I did not ‘choose’ to be gay

Published: March 20, 2015
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My homosexuality is an intrinsic part of my life, it’s as inseparable to me as is your heterosexuality, the only difference is – I have to hide it from everyone. PHOTO: Galleryhip.com

They say I am a sinner and I will forever burn in inferno. I say, I am in hell right now and any inferno will be far comforting than the hate and fear that I experience right now, living in this world.

You see, I am a gay man. But is this word enough to describe me? There are many facets of my life. I am 22-years-old and a geography geek who has an affinity for learning about different cultures of the world. My friends call me Wikipedia (I’m not proud of this name though). But my homosexuality gives me a hard time living ‘normally’.

My parents are one of those typical Sub-continental parents who have sacrificed their happiness to provide for their children. They have worked hard to give me a life of plenty. I remember, as a kid, my father riding our scooter with my mother sitting at the back, my younger brother in her lap and I standing in front of my father’s seat, while my father would juggle around my head to get a clear view of the road. With parents like that, you would want to make them proud of you in any way possible.

But God had something else in store for me.

Why did I find my male Math’s teacher more attractive than my female chemistry teacher about whom every boy in the class was talking? I’d just nod my head during their conversation wondering why I didn’t feel the same way.

Boys would look at girls and girls would blush. Why did it not make any sense to me? Why could I not relate to it?

With time I understood what I was and, believe me, I hated myself to the core. I tried imagining being sexually intimate with the most beautiful girl in the class but then I felt a strange uneasiness which wouldn’t go until I removed that thought from my head or imagined myself with another guy.

Now when I think about my parents, I feel guilt, shame, anger and fear, all at the same time. I can’t look my parents in the eye because I feel I am not enough of a son to them. All the things that I have strived for, in my life, to make them proud of me, will all go in vain because they will hate me when the truth comes out. I’ll shame them in society.

I don’t fear how my homosexuality is going to affect me; it’s how it will affect my parents that frightens me the most.

I fear that when the truth comes out, my employer will fire me, my landlord will throw me out.

And so, I choose to remain in the closet, fiercely burying my sexuality deep within myself, covering it with a smile on my face but crying at the core of my heart. It breaks me from within every day, with every breath that I take. I feel hollow. I want to share my feelings with someone who is willing to hear me, but is there anyone I can trust?

I cry in loneliness. Depression is like my shadow, it follows me where ever I go.

My homosexuality is an intrinsic part of my life, it’s as inseparable to me as is your heterosexuality, the only difference is – I have to hide it from everyone. Mine is a lifelong training program. Don’t look at that man for too long and try looking at that girl a little longer. Don’t forget to tell your friends how beautiful and sexy the girl who just passed by you was.

They ask how a man can love another man when you have so many beautiful women available. Women are beautiful, no doubt. In fact, I feel they are the best creation of God and I respect them a lot. But I’m a person who visits a garden, admires the flowers and then moves on without plucking them. However inappropriate that sentence may seem to be, this is the way I feel about women.

To those who say I chose to be gay, I ask them why I would choose to lead such a harsh life where my future looks nothing but bleak, especially when I could just ‘choose’ to be straight instead?

Put hate aside and try to empathise with me for one second. Just once.

To those who say I should change my sexual orientation, I ask them to try not be attracted to the opposite gender and see how much you can succeed.

Please break yourself from the gay stereotype; we are as ‘normal’ behaving as any heterosexual person can be. We are not a hate material or a laughing stock – we are as human as you!

I want this platform to be an outlet for you to communicate with me, a homosexual, and to do away with all the prejudice that you have about me. I may be gay, but that is not all that I am.

Anonymous 9

Anonymous 9

The writer wishes to remain anonymous.

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.

  • ISupportYou

    Follow your heart and live the life you want.Recommend

  • ISupportYou

    Your children are not your children.
    They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
    They come through you but not from you,
    And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

    You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
    For they have their own thoughts.
    You may house their bodies but not their souls,
    For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
    which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
    You may strive to be like them,
    but seek not to make them like you.
    For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

    You are the bows from which your children
    as living arrows are sent forth.
    The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
    and He bends you with His might
    that His arrows may go swift and far.
    Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
    For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
    so He loves also the bow that is stable.

    by Khalil JibranRecommend

  • ovais

    YES YOU CAN SUCCEED by remaining single all your life , like many poeple in pakistan. Dont Sin, May Allah guide you. And ET you dont publish blogs on terrorism , politics and MQM ANP PPP Nexus but u have time for this , Kudos to you , to start a debate that has only one answer. THIS IS HARAAM in Islam and thus an islamic republicRecommend

  • SamSal

    Stay strong!Recommend

  • syed

    psychiatrist is required.

