“Love the way you lie” – The recipe of truth and deception
Valentine’s Day is here and love is in the air. But think again; is this day really about celebrating love and truth? In relationships, honesty and truth matters less than we think.
Relationships do not work if we are brutally honest; they only last if we use a secret ingredient called ‘healthy white lies’ – if used correctly and in appropriate amounts.
Relationships are about deceit – tons and tons of deceit
Every once in a while we need to disguise our feelings. We smile while actually screaming in our head and we tell lies all the time, particularly when it comes to love. It is probably because we care more about the love we have for someone rather than the petty issues we lie about. Also, where there is love, there’s bound to be fear of losing a relationship. It can be concluded that fear and care together are the two elements which instigate lies in a relation. We can’t help it; relations are about caring and sharing along with being discrete and lying. It’s a balancing act which requires a specific amount of honesty and sham.
Lying out of love
If we believe that the foundation of our relationship isn’t built on heaps of petty lies, we are fooling ourselves. We’ve been lying since forever and lies eventually become an integral part of every relation. We lie because the truth is bitter and it can hurt the ones we love and care about.
These little lies start when we’re mischievous kids and want to get out of trouble at home or at school; because we are afraid to lose the love of our parents or teachers. It’s out of this love and fear of staying obedient that we learn to lie.
Be realistic. “I never tell lies” is the biggest lie of them all
Nothing can be as absurd as when people feel betrayed and deceived by the lies their partners tell. It is unrealistic to expect truthfulness all the time. The biggest lie is to believe that you yourself have never lied and have never been disloyal to your partner. We have all lied about how we missed them at what could most probably be the best night out with our friends or how everything reminds us of them.
So what are the lies we can tell?
Lies that make one believe in themselves; for instance, when we tell our children;
“Life gets easier.”
Lies that make us stronger, to make it through one difficult day to the other;
“You look drop dead gorgeous today”
“You understand me inside out”
While we have healthy lies at one end, on the other, we have hurtful lies – one just needs to learn to not cheat and be loyal while trying not to be overly honest in a sickening way.
Imagine being as honest as;
“I wish you were dead!”,
“You are my biggest mistake”,
“I wish I could undo you from my life”.
Words are like arrows; once they leave the bow, they never return. Therefore, choose them wisely.
Make your relationships simple, believable, less truthful and more human
Let’s save the truth for the hereafter, and rather be more like Shakespeare:
“Therefore I lie with her and she with me,
And in our faults by lies we flatter’d be”.
Don’t seek the truth, because love is much bigger than that. Find the correct recipe of truth and deception for your relationship and flatter each other.
Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!
The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.