At the age of five, I experienced sexual abuse

Published: May 27, 2013
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I was afraid that if I told my parents and they didn't believe me, there would be a fuss and my molester would find out.

It all started when I was about four or five years old. I used to live in a small rural area located near Mirpur Khas in Sindh, Pakistan. I stayed there for nearly a decade.

By means of introduction, I come from a moderately educated Muslim family background, where the joint family system is preferred.

Just like any other family, in front of my parents, I was a typical ‘playful’ and happy-go-lucky five-year-old boy, but there has always been something inside me that I could never share with anyone – not even my mother, who is the closest to me.

I used to visit my grandparents and spent more than half of my day at their house. The other kids and I used to spend our time playing games. It felt like my second home.

One evening, when it was starting to get dark outside and I was afraid of leaving alone (my father used to pick me up), my uncle offered to drop me home. As soon as we left their house, he stopped by the adjacent building; he started to touch me in a weird way. I did not understand it at the time, but he sexually abused me.

I had absolutely no idea about what was going on. Confused and beyond terrified, I didn’t know what to do. It was as though I had been hypnotised. I couldn’t move a single inch. He asked me to do nasty things and I followed his every command like a dumb puppet.

When he was done, he warned me to not tell anyone about it and assured me that it wasn’t a bad thing to do and we should do it again.

This went on regularly for a few years. Yes, that long.

He didn’t just keep it to himself. He told his friends, who also indulged in molesting me regularly. I was a sex toy for them. As I grew up, quite a number of my relatives got involved in abusing me.

I don’t know for sure why I couldn’t tell anyone about this, but I just couldn’t. I guess I simply stopped trusting others. I was afraid that if I told my parents and they didn’t believe me, there would be a fuss and my molester would find out. This could cause him to do worse things to me. The odds of that person manipulating my parents were high, especially because I was living in a rural area.

Eventually, I moved to another town. I thought I would never have to face those who tortured me ever again, but things don’t always work out the way you wish. They started calling me on my cell phone, gave my number to many others and started threatening me. They even came to my house. Let me tell you that the man who first abused me has not changed a single bit. He is still the same – dirty as ever even after all these years.

This was the main cause of my depression. I have even considered suicide many times in my life but I can never buck up the courage to attempt it. Ironically, the image of me killing myself is like a nightmare. Days, months and now years have passed by, and I have not fully recovered.

Recently I decided to consult a psychiatrist. While it has helped me a little, I still can’t forget those agonising moments.

One has to be completely insane to be molesting a fragile, innocent five-year-old. It is one of the most inhumane crimes one can commit.

I haven’t been abused for years now, but that doesn’t mean I have had a break from the emotional wreckage going on inside me. I still get occasional threatening calls, vulgar text messages and emails. I’ve even stopped visiting my hometown.

I am still waiting for a day when I will not have to face those brutes any more, but it might just be my wishful thinking. The feeling of not being able to discuss it with my closest friends and family leaves me extremely isolated. It’s like I am trapped somewhere and have no way to get out. I feel like there is nothing to look forward to in life anymore.

All I can do now is pray to Allah (SWT) to help me get through this mess. It has been too long now and I think I have paid all my dues.

I sincerely hope no other child has to go through a hell of this kind. It didn’t stop for me for a long time, but even if it had only happened once, the emotional trauma would continue to live with me forever.

 

If you have experienced sexual abuse in Pakistan and want to share your story, email us. We will keep your email and all details confidential, and blogging anonymously is possible. Additionally, if you are a psychiatrist or counselor that specialises in child sexual abuse, please contact us and share your expert opinion.

Asim B

Asim B

The writer wishes to remain anonymous. An alias has been used instead of his real name.

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.

  • Waqar

    bad scene, I remember there is a morning show of Amir khan satya me,, which telecasted that a child is insecure from his/her relative.
    Apart from that , past cant be changed, , Life me mushkilat na ho to maza nahi ata, Concentrate on your future

    God may protect every one.Recommend

  • Nandita.

