40 things that Pakistani men hate to hear

Published: October 31, 2013
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*On the second date* umm some people are coming over tomorrow for my rishta, so I thought I should just let you know.

  1. We need to talk
  2. Do I look fat?
  3. Umm there’s this new store at the mall…
  4. I’m not hungry hungry, but I’ll share your garlic mayo fries.
  5. Why do you have to hang out with Fahad so much? Is he your boyfriend?
  6. Oh never mind, Yasir is just a friend. But I don’t get a good vibe from Ramsha so you better not talk to her.
  7. I’m not one of those girls.
  8. You’re just like a brother to me.
  9. *On the second date* some people are coming over tomorrow for my rishta, so I thought I should just let you know.
  10. If I ask you something, would you be honest?
  11. OMG! The dreadlocks on that guy look so YUM.
  12. So this one time, my ex and I went to…
  13. Can’t believe how you can spend this much on a pair of jeans! Don’t look at my footwear collection, I’m classy – I have to!
  14. I am an independent woman but you should pay for the meal. I’m old fashioned.
  15. Where is my exclusive time in your given day? You treat me like a filler.
  16. Who is she?
  17. You’ve changed so much. You’re not the same person anymore.
  18. Why do you still watch cartoons? Grow up.
  19. Go away, leave me alone… How dare you walk out on me?
  20. You’re always too busy to even think about me.
  21. Fine.
  22. You’re so thin. Why don’t you go to the gym?
  23. You’re such a mama’s boy.
  24. Let’s watch some TV. New Girl or Pretty Little Liars?
  25. Why do you always want to control me? It’s suffocating. Give me some space to breathe.
  26. I knew it!
  27. Are you sure?
  28. I don’t believe you.
  29. I didn’t mean anything I said. I was just PMS-ing.
  30. You know I’m still mad at you for what you said to me at Sarah’s wedding in 2004.
  31. … But we can be friends.
  32. You know you’d save a lot of money if you don’t smoke.
  33. Mom is coming over for the weekend.
  34. Can you look after the kids; I just have to go to the tailor for “five minutes”.
  35. When I say chocolates, it means dark chocolate. You’re so useless.
  36. Wait wait stop the car!! I need to Instagram that.
  37. Why can’t we go there? All of my friends have been there already. Even Bushra.
  38. Why do you have to watch match highlights when you already know who won? Please switch to Hum TV. I wanna watch the rerun of Kadurat.
  39. Are you even listening to me?
  40. WHATEVER.

Junaid Akram

Junaid Akram

A Pakistani stand up comedian based in Dubai who tweets at @june_aid (twitter.com/june_aid)

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.

  • amina

    first world problems!Recommend

  • 123xyz

    pakistani elites live like citizens of first world…minus when following the law.Recommend

  • Sane

    Could not understand. I can make another list of 100 and someone else shall make another one. Useless and time wasting to read.Recommend

  • sasha Chaudry

    Except 9 and 38, the rest of them annoy men universally, not just pakistani men.Recommend

  • Ammar

    Too damn accurate juanid u nailed it hahahRecommend

  • anthony permal

    What misogynist cap. Recommend

  • Supriya Arcot

    Hey wishing you the very best for your ‘rishta’ tomorrow . Please give some credit to women. Not all of us are like that . I am sure you will find some one to ‘connect’ to you very soon .Recommend

  • Syme

    In Pakistan, only guys want to talk :PRecommend

  • Fatima Ansari

    There are some facts which I believe are correct but the rest are more western than eastern.Recommend

  • Ahmed

    40 things that Burger Pakistani men hate to hearRecommend

  • FA

    I didn’t mean anything I said. I was just PMS-ing.
    Hahahahaha! EVERY TIME! Poor guys.Recommend

  • FA

    Just read and enjoy the article. You people are pathetically negative.Recommend

  • az

    Funny, just a few tweaks and even the not so burger men could relate

    it also goes to show the difference in what men and women have to deal with.

    You hate having to switch channels to the one your wife/gf wants
    most women are pondering whether they’ll be able to get a masters degree before their parents get them married.Recommend

  • Parvez

    40 was just too long. Your a stand-up guy…..so brevity is the soul of wit.Recommend

  • Aleem

    Because women never stereotype menRecommend

  • Jay

    Good pointsRecommend

  • sadia h

    You need a write an article on the 40 things that Pakistani men DO want to hear.Recommend

  • x

    As a girl, I totally agree with this. Girls do use these lines sadly.Recommend

  • Noman Ansari

    Not politically correct, but I laughed at some of it.Recommend

  • Sam

    I am an independent woman but you should pay for the meals! hahahahaRecommend

  • khan of quetta

    i have never got on a date with a girl because it is i dont know NOT ALLOWED IN MY FAITH its easier to commit a sin than to show restraint against itRecommend

  • Parvez

    Second attempt :
    40 was just to many.Recommend

  • Nawazish Ali

    This is just a list of statements taken from Western countries. Not cool.Recommend

  • Abbas Raza

    Do not entirely depict our societyRecommend

  • sarah

    my fav is no 4..guilty as charged:)Recommend

  • Citizen

    hilarious ! i can relate to few pointsRecommend

  • who gives a shit

    basicallyRecommend

  • Necromancer

    I hardly doubt any girls say stop the car I have to Instagram that even the burgers. That is to western for the land of pureRecommend

  • Adil

    Who cares about political correctness?Recommend

  • Tim

    Talking from experience ?Recommend

  • farha

    Not much realistic..But this article provide good laughter…Recommend

  • Tim

    Its not easy to “commit sin” for most men.Recommend

  • Syed Waqar Hussain

    Aalaaa! :-D It gives a great laugh to me.. Most of them are correct and justified.Recommend

  • Kemal1

    henpecked menRecommend

  • Kemal1

    And you must be a ‘male feminist’Recommend

  • Kemal1

    I am deeply offended by your comment.Recommend

  • boco

    Looks like most of the good bits were lifted from the youtube video ‘Shit Pakistani Girls Say’. The video is hilarious though.Recommend

  • dodo
  • Ramsha Khan

    Yes they are. Because this is written by Junaid Akram. Creator of shit Pakistani girls say. :)
    Recommend

  • Snooze

    From Burger Pakistani women, obviously. But if you translate it in Urdu, while reading..Recommend

  • Snooze

    I think its easy to assume how that might go, though.Recommend

  • annoyed

    you forget the “hmm”Recommend

  • I

    Waste of time, energy and space. Recommend

  • Noman Ansari

    It was an observation. :)Recommend

  • Ovais

    ET why are all your blogs so distanced from the reality ..

    p.s. I have never heard any of these 40 lines :(Recommend

  • raj

    Why Pakistani men.. Men all over the world do not like to hear these.. please think again before writing any title… already Pakistan has a bad image and you are creating another hysteria about themRecommend

  • shuja ul islam

    but the list will not contain more than 5 points…!! :P :DRecommend

  • Nasser

    Not even close man…get in touch with reality!Recommend