    If you shun these thoughts at very basic level, they won’t grow. Keep watering them and surely they will turn into a big treeRecommend

  • urwa

    Accept yourself as the way you are and stay strong…Recommend

  • Anonymous 9

    Thanks pal!Recommend

  • Anonymous 9

    ET publishes blogs on all kinds of topics. It is issues like mine that never surface up due to politics, terrorism etc.
    isn’t it a double standard that you have the right to live with the person you love and not me.
    Why don’t you try to lead a single life if it is so easy.Recommend

  • Faraz Talat

    Here I am. Psychiatry declassified homosexuality from the list of mental disorders in 1973, and recognizes it as a natural phenomenon. Treatment for homosexuality is neither available nor medically recommended.

    Anything else you require?Recommend

  • Baloch

    I am not surprised to see all these (what I see) ignorant comments. The situation of blogger is grimmer than what we all could imagine. Being homosexual in such a society wouldn’t be better than a living in hell. All my hopes, against the odds and well wishes are with you brother, I can’t foresee our society to be this open-minded to accept such realities of human nature.
    Go and live with humans in a Western country where they wouldn’t judge you for what you are and what God has made you, you are as perfect as everyone else is, no matter what society thinks of you. Good luckRecommend

  • Anonymous 9

    Support is all we need…thanks!Recommend

  • troubled

    I love how what I expect are educated Pakistani’s are so incredibly ignorant. To think that they know more than all the scientific research that has already been done on this topic. Forget science, we have religion. Same way we never really know when eid actually is. I can predict the actual eid day for the next hundred years, because science allows us to do that. Stay strong brother, be yourself, and ignore these fools. If you have made peace with your maker, then no one on earth can possibly judge you.Recommend

  • ambergris
  • Sanaa

    “Remain single all your life” wow, great idea. So you have a right to love, and a happy life, but another person doesn’t because of their sexual orientation? Kudos.Recommend

  • wb

    Most importantly, treatment is not required for homosexuality, for it is not a problem.Recommend

  • Anonymous 9

    have these thoughts ever come to you, no right?
    Then why did they come to me, instead of having thoughts about women which you had…that means you watered those thoughts about women and they grew onto you.
    well if that’s the case then yes i’m watering those thoughts; the thoughts that come to me naturallyRecommend

  • ambergris

    Brother, This is a huge test for you from Allah. I would recommend you go through the following link perhaps it will help you deal with the depression. Just don’t stray away from the path of Allah and stay strong May Allah bless you and help you in this difficult path. Ameen.

    http://www.onislam.net/english/family/special-coverage/462948-gay-muslims-seeking-help.html.Recommend

  • Saad

    If you are a muslim then do not EVER consider having intimate relations with a man. Allah has forbidden it in the clearest ways possible. This would be very very hard but you have to do it for the sake of your Akhirah. Donot question Allah Almighty and trust me brother He will reward you in ways that you cannot even fathom. Read Quran and you will find guidance and peace. May Allah protect you from the path of sin and guide you to the path of true believers.
    P.s: If you are a non muslim then convert to Islam for this is the one and only true relegion. Recommend

  • Anonymous 9

    thank you sir for such heartening support…but not all of us can uproot ourselves and settle in a western country…homosexuals are hear to stay whether the society accepts them or not.Recommend

  • Farhan

    Ofcourse nature doesn’t provide you with a chose option between hetrosexual or homosexual. It’s just your system. You are born this way and trying to change it may work as fake option but it will always be what you are. Better accept it and make the best of what you can manage with it. Don’t even bother what others have to say and think about you. Live your life to the fullest. Recommend

  • Anonymous 9

    loved it!
    never read Khalil Jibran before…will definitely get one to readRecommend

  • YouCantChoose

    oh God, i feel horrible for you. I hope you find a way to be happy just as you are. And I hope your parents support you if you do ever choose to tell them. Praying for your happiness. :)Recommend

  • Don’t hate

    Hey. I don’t know how many people have said this to you in your life, but I understand you. I know how you feel; the agony of not knowing why you can’t be like everyone else. It’s a continuous struggle people like me and you have to face living in a society which doesn’t accept any form of sexuality other than heterosexuality.However your sexual orientation does not define you! What you give to this world and how you treat people is what should define you. It doesn’t form your identity.
    Our society is full of bigots but still there are people who’re accepting and understand that this isn’t something we have chosen. I don’t know who you are and if you have such people in your life, but if you don’t, I hope you find them because they do exist and I am one of them.
    Stay strong and don’t try to be anyone else but yourself! :)Recommend

