I finally escaped…

Published: June 26, 2013
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There were days in those four years when I spent sleepless, agitated nights trying to understand what he really wanted out of me.

The days of my four-year-old relationship were a mixture of contentment, depression and confusion at my inability to understand what he was saying. As days passed, I felt that he was becoming more possessive and controlling than ever and I wasn’t really sure if I could cope with his long list of demands anymore.

There were days in those four years when I spent sleepless, agitated nights trying to understand what he really wanted out of me. I was more than willing to adhere to his demands but by the end of it, I felt more exasperated and tired as I felt I could never be good enough to grasp the hidden meanings behind his words.

His expectations from me were so high that I was overwhelmed by a never ending fear of letting him down and soon, in order to satisfy him, I started to do all that he would ask of me. Despite all my hard work and efforts to please him, he was always one step ahead of me.

In due time, I realised that he wanted to overshadow me and I felt constantly tied down to him with no hope of any escape.

He would never let go of me and I felt like I was stuck in a circle like Archie running away from the ever clinging Betty and always getting attracted towards the more glamorous Veronica. No matter how hard I tried to break out, he was always there, clinging desperately onto me and reminding me that I had no choice except to accept him the way he was.

One day, in the middle of the month of May under the scorching sun that threatened to engulf me in its heat, I tried to talk some sense into him when I realised that all he wanted to do was to torture me emotionally and inflict never ending pain.

I wanted to shake him and tear him apart but I begged him to understand and agree to my reasoning but my words fell on deaf ears.

I knew I was being controlled like a puppet and after two hours of distress, I left his residence shaken and angry at how things had taken such an ugly turn.

June 10, 2013:

After much thought, sleepless nights and practicing endlessly the conversation I had in mind, I finally made one last effort to mend the crack that existed between us.

I embarked upon his residence with confidence in my stride.

His welcome was pleasant and after an hour, he finally smiled and my heart gave a leap over how pleased he was.

I realised that the end was near.

I was overwhelmed and euphoric by the time I came out of his house but caught sight of my friend who had shared the same grief I had been going through for these past four years.

I could see the relief in her eyes, mirroring those in mine, as she hopped over excitedly and asked:

“So how will you be spending your vacations now that the CIE’s are over for good?”

Read more by Javeria here.

Javeria Khalid Petiwala

Javeria Khalid Petiwala

A student based in Karachi, an ardent debater, and a Master Chef fan, she loves writing and travelling.

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.

  • Raja

    Gone were the times when women did not give up their relationship at any cost. Also the liberalism playing its part.
    at one side we want Islamic concepts applied in our lives and on the other side we enjoy western culture and values,

    So such stories are common and expected where one or both partners suffer from psychological, physical and emotional pains

    Bus ajkal yehi chal raha hai 2-4 saal musti or phir blame game,Recommend

  • Sana

    Hahahaha, this was really unexpected!Recommend

  • http://syedaabidabokhari.wordpress.com The Only Normal Person Here.

    It was predictable. And trite. Recommend

  • Sana

    @Raja
    Did you even read the ending?!Recommend

  • Nawaz Sharif

    So much anguish for CIE exams…you will get a shock when you reach universityRecommend

  • aslam

    misbalanced article. It would have been much better if she could write about Cambridge International Examinations (CIE) in detail for readers overall benefit.Recommend

  • Raja

    @ Sana
    No, may you please explain the ending notesRecommend

  • I am a Khan

    @Nawaz Sharif:

    I dont think she will get a shock at Uni if she attends a Pakistani University, given the shallow standards of Pak Universities, CIE exams are tougher than local MBA degrees. However, if she intends to study in the UK, then its a different story, she will have to work harder than ever ;)Recommend

  • Shireen Baloch

    :ppfttt…..Recommend

  • Zunaira Butt

    @Raja:
    have u ever gone through th eemotional pain?????? no ..if u wud hv u wnt say this… and How can u say this is against Islam?? Islam dsnt say u have to be with ur partner even if u both r not compatible with each other….. i have a cousin who dies with brain hamridge cz of same situation narrated in the article, she was living in canada n dies after 12 years of her marriage, she was never allowed to visit Pakistan ever since she went to Canada to her husband, she was never allowed to visist any Pakistani or indian, she lived in same house with her four kids n rarely going out with her husband…. is that what any one shud do on the name of ISLAMIC SET UP? Recommend

  • bleh

    congratulations! the easiest part of your life is over Recommend

  • Confused

    zzzzzZZZZZRecommend

  • Khan

    You lost me at ‘In a four year relationship’. I did not see the word marriage anywhere in this article. This only leads me to a few conclusions:

    You enjoy drama in your life and therefore enjoyed ‘the suffering’. In fact, got a twisted kick out of it.
    You are weak minded and lack any self confidence, Therefore rather than walking away, you gave into your submissive/door mat nature.
    You have read one too many Archie comics and watched one too many Indian film, thinking that real life works the same way. (psst.. It really really does not)
    All your sleepless, agitated nights trying to understand what he really wanted out of you, could have been spent in self reflection instead. In thinking, ‘why do I enjoy being a floor mat so much’.

    You have no friends in your life. As any good friend would have slapped you silly and woke you out of this Archie/Betty world that you seem so comfortable with.

