Plans never work out… especially when you get cancer

Published: February 4, 2014
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I have been diagnosed with renal sarcoma, a malignant cancer. This was not a part of my plans. PHOTO: AFP

My life was going according to plan; everything was going well. I had passed my first year of pre-medical with marks good enough to get me into a medical college and now my second year was almost over.

My father is a doctor as well and I have always looked up to him. He has always been my idol. The doctor genes run in the family; my sister is also on her way to becoming a doctor from King Edward Medical University (KEMU), one of the most prestigious medical colleges in Pakistan. Because of the gene pool, I aspired to be a doctor as well and was on my way to becoming one.

The two most crucial years of my life were about to pass without any hurdles. With only two more exams to go, the second year exams were about to finish and I would have been free. My hard work was paying off as I was doing well in my exams.

Life has always been kind to me up until five months ago when all of a sudden my life took a vicious turn and everything came crashing down.

It was during my exams that I received the news that my test results had come through; I could tell it was bad news.

I was diagnosed with renal sarcoma, a malignant cancer.

It was devastating on so many levels that it left me and my family in a state of numb shock for a while. We didn’t know what to do or how things can go from being positive and certain one day to being completely uncertain the next. My game plan was changing and my future was at stake.

I had to pull myself together, I couldn’t let this news get in my way, despite the emotional trauma it brought for me and for my family.

I just couldn’t let this get to me.

I was the eldest son and it was my responsibility to support my family emotionally as well as financially when the time came. If I lost my heart and gave up, everyone would have followed suit. I couldn’t let this happen, not while it was in my hands. So I made a decision and decided to go on with my life. I decided to give my two remaining exams and then the practical exams.

As soon as I got done with the exams, I had to undergo surgery; they had to operate to get the cancer out.

As a consequence of the surgery, I lost a kidney.

I will admit, life has been quite hard on me since the diagnosis.

At the moment, I am undergoing chemotherapy, which let me tell you is not a pretty thing. It drains the life out of you, leaving you weak and bleak. Everyone thinks that they’re strong enough to get through it but it is not that easy at all.

At this point you will realise that you have a choice to make – either you can let it take over and not struggle, or you can fight it till your very last breath.

I chose the latter.

I couldn’t let this cancer get the better of me and it was not in me to give up. I am a fighter and I fought with all the strength I had.

The three most important months of my life, in which I was supposed to prepare for the test, I spent lying in the hospital – first for the surgery and then for chemotherapy. Since the surgery left me very weak, I couldn’t get any coaching for the entry test and had to study and prepare for it on my own. I had to pull myself together and so I did. I couldn’t lose hope and let my hard work go down the drain just because life chose to be hard on me.

I took the Medical College Admission Test (MCAT) and scored 885. After that I had to take my FSc exam which I did and passed with a score of 972, giving me a collective score, of the two exams, of 84.98. Now I am waiting for the merit lists of University of Health Sciences (UHS) to see whether I secured a seat in a medical college or not. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see whether destiny will play yet another game on me or not and what fate has in store for me.

When I ask myself whether I deserve this break and whether I deserve to be a doctor, a voice inside of me questions my doubt and assures me that I deserve every bit of it since I have the calibre and determination to be a doctor, a good one. But then I start questioning life – it doesn’t always go the way you plan, I for one should know that better than anyone.

Will mine go the way I planned?

Yes! I do truly believe that I’m a fighter. If I can make sure that nothing stands in the way of my dreams, then I can take my life wherever I want it to go. Even though there has been a huge deviation from the original plan, my life will come back on track and every hurdle that I went through will be compensated for.

At least I hope so…

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An alias has been used instead of the name of the blogger in order to maintain anonymity.

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