  • W

    Stay strong and be happy! The key is to realize that you are right and everyone who slanders you is wrong — your sexuality is a gift and it is your right as human being to enjoy it. If you believe that their insults will go right by you without hurting what you know to be the truth. I went through some of the same struggles as a teenager — but I’m sure they were never so difficult, as I live in a country where gay people have begun to win equal rights, and I have a family whose love and acceptance are secure. I don’t know your situation in life, but I would encourage you to travel overseas to a more accepting country and feel free and at peace for a bit. I’m sure Pakistan will change for the better — but it will be a long time coming. Thanks for your courage.Recommend

  • kiran

    Being gay is not natural coz Allah has not created us in that manner. The natural process is to b not gay. Wat i would suggest is that u shud seek help both psychological n physical. Its a condition which can b treated.
    May b if u will sincerely think that u r on the wrong path n seek help it may do wonders for uRecommend

  • Baloch

    I am totally out of words to see such harsh comments, people we need to understand that homosexuality is neither a problem nor a choice that one make. Dear Anonymous 9, I wish you all the luck and strength. Be strongRecommend

  • Baloch

    I do understand this, as an individual I am trying my best to speak on this sensitive topic with my friends and family. It will take a good few decades until we freely start debating about it, until then hold on and be strong and safe. That’s all I can sayRecommend

  • Anonymous

    It is a taboo in our society indeed. What i believe from my limited knowledge and personal thought on this subject is: I really don’t hate homosexuals. But I do consider the act of homosexuality (intercourse with the same gender) prohibited by Allah SWT. And even if you do believe that it is not something you chose, it can be taken as a test for you. Think of the other bounties you have and don’t be ungrateful i say. Yes, you have a difficult life but you will only find peace if you are content (it is tough but i am trying to get through to u). But do not marry a girl out of social pressure if you cannot be a proper husband to her.
    As long as the Islamic law goes, it is clear bro. There is no grey area that same-sex interactions are prohibited.Recommend

  • Anonymous 9

    God works in mysterious ways! and i know that when i will face almighty he will be pleased that I stood my ground.Recommend

  • Anonymous 9

    thanks for your support….the situation for homosexuals is almost the same throughout the subcontinent….it’s not the religion that is against homosexuality but the society. it will take a long time for the society to change but it will change for better.Recommend

  • sama

    Wow! its a really moving account of how difficult it has been for you.I’m sorry you had to go through all this! But i’m sure there are many gay men in Pakistan just connect with them and you wont feel so alone. Stay strong!Recommend

  • Anonymous 9

    I do have some friends who are aware of my sexuality and they love and support me for whatever I am. Yes, our life is a constant struggle. No matter how liberal our surrounding is, we do sometimes feel an outcast.
    staying strong is the key.Recommend

  • Anonymous 9

    supportive voices like yours, makes me feel happy :-))Recommend

  • Anonymous 9

    I do not completely agree with you but thanks for your kind words.
    I don’t know what I’m going to do in future but I’m sure that i won’t marry a girl, it will destroy my life as well as that innocent girl’s life whom I’ll be dragging in my mess.Recommend

  • ovais

    I am sorry , that is the only solution,and yes i am leading one , its not that difficult to remain single :PRecommend

  • ovais

    and secondly have a look around and see the number of blogs on ur issue , ET loves to spice things up so that liberals would come out and mock islam. Bottom line is if u are muslim and u have read quran , then you must know what happened with Hazrat Loot, I think its Allah’s test on you and you are failing miserabely . It is difficult to pray 5 times a day , difficult to remain away from alcohol and interest , it is difficult to keep roza, and difficult to spend ur earnings on Haj and Zakat , yet they make us muslims and are part of our belief. Dont claim Allah will be happy with you . Claim you are sinning and want to repent , but i dont see that from this blog. Hoping for a day when you and I both repent for our sins . May Allah guide us all .Recommend

  • ovais

    u do know in pakistan 1 out of evary 10 females dont marry , do you also know how many are single and widowed , and you also know that atleast 7 % men don’t marry their whole life and yes many do die virgin as well . so please take it as Allahs will and stay away from sinsRecommend

  • ovais

    cause it is not a disease just like corruption, taking interest, Not praying namaz, not keeping roza and dis obeying AllahRecommend

  • Nobody

    this is a life long test for us. no one can understand it, never! Life is shot, don’t waste it in explaining to others. Find your own way to adjust in this society and in your life, for sake of your parents and family may be. I guess nothing else matters you more than them. Life is still beautiful dear, it is really!Recommend

