Forget polio, Pakistan is ‘BIGGER’ than India and size is all that matters!

Published: April 29, 2014

Pakistanis, although not polio-free, are happy because of a research which confirms racial stereotypes in the matter of size with regards to a particular part of the anatomy. And in this, Pakistan beats India - which is all that matters. PHOTO: AFP/FILE

A few days ago, a leading British newspaper carried a news story that stated:

“The World Health Organisation certified the south-east Asian region – which includes India but excludes Afghanistan and Pakistan – polio-free after three years without a single new case being reported. The WHO said this meant 80% of the world’s population lived in polio-free regions, an important step towards global eradication of the crippling disease.”

It is a massive coup for the people of India, for the people of those other countries now free of polio and for the world in general, for achieving an 80% eradication of the disease. ‘The world’ includes the people of Pakistan as well but instead of being upset about their stark exclusion from the polio-free list, they actually seem terribly chuffed – for a different reason.

The people of Pakistan, although not polio-free, are happy because of another, older piece of news based on a research conducted by the Ulster University. This research apparently confirms racial stereotypes in the matter of size with regards to a particular part of the anatomy. This difference in size has become a matter of great importance for Pakistanis, even greater than the presence of polio in their country.

In the study, India ranks fourth from the bottom, below Pakistan, and that’s all that counts. Of course, as long as we beat the Indians in such important matters – as we apparently did in a stiff competition – all else remains insignificant.

Richard Lynn, professor emeritus of psychology at Ulster, carried out the research referred to and it has been published in a scientific journal. Subjects from 113 countries were studied and the conclusions, such as they are, were arrived at. Let me point out that the research in question is being strongly criticised everywhere but there are few naysayers in Pakistan.

The mind boggles at the methodology involved in the collection of data for this study at Ulster and the sheer magnitude of the variables that must have been accommodated in the process.

But what the heck – the mind boggles at many things in these parts where, for example, workers administering polio drops to children are regularly shot at and killed. The mind boggles simply trying to encompass the mentality of the people trying to hamper the anti-polio campaign. After all, who would wish to prevent children from contracting polio? What kind of thought processes must such people have, not to mention motives?

If the people, who kill polio workers, indeed consider themselves to be acting on religious grounds, which religion is this that calls for people to lead a disabled existence, in pain and discomfort, unable to function as every human being has a right, a birthright, to do so?

And which religion calls for murder?

But of course, these things are not important to the larger section of the population, particularly that section which takes pronouncements made by the Council of Islamic Ideology (CII) seriously. They, after all, must believe that their religion allows underage children to be married and its women to have no say in important marital matters.

So let there be disability, misery and illness; let Pakistan marry off its underage population; let its men take as many wives as they and they alone like, and its women wither away in misery. And let its mothers have no say in matters concerning their children’s health, such as whether or not their children should receive the polio vaccine.

Let’s make sure that Pakistan remains amongst the countries that play host to the polio virus, since God forbid that any Pakistani should be vaccinated by anything that has even an imaginary chance of threatening fertility and related parts of the anatomy, however unconnected the vaccine may be with this threat.

There is only one thing that matters and we say that loud and clear: we must remain ahead of India, by whatever means possible.

It’s very confusing folks; it’s all jumbled together in our minds, just like this blog: anatomy, religion, patriotism, size and fertility, suppression of women, evil polio vaccines, America, and Zionist intrigue.

Long live Pakistan where it’s all okay, even polio, so long as Ulster tells it like it is.


Rabia Ahmed

The author is a freelance writer and translator.

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.

  • Arun

    And which religion calls for murder?…

  • Shakir Lakhani

    Is it only Pakistani men who are superior? Why didn’t the researchers study whether our women are also better than theirs?Recommend

  • ABZ

    o yess!!! Size is all what matters for us MEN :o :o :o :o
    :p :p :p :pRecommend

  • |TopGun

    And that’s how long dong silver lost his leg.Recommend

  • Yousaf Khan

    Rabia Ahmad, I see that you climbed the polio bandwagon together with the rest of the West loving journalists of Pakistan. But have you done some investigation into the oral drops administered to all these Pakistani kids. Do you know that the majority of the latest polio cases was BECAUSE of the vaccine, a vaccine banned in many countries, including the US. If you journalists started to think for yourselves and worked for the betterment of your nation instead copy pasting everything the west wants you to write, many of the ills in sociaty would be discussed in the right way and maybe even solved. and and

