Pakistan and high divorce rates: The girl’s parents are to blame!

Published: March 1, 2014
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The question remains, why is divorce such an easily available option now? PHOTO: DESIGN: URSHELA RIAZ/ZAINAB LOTIA

Pakistani weddings, specifically those orchestrated in the social hubs of our country such as Lahore, Islamabad and Karachi are celebrated with extreme glamour and grandeur. Most Pakistani girls, with the onset of puberty, envisage themselves in an exorbitant and gaudy red jora, sitting beside a handsome prince charming, who will walk her to a shiny BMW waiting outside the marriage hall.

Men share a similar view as well, except it’s an Armani suit and a diamond studded Rolex given to him by his eternal mother-in-law. The term eternal was meant in pure sarcasm, if anyone failed to detect that.

Sometimes I wish life had unravelled the way we had always imagined it to be, but unfortunately this is not the case. What our society needs to understand is that riches and glitzy weddings are not a guarantee for a long lasting marriage.

One needs to understand that marriages in Pakistan are not just between a man and a woman, rather between two families. It’s more like a merger between two families with differing norms, traditions and values. The time period after getting engaged up until the rukhasti, allows for a plethora of different feelings to develop and relationships to blossom. It is a beautiful and gradual process which requires time and effort. Everything seems to be perfect during that phase, so what changes after marriage?

The question remains, why is divorce such an easily available option now? Wasn’t the time and effort worth it? Why do marriages fail? Why do things start falling apart all of a sudden? What happens to earnest promises? Since when did breaking off a nikkah become an option? Since when did the husband/wife become replaceable?

It doesn’t require you to be a licensed marriage councillor or a self-proclaimed peer (religious saint) to get to the root of this problem. The answer is simple. People are not willing to compromise and expectations have definitely increased far more than before.

In retrospect, I believe that parents are solely responsible for this. Let’s focus on the girl’s side first (Please don’t assume I am a male chauvinist).

Mothers nowadays push their daughters to gain financial independence, but wait a minute. Let’s head back to marriage basics 101. According to the Sharia, the fundamental duty of a man is to provide for his wife. I’m positive that even the liberals will agree with me on this, let alone the staunch Sharia followers.

I feel that a woman earning defeats the purpose of marriage. Call me orthodox if you want, but I’m as concerned with divorce rates as I’m sure you are. Granting your wife autonomous financial power makes a woman feel she is better off without you and you just end up being a formality she has to fulfil.

The next point will nail the argument. Parents love their daughters, why shouldn’t they? Though there is a world of a difference between loving them and spoiling them. Personally speaking, there is nothing wrong in spoiling daughters, but if they have never experienced monetary struggle in their lives or temporary phases of mediocrity, they would have a difficult time adapting to such times if their husband ever went through it. Life is unpredictable and not being able to adapt will make life more of a bumpy journey.

In conclusion, the key to a successful and everlasting marriage is compromise from both ends. Inflated egos and obstinacy have never won anyone anything. One has to realise that a husband and wife have certain rights over each other and that human beings are inherently flawed and are prone to make mistakes. Therefore, try to rectify the mistake rather than the person.

As for the men, it’s imperative to treat your wife with utmost respect, overlook her flaws, forgive her for her shortcomings, console her when she’s upset and let her know she’s wanted. Harsh words have never won any hearts. It’s the softness of the tongue that has melted even the most impregnable of hearts.

Divorce is not an option. It never was. I sign off with a Hadith that I have always kept locked up in my heart. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was quoted to have said that the best amongst men are the ones who are good to their wives.

Ahad Kashif

Ahad Kashif

A fourth year undergraduate student specialising in Human Resources Management at Trent university, living in Peterborough, Canada. He plans to make a career in investment banking once he graduates. Has a keen interest in analysing the social and economic issues that govern the Pakistani society at large. He tweets as @ahadkashif (twitter.com/ahadkashif)

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.