    Here is hoping I am not only wrong, but have completely misunderstood what this article is about. If not, please get in touch with me, I can always use a new fickle doormat. All in all, I am glad that our women (the rest of them) have grown out this submissive/victim nature (that was about 40 years ago). Catch up!!!! Recommend

  • Dani

    @ Sana

    Pls don’t explain :)Recommend

  • HS

    whattay total waste of time!!!Recommend

  • Protagonist

    @Khan:
    Please search the word CIE on google. facepalmRecommend

  • Sane

    What I read? Waste of time.Recommend

  • Umar

    I’m living in Denmark. I know what is been planning everyday by the western countryies against our beloved muslims countryies. I mean yes I’m living in Denmark but their people, system,don’t accept us. Because we are muslims and love Islam. They want us to be like them. Here in West some muslims are been given rights, but these western agencies are killing and creating confusion in our own countries in Pakistam, Libya, Iraq, Suadia, and so on. They are doing it through our media/Geo news /Tribune.com.pk /ARY and so on. When MR. Qadri showed his people the wrong way and maked democracy halal, then everyone was confused, and so is we. We are living in mixed culture western and islamic. But there are many countryies who want to confuse and mixed example USA. Recommend

  • Fareeha

    OH MY GODDD!
    That really is an amazing article!!Recommend

  • Sarah

    Hahahaha, the ending really took me by surprise!!Recommend

  • kjp

    Loved it! very well done JaveriaRecommend

  • Y.Me

    Listened to “eye to eye” and read this on the same day. Enough said.Recommend

  • Parvez

    CIE = a him ??? I know its Poetic License ……. but I thought I’d ask anyway.
    Life is a series of step one take…….the first few appear to be the hardest but you later realise they were the most enjoyable but equally important.
    (EYBLOGS1987)Recommend

  • Shazeman

    I think ^Khan is totally right what planet is this girl living on? I mean if she is/was a CIE student she could have concentrated more on her exams/school rather than having a serious 4 year relationship where she was ready to accept the title of being a “doormat” I mean girls need to think wisely in this otherwise evil world. Like the ending was expected tho I was hoping the author/this girl mite be in university. But then again I am being naive cuz someone as young as this girl can only opt to be so submissive in today’s society.

    I don’t see another reason for sticking around…for so long! I hope young girls reading this will take a note from this and be more sensible in picking a guy or even better don’t get into relationships until you’re atleast done college etc…Recommend

  • Turbo Lover

    This is why I went to an American System of Education. It recognizes human needs and does’nt expect them to work like machines. Even those need refuelling/recharging. I am not hard working enough, you say? I am not an elitist in education, that’s my argument.Recommend

  • Muhammad Sohail

    I could not fathom this thing yet in my life that it is either in the instinct or in the nature of a female that when finds her self no more interested in her partner, she comes up with countless draw backs with her male partner in one go instead of sharing or discussing the fault at the same time she feels uneasy with. To me, one should honestly share the pain one gets from his or her partner if she is sincere with her relation instead of waiting to finally end the relation at all!Recommend

  • Karim

    It seems you were all correct in your actions while the other was the reason for all the pain you endured. How is that possible, as somebody rightly said……it takes two to make a four…………Recommend

  • Malik

    What a misleading title….

    I thought the author had emigrated to US or Australia.:)Recommend

  • shahida kazi

    Ha ,Ha.Strange how people fail to get the point.Recommend

  • Anum

    Total waste of disk space.Recommend

  • kjp

    Its a very nice article. Made me laugh. You guys who are commenting above really need to take things lightly. Stop expecting a girl moaning about a relationship every article that you read..maybe that is exactly what you guys were expecting.
    Atleast this girl had the courage to use her brain and turn something serious into something unique and funny.Recommend

  • kjp

    AND IT IS POETIC LICENSE FOR GODS SAKE. NOT A REAL STORY. GO FIGURE!Recommend

  • Ahmed Ali

    The funniest bit are the comments by people who fail to understand the article :p
    P.S: Loved the Archie-Betty-Veronica analogy. :)Recommend

  • sarah naqvi

    Hahaha omg people learn to appreciate the writer’s efforts and stop jumping to conclusions. Recommend

  • Mehwish

    CIE’s are very tough. I got done with my CIE’s last year and now am doing my undergrad from Germany. I can totally relate to the relief felt when you get done with the exams!Recommend

  • S.S

    haha a light piece of writing at last. Recommend

  • mihg

    @author: each exam brings us a bit closer to out final destination. I hope you pass more of such exams to come much closer to what you want to achieve. But who said the journey is going to be easy?Recommend

  • TTV

    Half the people here commented without reading the ending. Why am I not surprised?Recommend

  • Clarus

    cant comprehend what you are trying to narrate. is it about your cie exams, boyfriend or husband? Recommend

  • mihg

    @Clarus:
    It is about the CIE’sRecommend

  • Fdh

    Haha a witty article. Nice oneRecommend

  • http://www.usamarehman.blogspot.com Mohammad Usama

    only the person who goes through such a rough period can understand its right emotions and feelings……no anonymous reader or listener can!!

    nevertheless i too have suspicion about the filmy end ))Recommend

  • Nobody

    @Raja:
    Not that this has anything to do with the actual piece since you seem to have missed the point, but yes, gone are the days where women wouldn’t end their relationship at any cost. THANK GOD. Being a doormat is not a noble deed in any normal person’s world. Cheers. Recommend

  • Saad

    The article was BRILLIANT … very good use of suspense and the element of surprise …… But the comments are just hilarious ….. how can people be THAT dumb? Some think that “CIE” is a guy and others believe that the writer was talking about a relationship during here CIEs …… Too much stupidity. LOLRecommend

  • Saad

    @Khan:
    Dude, you are so damn pretentious … you DID not, i repeat, DID NOT get what the article was all about. *turbo facepalm* Recommend

  • ilsa

    Hahaha. I like this one, Javeria. Recommend

  • Pranav

    that was clever writing, a good twist in the tale….keep up the good workRecommend

  • MNIA

    horrible horrible blog. That is all. Recommend

  • Gory

    lulz k.Recommend