  • GuyyPakistan

    Well, the only benefit of controlling freedom of speech is that it avoids such embarrassments posing as articles. The research on Pakistani being “BIGGER” was not needed unless this was supposed to be a satire or a humorous article, which this article totally was not.Recommend

  • Lt Col Imtiaz Alam(retd)

    W hen you write such an Article with reference to another Article or Study then please give us the LInk to verify your claims. Some of the Excerpt is not in good taste. The point to make was that the Polio Campaign is not being taken seriously.Recommend

  • Guest

    Dear Colonel Sir, If you’d look very very carefully you might find that the links to all the references are clearly underlined and highlighted in a different colour within the article itself.Recommend

  • Miss Syed

    Really? I knew, there would be some really lame theory behind polio resistance. I was assuming something related to women, But, it’s quite interesting!
    Btw, what good is a man with uh.. “Size” and no other body parts functioning or Co-ordinating… EEE not a pretty sight !Recommend

  • Shilpa

    This isn’t news, Indian women love Pakistani for that reason.Recommend

  • Iran-e-Sahgeer

    Man, i don’t understan why ET lets Indian people post hateful comments like these :/Recommend

  • indian

    and Pakistan’s Indian obsession continues… here India beats Pakistan..Recommend

  • nomi

    Bash the west as much as you want, if it feeds your ego. you have failed to eradicate polio despite massive aid. The eastern neighbour who is supposed to have more poor than all of africa has done it somewhat.

    the problem lies in the Pakistani mentality. First you mismanage, then you blame others.
    Whose responsibility it is to deliver proper drops? Probably corruption which is a culture of the country is again involved.
    Keep living in denial and you will be jolted again and again.Recommend

  • Patriotic traitor

    I am a pakistani and I say its a very distasteful way to highlight a serious problem.
    On the hindsight I can see your fascination with “sizes”.
    The two topics do not collaborate in anyway so it seems a forceful merger to draw maximum audience.
    Some of the western obsessions are not worth mentioning. Recommend

  • khattak

    No matter what intelligence reports says that it is the work of foreign Spy Agencies to sabotage Pakistan`s polio free Compaign Our Liberal moderate writers will still Link Islam and Counsil of Islamic Ideology With it .For ur Info some cases reported in peshawar had taken 6 to 7 doses of vaccination So y then they were crippled by polio.Recommend

  • Imran Ahmed

    Dude, have a heart and stop spreading mis-information that can result in misery for young children. Polio Vaccine is not banned in USA, they do use the inactivated vaccine by injection, they have their own resources and reasons. Yes, in seriously under immunized societies self limiting polio spread by the oral vaccine is a possibility against which precautions should be taken, if you have an alternative solution to vaccination, please share it.

    The first two links you shared are irrelevant to your stance or do not support it. The 99 recommendation by American Pediatricians is a point of view which could have been relevant to them in 1999 and is not against vaccination per se only saying that injectable vaccine may be safer in their situation where polio was almost non-existent.

    Injectable vaccine is less effective and the decision to use OPV was logical. Not vaccinating an at risk population would be criminal and insane.

  • Jaya

    There is no polio in the most conservative Muslim country like Saudi Arabia then why polio is present in Pakistan and Afghanistan? Mullahs have to give awareness about polio drops to the citizens that it will not hamper fertility so citizens will not fear.Recommend

  • IHateDisqus

    If the “latest polio cases” are because of the polio vaccine, then India must be having an epidemic.

    But India has been polio-free for 3 years!

    Only in Pakistan will you find educated people believing nonsensical conspiracy theories.Recommend

  • Imran Ahmed

    An irresponsible comment has been made that polio vaccines have been banned. It has also been stated that Polio vaccines cause outbreaks of Polio.

    These comments are dangerously misleading if taken at face value. Americans have not banned polio vaccination but they prefer intramuscular (inactivated virus) to oral (attenuated live virus) vaccines, the former is less efficient while the latter carries a small risk which is unacceptable in an area where Polio has already been eradicated.

