10 ridiculous reasons for which I was ‘un-friended’ and blocked on Facebook

Published: December 15, 2013
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I was sent to the gallows on Facebook. PHOTO: FACEBOOK

I am probably one of the very first people after Mark Zuckerberg to have joined this most readily available medium of connecting with old friends, existing colleagues and future soul mates; yes, I am talking about Facebook.

Like every bald-headed, pot-bellied film director who does not even have the contacts to arrange the appropriate number of extras to dance behind a newbie actress in his never-to-hit-top-charts upcoming movie, but still insists that he is the mentor behind the success of every highest-paid star, I also take this privilege of being that one friend-in-need who invited nearly every close pal to this medium.

If many of my readers are younger than me, let me clarify that back in the stone-ages, Facebook was a ‘by invite only’ social medium enjoyed exclusively by the sprouting social media royals. The ones who were not lucky enough to know me, while openly gossiping about the alleged affair of the Teacher’s Assistant (TA) with someone whom the TA had never even seen, would contact (read request) me via other media such as friends and friends of friends.

As my Facebook brood kept multiplying, so did my stalking skills.

There were days when I would go to Liberty Market and practically everyone I saw, seemed to be a known face, thanks to my Facebook tourism skills. This was a world where only new-borns and aliens arrived like divas on a red carpet. There seldom existed an exit door until I realised, after opening a friend’s cousin’s sister-in-law’s profile, that I had been deleted.

Something rang inside my head.

I sat myself down and decided to find what else Facebook had in store for me. Many of the ‘friends’ I had on my list seemed to be missing. While some had taken this opportunity to simply ‘un-friending me’, others had actually taken the pain of ‘blocking’ me, thereby completely removing my existence from their (Facebook) lives.

So, instead of enjoying my holiday and going out for a walk in the beautiful autumn evening of Islamabad, I sat in my completely dishevelled hotel room trying to sort this serious life-wrecking mess out. It seems that I lost some ‘friends’ on Facebook due to the following reasons:

1. I practically ridiculed every Naik Parveen in sight by sharing updates from the famous page and also created my own re-mixed DJ versions.

I am sorry but I cannot stand your oozing love for your to-be or not-to-be hubby-licious.

Photo: Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/NykPrwynSiynrumNaikParveenSyndrome)

2. I am not a mother-in-law yet. I do not have a son who I married off only in the hopes of being blessed with a grandson right after (or even a little before) nine months of the wedding. So, I cannot celebrate your pregnancy updates.

Photo: Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/groups/213703592070993/)

Frankly, a doctor might provide better solutions than your Facebook friends.

3. Your child means the world to you. I get it. But he’s NOT my world. His pictures while pooping, throwing up, eating roti with saalan dripping from his tiny mouth are actually a tad disgusting.

Photo: Facebook page

All I can say to you is,

“Get a life!”

And if that means that you need to delete me, well, so be it!

4. “Happy birthday IK. We all love you. And the ones who don’t are not qualified to fall in the homo sapiens category of animals.”

Seriously?

I guess I fell in that category because apparently I am not friends with these gaga IK lovers anymore.

Well, their loss.

5. I was ‘un-friended’ for this status,

“You are a second or two more than the biological age that socially qualifies for pouting at every given picture.”

I really do not think I was saying anything wrong. But I guess I offended some kitty.

6. And then, there was this status,

“Yes, I am a grammar Nazi. If I am courteous enough not to take a red pen and pluck at your spelling errors, do not mind my shared posts from the grammar pages.”

Photo: Facebook page

I guess someone didn’t like being told that their spelling and punctuation was all over the place.

7. When did He in the Heavens promise paradise to those who were as ‘Saudi’ as possible? How does every catastrophe turn out to be a Yahudi sazish (Jewish conspiracy)? I ask because I really do not get it. Apparently my asking was a sazish too… yup, un-friended again!

8. I gossiped about her fake lashes falling in a cup of coffee only with my best friend’s aunt and a few others. How could she delete me for this precious piece of information that remained between us only?

9. No, I do not want to know where you are at every minute of the day! Or who you are with!

Photo: Pinterest

10. Does disagreeing with every post, by someone who I do not like very much, qualify me for being blocked on Facebook?

Sadly, I think it does.

Can you please tell me why I am being sent to the gallows on Facebook?

I would really appreciate it.

Much love.

Saadia Ahmed

Saadia Ahmed

An architect by qualification and a jack of all trades by practice. Saadia is based in Dubai and holds no obvious interest in space travel. She tweets as @khwamkhwah (twitter.com/khwamkhwah)

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.

