Working women do not make better moms

Published: March 8, 2014
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Happier women are better women, happier wives are better wives and happier mothers are better mothers, period.

Working women do not make better moms,” I told an audience comprising of my teachers and fellow students in my primary school where my own mother was working as a teacher.

I had the audacity to look her in the eye as I completed my argument in the speech competition. She looked back with a smile and I looked away.

I had a good reason for the argument.

Ever since my mother started working I saw a change in my family life. She often brought work home and then struggled with house chores. I got lesser treats at home. There were no more homemade doughnuts on the table and she was often too tired to take me out on weekdays. My friends’ stay-at-home moms seemed much more ‘motherly’ than mine.

Back at home, after the competition, she pretended as if my words had not hurt her. When I tried to talk to her about the speech competition she told me I had full rights to hold my opinion and express it publically. In the democratic system of our family, everyone had a voice. I wonder if she knew back then that my views about her job and choices in life will change with time.

As I grew up, my mother’s struggle became more evident. In our society, working women, and particularly working mothers, are always faced with a dilemma. They are brought up in a system where being just a woman is not good enough. One has to be a good wife and a good mother first and a good wife and a good mother equal a good homemaker. She is taught from a very young age that her house and family should be her priority. So careers almost always take a back seat.

My mother tried her best not to neglect her house. It was as if she had made a silent pact with the rest of the family, particularly my father,

“I will only work as long as the family doesn’t get adversely affected by my job.”

And that is where I have a problem.

We, the women give in too easily. My best friend took a break from work after getting married to settle down into her married life. When she decided to go back to work a year later, her husband told her,

“Of course you should have a career dear, as long as it doesn’t affect your household responsibilities.”

She complied like many more good wives out there. I wish, we the women could answer back to such a suggestion by a simple ‘no’.

“No dear, I am afraid the house will be affected and I will be thrilled if you took on some responsibilities from me and stopped complaining about not getting garam phulkas straight from the tawa.”

In my family, my father never asked for garam phulkas but my mother made them anyway. It was almost as if she was trying to prove something. She could keep the job because she could manage the house really well along with it. She wanted to keep the job because added income aside, it gave her confidence with a sense of independence, which made her tremendously happy.

It is this pursued happiness that matters.

We are often stuck in tedious arguments about whether women, especially mothers, should or should not work, that we often forget that it is the happiness of a woman we should really be talking about. Happier women are better women, happier wives are better wives and happier mothers are better mothers, period.

My mother worked tirelessly through my school and college life and hasn’t stopped working even now that I am married. As a child, I could not understand her but quite strangely I am following in her footsteps.

Just yesterday, when I was about to leave home to attend a professional conference, I looked at myself in the mirror and hastily fixed my kajal. The reflection was that of my mother, staring back at me, but this time around, we both smiled at each other.

Do you think women should work after marriage?

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Sarah Alvi

Sarah Alvi

A graduate from The Columbia Journalism School and a passionate visual artist. She is fascinated by Pakistan and curious about the world in general. She tweets as @sarah_alvi (twitter.com/sarah_alvi)

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.

  • Quratulain fatima

    writer is asserting that the coming times with more working women we will have less good moms…interestingRecommend

  • Ahmed

    You’ve got the wrong end of the stick – that’s not what the author is asserting at all!Recommend

  • Ahmed

    Interesting perspective!Recommend

  • Faraz Talat

    The society says, “Sure you can get a job, girl! Just make sure you also do the housework, take care of the kids, and don’t neglect your figure.”

    Most men consider it an affront to their manhood to have to clean the house and cook rotis, because that’s the “woman’s job”. Instead of fairly re-distributing responsibilities between the husband and wife, the woman gets stuck with the housework as well as office work.

    It’s ghastly.Recommend

  • Faraz Talat

    The society says, “Sure you can get a job, girl! Just make sure you also do the housework, take care of the kids, and don’t neglect your figure.”

    Most men consider it an affront to their manhood to have to clean the house and cook rotis, because that’s the “woman’s job”. Instead of fairly re-distributing responsibilities between the husband and wife, the woman gets stuck with the housework as well as office work.