    OPV has been effectively used worldwide and has successfully removed the risk of this crippling disorder from the majority of the world population. In societies which are grossly under-immunized OPV has the potential for causing self limited, localized outbreaks in unsanitary conditions. This risk should be understood and measures taken to minimize it. However in areas where Polio is endemic, as in Pakistan, OPV remains the vaccination of choice. There is no sane or responsible alternative to vaccination if we wish to avoid misery.Recommend

  • NotSoCommon

    Are you trying to say its west’s fault that the oral drops used in Pakistan are bad? Or you are implying that all the polio cases are ONLY because of the banned drops and Pakistan would have been polio free if not for these drugs? If you can think for yourself please do think about the status of the polio workers, the fatwas issued by the mullahs and the rumors regarding infertility causing polio drops.Recommend

  • Hot-Shot-Nasir

    What does religion has to do with murder? To answer to your question none of the religions of the world call for murder.

    Since you don’t have a big size don’t bash on religion!Recommend

  • Hot-Shot-Nasir

    Shakir.. you bet Pakistani women are superior. You don’t need researcher for that…this fact was even stated by Hillary Clinton when she visited Pakistan before being State Secretary during Clinton years!!Recommend

  • Syed Rizvi

    slaves of usa. what a waste of free lancing.Recommend

  • Hot-Shot-Nasir

    Rabia, you got a unique way of criticizing some facts in sarcastic manner. Polio eradication in Pakistan must be done and should have been done long time ago. Forget about India, we Pakistanis are superior to all in the world despite the problems we face. We don’t need Ulster telling us about our size. We know it when we live in the West and here is lots and lots of opportunities, which, for some on daily basis proves the “research” which Ulster put it.

    Having said this… I think, if and only if law and order situation in Pakistan is improved and government(s) civil or military would have played their part justly we would have been much educated in all aspect of life.

    Given time when right people will emerge in this country things will be changing for the betterment. Unfortunately, today Pakistan doesn’t even have their own government and that too is installed 6-8 months before election (see Economist August 2012, where Sharif government was “predicted” despite failed governance in the Punjab).

    When you have such incompetent people in government, bureaucracy, establishment and elsewhere you cannot get any further towards any improvement.
    Such is the sorry case of our beloved Pakistan.Recommend

  • Oats

    I agree with the author, why should be being physically bigger in one part of anatomy be a source of pride for Pakistanis? We know that native Pakistanis – be they Pashtun, Punjabi, or Baluchi are physically bigger on average than most Indian races, so it is only logical that individual body parts would also be bigger. What is more important is to eradicate diseases such as polio. However the author has not taken into consideration Pakistan’s proximity to polio infested areas in Afghanistan which is besides Pakistan. Not only is immunization affected by violence there but a lot of the refugees bring in the polio virus with them too.Recommend

  • Raj – USA

    Just wondering what Shahid Afridi will come up with next.Recommend

  • inc

    Pardon me for saying this, but is this really a serious article or just another crap that so-called educated people produce in their free time? There are numerous other issues that can be addressed and the scribe chose to write mumbo jumbo.Recommend

  • Mehdi

    Really !!!! Do you subscribe to a group whose leader was clandestinely killed in Abottabad in the middle of the night. Please stop defending these low life terrorists.Recommend

  • Really?

    >Posting ludicrous blogs and conspiracy theories
    >Actually using the term “the west” without understanding how stupid you sound
    >Wanting children to suffer polio when even a child can understand germ theory is a fact and not conspiracy

    Congratulations sir, you made me so angry I punched my computer.Recommend

  • Guest

    Actually I think Arun was simply quoting from the blog here, ie this sentence should be in quotes, ‘and which religion calls for murder?’ The sentence was meant to imply that there is no religion that calls for murder. So calm down, folks :)Recommend

  • Hassan Aftab

    I couldn’t stop laughing till I read Yousaf Khan’s comment. It had a very sobering effect. With regard to treatment of women. It reminded me of a married colleague, who would under stress, express her desire to leave the job and become a begum. I know it is easier said than done but women need to stand and be counted. However, being
    a begum is an attractive proposition.Recommend

  • Anoop

    Considering all the antics of Pakistanis lately and the topic of this article, is it safe to conclude that Indians are heavy on the top(bigger brains), Pakistanis down South?