  • faraz

    Hi, be happy always… i am with uRecommend

  • Sam

    I would recommend you to read islamic publications first before reading western you’ll find peace.
    And all the supporters, guys really???
    I mean are you even muslims? Instead of guiding him to the right path helping him to find peace in right path everyone is encouraging him on the wrong path? No Messenger will come now its our duty to guide people by taking help from Quran and SunnahRecommend

  • anon

    Stay strong and stay blessed. What I am thinking right now is about what child molestors think. Is that natural or what?Recommend

  • guy

    im going through exactly what you just wrote about
    no one will understand
    people here would never accept us
    and you and i are destined to end up in hell no matter how good we are, no matte how many people we help and do good for.
    at the end of the day nothing matters because no matter what we do we’re the biggest sinners in the world.Recommend

  • Silent

    To everybody who gives their point of view in religion. At the end of the day liking someone is not a sin, and neither is having affection and attraction. Stay true to your feelings and at the end of the day just tell yourself to be a good person, kind, helpful, thoughtful.
    It is never to wrong to love someone.
    I hope you meet people who accept you and you don’t have to pretend with. I surround myself with people like that. I’m not even 18, yet but at the end of the day I hope for a world where people learn the intrinsic core value of humanity and can look at my sexuality as something normal.Recommend

  • AS

    Hang in there man. Don’t let anyone break your spirit , power through all the hate. Recommend

  • Bahlool

    can’t you just stay single? do you have to mingle with other men? fine don’t get married to a girl and ruin her life but no need to be intimate with other men either.Recommend

  • Sam

    Im just surprised to read this.
    All the support coming from muslims, encouragung him to stay the same while they are suppose to guide him to the right path help him to change whats wrong, surely it’ll be difficult but it doesn’t mean he should stay on the wrong path.
    If its natural than why there are womens?
    Its all happening due to the fact that we have adopted the similar culture as western and now it has consequences too.
    Just read islamic publications before western you’ll find all your answers and peace.
    If you really believe in Allah He wont let you be alone, seek guidance and it’ll be provided.
    Mean just think of Akhirah! And the questions you’ll be asked, if you can give those answers do whatever you like (on that day even Messengers will fear the God, neither God had such Jaalaal before nor He will have after that day)
    Recommend

  • Don’t hate

    That’s amazing! I’ve been blessed with such friends too. You’re article is highly relevant to me as I just recently opened up to some of my friends. As a child I found homosexuality and bisexuality immoral and disgusting because that’s what I’d been told but now as a teen I question all that I was taught as a child and realize that there is absolutely nothing “wrong” or “abnormal” about it and it’s something we need to accept and embrace.
    I also want to take this opportunity to tell you that you’ve written this article in an amazing and authentic manner. It’s quite a talent you have and you should use it to share your uniqueness with the world :)Recommend

  • Bahlool

    agree with you completely. most of the liberals just don’t understand the concept of “Fear God”Recommend

  • Anon_19

    HaHa! this spoke to me, as a homosexual teenager this seems entirely like my life story. I hope you find solace in whatever you plan to do. May Allah help us both.Recommend

  • pseudo-true believer

    Islam prohibits homosexuality only because it doesnt allow religion to be passed on to off springs. Amd this is the major reason why usually all organised religions dont like homosexuality. But science has proven that its genetical so dont reply on obsolete religions and believe in yourself. God created u this way and he knew that ull be strong enough to live with this in this cruel world.Recommend

  • Bahlool

    Sanaa, you are probably not a muslim so you won’t understand. homosexuality is sin and it is strictly not allowed in Islam. Some people really find enjoyment in torturing and killing others. Evil desires need to be contained.Recommend

  • Concerned Human Being

    I feel it is only the devil playing with your mind which is why you think as if you do not have an option. You should know he is one step ahead of you at any given time. And you haven’t mentioned anything about your religious orientation so I’m not entirely sure who you are but get more in touch with your religion as it is the only purpose of our meager existence, I am positive that would help you understand why we need to sacrifice such desires in our lives.Recommend

  • sigh!!

    i totally understand how you feel . i have been through this and face it every day. Stay strong and i wish i could help or guide you but i am still looking for an answer myself.Recommend