  • Pakistani Odyssey

    ” Pakistani girl, since the time she hits puberty, envisages herself in an exorbitant, gaudy red Ghagra (gown), sitting beside a handsome prince”

    Not sure whether to laugh or cry.Recommend

  • Danish Khan

    Unbelievable! Can’t believe that in this day and age,someone could be this misogynistic.Insecure,inferiority complex ridden men who can’t accept strong willed women,who are threatened by working women because they working women aren’t dependent on the salary of their husbands and can stand up for their rights.
    Financially independent women need to be encouraged,not intimidated and shamed into silence by insecure men.It’s time women stood up for their rights and rejected men whose mentality is stuck in the Dark Ages.Recommend

  • NAJIO

    Um… what was this article even about?Recommend

  • Sameer

    Teach people to fit into predetermine roles, Yes that will prepare them for an unpredictable future (where the roles are not certain).Recommend

  • Jawad Hameed

    “An independent woman, who earns, defeats the purpose of marriage” LOLWUT !?Recommend

  • Khushbakht Vaka

    What a sexist piece!Recommend

  • Shadytr33

    Why should men compete with women for jobs when men are trying to earn the livelihood of themselves and their families and women are just making pocket monies??Recommend

  • Faraz Talat

    “I’m not a male chauvinist but…(287 words on how you’re a quintessential male chauvinist)”

    I will not be rolling back to square one, explaining why a woman attaining financial independence is not a bad thing. That debate is already settled. So is the debate on whether it’s okay to beat your wife or not (Answer: It’s not), in case that is the topic of your next blog.

    Disgraceful.Recommend

  • Saman

    Every Pakistani girl, since the time she hits puberty, envisages herself in an exorbitant, gaudy red Ghagra (gown),
    sitting beside a handsome prince, who will soon walk her to a dazzling
    Beamer, waiting smugly right outside the marriage hall.
    As soon as I read this, I couldn’t take the rest of the blog seriously. Not that it gets any better.Recommend

  • Moneeza

    Really? And you have the nerve to say you are not a male chauvinist.Recommend

  • Pessimistic Pakistani

    How ridiculous is this? And justifying this piece of chauvinistic crap with Islam. Mr. Ahad Kashif wasn’t the Prophet’s first wife a woman of independent means? And if you had done your homework you would know divorce us very much an Islamic option and every Muslim woman’s right. The Prophet’s wife Zainab binte Jaish was a divorcee (previously married to his own adopted son Zaid) and his adopted daughters got divorces as well (married to Abu Lahab’s sons before Islam). Hazrat Umar too had an unsuccessful marriage. Women work to keep their brains active and for financial independence yes, but also to provide a much needed second income. This ensures stability. And as one friend put it, always gives the couple something to talk about over dinner apart from what the Masai did. Shocking that the nonsense spouted by Mr. Kashif still persists. Recommend

  • Sana

    I am amazed to see 22 votes saying ‘yes’ here.Recommend

  • Sana

    Oh God, i am unable to believe i read this, just in a hope i would find some good points. “A financially independent woman….” , seriously? You think that is the MAIN reason of higher divorce rates? I think if a woman is out managing her finances, she is basically lowering the chances of divorce rates, reason being, she is managing half the responsibility of her partner, and hence making him less tense and anxious on their family’s future. Its shared responsibility for very good reasons; unless of course the man is extremely insecure and jealous of his wife’s job/position/salary.
    There are many reasons of high rate of divorce, which definitely starts of with compromise and adaptability, as you rightly put. But this comes from both sides, guy and a girl.Recommend

  • Hira Kamal

    If marriage’s only purpose was to gain financial security, then it’s not marriage, it’s an arrangement.

    If there is enough love and understanding between the two, either side will think more than twice before they mention divorce. The problem is not that women have become independent. It is that parents blackmail these women emotionally into partnering up with incompatible men and women who THEY deem appropriate.

    The times are gone that women put up with everything just so they could survive a marriage. If the husband is at fault, then he is at fault and that’s that, and vice versa. Nothing, not even tabooing divorce, again, is going to change that. Recommend

  • Unknown

    Didn’t agree with the author’s arguments but the heading is half true. Divorce rate is increasing, yes because now women don’t want to live like a slave. Parents are to be blamed, yes because they do not force their daughter to keep her mouth and mind shut. We bring arguments from Islam to keep the women in the house but forget that that Islam also teaches that keep her as a princess.Recommend

  • Saad

    ” let me make this clear, I’m not a male chauvinist, venting my anger on women. Having cleared that, ”
    This statement is like a disclaimer that everything from here on will be chauvinistic and bitter towards women and you did not disappoint. The advice for women is to waste your abilities and potential (not earn, never excel your husband, not be loved too much by parents?), while men get the timeless advice, treat your wife as a child (forgive her, overlook her flaws, etc).
    Divorce is more likely with higher life standards and broader mental horizons, and your solution seems to be to decrease life standards and close off our minds. Why is divorce so bad ? If one has made a wrong decision, why not rethink it instead of doubling down and making your whole family’s life miserable ?Recommend