    From your write up, I’m inferring that you did not approach the police. I’m sure going to the police will be tough on you ( I understand that completely ), but you absolutely must. Those men who molested you, will, no doubt, molest some other child again. I’m sure you weren’t the first one they abused and I’m positive you won’t be the last one either.
    Please know that whatever took place, wasn’t your fault in any way. You need to make the effort to save other innocent children from suffering the same fate as you.
    You may find approaching the police an embarrassing ordeal but the knowledge that you’ve helped save other innocent children from sexual abuse will give you strength to overcome your trauma and it will make you feel infinitely better about yourself.Recommend

  • Stranger

    It happens in some form or the other with almost every one in some way / some place /some degree. The only thing we can do is to learn from this and make sure that we spot ‘such’ things going around and try to help those people. For instance I feel communication plays a powerful role in such incidents.Encourage children ( and also adults) to talk and talk. Look for hidden signals like some one becomign quite all of a sudden/ avoiding eye contact/ not speaking coherently in public etc., They need our help. Glad that you came out of it . Well done man.Recommend

  • Anshuman Tripathy

    This is sad to read…but I strongly recommend you take action against those culprits..reading about the incidents you mentioned reminded me of an episode from Aamir khan’s show ‘Satyameva Jayate’ where a guy named Harish Iyer http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harish_Iyer had been raped and molested for 11 years by his Uncle.He too like you endured the torture for too long, but finally mustered the courage to say NO MORE. He now runs an NGO for saving other children from this menace. Giving up and praying will be an easy option my friend, but trust me if you look deep inside yourself you will find the courage and the strength to fight against all odds. Make up your mind now, that instead of letting them control the fear in you, YOU will take strong action against your Uncle and his friends without thinking about what society at large will think about you. Also I hope you heal soon from all the emotional scars that you’ve been through and lead a happy life the way you want to live it.

    -A friend from India :)Recommend

  • Stronger

    What I am about to say, I have never told anyone, like ever. With one exception, which I’ll tell later on. I was an 11 year old girl and going through puberty. We had a driver in the house who was always very friendly generally, everyone loved him. I started noticing he was a bit too friendly, he would not let go of a chance to touch here and there and make it look like an accident. He once told me about some adult film he had watched and tried to intrigue me though vulgar photos by putting them in the back pocket of our car.

    One day when my parents weren’t home and he summoned me that he wanted to show me something. It was a framed photo of some naked woman.
    Before I new he had started caressing and fondling my body. I was struggling, my siblings were tiny and downstairs with no idea what was going on. I managed to run away. After that I got very cautious and so this wasn’t repeated. I kept an eye out because I had my little siblings to think of too. I almost told my mom once but I thought she’d be angry. I know this was not abuse in the technical way but I want you to realise that the terror of that man was there. Anyway, I started reading this piece that came in a magazine once a month, initiated by ROZAN and that made me realise it was not my fault, that generally a kid can get attracted to some dirty picture and the fact that I had managed to escape was something to be proud of.

    I continued living my life just as I was. There were bouts of depression at night but rare. I pretended it had never happened. I used to cry in my namaz that if it was my fault then Allah forgive me. When I was in O Levels, he attempted the same again but I was older and bolder. I used my tongue sharply and told him that I will not tolerate this. It was a sexual advance from him. I could not believe this man could imagine something like this. he was married, had kids and my parents were angels to our servants, always helping and contributing. I became aloof of him and prayed that he should get lost from our lives. And thats what happened. One day, he declared he needed to return to his home town since he wants to work there. My parents departed him with tears in their eyes and the best wishes. Before leaving, he said to me that he hopes I forgive him for anything he has done. And I think I did.

    I consider myself lucky that I managed to escape something that would have been awful. I consider myself brave that I lived with that person lurking in my house but managed to keep away all the while protecting my siblings and myself. Sometimes I think I had no business to reply to someone who’s talking about adult movies but I realised that was me being a conversationalist, because I trusted him so much, called him “bhai”. But I also know that thats how it started, he just got bolder and I felt I was very grown up and intelligent to be able to talk about abhorrent social issues.

    Today, I am very happy. That memory is distant but when I hear something like this I remember it. I am happily married to the guy of my own choosing. And he does have an idea about this. I told him a bit after he told me that when he was 5 his maid used to touch him and take him in the bathroom when she showered, like he was some toy. I guess this feat is more common than we care to know. When we have kids, I will make sure they are never in such compromising situation, ever. And that they are well versed about these dangers and the fact that they can come to me with anything.

    I know my story is nothing compared to yours but I wrote it to show that you can be very happy if you try to forget and move on. Stay away from those offenders as much as you can. And be strong. We know you are already brave for writing what you wrote. The reason I wrote this was that when we say, I know how you feel, you know that it is in fact true. And no matter what you think, it was NOT your fault. I hope Allah gives you the strength to move on quickly. Recommend

  • Me

    I hope and pray u recover from this traumatic incident and can start leading a normal life…i understand where you come from…the reason i still blame myslf (even after 10 yrs) is because i didnt stop him forcefully enough the first time it happened. even thought i kept telling him to stop i didnt do enough. I didnt tell my family about it..i suffered silently… I try to forget it happened but will never forgive that filthy man…every time i think abt it all that goes in my head is i could have done more…but growing up we are so protected and innocent that we dont realize what is happening and cant put a stop to it..then it starts becoming a frequent thing…and you feel you are sinking deeper in the mess…
    but belv me..one day you forget it…or atleast it fades away…and the flash backs are less frequent…
    what is important is to surround yourslf with ppl u love and who sincerely care…and, though it may be hard at first, but start opening up to them…learn to put ur trust in them…and be positive…leave the rest to Allah and u will have vengeance one day.Recommend

  • Nandita.