  • beedums

    Hey. Reading this hurt. So I cannot imagine how hard it must be for you. I believe you when you say this is not your choice. I’m praying for you, started the moment I hit the line about your self hatred and depression. I sincerely hope and pray that Allah makes it easier for you. At the same time I urge you – please stay strong. For your Akhira. I might sound harsh right now, you probably think I can’t understand what you’re going through and I can’t. But I care for you as a fellow human being. If you’re muslim, you may know as other’s have said, indulging in same sexual relations is not allowed. At all. Please just stay strong. I’m unmarried, haven’t ever been physically involved with someone. That at least I understand, and while it get’s lonely it’s nothing near to being impossible. So just take this to be a constant test. Let go of the self hatred – accept yourself as you are. Just abstain. I hope you can.Recommend

  • Sam

    Almost all the signs of the judgement day have come true.
    You can see every sin in our society now.
    Suppose you stay the same how miserable life will be have you ever considered?
    No one to remember you after you expire!
    No one to complete you!
    I’ll recommend you to meet any top islamic scholar he can help you better than any psychiatrist.
    Believe me i can feel your pain(may be ive been through this), but right now you can’t mine, seeing you, our society going to such distruction makes me so sad!
    Have you ever seek help from Allah? Before publishing it to the world? Or is it an other conspiracy to ruin the yong minds of our society?
    If its happening, sure it will we are following western very well, find the root causes, im sure its not natural!
    If you say it is talk to me on my email id i’ll prove its not. Myappleid991992,gmailRecommend

  • S

    Hiii. It Recommend

  • Liberal

    Mr. Anonymous there is a term called bisexual. Your sexual orientation might be propelled by the idea that you are just putting too much thought in being gay rather than trying your hand on the opposite sex. Evaluate less and spend time with girls. Surely you will find the right one in time. Don’t go all out to thinking you are just gay. Maybe you haven’t found that girl which attracts you. But If u have decided upon your sexual orientation i will just say that there is a reason why God gave us free will. No one can take that away from you. period.Recommend

  • amartya

    . your story melts my heart. . i have many friends who are gays here in India. Supreme court of India gave a stupid judgement in dec 2013 and criminalises homosexuality. but social activists are fighting for LGBT rights in India. and i hope there will be change at some point of time..people will become more aware about it through debates that it is quite natural..change comes through constant struggle.so keep fighting for your rights. more power to you. that day will surely come when you wont need to remain anonymous. till then stay strong :)Recommend

  • Sam

    I’ll suggest you to just meet Moulala Tariq Jameel or Dr Zakir Nike once.
    Can you please do it?
    For you own sake?
    If you want to be anonymous email them or message them on their fb pages.Recommend

  • S

    Hiii. It makes me sick reading comments like you can’t be a Muslim and gay at the same time. But brother, hold on tight and never be afraid to be yourself. I wish I could find you out and talk to you about all the things you want to talk about. I wish you the best in life! Take care. Recommend

  • Hasan

    Dear anonymous 9. You are strong. You are beautiful as you are. You do not deserve to be sad and you do not have to cry. You are who you are. ” This is true and natural good.”

    I love your free expression of emotions. I wish if I could give you a brotherly hug to let you know how much I admire you and support you to write all this. I wish if you can find some support around you.

    Love your self for not being one of others. You are different and beautiful.

    Through Love’s Great Power

    Through love’s great power to be made whole
    In mind and body, heart and soul –
    Through freedom to find joy, or be
    By dint of joy itself set free
    In love and in companionhood:
    This is the true and natural good.

    To undo justice, and to seek
    To quash the rights that guard the weak –
    To sneer at love, and wrench apart
    The bonds of body, mind and heart
    With specious reason and no rhyme:
    This is the true unnatural crime.

    Vikram SethRecommend

  • Hasan

    I totally agree.

    I wish him moving to the West.Recommend

  • Yahya

    Love, respect and more power to you. Bless you and stay happy always. Recommend

  • TJ

    This broke my heart. We can never imagine what your life is like but be strong. Surround yourself with tolerant and happy people. These people are also amongst the cynics and I hope you find lots of them to live a life you want to. Lots of people treated in the same way leave the country to live a more fuller life. I hope you get that wherever you are. Recommend

  • BM

    I don’t know what to say. I can however say that I know nothing of what you feel or what you’re going through. Same goes for a lot of people reading this. Please keep the judgments to yourself. If you can’t relate, then dont hate. Simple.
    To the writer, I hope and I pray, that your mind is at ease soon. IRecommend

  • Fraz Bakhsh

    Well written. I loved the way you narrated each and everything you feel about. I understand your concern of not revealing your sexual orientation in this society because we just want to laugh at people, make fun of them but we can never ever put ourselves in their place and empathize with them. I think we must to do that. Everyone must walk in the shoes of another person and then decide how would you feel if you were like that? How would you feel if you were born that way and you can’t help it but still people blaming you, laughing at you, treating you as shit and labeling you as the worst creature of the society. This is where we fail as a society. Recommend

