I am happy being single, don’t force me to mingle!

Published: August 9, 2014
Email

You will realise that not getting married is the root cause of all evils in the entire world.

If you live in Pakistan, have completed your studies and gotten a job, then you may be one of those victims who are constantly pinched with that one hot question day and night,

“When are you getting married?”

Everyone wants to know the answer to this million dollar question, whether it’s your parents, siblings, grandparents or relatives. It looks as if everyone’s happiness depends on your marriage. Your 100-year-old granny will advise you,

Beta, jaldi se shaadi kar lo take main apni zindagi main tumhare sar pe sehra saja dekh sakun.”

(Son, get married quickly so that I can see you getting married while I’m still alive.)

Your mother will inform you that she has planned everything for your wedding while your father will brief you about the benefits of marriage. When you try to defy everyone’s advice is when you’ll come to know of your ‘real’ value.

You will realise that not getting married is the root cause of all evils in the entire world. You will find out that your grandparents, who have completed nearly a century of their lives, are getting sick because of you not getting married, and the constant quarrels between your parents are also due to you. Your siblings’ sad faces and their bad grades are also because of you.

Majority of your relatives and neighbours, who never liked you during your childhood because of your wicked behaviour and always tried to keep their daughters away from your shadow so that you cannot influence their blossoming pubescence, would have their eyes intact on you as the ‘Raj Kumar’ for their ‘Raj Kumaris’Those who were hell-bent upon proving that their daughters are like your sisters will make you realise that those sisters can now be the best life partner for you. You might have observed some unknown people walking in to your home, with artificial smiles on their faces, in quest to win you over for their daughters.

Your parents will bombard you with pictures and profiles of potential girls. And if you try to tell them that you’re not in the position to get married right now as you think you aren’t stable enough and cannot support another individual, you will be told that,

Beta aanay wali apna muqaddar sath laye gi”

(Son, your wife will bring her own luck)

They will tell you that, in their times, people used to get married soon after getting a job. Even though you want to tell them that during their time, marriage was the only entertainment available for people, trust me, just don’t and keep it tucked away as a silent thought in your head!

You might have also observed that upon meeting an old school friend of yours after a decade, the first question they ask you,

“Dude, when are you getting married?”

Sometimes you will also end up being the butt of the joke as some of your close friends might mock you by advising you to get yourself checked and provide you with a list of hakims they consulted before getting married.

After countless follow ups and questions, you start wondering if the sole purpose of your life is getting married. Everything in your life has been nothing but a ploy to get you to tie the proverbial knot. And in the end, you have no other option but to surrender to the pressure built upon you.

Dear parents, grandparents and relatives, your son/grandson/nephew totally understands that the nexus of your happiness lies in him getting married, but please also understand that he has some expectations and plans of his own too. As soon as he thinks he’s ready to get married, you are the first people he’ll let know. And if you are worried about him getting old, then you should remember the famous quote,

“Real men never get old!”

Now please concentrate on other life and death matters.

Sincerely yours,

A Happy Single

Asad Ur Rehman

Asad Ur Rehman

A Muslim, patriotic Pakistani, OD professional, Social Activist and a blogger, who is currently serving in Asia's largest textile unit." He tweets @asad_piracha twitter.com/asad_piracha

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.

  • Moiz Omar

    Relationships and marriages are over-rated. Single for life.Recommend

  • Magnanimity

    Well said !!!

    Had marriage been the guarantor of happiness in life , Pakistan would have been the heaven on the earth by now then !Recommend

  • Dante

    People want to get married because all of us have the innate wish to extend our generations. And then there are people who don’t like kids and don’t get married, and there are people who consider marriage as a state of being in shackles.

    It’s up to you, By the way I’m sure the audience was very interested in listening to why you haven’t yet gotten married. I was genuinely interested too. Keep us all tuned in to any developments in your life because we all hold a strong interest in it.Recommend

  • Materialistic

    Marriage is becoming an obsolete institution with everyone being so career oriented now. I work more than 12 hours 7 days a week and am not willing to sacrifice it, secondly, I think your spouse deserves your time and if you cannot give the time it is better to stay single until you can.Recommend

  • Hira

    Thought provoking !!Recommend

  • Adpran

    Author : “I am happy being single, don’t force me to mingle!”