  • Nobody

    So according to you, the sole purpose of marriage is for a woman to be financially dependent on a man annnnd…. that’s it? The companionship/partnership is of no importance? The physical relationship is of no importance? A nuclear unit for those who want babies is not important? If a woman becoming financially dependent to a man is the sole reason people marry (since independent women defeat the purpose of marriage as you say) no wonder the divorce rate is climbing and the marriage rate is falling.Recommend

  • Hamid Shah

    While I dont agree 100% with the author, I do feel that women are having their cake too much and eating it too. We do tend to spoil our girls, especially in the upper class and educated circles. I totally agree that women should be financially independent but then they should also be willing to assume the responsibilities that come with it and not just say “my money is my money and your money is our money.”Recommend

  • Dureen A Anwer

    EXACTLY MY REACTION!

    Dear writer, the purpose of marriage is not to find an ATM machine (read husband) or a domestic servant (read wife); the purpose of marriage is to find COMPANIONSHIP. It’s as simple as that.Recommend

  • rabiya

    Last I remember, the Holy Prophet’s (pbuh) first and favourite wife was a businesswoman. I rest my case.Recommend

  • Dureen A Anwer

    I am an independent working woman and BELIEVE YOU ME (my hubby can also vouch for this) I am damn flexible. I don’t earn money to feed my ego, I earn for the betterment of my family. That is the whole point of it – togetherness, companionship and being there for each other in time of need.

    If there was anything wrong with women who work, the prophet (P.B.U.H) you quoted wouldn’t have married Hazrat Khadija who was a merchant.Recommend

  • Mariam Jamal

    Working women are more compromising. They have more responsibilities and infact they are retaliated by giving more responsibilities. 9 to 5 at work and then till mid night at home, all she does is work.
    Our dilemma is that we pick the Islamic examples of our convenience and judge situations without the whole picture in mind. Why dont we quote Hazrat Khadija, a business woman, mother of six and an excellent wife. Hazrat Ayesha, the most prominent scholar of her time, yet an amazing wife.
    Work or no work cant decide the fate of marriage, it is the bond between two.
    It is not only the marriage being affected with high rates of divorce these days, For me first of all it is the character of one’s ownself at the biggest risk due to several reasons and that not only affects the insitiution of marriage but the landscape of ones whole life including every relationship.
    Its high time we stop stereotyping marriages only with the changes we have adopted as a society.Recommend

  • Zahra

    Ridiculous! “An independent woman, who earns, defeats the purpose of marriage”… Dude how about you let her earn and save and you continue to provide for all her needs..How’d that work? I am sure every man who agrees with you must be telling their wives, YOU EARN, YOU CAN PAY rather than telling her..YOU EARN, YOU SAVE, I’LL STILL PAY.Recommend

  • Moiz Omar

    “An independent woman, who earns, defeats the purpose of marriage”

    Extremely sexist comment.Recommend

  • Shakil Akhtar

    agreed it is and has been everyone s right and all above examples true esp Umm al Momineen Zainab who ot divorce out of her will and Zaid divorced her because they didnt get along well but u would know the reason too which was a mismatch between their status not anything wrong with Zaid, Prophets daughters got divorced because Abu Lahb asked his sons to in enmity not by choice.it is the halal thng which Allah despises the most as it breaks the home, the children suffer, in our society most men and women marry only once!.Being independent and earning doesnt in my world in any way makes a woman inferior but the point is it can make a strain on ones married lief when u have kids esp in a foreign country where u dont have any help, if both dont contribute..finances lead to fights in a mentality where man is always thought of as a breadearner, even by earning independent women..what a fair world…to be clear I was always proud of and supported my wife in her education and career later on, making more compromises than any would do!Recommend

  • Maryam

    Best of luck to your wives, is all I can say.Recommend

  • Dureen A Anwer

    Another chauvinist identified!

    There are THOUSANDS of women out there who feed their children because their hubbies are either damn lazy or drug addicts. Almost all maids share the same story.