    @ashar:

    Umm, not sure why you think this is fabricated. The author has written the blog anonymously, he has used an alias. What would he gain from cooking up some tale and then publishing it anonymously? – he gets no credit for the writing ( since an alias has been used ) , he can’t even share the blog with his friends ( this is not something people share with acquaintances ), so I wonder what made you doubt him ? What could he possibly gain by concocting lies ?

    Reactions like yours are precisely why people do not report sexual abuse – your viewpoint makes you a part of the problem. Not only do victims have to suffer abuse but they are even forced to put up with random strangers who point fingers at them and doubt their credibility. Recommend

  • Nandita.

    @ashar:

    Umm, not sure why you think this is fabricated. The author has written the blog anonymously, he has used an alias. What would he gain from cooking up some tale and then publishing it anonymously? – he gets no credit for the writing ( since an alias has been used ) , he can’t even share the blog with his friends ( this is not something people share with acquaintances ), so I wonder what made you doubt him ? What could he possibly gain by concocting lies ?

    Reactions like yours are precisely why people do not report sexual abuse – your viewpoint makes you a part of the problem. Not only do victims have to suffer abuse but they are even forced to put up with random strangers who point fingers at them and doubt their credibility. Recommend

  • http://uth-oye.com Brand Manager of Uth Oye

    By no means should you reveal the names of the molesters/rapists. That will only result in something productive like say their arrest and the prevention of future rape victims. Please continue to publish vague anonymous recollections about your experiences.Recommend

  • molested when 8

    To all those suggesting that this has been fabricated, trust me its people like you who we are really afraid off .. because you will deny it and eventually, the molester himself would get your sympathy .. have a heart, could happen to you or a loved one too .. Recommend

  • Shah (Berlin)

    @Stronger:

    OK AFTER READING YOUR STORY and the Authors…….

    Ther is some thing wrong in our society. The main point is that we know such people are living near us or may be in our houses and we our unable to do so……..

    To Author I will say. A simle solution wud be that you call those people and start threatening them….trust me these bully Animals need a beat….the other choice will be to call the police, but I think that will drag you into more problems……!!!Recommend

  • Time

    The only way out is in. I strongly urge you to build up courage and report the matter to the police. Removing the secrecy takes the shame from the victim and puts the blame on the perpetrator. Exposure is the ONLY way to stop repeat offenders.

    @ashar:
    Although i feel it is below my dignity to comment on your modicum comments but you and your sorts are incisively the reason for the outbreak of such crimes. This is the sole reason why reporting such crimes do not empower a victim and does not reclaim power from a predator who felt enabled to commit his crime, in part, because he correctly assumes that his victim would remain silent.Recommend

  • shehliza

    @ashar:
    you are so insensitive.shame on you!Recommend

  • Zufishan Ghani

    I do not conclude this piece as fabticated- by no means at all. Mishaps like this ARE going in the surroundings. Say, even if it is a fabricated writeup, i do not find any harm in approving and looking into the words- at least for the larger good of society. At least one could take a diffetentangle of seeing the vices of our society and condemning them instead of landing gritty arguments of what is wrong and right. Think, please. Think once and twice. Recommend

  • http://www.facebook.com opler

    @fabrication alleging folks; i guess you guys have some better ‘real’ story/happening.! And how you guys come to know its fabricated? Afflatus han? (i don’t want to offened anyone, i just have pity for this sort of mentality)Recommend

  • faizan

    i wrote a blog about my experience of child sexual abuse in november and even my story is pretty much the same as yours……u can read my blog here if u wish to….
    http://blogs.tribune.com.pk/story/14684/confessions-of-a-victim-of-child-abuse/