    It’s ghastly.Recommend

  • Duah

    Writer is condemning women who work as well showing zero respect for her own mother’s career. Very shallow and selfish perspective. Why exactly is being published on Intl. W-Day?
    Secondly, there is no denying that happier women are better women, happier wives are better wives and happier mothers are better mothers, period. But what if working makes a mother happy? I wouldn’t stop my mom from doing so and I wouldn’t condemn her publicly for doing so. Typical Islamic nonsense.Recommend

  • Duah

    Writer is condemning women who work as well showing zero respect for her own mother’s career. Very shallow and selfish perspective. Why exactly is being published on Intl. W-Day?
    Secondly, there is no denying that happier women are better women, happier wives are better wives and happier mothers are better mothers, period. But what if working makes a mother happy? I wouldn’t stop my mom from doing so and I wouldn’t condemn her publicly for doing so. Typical Islamic nonsense.Recommend

  • mystic

    well I’d say home is home should always be the first priority of a women. May be you should have a look at the western society where stay at home moms seem like a luxury.
    For her happiness if she wants she can pursue a career to support the husband if there is some economical condition. As long as her happiness is concerned this is a relative concept. I am a girl and I feel extremely happy at home working passively to support others. My career is my home and ppl around me.

    I am not in any way against working women and wont say that they are not good moms in fact I have seen many stay at home moms neglecting their kids and their responsibilities completely and on the other hand working women trying hard to fulfill all the responsibilities completely but at the same time exhausted. Our society does not gives due credit to her. She works to support the husband but in many cases husband is always complaining about her behavior that is in fact an insecurity at his end. After all he is THE Husband. She works hard to manage home and kids at the same time but when kids grow old they have their own lives. Many times I have seen women trapped in vicious circle.Recommend

  • Miss Syed

    Yes, A woman should work outside, entertain her husband, keep the house clean, teach children and that Earns her the respect of the society, While a man who is Physically much stronger than a woman is Suppose to Work ONLY, not even look at kids, and demand perfectly round, hot rotis! That’s unfair..Men being the maintainers, guardians, protectors of women, once they take a women under their sponsorship termed “Nikah” means the man has to completely take care of her, take care of her needs, protect & support her mentally, spiritually, financially and in every way possible… How do God fearing men who are God conscious Allow their wives to do Double the work while they just sit at home and give taany to their wives, salan mein namak kam hai !
    Husband and wife are termed each other’s Garments in Islam, The best among you if best to his wife!
    How do Men who are believers will feel pride in a working woman who does all the unnecessary work and is still not appreciated!Recommend

  • Kiran

    Please read the article with a rather rational perspective.Recommend

  • A.Z

    As long as the husband is fulfilling his responsibilities towards his family, there’s no need for a women to go out for work. But yes if the husband is unable to fulfill his family rational needs than yes wife can come in for his rescue, provided the responsibilities of the wife are not deviated or affected.Recommend

  • Ruxx Inno

    I totally agree with you, only if husbands were supportive enough and contributed equally to the household chores, there would be nothing wrong with that.Recommend

  • Analyser

    Duah, you perhaps don’t understand the meaning of satire or even irony. If you did, you would have understood that the writer only explained how juvenile approach is different from an adult’s approach to life. She expressed how she came to the point of realization in her life. A lesson she wanted to share with the world on Woman’s day.Recommend

  • Rukhsar

    We don’t live in that society anymore where one member of the family would earn and the others would just sit back and watch. Times have changed, economic conditions are much more complicated now. Its almost impossible for one person to earn for even a household of 5 people. There are a growing number of households where both the husband and wife are contributing financially and managing quite well. Gender roles have extended beyond those established by the society long ago where the mother was the primary care taker of the home and kids, including her in laws and the husband would earn for the living. In many dual working couples, often both the husband and wife are required to exchange roles, which means the wife would be often away working and the husband would be taking care of the kids or dinner. There should be no shame in that. Its time we accept the concept of working women and understand them instead of marking them as selfish, career obsessed or judging them for pursuing their dreams. There is so much more to a woman than we have been imagining since longRecommend

  • water bottle

    exactly.

    it’s a fairly disgusting attitude of most men outside the Europe/Americas.