    Other people : “I want to get married, but my marriage proposals always get rejected!”Recommend

  • Mehwish

    Hahaha asad men are not the only victim…atleast your parents wait till you get a job…for us girls the, the whole universe start hinting that we should be married as soon as we are born…. i have been asked this question since i was in 10th grade & now i am 25, and there is just so much pressure to get married for every one single/widow/divorced. and i still dont know what problem will marriage solve… For me i really appreciate (And deep down envy) those people who get to get married when they want when they are mentally ready to share their life with someone (or those who dont get married)!!…
    Recommend

  • Guest

    Hahaha asad men are not the only victim…atleast your parents wait till you get a job…for us girls the, the whole universe start hinting that we should be married as soon as we are born…. i have been asked this question since i was in 10th grade & now i am 25, and there is just so much pressure to get married for every one single/widow/divorced. and i still dont know what problem will marriage solve… For me i really appreciate (And deep down envy) those people who get to get married when they want when they are mentally ready to share their life with someone (or those who dont get married)!!…
    Recommend

  • Mohsin

    Nice to read. This is common phenomena of our society and can be observed in almost every family where marriage is resisted.Recommend

  • Zubria Jan

    Refusing to get married is harder for women!Recommend

  • Mehwish Shams

    Hahaha asad men are not the only victim…atleast your parents wait till you get a job…for us girls the, the whole universe start hinting that we should be married as soon as we are born…. i have been asked this question since i was in 10th grade & now i am 25, and there is just so much pressure to get married for every one single/widow/divorced. and i still dont know what problem will marriage solve… For me i really appreciate (And deep down envy) those people who get to get married when they want when they are mentally ready to share their life with someone (or those who dont get married)!!…
    Recommend

  • Zeeshan

    What was the point of writing this blog?Recommend

  • tungi

    same to same here!! same for guys as women except that women are urged to marry as young as possibleRecommend

  • tungi

    i’ve seen my brothers families and the shor of kids!!i just never want to marry :/Recommend

  • Arooj Ahmed

    Can’t agree any more. Everyone has his/her own priorities.Recommend

  • Dq

    I’m sure you intend pun…Recommend

  • x

    Same goes for women and it’s harder for them to resist the pressure and the inevitable question and speculation that something wrong otherwise why would a nice looking, educated girl from a good family not be married yet. And heaven forbid if a girl is less than stunning, then the pity brigade starts. Many people fail to take into account that some people are open to getting married but not until they meet someone who they really want to spend their life with not just get hitched for the sake of social expectations and the ‘perfect package’ deal rishta. Pfft.Recommend

  • raj

    Fantastic article.. very nicely summed up… and very well phrased.Recommend

  • Fahim

    I have faced all these scenarios and finally got influencedRecommend

  • The Sixth Sense

    Thank YouRecommend

  • The Sixth Sense

    Unfortunately Arooj. We have to raise voice against these taboosRecommend

  • The Sixth Sense

    Those who have a little bit of Aqal got the point. Recommend

  • The Sixth Sense

    Well being a man I need to write for men. As too much is being written for women. :) I know girls have to face numerous issues too. Both girls and boys are equally caught up in this though :). Lets voice our opinion and may be some day someone will listen :)Recommend

  • Emme

    Ahahahahaha! The whole process of ‘getting married’ is so frustrating, I swear, I end up saying ‘LEAVE ME ALONE’. Works for a few weeks then its back to the drawing board. I think in the end, we should learn to enjoy the process- hey, at least there’s great food :P erm sometimes…Recommend

  • Saira

    Its good to read a man’s perspective, I thought women were the only victims of harrassment in matrimonial matters!Recommend

  • Faiza

    couldn’t agree more (Y) ….a hard situation for both girls and boys and harder for girls because they are girls :DRecommend

  • The Sixth Sense

    Thank you for endorsing :)Recommend

  • The Sixth Sense

    lol. Food and protocol :)Recommend

  • The Sixth Sense

    Both are equally pressurized.Recommend

  • Shahid

    Dear Author: Please write your article either entirely in English or entirely in Urdu. Or if you must quote something in Urdu, please write Urdu in its proper script. Please for heaven’s sake do not write in Roman Urdu; that just shows your to be mentally deficient and casts a very bad light on your whole article.

    Dear Express Tribune: If you love India so much you want to copy every single thing from it (including its writing style) but please there is a limit to that. Please stop writing your newspaper in “Indian English” that is always so replete with quotations in Romanized Hindi. Please be professional for once and avoid such garbage in the future. If your readers can’t read Urdu, then start a series of articles teaching them the Urdu script. Do not encourage their functional illiteracy by posting in Roman Urdu.Recommend