  • Norman

    I get what you are saying. Its almost as if you are living a lie. Ever thought about moving to a different country? that’s all i want these days. To be able to live my truth even if it means I have to stay away from my familyRecommend

  • Concerned Expatriate

    I know people whose families forced them into marriage to women after finding out they were gay. Sadly that ruins not just 1 life but TWO! I feel for you. I also know one thing, as far as parents are concerned, they love you unconditionally and will eventually get over it! Stay strong. ET Good Topic! these things need to be discussed openly. For those preaching religion here, if being a good muslim means not being gay, how about the constable in Abbottabad that raped a teenage boy yesterday? Even Peshawar is known for men being into men? Why is it so hard to accept??Recommend

  • Heartbroken wife

    I empathize with you so completely because I see a version of you every single day…my husband. I see him struggling through the same pain and confusion and it breaks my heart because on one side I love him so completely knowing that he has no feelings for me whatsoever, and on the other side, I am afraid of taking the drastic step of divorce because of the implications this society has for both of us following such a step. I wish every day that my parents in law had understood how much pain they would be inflicting upon me when they brought me into their home, naive, ignorant of the reality. I hated myself because I thought I was doing something wrong, because I wasn’t good enough for him. I hated myself for loving him so much when he clearly said they he didn’t love me. And then I found out the harsh reality, and I have been battling with myself ever since. I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I am in the same hell you are in, only on the other side. My only request is: don’t marry even if you are pressured into it. Marriage doesn’t solve anything. You will be more miserable than ever and any girl you marry will hate herself for countless reasons, the least of which is that you won’t be able to consummate the marriage or give her the love she deserves. May Allah ease your sufferings and give you and your parents peace of heart.Recommend

  • Adpran

    I think rather than I make new comment, it’s better I show the comment that I have written in another blog in ET.

    ———-

    I know personally with few Muslim gays who decide to leave their homosexual behavior after they realize that same sex ‘relationship’ is sin. And this is not something easy for them because it’s means they must live in celibate life. They cannot turn their sexual orientation into heterosexual then marry a woman.

    Did they choose to become gays?. No!. Homosexual activity is a choice. Every man can choose to involved or not involved in homosexual activity. But being homosexual is not a choice. If those gays could choose, they would choose to become heterosexual and live normally.

    Every Muslim gay actually realize that homosexual activity is a sin. Many of them actually want to leave this sin, but they feel hard because it’s mean they must live in celibate life. They need support from people around them to make them strong in their effort to leave homosexual behavior. They need support, not death threat.

    So, readers, you can hate homosexual activity. But please, do not hate the gays. They really need our support to leave their homosexual behavior.Recommend

  • Azad

    I am sorry for you. For not being gay but for being alone. Make money through your skills and leave this country if you want to be happy.Recommend

  • Zeester

    yes you’re a human being too! Stay strong! I pray that you find a way to be happy soon IA!Recommend

  • Aimal

    Certainly, I don’t appreciate Express Tribune publishing this, I don’t know if its by choice or not, but its wrong. I wish to help you, being a conservative religious minded, I don’t hate homosexual people, but I wish to help them. I believe you can change, sexuality in my opinion is just an addiction that is it.Recommend

  • Bhatti

    Being a Muslim for whom homosexuality is a sin, I still wish may God shower you with his blessings and keep you righteous
    I hope you find peace and contentment Recommend

  • Wajiha

    I study in a liberal arts college in America and fully support gay rights and the LGBTQ community. But I was having a discussion with another Pakistani friend that day on how I would react if my brother or anyone else close to me told me he was gay,will I be so liberal then? Or will I act like the rest of society. I have no idea what I will do. Truth is I would love my brother no matter what! You can’t just stop loving your loved ones. So if he comes out to me, I would try to support him but at the same time I would fear for him and be scared for him and the life he would have on earth if someone found out and what would happen after his death. But I would still love him, and Allah loves you, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. He loves you 70 more times than your mother does!!
    At the end the only thing I can say is that Jannat isn’t guaranteed to any of us. Be the best human being you can possibly be, help others, give charity. And develop a really strong connection with Allah, talk to him he’ll surely listen. Just pray every time you’re in distress, don’t ever let the fact that you’re gay keep you away from him.
    May Allah bless youRecommend

  • lala mustafa

    I feel really sorry for you brother, life’s hitting you hard. I do not support homosexuality and i believe it is profoundly wrong. But,Its just my belief along with many other people–some of whom will not accept you or expect you to change for their beliefs. But, Never let others’ beliefs define your identity. Accept who you truly are irrespective of your sexual orientation and be at peace with yourself. Remember, YOU are deserving of RESPECT and LOVE just as any other person on this planet! Never ever think otherwise.