    As for educated women, you better not send your daughter to school because at the end what is the point of it? If she is educated she might want to work one day to support her hubby and will thus be stealing men’s right to jobs.

    Just because you haven’t faced hardships in life doesn’t mean you can’t be empathetic to other’s problems.Recommend

  • Dureen A Anwer

    May God save ALL PAKISTANI girls from getting married to such people. I hope he finds someone in Ontario who can knock some sense into him.Recommend

  • Abeer

    Um hold it what? So if a girl is financially independent the marriage breaks?? if that was the case then it would have never worked out between Hazrat Khadija (A.S who was a successful business women (even in those times) and Hazrat Mohammad (P.B.U.H).

    Marriage is not based on MONEY or MATERIALISTIC things. It’s only when more importance is given to these things when the relationship starts deteriorating! And there is no harm in letting a woman be financially independent who knows she can actually help her husband and her family in times like these when even the basic necessities are too damn high to be afforded. ! blaming on women being financially independent is just an excuse! Oh and thank you for the 4.5 lines dedicated to the macho men it really balances the article.Recommend

  • Anonymous

    Let’s forget the flaws of the article for a little while. Take some time & review all the responses of ladies here. It’s really not difficult to reach a conclusion.Recommend

  • Dureen A Anwer

    p.s. if divorce was not an option, it wouldn’t have been an option (even though least favorite) in Islam.Recommend

  • Rana Adil

    As my case of divorce I am 100% agreed with the title of blog , Boys parents specially mother (Saas) some time make it difficult for the girl to settle down in her new house.

    “Parents love their daughters. Who wouldn’t?
    But there is a slight discrepancy between ‘loving’ them and ‘spoiling’ them.”

    Yes right , loving does not means you stand beside her whether she is doing wrong or right , if girls is thinking to get divorce and her parents give her courage by saying “Do it what ever you want we are with you”. This is not love.

    To me financially independent is not the cause , it can help a little to reach a decision but main factors are different . Cheating on spouse in either way or doublet that your partner is cheating could be main cause. Increase in technology causing awareness and with awareness you know your rights and develop lack of trust on partners hence leading to increase divorce rate.Recommend

  • Imad Uddin

    Ahad imagine a situation where all the women are powerless, with no support from parents. Not all will be married to reasonable people, some will be married to very unreasonable men. They really will have to face undue burden and will have no escape. Its hard to imagine how horrible it can get.
    Women MUST be educated, and hence be in a position to take a decision when they are unreasonably suppressed.
    Your other point is very valid, it is about spoiling the kids bot guys and girls,patience compromise should go deep into their actions.
    I would agree with you to the extent that Girls must keep their family responsibilities prior to financial motives, and the relation far above their ego. Ego thing applies to guys too.
    For instance if I marry a Financial Analyst, it would be unreasonable to ask her to make chapatis for me. She should just know when she is breaking the strings of priorities and beginning to crash the family… lol. You can not “stuff” women into one specific role.
    However for the whole painting to work, priorities MUST be different for men and women, and professional roles SHOULD specialize. Everyone should find a range of choice and a binding of responsibilities. Perfect balance.
    Each part of Land Cruiser and Ferrari (for example: tires) are best suited for different uses despite the fact that they can be put to same use, The designer knows exactly why designed the tires that way. Same is the story of men and women.Recommend

  • aisha

    How ridiculous! spoken like a true male chauvinist.
    Women, today, have realized their value and worth which was a suppressed matter decades ago. If she earns, it doesn’t make her any less ‘compromising’; it hurts the male ego, he can’t deal with it so he becomes insecure and that is where the problem starts.
    However, if he learns to take pride in his wife’s achievements, they would probably be much happier.Recommend

  • Kanwal

    As soon as our youngsters reach Uk and Canada etc, they remeber one or other Sharia law. What a shame. By the way, where would you place Ummul Momineen Khadija (r.a.) who was a very very successful businesswoman in times when people used to bury heir daughters alive. So what do you think: our Prophet (pbuh) married her for her money or for her brains? Dear ET, you might as well close your shop and get out of this business. Recommend