    Not that the men there share responsibility, at least there they know better not to make a fuss about it.Recommend

  • Farnaz Khan

    Well that’s exactly what we’re trying to fight against. I feel that a more fitting argument in such a case would be to introduce a more improved distribution of chores instead of arguing that women shouldn’t work outside the home, like the author has done.Recommend

  • Hamood Mazhar

    I totally agree with the article since my mother is also a working women. Its really hard to alienate home from work. But i believe that discouraging mothers from pursuing a career is wrong. The solution is to teach men that they should share the household work. If a mother is lending a hand in running finances of house, then the father should also lend a hand in household work and taking care of children.Recommend

  • https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=8559594100366660134#allposts Supriya Arcot

    Well I personally speak a woman’s duty ( if she is a mum ) is her home and kids first . Then she can go and work and earn to her heart’s content. If she is not able

    to take care of the home ( no time or whatever) , then at least appoint a good , trustable nanny and cleaner at home. Ultimately the woman of the house should be happy and contended with what she is doing , only then people around her can be happy. If she is all the time complaining , cribbing , feeling that she can do ‘ otherwise’ , then there is no way peace and happiness can come to that house.Recommend

  • Guest

    Wow! I am Clinical Psychology Major, and I can assure you, this is based on crap.Recommend

  • Shehryar Alam Khan Bangash

    Is this supposed to be a SATIRE?Recommend

  • Visibly

    Of course a working woman is a better role model for both her sons and daughters!
    Like men, she should have the right to determine her own life.
    A working woman has good impact on the next generation, supporting schooling, education for both boys and girls. And equally important, supporting women as a normal part of society. Respect and appreciation of women as a critical part for not only supporting their children, but also contributing to funding of family, will have major impact for wealth development in the family.
    Recommend

  • Hailstorm

    Your mother worked hard to add extra income for the family and educate you, but alas turned out you got brainwashed…and now you are using the very same education to stop women from advancing….Recommend

  • JZ

    Do you have any (empirical) proof of the statement that ‘men are physically stronger than women’…If yes please share.Recommend

  • NFR0094

    I think for me if my husband needs me I will definitely support him. I’ll reach out there seeking for work. But when it comes to my family my priority would be my house and my family.
    It gets very hectic for women’s to handle inside and outside at the same time. But, when it comes to raising children. I will definitely concentrate more on my children because as mothers it is compulsory for us to give them a good environment for their growth. I have had times when both my parents have worked. There are pro’s and con’s every where. My family had a routine where my father would drop us to school, drop my mother and go to work. But than On our way back my Mother picked us from school when she got off from work. She had a time table set up that she’ll only work during the time we are In school. But it did affect us, she was always tired in her way back. Sometimes she did cook a night before but when she didn’t, we were missing out on our afternoon lunch. We had lunch and dinner combined in evening. So it did create an effect on us children. No social life, or even had time for us family.
    Recommend

  • KS

    Women should work after marriage if they want to. Let it be a choice please! Some women want to work after marriage and some don’t. This should be their decision.Recommend

  • Parvez

    The answer to something as complex as this cannot be simple. It would vary from case to case, person to person, economic situation to economic situation, cultural pressures and also personal relationship understandings.
    Whats good for one may not necessarily be good for another. So to generalise would be wrong.Recommend

  • Shoaib

    Happier women are better women, happier wives are better wives and happier mothers are better mothers, period.

    That nicely sums it up. Its true that there might be women who absolutely love being stay-home moms only, and in that case that is exactly what they should be doing, but on that other hand this is not something that should be presumed as a “norm” for all women out there.Recommend

  • imad uddin

    Are you a Mom yet? maybe we should wait till you grow further n have school going kids…just kidding. My mom too worked, n she had huge targets, of better home n better education for her kids n she fulfiled them all..m mom was innocent n weak but courageous n persistent. she took care of everything, all chores, everything, and yet was read to accompany us with studies. she alone made us studious n smart, we hated studies.
    I always tried to make chapatis or parathas when she was tired but she would come n replace me. i would hide m hunger when she ws busy, or have sum snack to suppress it, always make d tea for m dad,who z a tea lover, but still she could not keep d home together. M mom was amazing n totally selfless. Ny other grl would just ruin d balance
    I think women should have their home as their priority, n should not overburden themselves.
    For instance, i wana spend m whole life for others, society, humanity. I can not accept the concept of a woman who would make m life out of control. A man desperately needs a support. Moral, psychological and love. How about a woman who doesnt have tym for this?
    Recommend

  • mimi sur

    @Sarah
    What is the definition of good mother according to you ? In educated societies , all most all mothers are working ladies . Their kids do better than other kids . Too conservative mindset of a muslim lady . This was a topic of 70s and not in trend now.Recommend

  • TruthHurts

    Truth hurts so sorry dear but why cant the women work at home as that is also work
    As there can be several arguments against it there are several against women working outside
    Firstly it surely neglects home and kids no matter how well organized a woman is as she is still human
    Secondly a father can never replace a mother no matter what he try
    Thirdly all over the world woman face abuseranging from extreme to kinimal implicit when working specially for someone
    The list goes on
    The prob is some of us want to reinvent the wheel and changr the roles nTure intended. This is an insult to women as their natural role is more imp than men’s which some psuedo liberals wants women to followRecommend

