Nightmare at Langham hotel? England left scarred and scared!

“I turned the lights on and the taps turned themselves off. It was very weird."

Emmad Hameed July 22, 2014
Twenty four hours after England’s limp capitulation at the hallowed turf of Lords, the pundits are wondering what frightened the hosts more; their five-star Langham hotel or the long locks of the once gentle and genial giant of India Ishant Sharma?


Throughout the Test series, there were cries of anguish emanating from the English camp, well before Sharma’s seven-wicket spoils, as two burly all-rounders with a fair amount of brawn on their bodies, Ben Stokes and Stuart Broad, were left ‘concerned’ about some paranormal presence in their hotel rooms.

Broad told an English newspaper that the Lords Test against Sri Lanka, that preceded the one with India, was when his ‘nightmare at Langham’ started.
“During the Sri Lanka Test I had to move rooms. All of a sudden the taps in the bathroom came on for no reason,” said Broad.

“I turned the lights on and the taps turned themselves off. Then when I turned the lights off again the taps came on. It was very weird. Ben Stokes has had some problems sleeping as well. He’s on the third floor, which is where a lot of the issues are. I’m telling you, something weird is going on.”

Over at Lords, the impact of the ‘ghost’ was visible from the outset in England’s 319 run fourth innings chase; Sharma turned the hosts white with a series of bouncers with an old and rugged ball.

The likes of Moeen Ali, Matt Prior, Stokes, Joe Root and Broad were, for sure, cast in a spell. They were chasing the short balls like a host of moths chasing the fire, and duly embraced the death of their batting stints against a man ridiculed as much as the Bollywood actor with supernatural abilities, Rajnikanth!

You really have to pinch yourself to believe this!

How can an Indian ‘fast bowler’ bounce the opposition out? Never in the history of the game have we seen trundlers from across the border possess the venom to threaten a batsman, let alone dismiss an entire team with a bouncer barrage.

Sharma is the same bowler whose short stuff and attempted bouncers were smashed with absolute disdain by Australia’s James Faulkner in a 50 over match last year. The clobbering by Faulkner was so overwhelming and emphatic that many feared Sharma’s listless career, where such hammerings were more a norm than a rarity, would reach a fitting end then and there. But his captain MS Dhoni has more faith in him than Rajnikanth has in his bag of tricks and hence Sharma was retained.

After his match winning spell yesterday, Sharma thanked Dhoni for each and every bouncer he bowled at Lords. He said,
“Let’s open up the whole field and bowl only bouncers.”

When Sharma puts his feet up and recalls the joyous moments, I am sure he will thank the ghosts that spooked the hell out of the English team, since only a team scarred at the magnificent Langham hotel can fall to the most venom-less bouncers bowled in the history of the game.

Perhaps Broad and company felt that the restless ghosts from the posh hotel had embodied Sharma during his bowling spell.

The Pakistan Cricket Board (PCB) now needs to ensure that the English team is lodged at the same hotel the next time they square up against them at the home of cricket. After all, we have to bury our own ghosts of the 2010 Lords spot fixing scandal. Maybe they can team up with the Langham ones.
WRITTEN BY:
Emmad Hameed A sports writer and reporter who makes the odd appearance on TV. This life at least will be confined to eating, sleeping and drinking cricket! He tweets @Emmad81 (https://twitter.com/Emmad81)
The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necassarily reflect the views and policies of the Express Tribune.

COMMENTS (8)

Ro | 9 years ago | Reply Liked the article! Totally agree with the writer when he says Ishant's bouncers were really lifeless. England lost more to shitty shot selection than tenacious bouncers. If you want real bouncers, look at Mitchell Johnson during the last Ashes.
Emmad Hameed | 9 years ago | Reply @Anoop thank you for the feedback, a little research will give you the details of Rajnikanth's Bollywood films (a significant number), and simply googling the guy gets you through to hundreds of jokes/memes etc, and please note this blog is satire, nothing should be taken to heart:)
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