  • Saad

    Hahahaha. Love the article

    I was once ‘unfriended’ just because I told that person that if you had to show your 1st anniversary love to your bf you should private message/text him instead of posting 5 statuses every hour. I was also unfriended by the bf.Recommend

  • And when some snobby know-it-all acts like you offended them by sharing your opinion. Like you’re so much better than the rest :D

    Loved this write up!Recommend

  • Talha Naveed

    Learn to give people their own space. It’s their facebook. Their life. However sad that you think it is, it means something to them. So probably, you should get a life too.Recommend

  • Evil

    A few reasons why I unfriended ‘friends’ on facebook:

    1: This attention seeking *#&@* put up a picture of her slit wrists for the world to see, comment on and show fake concern. UNFRIEND.
    2: I added up a teacher for a semester and then unfriended him after the semester ended. *evil smirk*
    3: Added someone up to stalk their photos and then unfriended after the deed was done.Recommend

  • Asif

    It would have helped if you had written an article that mentioned what you actually wanted on Facebook.Recommend

  • Asim

    One question: What the hell are you doing on Facebook then?Recommend

  • Noman Ansari

    What the…Recommend

  • facebooker

    Knowing everyone who has unblocked you and freaking out… I knew the author would be a girlRecommend

  • facebooker

    Knowing everyone who has unblocked you and freaking out… I knew the author would be a girlRecommend

  • Vortex

    I think you missed the entire point of a social media website.Recommend

  • Mariah

    Being rude to people, making fun of them or giving sarcastic comments on social media is worse than doing all that in public. I public theres always a chance that not many people saw it or heard it andt the best part is that there is no lingering proof and people forget and move on. Facebook, however, is a totally different story. A single status update is seen by thousands (depending on privacy settings and ur number of friends and stalkers) and if the comments that follow get nasty then the whole facebook starts ‘liking’ in ordert o show on whose side they r and then wait for the notifications on any new comments and it all stays there unless the people responsible for it delete it.. And its worse with pictures.. Well We ve all been through it so no need of details but yeah.. U gotta make sure u have your sarcasm, humuor and emotions in control before u write sumthing or be ready for the consequences :) Recommend

  • SB

    you tried using the ‘N’ word and consequences of that :PRecommend

  • Ali Ishaq

    Umm… by your reasons, it seems you are the one that has a problem with others. They upload their baby pictures for those who care about their baby; which could be other family members. If you don’t like to see them; you can hide that post or even hide all posts from that connection.

    If you don’t like seeing where people are at that moment; it doesn’t mean they were showing it to you.

    These reasons just show why you should unfriend someone; and probably stop using facebook if you have so many problems with them. Sure some people post annoying things; but its their account, they can do whatever they wish.

    Facebook is a social tool; it’s up to the people what they want to post. If you don’t like it; stop using facebook. There isn’t a problem with the users of facebook; there’s a problem with you.Recommend

  • Saima

    Umm when was FB invite only? When it first came out registration was limited yes, but it wasn’t through invites. It depended on whether you went to certain universities. Recommend

  • Ahsan

    Get a life dude … I get a tongue in cheeck reaction to all this stuff as well but i dont moan abt it … Its their life their FB space .. N FB IS designed for all this so Perhaps you should reconnsider n shut down your Social media presence if you are so touchy to all this … Get a life!!Recommend

  • reader

    “Does disagreeing with every post, by someone who I do not like very much, qualify me for being blocked on Facebook?”
    if u don’t like someone why do u have them in your ‘friends’ list in the first place, n care to comment even if it is disagreeing, and then cry/complain on being unfriended?
    though some of the points raised in your article are valid, u seem confused yourself :/Recommend

  • maha

    lol lady u got to b tolerant towards others in society.. its not just YOUR world !!Recommend

  • Lucid

    LOL! seems like you have got problem with whatever people/your friends share on facebook? You can always deactivate your profile dear,theres an option(you should be knowing about it since you were an apprentice to M.Zuckerberg and oh by the way the funny thing about self-proclaimed/wannabe ‘grammar nazis’ is that they are the ones making trazillion grammatical mistakes without realizing it hence making fools of themselves!
    (Fun Fact)Recommend

  • reader

    Does disagreeing with every post, by someone who I do not like very much, qualify me for being blocked on Facebook
    if u dont like someone very much why have u added them in your friend list in the first place, and care to comment on their posts, and complain or lament when they unfriend you?? :/Recommend