  • ded

    WUT NOW ….. *NOTHING LEFT IN THIS COUNTRY ANYWAY*Recommend

  • Saheem

    Hello,

    You’re right that a woman who is financially independent is more like to not to compromise (though against the illegitimate demands of her husband) because she is relatively more independent than a woman who is relying for money on her husband … but that doesn’t mean gaining financial independence for women should be declared bad just because it shall lead to higher demands / expectations and of women and eventually higher divorce rates …

    because ultimate aim here is not to decrease the divorce rate(s); rather ultimate aim is / should be how happy husband / wife are. there is no point in continuing a relationship if male is not treating his wife on equal terms and providing her the due respect. A higher divorce rate is better than women having to rely their entire life on their husbands.

    financial independence have never destroyed the purpose of marriage. the beloved wife of our prophet, Hazrat Khadija (RA) was very much financially independent. did it destroyed the purpose of marriage (naozbillah) ….

    SaheemRecommend

  • http://www.irisartmag.com Khalid Rahman

    The premise is too shifty. It is not focused and lacks factual info. Totally absurd.Recommend

  • abubakar

    Believe it now. There are millions of them in this country.Recommend

  • Malalai

    In short, this article is saying “Let’s make women financially dependent on men so that marriage becomes their ‘need’ , not their ‘choice'” ? Unbelievable. This article finds the “simple root of the problem” in the girl’s inability to compromise and as soon as it touches the point of view of ‘Macho’ guys, the outright bold statements transform into some sugar coated advices just telling them to be ‘nice’. I can’t believe I read such a poorly argued, immature and sexist piece of writing.Recommend

  • Sameer

    I think you can look at it this way; An independent person will less likely to compromise with a sadist. I didn’t vote cause the question is too vague and can be interpreted differently.Recommend

  • saheem

    money they earn is their. a husband / kid has no right on it, by defaultRecommend

  • Rabia Khan B

    Bullocks .. Article is not thoroughly researched. Very run of the mill kind.Recommend

  • Palwasha Faizan

    “I’m not a male chauvinist, venting my anger on women.”..Mr. Whatever your name is..You are precisely a male chauvinist venting out his anger at women, and terribly failed to authenticate any argument that was written in your “offensive” article.Recommend

  • Saira

    wow..what a stupid article :/ it defeats the purpose of reading ET altogether.Recommend

  • shabbar

    whats wrong with this guy. I think he is one of those kids who must do, write or approve anything which is aginst common sence, so to appear cool. Guess what dude being normal can also be kewl, try it for a change.Recommend

  • abubakar

    Well regardless of how bad or how much true reflection of our society this article is, I hate how people start dragging Islam into this and saying divorce is an islamic option, NO IT IS NOT, had it been an islamic option it wouldn’t be such a big deal. For those saying it is an islamic option should educate themselves, in islam women can’t get a divorce by herself, she has to obtain khula through courts that is a humongous hassle specially given the state of our courts. The part of the problem is the mentality that islam somehow holds the solution to all the social problems, no it doesn’t. Recommend

  • tungi

    a woman who is financially independant is more liable to be taking the burden of family together, and less liable to get into gharaylu mamlaat.!you are completely wrong! the women of my family are financially independant, and they are leading the most peaceful lives!Recommend

  • The One

    Well, Islamically a woman’s money is her own and her husband’s money is also hers. Recommend

  • Saira Baig

    You’re whole argument is that “Financially independent men canmanage being married but women can’t.” I hate to inform you but this is the very definition of sexism! People like you are the reason women have it so bad in Pakistan.Recommend

  • Mariam Jamal

    Wives…LOL…the author might take it as your prayer for him!Recommend

  • Leila Rage

    Sorry, but this is total BS.
    An independent woman who is unwilling to compromise is a GOOD THING. Marriage is a partnership, NOT a compromise. It is better for a woman to get a divorce and live a happier, and psychologically healthier life, than for her to compromise out of majboori (helplessness) and live an unhappy life of depression and nervous breakdowns. It is even better for children to live in a happier environment than in a messed up home. A woman staying with a man ONLY because of money is akin to prostitution. Divorce is NOT the scourge of our society, and nor are independent women; the actual issues are rape, murder, no security of life, unemployment, poverty, abuse (psychological, physical or sexual). Why don’t men also take responsibility for keeping a marriage together as well? Why is only the woman who should compromise? Get a life, and try to broaden your mind a bit.Recommend

  • Leila Rage

    Seriously dude, you need to get a reality check- all your Islamic knowledge is flawed. Divorce is and always will be an OPTION, a person’s God-given right to leave an unhappy marriage. Just bother to read the Quran or look at the Prophet’s (PBUH) sunnah (all of it, not just your selective examples). Recommend