    I would also like to give you a few suggestions. First , do not let your sexual orientation get to your head and take most of your time and energy. Instead, invest in yourself and be what you want to be!.. Secondly, do something that you have been putting off for so long. it could be anything, may be Join kickboxing academy, learn dancing, singing, may be golf, hockey, any recreational stuff. I truly wish you good luck and happiness! :)Recommend

  • Faraz Rasheed

    how about you mind your own business and let everyone live the way they want to. let neither religion, nor culture, play with someone’s sexuality and life. grab you goats mate :)Recommend

  • Umar Qutb

    In islam Gays are forbidden. Those who support are wrong. Read Quran what Allah says about the people or tribe of looth.Recommend

  • Talha Khan

    Enough sermons for today!Recommend

  • VB

    well firstly i would like to say that i believe being “gay” a complete matter of choice as long as you’re not a shemale or something. secondly this type of behavior is strictly forbidden in Islam and frowned upon as clearly stated in this verse:

    “We also sent Lut : He said to his people : “Do ye commit lewdness
    such as no people in creation (ever) committed before you? For ye
    practice your lusts on men in preference to women: ye are indeed a
    people transgressing beyond bounds.” Qur’an 7:80-81

    “What! Of all creatures do ye come unto the males, and
    leave the wives your Lord created for you? Nay, but ye are forward
    folk.” Qur’an 26:165

    and hadith:

    “When a man mounts another man, the throne of God shakes.”

    “Kill the one that is doing it and also kill the one that
    it is being done to.” (in reference to the active and passive partners
    in gay sexual intercourse)

    There is at least one mention of lesbian behavior
    mentioned in the Hadith: “Sihaq (lesbian sexual activity) of women is
    zina (illegitimate sexual intercourse) among them.”

    “May Allah curse him who does that Lot’s people did.” (Ibn Hibban, sahih (authentic))

    Thus almost all sahabas agreed on severe punishment for homosexual. Some
    agree they should be burned and stoned, other said they should be thrown
    from height and then stoned, some said they should just be stoned, but
    most agreed, their punishment would be death. So brother you really cant justify your act and need to consider your actions.Recommend

  • M

    Great blog! May I suggest, come to New York, log onto grindr or okcupid, find gay communities online, and search for love. Jackson Heights in Queens has a thriving South Asian population.

    Best wishes,
    A child of a loving gay couple, now adult.Recommend

  • VB

    You should understand that what separates a human being from an animal is that with sincere effort and struggle we humans can have control over our desires whereas an animal does not. Instead of submitting to these temptations and whims, we Muslims submit only to our Lord.Of course human beings in this life will be attracted to things which may not be in our benefit to engage in. Remember that this life is a test. But let us assume you are gay by birth and Allah forbids homosexuality,that would mean it is a trial for you and Allah tells us:
    “And We charge no soul except [with that within] its capacity, and with Us is a record which speaks with truth; and they will not be wronged. (23:62)”Recommend

  • Jamie Robinson

    I’m really encouraged and saddened to read you post. I live in the USA and I get so down by the discrimination I face. I live in a part of the country that is extremely conservative Christian and people are extremely judgemental against gay people. BUT it occurs to me that we are a number of years ahead of your society. We have been where you are. And your country will get where we are. It takes people like you, slowly, working to change things. Coming out to your trusted friends is a great first start so they will now know someone gay and know the stereotypes aren’t true.
    You are in my thoughts. Stay strong. Recommend

  • Avisha Sharma

    Hey, I have never commented on a post before. Actually, i never felt a need to but I couldn’t hold myself back when I think about you and the other similar people going through this . I just want you to believe in yourself and keep going wherever your heart takes you to. Don’t compromise. don’t live your life for them, they have their’s to live! I am straight though, but I feel you! If a guy is free to love a woman and vice versa then why isn’t a guy free to love another guy?! Love isn’t blind but it is something which makes you overlook the superficial layer people carry over themselves! Please go ahead and don’t worry much. If you find some people against you then don’t forget, some are there too!Recommend

  • https://twitter.com/MalikSaabSays MalikSaabi

    “I want to share my feelings with someone who is willing to hear me, but is there anyone I can trust?”