    But, considering Indians and Pakistanis share the genes, there is nothing genetic about it. Whatever the influences which are forcing Pakistanis to make these decisions are cultural, social and ideological.Recommend

  • Agnikul

    It is not the size of the pen that matters but what you write with it :).Recommend

  • Guest

    Rabia, just out of curiosity – what is you get from writing this article. What was the intention, if its ok to share.

    Readers: Do you really bother about who is better, India or Pakistan and these international issues – don’t fall prey to these cheap tricks. Tomorrow you will find other similar articles out of nowhere – just ignore them. These people write all this because there are people like you to comment and make it a big issue.Recommend

  • Adpran

    Bother? No!. Just wonder why Pakistani and Indian people seem like love to compare each other in every matter. Cities, roads, education, movie actors, etc. And now someone start a Pakistan-India comparison for this matter?. Amazingly she is a woman.

    BTW, I am not Pakistani or Indian. I am Indonesian.Recommend

  • sterry

    I agree that this comparison is silly but there are some genetic differences between Pakistanis and Indians due to history and geography. Pakistan has more people mixing with adjacent lands to north and west unlike India. I don’t think bigger body size is due to culture or religion. Yes some North Indians may be closer to Pakistanis ethnically like Sikhs but they are a minority.Recommend

  • Guest

    pardon me Mr Rizvi but why does everyone who criticises anything become a slave of the usa? Sure there are conspiracies but not under every stone and we could try to withstand them couldn’t we? Are we so faultless? I think you and others like you ought to think seriously about whether or not you are slinging out that accusation and other similar ones such as ‘Indian Agent’, ‘UnIsamic,’ ‘Traitor’, ‘Jewish conspirator’ because it is so convenient, because then you don’t need to use that little muscle brain). Are we perhaps failing to recognise our own mistakes/faults/sins?Recommend

  • hp kumar

    Ya you r go through this
    Dubai: A Pakistani man has been given a one-year jail term for sexuallyassaulting a six-year-old Indian girl in Dubai, according to a media report on Monday.

    The 29-year-old Pakistani, working as a domestic help, had assaulted the girl on October 18 last year, police said.

    The man is believed to have taken the girl from her neighbours’ apartment where she was attending a party, taking advantage of the fact that she was by herself at the time, the Khaleej Times reported.

    The Court of First Instance found him guilty of sexually assaulting the girl. The defendant, who earlier denied the charge in court, will be deported after serving his sentence.

    A policeman said the man “admitted to me that he molested the girl on the terrace of the building” where she lived with her parents.

    The defendant can file an appeal within 15 days.

    The girl’s mother, a 42-year-old accountant, recalled her daughter looking disturbed and scared shortly after the incident.

    “She entered the apartment and told me to shut the door. As I asked her where she was, she recounted that the defendant took her by her hand to the terrace after gagging her,” the mother said.

    She told investigators that the family had received an invitation to a party at their neighbours’ house. Being busy, she dressed her daughter and told her to go to the party, saying she would join her later.

    But a few minutes later, she was surprised after her neighbour’s son came to her home and asked about her daughter.

    As she was about to go out to look for the girl, she saw the latter standing at the door and looking disturbed, the report said..Recommend

  • hp kumar

    Hehehe…Indians ka Utna bada tool nahi hai,jitna bada hum pakistaniyon aur muslimo ka hai…Wahan ka tool bahoot negative dekha gaya..HA HA HA HA HARecommend

  • stevenson

    Most Pakistanis don’t care about Indians any more than other countries but the difference is that Indians are obsessed with Pakistan. If you look at the comments on this newspaper or any Pakistani media site, most of the remarks will be from indians under real or made up names.Recommend

  • hp kumar

    Hey moderator,He is a pakistani must be knowing and wrongly you have posted my comment against him sad na..Recommend

  • Humza Gulfraz Khan

    But,in this case the pen is too small for writing purposes.Recommend

  • Varoon

    The world knows which religion calls for murder…inconvenient truth for someRecommend

  • Varoon

    Pakistani women superior? That’s why Indian women do better at school than Pakistani women, I guess?Recommend