  • Mariam Jamal

    If you consider the women of Sindh human beings, go and walk on the streets randomly, i claim, anywhere in interior sindh. All you will find is men sitting on road sides playing cards and doing huqqa while their women with their children working in fields or serving the landlords in their mansions. Do you think they buy chewing gums and cosmetics with that money? No they fill the stomach of those losers depending on their wives work and these are the women who tolerate these men just to keep their marriage intact.
    Think twice before you make such an insensitive comment about women making money. I pray for your guidance. Ameen.Recommend

  • -SHAGY-

    so the synopsis is: women shouldn’t become independent and spoiled by parents and bear with their husband no matter how spoilt they are by their mommies and regardless of whether their mom ever taught them to respect a woman and treat her like a human?! and men only need to overlook the flaws of their wives…Hmm..so only these factors result in broken marriages?!?!?…APPLAUSE! you are not even a graduate…let alone married….dont you think you should be the LAST person to write about this stuff?!Recommend

  • ali

    “An independent woman, who earns, defeats the purpose of marriage.”

    My mum is a doctor. She’s always been financially independent. Based on the writers logic she shouldn’t have gotten married then?Recommend

  • A student

    I read this article and the comments down under, and i believe the thing that most of you cannot see, those who are labelling this man a chauvinist, is that this man has not gone into proper depth relating to his article OR he has a wrong PERCEPTION of women that are financially independent. For e.g,”Granting her autonomous financial power just makes her realise that she is better off without him and that he is just a formality or red tape.”He thinks earning women consider a husband a “formality” and that such women are more dedicated to the furthering of their careers than in marriage reponsibilities. This is a very wrong generalisation and i hope the writer can see that and remind himself that women may work AND fulfill their responsibilities and that doesn’t mean the husband becomes forbidden from primarily maintaining his wife. The secondary income can be kept with his wife, as it is the wife’s own possession, the husband not having any claim over it except with the wife’s permission.The wife should understand that she cannot fulfill her primary wants herself if her husband is present, AND even if he is completely destitute. The latter is an appropriate ground for divorce in Islam.Recommend

  • -SHAGY-

    Dear Writer! for your information…men these days only want to marry financially independent women to support them so they don’t have to work.

    Also some Pakistani men I know here in Qatar are looking for girls of any western nationality so they can also get rid of their green passport.

    Divorces happen cause in this day and age guys are always chatting up women, having affairs and then going for arranged marriage whist continuing the same shenanigans that result in divorces.Recommend

  • https://www.facebook.com/shail.arora.589 Shail Arora

    Looks like the author is doing a project for his HRM course finals. Well, congratulations! You have a lot of data and a survey result to back it up. Let us know the final grades.Recommend

  • Salman Asad

    This is satire right? Right? Cmon. This has got to be satire!!Recommend

  • narmeen

    My God you’re unbelievable!! Wait till you’ve a daughter and then you can train her according to your mentality… and then rewrite an article on thatRecommend

  • Someone

    Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) married financially independent woman…word. (I know it was before he became a prophet, but we know the importance Islam gives her). Stop generalizing. Every girl is different.Recommend

  • Basit

    Leave aside the topic of this blog, the author also suffers from a serious disconnect with reality. “A fourth year undergraduate student specialising in Human Resources Management at Trent university, living in Peterborough, Canada. He plans to make a career in investment banking once he graduates.” Graduating from a non-target program in HR and planning to work in investment banking, one of the most competitive jobs. Good luck.Recommend

  • Faraz Talat

    The author is deeply disturbed by the fact that financially independent and educated women aren’t desperate enough to hang on to destructive relationships.

    Smart women who say, “I don’t have to take this abuse from you! I’m out!” are a legitimate threat to our family values and social stability.