  • Miss Syed

    First of all let me begin by saying, Acknowledging this gender difference is one of the fundamental things civilized humans need to do. Consider two students with an aggregate of 100 marks. Student A and Student B may have differences in the marks of individual subjects, But in the end it’s the same. Men need women to survive and Vice versa; This debate of Who is better than who yeilds no results and even fails to make sense to me as by the end of theday,both genders need each other; Now that I have this off my chest.
    A person with even rudimentary knowledge in Biology can tell you the role of Hormones, Muscle built up and the comparison between two genders.men simply have a head start in that department thanks to their elevated levels of testosterone. The sex hormone has anabolic effects, meaning it promotes muscle development. Secreted by the pituitary gland, testosterone binds to skeletal fiber cells and stimulates the growth of proteins, building blocks of meaty muscles.The fastest male runners are swifter than the fastest female runners due to innate factors including muscle mass, higher oxygen intake and lower resting heart rates.
    Men & women are constructed differently for each other, A woman may built up the capacity of more muscle built up ,but that won’t be necessarily natural? Similarly, women have higher pain threshold value, more resistance to diseases etc., and i can go on and on.

    Must say, very 5th grader of people to demand to know such things,
    The debate was, If and when women of the house work, household chores should be equally distributed and since men have an upper hand in physical strength must display participatory capacity in both outside world and home chores, instead of expecting women to excel at both while remaining at rest themselves!Recommend

  • reader

    First of all I am thrilled that you agree that women are human (sarcasm intended)..second of all, every human has a different “natural role”…so women cannot be held from perusing careers in the name of playing their natural role. and lastly if a man shares the burden of his wife it doesn’t mean the he is replacing her!!Recommend

  • opti

    Ah..women only want good things from a men’s life. They look at the men’s life like a buffet. Wants equal rights but never once speak of equal responsibilities. Men should die in wars, they should stay in case of emergencies while women along with kids should leave first. He should earn more, love his wife, understand her feelings, look after kids outside activities, protect home protect family, get involved in any problem in life, give her more time than his mother and bla bla bla.Recommend

  • tafil

    Yeah. ladies are working, their kids do better, relationships are weaker than ever, confused between being liberal and religious and running after western culture, parents in old houses. and highest ratio of divorces than ever, Keep it up. This is mistake since 70s, so lets keep doing itRecommend

  • Ali

    maybe Duah didnt get the message but PLEASE DONT CALL IT SATIRE and show some respect..especially when you dont know what satire is. huh.!Recommend

  • Lets get real

    Not every one has the economic luxury of ‘chosing’ to be a housewife or a working woman. Anyone who has experience of a serious job will agree that a career is not a tea party, it is hard and stressful. The vast majority of married women with children work to be able to provide better for their children, most often at detriment to themselves because society still expects them to be perfect at their traditional roles as well – so they work around the clock, quite literally. I have nothing but appreciation for women who are working so hard for their families, usually without any recognition for not choosing the easy path of resignation.Recommend

  • mystic

    Read some biology, you will find the answer….
    or common sense naam ki bhi aik cheeze hoti hai per sahi kehtay hain k wo itni common nahi hai…Recommend

  • umarah

    Why it felt like my story? Yes! husbands demand a lot. Kids cooperate , yet if a child misbehaves gets hurt..” the mother wasnt around”. Pakistan is a terrible society (wth due apologies). I know i m better than many men and can make a change. My mother and sister has helped me fly again but the war is going on inside me. Its not just money, it’s not a carear even; it’s just that doing some thing completes me . Thats what I am ! A person.Recommend

  • Nobody

    You ask why can’t women just work at home since that is also work? The answer is rather simple. That choice needs to be made by women, not by others. If a woman wants to earn her own way and not be financially dependent on someone else, that’s her choice. If she chooses to stay at home, that’s her choice. Either way, the burden of work needs to be evenly distributed. If both work outside the home, both need to work inside the home. As far as working mothers neglecting their children, I don’t find this to be true, especially when children attend school. I have the example of many working mothers whose children are not at all neglected. For starters, the fathers put in an equal amount of child care as they should and the children’s needs are all attended to. Raising a child, just as making a baby, is a two person job. Furthermore, the definition of a woman cannot and should not be explained in just one word: mother. A woman can be more than just a mother, just as a man can be more than just a father. Everyone is entitled to their own identity. Also, many mothers work because they HAVE TO as one income isn’t always enough.Recommend

  • Nobody

    Agreed. Except with your statement that men don’t share work in Western households. While it is still a slow movement, many younger men in Western countries partake equally in household responsibility and often express feeling guilt when they can’t or don’t.