  • Omair

    well, you deserved it! :pRecommend

  • sensible

    This is what fb is all about. Different people, different social norms, diverse thoughts. I guess if you’re on social media, you have to bear it.Recommend

  • Ayesha Pervez

    I have blocked countless people and unfriended a few … I only add select people in the first place to avoid having to unfriend them later … I like to keep my FB exclusive. Once a class mate unfriended me because her elder sister sent me a FB request and since she had nice pictures I commented on them, my class mate messaged me asking me how I knew her sister ,,, then a few days later she unfriended me because she didnt like that I had commented on her sisters photos :/ Like seriously …Recommend

  • SamarYz

    I’m down to 70 friends…Facebook has never been better!Recommend

  • Tyler Duerden

    I beg to disagree….Everyone gets angry and disappointed,happy in their life.. When u are angry,tell it to ur close friends….Not put a status “I’m very angry today” and then wait for someone to respond “What happened ” etc

    Its you who are putting ur private life into public and when ur thing becomes public,you will get a fair amount of praises and criticism too….. if 10 people like ur status,then u should also be ready for 1 person to critcize u…..Recommend

  • Tyler Durden

    We’re e-consumers. We are by-products of a lifestyle obsession of peeking into other’s life. Murder, crime, poverty, these things don’t concern me. What concerns me are facebook, twitter, some woman’s numerous photos of her babies,ur DSLR photography page,ur checkins in restaurant,professing love for ur mother in FB when she doesnt have account

    Narrator: Mark Zuckerberg

    Tyler Durden: F Mark Zuckerberg. Mark’s polishing the brass on the Titanic. It’s all going down, man. So freak off with your timelines and wallsRecommend

  • Ahsan

    very wanna be article…Recommend

  • Mubeen

    their facebook, their life. what were u doing over there? what else did u want? Recommend

  • Yumna

    This has to be the most useless article i’ve read on this forum! seriously. Its so poorly written that its a shame the author considers herself to be a ‘grammar nazi’ when her own grammar, cohesion and thought process seems to be out of whack!Recommend

  • Qaiser Habib

    Simple, un- registerRecommend

  • Agnikul

    Saadia your readership is unfamiliar with the nuances of irony.Recommend

  • Ghostrider

    well lady kinda hard to break it to you but being critical of facebook etiquette to look cool is obsolete…everyone has been there and done thatRecommend

  • amirza1985 .

    i have gotten deleted multiple times…, the first was when i set a disclaimer as a status that all those who keep sharing mutilated bodies in fake burma pictures will be unfriended… ppl actually replied in very harsh terms and started deleting me… only coz i objected to mutilated bodies and fake pictures propagated by Jamat e Islami supporters…. the last time i got deleted the guy called me a Kaafir for criticising a so-called aalim (who has a more evident alter ego of a sectarian terrorist) … the guy said you have criticised an Aalim of God…. repent or else… you Kafir!….

    One takeaway from my experience:
    we Pakistanis are self appointed online mujahideen and the worst bunch of emotional idiotsRecommend

  • vush

    very well written …do u also teach creative writing?Recommend

  • khurram5

    I mean “Seriously” you have chosen to write about all this. Come on you should better be come out from that “Social Syndrome” . no offenseRecommend

  • Chohan

    What ? I read whole article and couldn’t find even one out of your “10 RIDICULOUS reasons”Recommend

  • Talha Naveed

    Then again, it’s their facebook. Their life. If you don’t like what the post then simply remove them from your feed. It’s as simple as that Facebook is a tool designed to share what you feel, what you see, whom you interact with, etc. And I think, I THINK the writer did NOT write its documentation. PeaceRecommend

  • Caitlin

    So proud you managed to throw in a sexist comment Recommend

  • Husnain

    I love how very “First-world” this whole article is. Even though I just skimmed through it, I would’ve rather sat down with the security officer outside my office for a couple of minutes and shared a cup of tea with him. His problems are real and so are the problems of many others you don’t see on social websites.
    Though I agree with the general theme of your article about how people are becoming self-obsessed day by day and crave attention through any/every means possible but there are other and far more pressing issues that need out attention.
    It’s a social network, not another tool for you to control others. There actually are options for controlling what you see in your news-feed and they take far lesser time than writing down an article.
    You may think we’re too dumb to get your deep sarcasm but the biggest sarcasm is your obsession with facebook and the people obsessed to it. You’ll see it when you psycho-analyze your own actions by spending a fraction of the time you spend in doing the same for others. Thanks.Recommend