The Paradox

Published: November 26, 2013
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I am baffled, oh people! I am perplexed, I am strong one minute and weak the next.

I am baffled, oh people! I am perplexed,

I am strong one minute and weak the next,

 

I adore my milieu; furtively my hinterland do I detest,

I am at peace with myself, only to be hit by unrest,

 

Perseverance drives me; fatigue compels me to withdraw,

I seek perfection, though my eyes only see flaw,

 

I long for affection; I have just hate to offer,

I desire harmony; except with no one can I concur,

 

I yearn for the joy of life; but I want death to set me free,

I wish to face all odds; yet there is a strong urge to flee,

 

I thirst for my jovial side; still the bitterness does not leave,

My heart wants to trust again; nevertheless it fears deceit,

 

What this dilemma is, oh people, for sure I cannot say,

Conflicting emotions now define me; they are here to stay,

 

What is this irony? Why am I withheld by this stumbling block?

Can someone tell me? How do I get rid of this paradox?

Khushbakht Vaka

Khushbakht Vaka

An accountant and auditor by profession, Khushbakht’s interests include reading and writing. She is also a member of Women’s Action Forum (WAF).

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.

  • Ibn-Arastoo Ibn-aflatoon Ibn-B

    Wow, wonderfully written and articulated. May all people be free of wrong and immersed
    in what is good. May you only find what is good. Use your words wisely Ms. Vaka for they are a form of charm. So use them for your own good and for the good of your country and people. You have to be strong and good because you have been blessed with good looks and an education that is most enviable (go beyond just a bachelors please, in any area go for your doctorate at least). Ms. Vaka – what you describe is called a “curse”. It
    can be removed by religious means by approaching an Imam/ Priest / Rabbi
    who knows about “deliverance (ministry)”. That is the best approach. The other
    approach is through therapy and a psychologist but that is not recommended because it is an indirect way. What you are doing is “therapeutic” and “cathartic” when you write this poetry most lucidly. But this is not enough. You are exposing people and yourself to ideas that are dangerous (knowledge of the wrongs that a human being can suffer). This state of being “torn” between two things is perhaps a state that calls you to continue to learn and explore good things. This state of doubt and confusion will hopefully lead you to find improved solutions to problems facing the country (in every area).Recommend

  • Pravin

    Nice poem!

    Paradox of life, such is the strife;
    Solve you as much, stay tangled till night.

    Accept the dual, and then you look within;
    Answer will unfold, that’s the true theme.Recommend

  • Parvez

    I am not great on poetry but this was astonishingly simple and yet acutely poignant.
    You have beautifully expressed the dilemma of a sensitive mind……vaah !
    I don’t think an answer is necessary but anyway my reply is that you don’t, you become stronger because of it.Recommend

  • goggi (Lahore)

    When emotions and disturbing thoughts – patience!

    “Gautam Buddha and Ananda, his disciple, went through a forest. They had just crossed a small river. Buddha was an old man and said to Ananda,” I am thirsty, please go with my begging bowl back to the river and bring me water. “Ananda took the bowl and went. Meanwhile, several wagons had crossed the river and totally churned up the water. It was quite muddy. Withered leaves that had previously located quietly at the base, had been swept up. The water was not drinkable and Ananda did not know what he should do. So he went back.

    Buddha sat under a tree and asked him: “Do you have the water”Ananda told him what had happened. Buddha said:.. “You have not understood. Go back and sit down next to the creek. When we came, the water was crystal clear, you just need a little patience. Soon the leaves will be gone again, because the river flows and they cannot stay there long. The dirt will fall. Gravitation pulls everything constantly to itself. Soon the water will be clear again. ”

    Ananda went back to the river, which had become quite clear to his astonishment. He drew water in Buddha’s bowl and went back. Along the way he understood what Buddha meant. Just like the leaves and dirt that do not belong to a river, just as they certainly swept away, just as it happens with our thoughts and emotions, our feelings, which are also not part of the Buddha-nature. If we wait patiently, then everything will disappear without that we must do something about it. The purity will prevail itself. The inner Buddha emerges spontaneously. ”

    Buddha-nature means “our inherent pure consciousness”…………..All beings possess it in seed form, which blossoms into awareness with practise. As we build compassion and wisdom, so our realisation of Buddha nature grows!Recommend

  • Tahira

    Are you describing the facts of your life or simply playing with nice words? If the former, you need help, perhaps a therapist but if the latter, go ahead and enjoy writing prose and poetry. You have what it takes to be a good writer. All the best.Recommend

  • Satesh Kumar

    Story of every life…Recommend

  • Khushbakht Vaka

    I think everyone goes through tough times. While some are able to articulate their feelings, others remain silent. Life is not so simple. If there are good times, there are bad ones too. And everything is not meant to be taken literally. You need to read between the lines and look within.Recommend

  • Khushbakht Vaka

    Thank you.Recommend

  • Khushbakht Vaka

    Thank you. Much appreciated.Recommend

  • Khushbakht Vaka

    Yes, it is.Recommend

  • Khushbakht Vaka

    Thanks. True.Recommend

  • Khushbakht Vaka

    Thank you. :-)Recommend

  • Sonali Dhir

    amazing!Recommend

  • Khushbakht Vaka

    Thank you.Recommend

  • shireen

    every body at some point or the other goes through what is said in this poem .
    its the most basic reality of life. The uncertainty of human nature.Recommend