    That is quite a change from yesteryear.Recommend

  • Nobody

    Maybe having an identity only linked to others is enough for you, but that isn’t enough for many women. I would not feel at all proud to exist only for the benefit of others and ignoring or neglecting myself. Too many women put themselves second and find ways to justify it as a prideful choice.
    Yes for some women staying at home is a luxury, but for many many others, having a choice is also a luxury and a much more important one. Husbands need to pull their own weight in the house just as working wives do. I know many adult males who find it insulting when they’re expected to have their wife take care of things they are fully capable of doing on their own. My father for one; he never expected or even wanted my mother to do things like his laundry or prepare his meals for him. He’s a self sufficient man and can do this on his own. I’d imagine many self respecting men would feel the same way. And you’re right, often women are trapped in the vicious cycle. One of the sure fire ways to break out of this cycle is to take one’s own financial security and identity as more than just housewife/mom into one’s own hands.

    Cheers.Recommend

  • Nobody

    Your statement makes it sound as if women should just sit around and come to the rescue when their husbands decide they’re needed. I hope you see the sexism in your own statement. I think that choice needs to be made by women and for women. If a husband can expect his wife to “come to his rescue” when in need of finances, then a wife should expect her husband should come to her rescue when she’s overwhelmed by household responsibilities. Yet, so few men do that particularly in Eastern cultures.Recommend

  • pk

    The opportunity cost of doing a job for women is too high. Unless they have financial issues their family(children) will suffer and the money they earn will never compensate for the loss that their children suffer. If a career is important, the woman should not marry and definitely not have children.

    Children should be the First Prioirty.Recommend

  • Jawad Hassan

    In our society its quiet difficult for women to go outside for job. Specially in Rural areas of Pakistan men never tolerate to allow wives to go for job only due to their zeal. All these happen due to lake of education. We must support education to make a better Pakistan.Recommend

  • pk

    If you plan on handing children over to strangers, please dont have children. This is part of the problem. Nanny is not suppose to raise your children she should raise her own children.
    Shirking responsibility is not the solution.

    Where will it end, nanny for children, caregiver for parents, driver for cars, cleaner for house, cook for kitchen. Throwing money at people is not the answer.Recommend

  • Jawad Hassan

    Dear syed, If men are the only source of income to women, supporting family financially and give them love and care. Then men has the right to ask for hot rotis and paratas !!Recommend

  • http://www.javapitshop.com/ javapitshop

    Nanny or anyother caretaker is not the solution at all. As it creates more problems in your and childs life.

    As i have seen that parents usually left their child with nanny for 8-9 hours a day. And it certainly disturbs child’s broughtup. You will definately get shadow of nanny in that child.Recommend

  • Glenn

    I recently got married and both my wife and myself are working (I encourage her to study and work) whereas we share the house work between us (have been brought up by my parents in such a manner)

    But I see that a mothers role is very important for a child and it’s important for a women then to stay home and take care of things. I am a Christian by faith and this is what my faith teaches me (though many may have objections that Women are limited in this way) I have seen personally that the blessings following this is immenseRecommend

  • maz3tt

    i respect your article but one thing for sure you cannot do justice to both. one thing is bound to get neglected.. you cannot be at two places at one time a child wants her mother when he returns from school(that’s natural) even a grown up man wants to see her mother. you cannot tell a 5 year old that your mother has to be at work. the child will wait for sometime but after that he will move on without even his mother realizing it.

    the grown up might understand it. At the end of the day the mother may be trying very hard but she is bound to neglect the child at many places. so it is best to leave work for 10 -12 years for the child and start it after that. this sacrifice is really worth it at the end.Recommend

  • https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=8559594100366660134#allposts Supriya Arcot

    Err. I beg to differ . If you can find a trustable nanny ( someone who is known to you ) or comes with good credentials ( especially if you live abroad ) then yes , that nanny is acceptable . It depends on the comfort level you have with her . Of course it goes without saying that the working mother is assumed to be making money to cover these costs and more . It’s a case to case basis . I find kids growing with a good nanny to be more independent and adaptable . I and no mum under the sun has any intentions of handing over our children to strangers . Nanny is just like any other job . Many are caring and treat it as an honest job .Recommend

  • Quantum

    Sorry I joined the feministas liberation party late :) every now and then I see blogs about working women and the problem they face in a conservative society like Pakistan. It will take another 100 years for Pakistan to make progress in terms women’s equality compared with their western counterpart.