    I know dem feels brah!Recommend

  • Ayesha

    oh you poor thing.Recommend

  • Feminist

    Oh and I forgot the women is the only one who. I promises not men. Recommend

  • Burhanuddin Modi

    Mr. Kashif,

    Get married to a ‘girl’ from a village and then we’ll talk. Recommend

  • abubakar

    Prophet’s wife was a divorcee , yes but she was divorced BY prophet’s son she did not divorce zaid bin haris(because she couldn’t)Recommend

  • Mani

    Oh my God. What utter hogwash is this? How insecure and misinformed does the author have to be in order to write this? Is the author of the opinion that it is better to be trapped in marriage due to financial needs? Obv you have never heard of Hazrat Khadijah who was completely financially independent.Recommend

  • Zee

    I cannot believe this was even allowed to be published. It’s absolute trash.Recommend

  • abubakar

    By the way you most probably live in west, we’re not talking about you, we are talking about an average middle class pakistani woman, who don’t have the kind of luxuries you have. The kind of mentality/culture the author has(or is discussing) normally prevails in middle class families IN PAKISTAN, so your situation is way too much different.Recommend

  • Feminist

    You have to go be joking right now. I guess everyone’s thinking this now a days especially those who seem to be insecure or intimidated by women who are educated and are financially independent as you call it. So does this mean when you have a daughter or even your sister if you have one your parents shouldn’t give her the opportunity Allah has to offer her of educating herself and then being financially stable? And btw that does not mean a girl is spoiled ok you need to check the definition in a dictionary again. Since Islam is so important, does this mean godforbid Bibi Khadija destroyed the purpose of her marriage to Prophet Mohammad SWR regardless of the circumstances? Men who think like you are more of the problem to a marriage falling apart. Just because a girl is working or whatever doesn’t mean shes not good enough to keep up with her marriage. Regardless of special situations. You cant just discriminate the whole female body and then go blame parents. What is wrong with men these days? And if this is the issue why not go to village and find an unspoiled little girl worthy of men with a thinking process like this. Girls aren’t sheaded because they have worked, there is so much more. Divorce rates are not high because of this dear. Did you forget the mother in law? The husband? Living in a joint family? Yes in so many cases girls are at fault, but in Pakistan your argument for a higher divorce rate is so not right. Go have a conversation with any of your family relative girls about 10-30 yrs old in Pakistan married and get their perspective. Men need to stop thinking like this. Are youre moms not educated? Did your moms not go out and work and get their share of financial experience? Like who are you kidding? Why don’t you think of it as the boys fault for a divorce? If he didn’t want such a girl in the first place why do they go marry them? Because they’re beautiful? Because they have money? Because they seem compatible? They could’ve saved themselves forms. Horrible divorce. This is just a biased blog seriously. I cant believe someone actually wrote this.Recommend

  • Sarah

    Is this an attempt to gain readership? Seriously. There’s no reason why this was published. It’s purely juvenile. And devoid of rationale.Recommend

  • Fatin Nawaz

    The divorce rate has gotten higher because we are moving forward, and women are realizing they don’t have to put up with emotionally and/or physically abusive husbands. There is still a stigma towards divorce (lol your article), but the more that stigma goes away, the more abusive relationships end.
    Also, your article is the perfect example of how sexism and chauvinism hurts everybody.Recommend

  • Imran Ahmed

    What an opinionated chauvinistic! “Granting her autonomous financial power…” Why do males everywhere presume that men have the innate right to control women’s sexuality and also restrict her freedom in other matters even her economic independence?Recommend

  • Imaad

    If you would actually read up on that you will find that Khadija (RA) did not herself go out and do business. She hired people for the purpose on a profit sharing proposition. Just like she asked the Prophet (PBUH) to conduct business on her behalfRecommend

  • Yasir

    Well don’t be if you cant understand the question.

    It simply means that voting Yes suggests that it is seen as a cause. That cause may be right or wrong. It can be fault of anyone. In this case a male is responsible for divorces more because of the mentality they inherit.

    So, is it a cause or not in Pakistan. I say Yes
    Is it s a justified cause of divorce in pakistan: I say big NORecommend

  • Safeer Ullah Khan

    A complete nonsense… You say, “Granting her autonomous financial power just makes her realise that she is better off without him and that he is just a formality or red tape.”

    So you want to keep the girl just by holding the purse strings? If she becomes financially independent and then feels that she can live without me, the relationship is already over. Marriage is not sum total of finances. It is a relationship. We, the boys, grow up and take jobs, become financially independent, but still we love our parents and do whatever we can for them. Why don’t we leave our parents as we do not need money from them?