    There are lots whom you can trust; at the same time how can one trust that you’ll have a no-secrets conversation? Anyways…

    Hating is not right. “Hate the sin, not the sinner.”

    I suppose your communication with your parents or siblings about such…’touchy’ stuff is not very good, or maybe none to speak of. That in itself is the problem. And yes its a big, big problem amongst our desi families.

    Here is an ear if you ever need one.Recommend

  • http://www.pakistanprobe.com/ Shahzad Afzal

    wow… why i can’t believe whatever you saying is true??? Why it looks like any other fictional story that I have been reading on this tribune blog. Why??? Why??? Why it looks like you got paid for writing such stories :pRecommend

  • Ali

    Stay Strong and be Happy. i am also facing this situation and fight with my self deep inside me no one here understand my situationRecommend

  • *Thunderous applause for your originality*Recommend

  • I am with you in my thoughts; good luck! Many eloquent messages of support have been expressed, so I won’t add to them further, but just ask you to not think of women as “flowers in a garden to be admired or plucked.” As individuals, women are as rational and valid as men, so using characterizations that minimize their independent personhood is demeaning. Remember, in terms of conforming to expectations about behavior, being a woman is probably almost as tough as being gay in a traditionally patriarchal society.Recommend

  • Sheher Bano

    Hey bro, I really feel for you. Love is love, no matter what form. I believe that humanity has not evolved to the stage where we collectively understand that but I am sure there will be a time when we begin to understand love in all of its contexts. Stay strong, don’t let the man get to you and don’t hate yourself for being different. That is ridiculous. Stay true to yourself, that’s all that matters. Love for anything or anyone can only be generated if one had love for him or herself. God bless you.Recommend

  • foosh

    Growing up in Pakistan I always thought homosexuality was wrong and weird and people who are into it are perverts. With time i have realized that this is not a condition but nature law and there is nothing one can do to change but accept it. Just like I did not have a choice to be a hetrosexual, homosexuality is not a choice. It is how one is wired.

    Now I follow the prinicple of what happens between two consenting adults in noone’s buisness but them. Live and let live.

    I feel for you brother, this is a heavy burden to bear and noone deserves this. Stay strong, follow your heart. God made you like that so it cannot be wrong just different.Recommend

  • Parvez

    I’m thinking aloud….. this is a natural condition over which the gay person has no control, so it seems that the mental adjustment to accept this for what it is, SHOULD be made by the non-gays. But as the percentage of gays to non-gays must be very small….to disturb the comfort zone of the majority will be no easy task, especially when religion is brought into the discourse. Having said that, I must be honest that the somewhat ‘ extrovert ‘ behavior of some gays has a tendency to prejudice your case.
    I hope I’ve made sense….and I wish you well.Recommend

  • Naqsh

    I do not know what to say.
    “The currents and eddies of right and wrong that you find such plain sailing, I can’t navigate. I’m no voyager.” (Robert Bolt)
    But, I know one thing for sure: You deserve to be happy and you retain the right to a life of your choice. I wish, with all my Heart and Soul, that things get easier for you. *holds your hand and sits so, for two hours straight* Recommend

  • Hamzah Shafiq

    Yes, I have to agree. Allah tests us all in different ways, and some of them are harsher than others. And He does not punish for any bad intentions in our hearts, not until we act upon them, however He will reward for even intending to do good. Stay strong man.Recommend

  • beStrong.

    i am out of words here! what to say but i understands you the every word of it because i am same as you, i think the way you think, i fear same things that you do, n frankly i have already made my mind to stay single way back, so..be strong, be happy, every thing will be fine(for us too one day)…Recommend

  • shawana

    a perfect article i would say.. no one has the courage to even think of the same sex while they are hetero sexual so in the same way we should not impose our choices on another person. keep up the high spririt its your life your choices.being a sociologist i would love to work on the stereotypes prevailing in society and the ways to tackle them .Recommend

  • ali

    I can completely relate to you. I am so relieved that I’m not the only one who is going through all this stressful journey. Now when I’m 22, as a gay person, I have to think about future. My mom will arrange a girl of her choice for me to marry. What would I say to her? I can never disappoint her and I’m worried thinking about this!Recommend

  • Anonymous#1

    You ain’t a Muslim I assume. Are you? B/c if u are then seriously speaking you wouldn’t ever think of it of being attracted to the same parallel gender. Man I suggest better visit a good psychiatrist. This is just a psychological disorder, I bet on that. You feel inferior at some part of yourself see from this vantage point.Recommend

  • Ali

    Don’t be upset I am with you. I am also a gay .. Stay strong don’t be upset you should make example for LGBT communityRecommend