    Once Pakistani society slowly starts to un mix religion and culture, that day they will start to see some progress in women’s right. Most Muslim majority countries have hypocritical stance when it comes to women.

    Also few women from Pakistani ancestry in US choose not to work after they get married. It has to do with cultural mindset. It is not they lack opportunities. They make that choices.
    Recommend

  • gp65

    Men have the option to become a Doctor, accountant, army man, bureaucrat, businessman, corporate executive and so on depending on their personality and preferences. According to you the only thing that a woman should aspire to is to be a stay at home mother and wife. Please note, if a woman chooses that, I absolutely respect that choice and by no means do I denigrate that but should it be the only optoin available to her? No.Recommend

  • Zain Haider

    Its not like a mother wants to work or not, its either she should or not. Now days in our country (Specifically), what we are facing is that a women wants to tell everyone that they are better than men in any expect. Its not a game that who is good and who is best. Both have their own responsibilities and they should follow them accordingly rather making there life’s more complicated by discussing it over and over again. Kids need there parents attention not Maid’s or someone else who is taking care for them from the time there parents go to work and come back. Its purely a mothers job to care for her kids, teach them the rights and wrongs, the goods and the bads while the father is at work. It doesn’t means that men don’t have any responsibility but here we are talking about mothers. I hope i am not offending someone but this is the truth!!Recommend

  • Waqas Khan

    This is your personal point of view but, the definition of good mother is “provide the outstanding youth to the state” to looking every aspect and every issue of her children, spend most of the with them. job is the good thing but first look-after your childrens..Recommend

  • Nobody

    If a woman is a man’s life partner and bears his children then she has a right to expect to be treated as an adult and choose to work outside the house or choose NOT to spend her days in the kitchen. The entire problem lies with women depending on men for income. This gives too many men a sense of entitlement.Recommend

  • Nobody

    Oh my, so many generalizations and assumptions. Where to begin….Recommend

  • Nobody

    So women should drop everything and put themselves on the back burner so their kid can see her at home waiting on him/her after school? A woman’s only purpose in life is not to sit around and wait on others hand and foot. Kids adapt and are very resilient. Furthermore, if a woman stays out of her respective field for 10-12 years, who do you think will hire her after such a long gap and a loss of experience in the field…? Kids need both parents, but raising kids with the idea that their mother is only there for them and not for herself as a person is regressive and damaging.Recommend

  • Nobody

    With respect to your opinion and observation, I have yet to meet a Pakistani American woman in my age group (20s) who will not continue to work after marriage. It’s crippling and no woman wants to depend on someone else for money. Granted some, particularly older ones, choose not to for cultural reasons but it’s awfully rare.Recommend

  • sarah

    houses specially middle class ones cannot be run on a single income anymore, while men like to think they are being gracious about “letting” their wives work, in truth they push them to do so. while women are shouldering half of the financial responsibility, our men refuse to help around the house. Dynamics have changed attitudes need changing tooRecommend

  • Sid

    Women should work if they want to…and men should EQUALLY share responsibilities of household work if we care so much about it.
    Period. :-)Recommend

  • Sid

    Where is your cave? Let women decide what they want to do please.Recommend

  • Anonymous

    The nature’s way is men are made to earn living for the family and women are create to run the house and family..If you go against nature the problems always arise. If man is providing you well enough financially then a woman still wants to work then she wants to do something extra óver her usual duties’ she is the one suffering.
    If man is not earning enough then thats other case she has to go and work..in that case men should help with household as their women are going out to earn for them aswel.
    And lastly being a house wife doesnt make women inferior what most of the people think in Pakista. infact is the toughest job on earth. If you dont believe me then try for yourself.Recommend

  • tafil

    Lets narrow down..Recommend

  • ClusterFly

    Women not participating in the labour force means that the nation is automatically robbed of 50% of its talent. How can that be considered to be a good thing? I have told my husband in no uncertain terms that I will never be a housewife, as it would be a waste of my education. I have been privileged, so now it is my turn to give something back to the world.Recommend

  • Nobody

    Half the women in my family are working women. Their kids are neither neglected nor confused. Their parents are not divorced and are actually quite happy and comfortable in their life. And the few with elderly parents have their parents well taken care of either in their own home or the home of a sibling, gender of the child does not matter because these women are not at the mercy of their husbands or in laws or anyone else and are free to take care of their own parents as they should; they make their decisions and are stronger for it. They set an example to their children, male and female alike.

