal I really appreciate what you have written. Being a woman I share your views. Marriage is not the ultimate goal of life and this is what our society needs to learn. I, myself have heard horrible stories of married couples and it was not until someone very close to me became a victim of this institution that I realized I’m never getting married. It takes time to know your life partner and just when you start to see each others true self that you are already knocked up(pregnant). That is when the worst part begins and you realize that you have nowhere to go. People tell you to accept each other for who you are and devote your life for your child. Forget all about your dreams and plans and become the scapegoat you were destined to be.Recommend

  • Aleeha

    Zeen this problem is not only present in Pakistan. Please read Written In The Stars by Aesha Saeed.Recommend

  • Hassan Farid

    This is so childish. I bet this girl is going to marry her phopho’s son who is bald and an electrical engineer. He lives in gulf and is in early 30s.Recommend

  • Syed Ahsan Ahmad

    Oh yes finally some one with brains Sonal Arshad Siraj thank you for putting out this idea looking forward to join hands,
    and don’t listen to those who tell you that its crazy because people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the once who do.Recommend

  • Zahra Rhm

    i used to think like this too but now i have changed , god forbid if i would have married at that time , my husband would be most unluckiest man on earth because i was not ready for responsibilities , now my husband will be lucky to have me because i am different now. i think people should understand this , when kids are young they want to chase their dreams and so stupid things , let them be stupid ,in few years they will find out their ways in life .they always change , always ……Recommend

  • Zanie

    great work!!Recommend

  • Zanie

    Why “in Pakistan” ??? don’t forget the others!!Recommend

  • Komal

    Actually, all these issues arise when people marry too early, and come under pressures from their families. They should marry late, when they’re financially stable, not just ditch the idea of marriage altogether. Marriage is actually a pretty special bond, don’t make it seem like some terrible thing.
    Recommend

  • Sam Holland

    I think she just wrote the basic red lines of a yash raj Bollywood movie grinnRecommend

  • Sarah

    My opinions happen to be akin! What she described was not only her observation but I’m certain many young Pakistani girls feel the same. It’s not being negative about getting married, she’s repelled because of the way marriages in our society turn out to be. “Full stop to your dreams” is a fact. Get married, settle down, keep your husband and his relatives content… This is what is taught to a girl who is ready tie the knot. Nobody cares how she dreamed her life to be. She does everything she’s asked to and never gets time to listen to her own heart. It’s everything but a fairy tale. A girl should at least be given sometime to live her own dreams, own life till she’s mentally prepare to take any responsibility!Recommend

  • Graham Goon

    Aahh the naivete of the young….. makes me chuckles. Marriage isn’t perfect but neither is a society where this institution loses its place. Look to the Scandinavian and French for what that society would be like and unfortunately it’s the women who will bear the brunt of that decision. Maybe when she grows up…..Recommend

  • samma

    did a five year old write this article? dear if you want to stay locked up in your room all day after marriage I don’t think marriage is for you. As for our the older generation “sticking it out through thick and thin” it’s all bcuz of the pressure society put on them they did not have the freedom to get out of unhappy and forced marriages. atleast our generation doesn’t stand for such kinda crapRecommend

  • Waleed Sabir

    what does it have to do with Pakistan….it is a global trend…..it happens all over world and both genders face problems adjusting into the new life styleRecommend

  • Izzah Khan

    This is such a baseless article that doesn’t need to be in Tribune. And why does the title specifically mention Pakistan. A lot of these gender norms and marriage institution grounds are seen the world over.Recommend

  • http://about.me/utg001 utg001

    I agree with the psychological analysis of the writer, it is almost exactly what I have been through, and I have seen similar cases happen to my friends. What worries me most is not that I have t go through this, but the fact that I cannot do anything about it if I do not like this system. There goes my freedom of love and life.Recommend

  • Izzah Khan

    You could have approached this in a better way. How about contentment and satisfaction that is a major driving force in a solid marriage..Recommend

  • Shaqran Zuberi

    I Strongly disagree with this article, had it been written by someone from the west then it could have made some sense but in east specially in our country thats what the CULTURE is, thats what we are, thats what family is. If such mentality is there then it means living with parents and taking care of them is also obsolete now as it also hinders the freedom liberty and career etc etc. In our culture, religion and society there are some designated places for Men and Women. But yes if you compare it with west then no argument.

    P.s witing skills of the author are highly appreciated.Recommend

  • Saad

    there are good and bad sides to everything, the author has merely pointed out the bad one. i’m a married man, a dad and we’re loving every second of it.

    all relationships can go bad, so some of the things mentioned here are just not exclusive to marriages. those that are, are a result of us not being able to adjust to the new lifestyle, which can hardly be blamed on marriages or marriages in pakistan.

    as far as the norms go there are some scary things associated with the whole deal, but then in my opinion only a lesser person should shy away from marriage purely on that logic. why not get married and break those stupid norms, or better still don’t let them affect you have have people respect the way you want things to be. it’s difficult, not impossible. there comes a time when others ahve to give in, its all a matter of who has stronger resolve…

    i believe its pretty immature to define marriages in a linear way and coming out with a single effective plan of action (or no action)…Recommend

  • Talha Khan

    It is a well written blog….I usually found such discussions until someone not get married….or one want to delay…..but after the marriage I usually found things calm…in majority cases….its about how u take the relationship….every relationship is not at all start of rebellion :pRecommend

  • Adeel Siddiqui

    well, firstly its sad u had to go through a traumatic childhood experience, the result of which may be this article and the opinion u have formed about marriage, thinking about it all these years. i probably would form the same opinion were i in ur shoes. but then i wouldn’t generalize it. itd just be my bad experience. secondly, ur article contradicts itself. u start by saying ur not going to preach what one should do or not, and u end it by saying what one should not do!? and third, what is the point of this article? kick out religion from this topic for a sec, marriage is still a humanly need and to some extent i would say a necessity too(hint: Maslow’s hierarchy). your article gives only the negatives and a very extreme solution to the problem. agreed couples face problems, and if uve realized that, shouldn’t that make u offer some sort of advice, studying psychology and being a blogger, it should be ur moral responsibility. we are already living in such bad times. ur article isnt helping anyone, rather, its just gathering haters of this concept. and tell me, what should people not marrying do about their sexual life? adultery, in a way, u r promoting adultery! and prostitution, ur promoting that too! and it could further increase the divorce rates. broken homes! mother-less or father-less children! depressive state of divorced man or woman! plus the torture of putting parents through the stress and emotions of seeing their child go through divorce! Please think before writing. yes u may have succeeded in getting a lot of attention, but if its at society’s expense, then its just wrong and selfish and immature.Recommend

  • Adeel Siddiqui

    u certainly seem shocked and outraged by the docs opinion lolRecommend

  • A.K.

    Recite Surah Al-Nisa, you will have answers to all of your questions. ofcourse, Ozair is right, this is Naive and Childish article.
    Yes, the things mentioned are correct to some extent, but this is not 100% being done in our society.millions of couples are happy and comfortable with lives, they are living.
    If still you are confused and need further explanation, kindly recite once Surah Al-Nisa with translation. I am pretty sure that after that your views and opinions will be cent per cent changed.Recommend

  • kzr313

    Do I?
    I had actually not meant to direct that bit at Dr. Ayesha, it was more an observation of society. Recommend

  • Zeeiz Shah

    How could you possibly be this naive?Recommend