    Divorce has always been an option and will always remain so, and it should remain so. relationships are choices, and we should not be punished for the rest of our life if we make a wrong choice.Recommend

  • Needroos

    “Call me orthodox”, no you are just a misogynist.Recommend

  • blah

    Interestingly enough, if the author’s future foreign emoyers read this article, his job as a somebody in investment banking will go out the window! Little does Mr Ahad know that this type of thinking is illegal in the Western world we here he so dearly wants to establish himself.Recommend

  • SA

    Didn’t expect something this idiotic from an educated person.Recommend

  • Zaara

    As a woman of Ontario, I am offended you made such a wish. To top it off, he lives in a country where two-income family is almost a necessity!Recommend

  • divorce is an Islamic option

    If the most fundamental purpose of marriage is for the man to provide for his wife, then according to you divorce doesn’t even change marriage fundamentally Since the man often continues to provide child support and alimony and the wife also gets a large percentage of his assets and estate.
    In fact, if accepting this fundamental purpose of marriage, why would girls get married in the first place? their families can provide for them, or they can do so for themselves, bit that would be just outrageous for you, wouldn’t it?Recommend

  • Komal Tariq

    A bucket load of bollocks.Recommend

  • Citizen

    Spot on , girls a accept this bitter realityRecommend

  • Komal Tariq

    “Yes right , loving does not means you stand beside her whether she is
    doing wrong or right , if girls is thinking to get divorce and her
    parents give her courage by saying “Do it what ever you want we are with
    you”. This is not love.”

    Ermm…then what is love? Forcing the daughter to stay with a sadist because the society will talk shit about their family? Sorry, but I think you need to go read a bunch of self-help books.Recommend

  • MC

    Based on my experience, 100% of the time when somebody has to clarify that “I am not sexist/ racist/ prejudiced, but…” NOTHING good ever follows that sentence.Recommend

  • Niaz Ali Khan

    Awesome! Now if you could give me an excuse to beat my (rather unfortunate) wife-to- be, that would be amazing.Recommend

  • Citizen

    A husbands duty is to fulfill all his wife’s needs by all halal means and the wife should stop yearning for things way beyond thier budget. Put time in family , raise good kids instead of start working and making a buck to compete with her friends to get those bags and shoes that cannot be bought with her husbands salary. Also then they start berating thier partner that I’m earning this much trying to put her husband down . These woman also start assuming that food will be put on table by someone else and all that they do is make merry all day .the maids in the house do what the work of these wives is . Man is earning and head of family and when he comes home he needs a lovingly environment not the attitude of the wife who says I’m also tired coz I’m working hard ( for those bags and shoes) . So woman then don’t expect that man is going to be showering all his love on you . I just feel parents have a big hand in spoiling thier daughters and hence the divorce rates Recommend

  • Guest

    The swing from left to right was faster than I could have ever imagined.Recommend

  • Noman Ansari

    I don’t mind the occasional politically incorrect joke, but I am still waiting for the punchline for this one.Recommend

  • Komal Tariq

    My mum has worked all her life, not for her ‘pocket money’, but to make sure that my brother and I had access to everything. She funded my foreign education, in fact, she went and worked abroad all by herself to do that. Guess what? My parents are still together and my entire family looks up to my mother.

    You’ve been living in Canada for a while, you’ve clearly got access to good education…all for what? This disgusting mentality that allows you to say that independent women are a plague to our society? Bro, I think its time for you to give up on your investment banking dreams, buy some land (if you haven’t already got some) in good old Pakistan, and become a wadera. Trust me, you’ve got the brains for it.Recommend

  • Jasmine Hashmi

    Ridiculous! This whole article has been written with a mindset that women are inferior and not equal as men. That a woman needs a man’s love and protection!? Can’t believe you live in Canada and can’t believe you live in 21st century.Recommend

  • Noman Ansari
  • Duaa

    I really really hope you are being sarcastic writer. If not, God help your wife!Recommend

  • Misha Khan

    And was wealthier than him! AHA!Recommend

  • Faraz Talat

    We’re spoiling women by providing them equal work opportunities? Would you like to rethink your stance a bit?Recommend

  • Faraz Talat

    The question is open to interpretation. It’s very poorly worded.

    I DO believe smarter and independent women are less likely to compromise. It’s because they are not as desperate to make the relationship work at the expense of their own psychological, or even physical, well-being.Recommend

  • ZA

    *Beemer.Recommend

  • Whatan***

    Sexist much?Recommend