    Male children grow up being exposed to strong women and are not intimated or threatened by them at all, rather they prefer them. Female children have an excellent example of a strong woman in front of them and a man who treats his wife well (their father) so they do not accept mistreatment or abuse as “normal.” The high rate of divorce is not due to women alone; if men are not willing to accept changes and want to remain rigid in their entitlement then they should not expect women to sit there and accept it. Perhaps that’s partially why the divorce rate is higher. Furthermore, women are not dependent financially so they have the option the leave bad husbands. That’s also why the divorce rate is higher. Anything else? Feel free to ask.Recommend

  • BrokenWolf

    Yes. But when women do not comply to the order of the men of the house then?
    I think men can exercise physical force to coerce the women to work.Recommend

  • BrokenWolf

    Miss Syed, you’re from a very rare breed of females who DO acknowledge the differences between the two genders and cherish them. We are physically, mentally and emotionally wired differently, and hence we have different roles in life.
    I commend your insight.
    I also ask you, what do you think about the following female roles?
    1. Should we all be okay with females having jobs in armed forces with forefront deployments, when we have a healthy population of males? To think that a women has to face the atrocities and ugliness of war worries me. I have seen the effects of war, and I see how the strongest of men are torn inside and return baffled and distorted.
    2. Should the female police handle males too? Because police is exposed to the scum of the nation usually, and to think that the women of my family have to even talk to a psychotic rapist, killer let alone handle him, worries me.
    3. Should women be in parliament to deal with regular affairs of the state or for female rights only. Thinking that they would be exposed to the cunning tongues and tactics of the rotten apples that are in parliament worries me. Thinking that she has to be around people who have female violation cases registered against them aches me.
    I see the female activists usually raising their voice for things which apparently give inferior rights to females…Recommend

  • BrokenWolf

    Sure ClusterFly,
    But I want to know what will you do when you have a baby? Is it alright to trust maids to take care of one’s child, and is it right for a child to remain parted from his/her mother for long hours?
    I don’t think a child should remain far from his/her mother, ever. Because in those arms of hers and with her attention that child is to be molded, for that the mother needs to be with him/her all the time.
    Secondly, regarding work, insecure men such as myself get very worried about our girls being exposed to men, who, mostly, do not have the best of intentions. I don’t want to get in a debate where avengers from this forum might pierce their morality to me, I know well how men are hardwired.
    Should our wives honour our sentiments if we express our insecurity? Or should we fix ourselves. Do note that it has nothing to do with her. It is I who trusts no man.
    Personally, I am someone who gives complete freedom to females as long as other men aren’t involved, but I think a women who has achieved a marvelous career but failed to raise her kids well, has failed. Just like a very caring and time-sparing father who is unable to provide/protect his family would have failed.Recommend

  • BrokenWolf

    Arub, what makes an ideal home then?
    1. A woman who leaves her kids for 8 hours in the hands of a maid who can treat and mold them as she desires?
    2. A man who likes to completely share the cooking, laundry and cleaning, hurries back to work after his 12 hour shift because it is HIS day to cook?Recommend

  • tafil

    Applaud for your family. But lady, see that’s the point. Your family is doing good because every individual has built a trust for others. if the same trust is built in a family where there are no working women, it can also have a good life.
    Its less about who is at the “mercy” of whom and who is “threaten” by whatever the factors are and MORE about playing your role with sincerity while being cooperative.
    If the life partners are cooperative and understanding, regardless of who is earning, a good family and social life is guaranteed no matter what the odds are.
    Divorce has nothing to do with working moms and i never said this in view on hand but because of certain “debates” on who is right and who is wrong. Lets focus on whats right and how to fix it. Such “debates” are spreading like a cancer in our society. Lets debate but in a different way where we can find a way to make a good family. and it surely has nothing to do with working or not working moms. Lets not see everything through view of “earning” but through love and trust.Recommend

  • anamika

    It is so appalling and at the same time laughable; appalling to see Men and Women being brutally segregated by men in general, one weaker and other stronger…. It is NOT a man’s duty to “decide” what a women should do or should not do. Keep your views ‘for’ yourselves. its laughable coz seriously do you men still think that u r kings….you do not have the right to decide for a women! Period. You are do not own a woman’s body, mind and soul. Do not cage her! The upbringing of a child is both the parents’ responsibility, please don’t make it a women’s responsibility solely. its laughable coz when a wife dies a man runs to get another woman….Can’t you for once take care of your own child alone…look at the women who do it with so much valor and dignity….its appalling coz when a husband dies a woman lives as a single mother till she finds a man who would ‘accept’ her with her children, and who would SEE that she satisfies him and fulfills all her duties….what does this make a man?

