7 kinds of people you run into at Pakistani weddings

Published: July 6, 2014
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The planner is either the parent, brother, sister or cousin of the ones to be wed and is in a constant state of panic.

Weddings are festive and fun occasions. They are probably the only events in the country where both sexes get a chance to mingle and dance together without someone giving judgemental stares and uttering the words ‘haw haye’.

Depending on how close or how you’re related to the bride or groom, these festivities can range from being highly fun to chaotic to downright boring. But at every wedding, you are bound to come across different and “special” types of wedding guests.

1) The enthusiast

This is the person who is even more excited about the wedding than the bride and groom. He or she seem as if they had been planning their whole life around this wedding. You can spot them at weddings instantly because they love being the centre of attention. They choreograph dances, colour-coordinate their kurtas, socks and dupattas. They make sure they get the most photos taken and have an air of dominance about them that screams “I am better than you”.  You would become an archenemy if they found you stealing their lime light.

Photo: Tumblr

2) The planner

The planner is either the parent, brother, sister or cousin of the ones to be wed and is in a constant state of panic. He or she orders waiters, greets guests, clears out little kids, commands the photographer, checks up on the food arrangements, all the while sweating and looking like a mess. They are not there to enjoy the wedding but to make sure that everything goes pitch perfect. These guys deserve an honorary medal unless they’re being paid to do the job.

Photo: Pinterest

3) The apathetic

This person was dragged by their mother to come to the wedding. He or she sits in a corner or in the middle of the crowd with indifferent eyes, oblivious to whose wedding it is. You will usually find them playing with their phone, texting or Facebooking, in order to escape from the sheer tedium that has been brought upon them because of this wedding.

Photo: Pinterest

4) Ecstatic kids

The most annoying thing about weddings is the little children flocking around jumping up and down on the stage. They’re constantly stomping over people’s feet, breaking vases, hiding under tables, licking cream off of desserts, tangling themselves in wires, taking a drag ride on the brides dress, crying, shouting and screaming in an ecstatic trance. However, there are exceptions to the rule as always; cute kids sitting quietly and nicely in their mommy’s laps – I think we need more of those. They are still acceptable and bearable.

Photo: Tumblr

Photo: Tumblr

5) The jealous friends

Ok, so now that the bride is married, the guy turns out to be a real catch and the wedding is something out of a story book, some jealous friends are overcome by the green-eyed monster. They are secretly sulking, being reminded of their own singleness, worrying about their future and thinking about their prospects (or lack thereof) all the while wondering how much the bride’s dress costs. They will pass bitter remarks, roll their eyes and sometimes even hide their envy under a fake smile – the hiding doesn’t last very long.

Photo: Pinterest

Photo: Tumblr

6) The gawker

No one knows who this is but it is generally a man whose eyes are fixated upon every woman at the wedding. He attends the wedding with the sole motivation of staring at women. He could be married and even have kids but that will not stop him from his unapologetic gawking. Women feel discomforted by the glares of this persons irritating perversion and sometimes, the gawker is even beaten on thrown out of the wedding.

Photo: Gifrific

7) The foodie

These types only attend the event for the food. Their eyes are constantly locked on the food table and on waiters trying to gauge when the food will be served. The foodie hypnotically fantasises about qorma, tikkay, seekh kabab and naan whilst the fat aunt of the bride chatters about the larkay waala’s zameens in Gujjar Khan. And when the food does not meet the foodie’s expectations, he or she consider the wedding a total waste of their time. Sometimes, the relatives can be witnessed stuffing food in their bags for a late night snack! Yes – that happens.

Photo: Tumblr

Photo: Tumblr

These are the different types of ‘special’ wedding guests I have personally encountered, but I am sure the list goes on. Go right ahead and add your personal favourites too.

Humay Waseem

Humay Waseem

A writer and fashion designer who has a knack for social observation and comedic critique. She aspires to empower women and children to explore their inner talents and brilliance. She tweets @HumayWMD (twitter.com/HumayWMD)

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.