    It is NOT for a women to depend upon men, wait for their permission, or try to prove to them their worthiness.

    And please, women have gone on brutal wars to save their nation, they have fought with equal valor to keep their virtue intact, they have seen it all…they still do…….they are not weak!Recommend

  • Nobody

    It’s wishful thinking to see Pakistan as a utopia where love and trust will take the forefront. I would like to see it too, but often women do end up at the mercy of men due to money. Take away that shackle and give women the same chance at happiness as men and it won’t be just about money anymore. The playing field will be level and then relationships where there genuinely is love and trust will continue to flourish. And I never said a healthy family life is unattainable unless women are working; I think that choice should be left to women and I know stay at home moms who are happy as well. But that’s a woman’s choice to make.Recommend

  • Nobody

    I’m afraid I don’t understand the second half of your comment…?
    And furthermore the problem lies with the notion that women need to comply with the order of men. There shouldn’t be any ordering about between a husband and wife. Their partnership should be equal. My mother certainly took no orders from my father, nor my grandmother from my grandfather. They were happier for it.Recommend

  • Nobody

    Women already face the ugliness of war. They are often raped at the hands of opposing forces. Furthermore, they often end up widows and in Muslim majority nations where women are not financial independent, that can mean homelessness or dependence on others. Add kids to that mix and you’ve got disaster. Just because women aren’t always at the front lines, doesn’t mean they are sitting pretty safe at home. Furthermore, I understand that many men are protective in nature regarding women but women are not delicate babies who are incapable of facing the ugly realities of the world or unable to take care of themselves. Shielding women from reality doesn’t do anything but put them in the category of children.Recommend

  • Nobody

    An equal partnership between a man and a woman makes an ideal home. A partnership where both have an equal say and neither imposes on the other is an ideal home. And yes, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with a man who shares in housework. My own father did and he was working too. Why is that problematic?Recommend

  • BrokenWolf

    That is an incorrect interpretation of what I said. I have also NOT received an answer. Just this:
    Women should face ugliness because they can.

    Why should they? As long as their fathers, brothers, husbands are alive why should they handle the heat of the house when they don’t have to? Is it hard to accept comfort? (No, I am not talking about restraining women to doing chores, feeding family)
    I never said women CANNOT face such realities. I have personally known females handling circumstances, and I have seen how hard it is on them. Harder than men. We are not physically alike. Our mindsets are different, and so are our sensations and thresholds. (Please don’t link me up with headstrong feminist surveys, because I will get to biology, MRI scans of stress, statistics of mood swings, depression, physical fitness)
    When we are talking of a certain class of species we have to think about the masses NOT the exceptions. As I explained my point, the above job descriptions tend to give inferior rights to women not superior.
    You do not compare a chimpanzee and fish by their ability to climb a tree.Recommend

  • BrokenWolf

    The second part stands for physical force to make her work. Now I am not talking about whips and chainsaws, just headbutts and punches once in a while. Just to make sure the meals make it to the table on time.Recommend

  • tafil

    Women expect men to understand them and let them make their choices. In the same manner men expect women to do the same. So men will reject certain women because of this gap and certain women will do the same. So their will be lots of breakups and patchups and at the end people with the same mindset will find each other and finally we would have a peaceful life :) PakutopiaRecommend

  • BrokenWolf

    Great. Thank you for the answers. (I think I got the sarcasm in the Yes)Recommend

  • Mash

    Most of the mothers complaining about parenting being tough are those who are not working (full time mothers)… they constantly try to prove to the world & want everyone to acknowledge that their work is 24 hours. It is 100% true that motherhood is not easy and i am sure they are right but u have a mother (non working) with endless complains about how she cannot manage her time, cannot socialize, how she doesn’t have time to change, dress up, play with their children etc, how they cannot keep themselves updated with new technology and advancements, how they do not have time to know what is happening in the world around them…..AND you have a mother who is doing ALL this, and is working and is NOT complaining. Which one is better??Recommend