  • Abcd

    a BURGER’S perspective . Commoners will have a different list of atleast 100 klnds .Recommend

  • Saad K

    I’m definitely ‘the apathetic.’ Great insight!Recommend

  • Ahmed

    The last gif or picture made me HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHRecommend

  • Asad Khan

    I belong to No. 6 + 7 in the list.

    regards,Recommend

  • Saad Salman Zia

    Lol very true! There’s usually one of each type present!Recommend

  • Adnan Qamar

    You missed the aunties looking for rishtas….Recommend

  • Syeda KAzmi

    hahahaha so true…Recommend

  • Razi Ul Haq

    HAHAAHAHAH. Nice writing.
    BTW i doubt anyone from us doesn’t fit in number 3Recommend

  • http://futurecmo.org/ Babar Khan

    Funny. Would be great with one GIF per point. Its good to copy Buzzfeed, but doing a better job is always advisable :)Recommend

  • Know it all

    Women who come to show off their expensive dresses, shoes, purses etc etcRecommend

  • Reaper

    Nice use of GifsRecommend

  • Mohammad Shuaib Hussain

    Haha! Hilarious and spot on article!Recommend

  • sudeep

    Not much different this side of the border! And mark me up as the fooddie :)Recommend

  • Waqar

    hahahaha bull’s eye…..100 marks for photos matching titles.Recommend

  • Necromancer

    Spot on, and I am the foodie in the weddingRecommend

  • Ibad Tariq

    as far as Gawker and Foodies are concerned the writer is spot on! .. hahaha this blog just made my day..Recommend

  • Fahim Alavi

    Little kids are loving even annoying. :) and nice article.Recommend

  • Wardah

    nice observation..I burst into laughter on each type of people..I am the apathetic one lolRecommend

  • Siana Baba

    Wedding crashers missing….!!!Recommend

  • UMER IJAZ

    Hahaha… Good observation. I liked the Piks .Funny.Recommend

  • Ali Mustafa

    lmao , so trueRecommend

  • Critical

    U forgot those “rishta” aunties who look at you and say “Oh how big you have grown up?”…and then to the mother “I know this girl/boy in my area who will be perfect for your family”…Recommend

  • gp65

    Fun read. Very similar in India also. There are two more types that you will meet:
    1) freeloader- this person is not connected in any way to either the bride or the groom and has just dressed up in nice clothes for the free food.

    2) on the lookout for brides/grooms- the aunties that are on the look out for a bride or groom for their daughter/son/nephew/niece and constantly asking detailed questions about potential prospects.Recommend

  • gp65

    Yes i too pointed that out. Funny how similar these things are on both sides of the borderRecommend

  • gp65

    Yup. Wedding crasher and rishta aunty are the 2 missing profilesRecommend

  • Proud to be Muslim

    What a great observation by the writer. Perfect yet entertaining observations. Yes she missed the aunties looking for ristha and one more thing that no one mentioned is, the “newly engaged couple” continuously staring and changing their instances at each other and continuously whispering about their fiancé between their friends and cousins yet making a statement that I am not staring, its the other one!Recommend

  • Supriya Arcot

    Awww geez really you seem to ‘know it all’. For thats precisely why I go to weddings or gatherings .Recommend

  • https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=8559594100366660134#allposts Supriya Arcot

    Oui Cést vrai. If you are an Non Resident of that country, then the main reason you come is to gorge on foods that you miss in your country . slurpy yummy …Recommend

  • Ali

    u missed naraz relatives…..Recommend

  • Lazy Sapper

    Not all GIFs fit perfectly the situation that happens in weddings. Uninvited wedding crashers are missing from article.Recommend

  • nust

    The rishta aunties!!!! Where are the rishta aunties!!!!!Recommend

  • Arslan Ahmad

    hahahhahah this so trueRecommend

  • Hameedullah

    I hate weddings. Wish i could avoid them all. Even mine!Recommend