    i was just as depressed and insecure as you are but u know what i ended it completely….i motivated myself to change my life!!i was weak, i made myslef strong, i was fat because of overeating(due to depresssion when the miserable memories of child abuse haunted me!)so i lost almost 30kgs!!i pushed myslef hard to get rid of it!!and when people around me noticed the changes in me that from an ugly looking depressed and weak boy i grew into a strong,happy go lucky guy they were amazed and so i developed good friends!!!now my life has changed because i wanted to change it!!and mind u except for 1 or 2 friends nobody was there to support me through my trauma it was only me who changed myslef so my dear brother u can too!!!i know it’s a hurrendous experience and its not easy to forget inciednts like this but you see it’s your life and u just can’t waste it just because of some sick,mentally challenged people!!!Allah will punish them for what they did but don’t waste your life!!just get up and motivate yourself!!i don’t know you personally but since you and me and many others like us have the same story…i know u can u do it….motivate yourself,change your life,do evrything u can to snap out of it!!cuz u know what this world doesn’t cares about anyone!!u might get sympathy from the people who are reading your blog but at the end of the day they can only sympathisize with!they can’t change your life until u do it!!thers comes a time when you have to just stop whinig,suck it up and move on!!that’s the bitter truth of life…..Recommend

  • https://twitter.com/allaboutxa Zeeshan Shah

    i was shocked after reading this article. the way you shared your story BOLDLY with the world through this platform is appreciatable. i suggest you do the SAME with him not sexual abuse but a MENTAL torture. today we can use MEDIA to expose someone easily.
    SAR-E-AAM on ary news is wonderful example i have in mind. i hope their team can do a LOT. at least the FIRST one you told about should be caught RED HANDED. imagine what would happen when this person will try to HIDE himself from everyone but STILL he could NOT do so and maybe one day he will wish to commit SUICIDE too!Recommend

  • Brave

    This blog gives me immense courage to speak out on this forum, the same situation happened with me as well when i was only 4 years old but doesn’t last for two months, where i was abused by my male servant. The trauma I still carries in the age of 35 and i never forgot that molestation and mental trauma.

    My entire life struggles in cursing myself that it was my fault. Most of the victims turns rebellious and repeat the same act with other youngsters not knowing that he one day repeats the same crime and so on.

    The only solution to this heinous crime is to educate your child, ask them that they are the ones whom he or she can share everything and anything, if someone touches private parts don’t hesitate to inform us and resist the act, tell your kids about how bad this act is and how they can protect themselves.

    ALLAH MAY BLESS EVERYONE, AND GIVE THEM A STRENGTH TO RECOVER Recommend

  • khurram

    This crime is rampant in rural Sindh, may be its a socio cultural thing there, going on since centuries.
    Such crimes are mostly commited by close freinds andd realtives, some one you often trust a lot. It bewilders me that in this case the molester was his mamu ( maternal uncle) which sound weird and off track. Recommend

  • Zain

    Only the person who’s been through this can feel the pain, one’s been throughout the life. As been a victim myself, I can just tell you one thing here. We’re not alone molested. Most of the kids get molested in their childhood, it’s just only few have a courage to talk about it. You’re one of those few.Recommend

  • Insaan

    @faizan: “i was just as depressed and insecure as you are but u know what i ended it completely….i motivated myself to change my life!!i was weak, i made myslef strong, i was fat because of overeating(due to depresssion when the miserable memories of child abuse haunted me!)so i lost almost 30kgs”

    I have seen two blogs on ET on sexual abuse. Writers of both blogs suggested that victims should not say anything about their molesters, which most likely are their cousins, uncles, close family friends. Even in many incest cases, relationship is overlooked by the family and mostly it is the girl who is blamed for causing it. Recommend

  • threatning

    I believe parents need to educate/train kids bold enough so they can speak out or seek help from somebody, then they need to punish the guilty in front fo their child so the guilty can remember and your child feel safe..Recommend

  • GhostRider

    Buddy use the help of a psychiatrist and keep your spirits high. I cant understand what you are going through.Recommend

  • Insaan

    @Stronger:
    I told him a bit after he told me that when he was 5 his maid used to touch him and take him in the bathroom when she showered, like he was some toy.

    How can a maid give shower to a 5 yr old with washing his privates? How can she do it without touching it?

    Most people forget about things that happened when they were kids. Real problem is when people are insecure, depressed, anxious and trace back their problems to child hood sexual abuse. These problems can be result from bad behavior towards you (non-sexual) from your parents. Recommend

  • ALi

    insane.!Recommend

  • https://www.facebook.com/pages/I-Battle-Every-Second-For-My-Existence/169634173109760 Survivor of sexual abuse

    It’s very pressurizing indeed when one fear that their friends and family members will not believe them. :(..Recommend

  • Laila

    When I was quite young, it was my dady who always urged me to come straight to him without any hesitation if any man ever makes me feel uncmfrtable or try touching me or try holding my hand or look at me in a weird way. That always made me feel protected. It was my father who made me a strong girl and I love him for that.
    And I learnt some self defensive techniques myself too :p
    I would strongly urge every single parent out there to be close enuf to your child so that he/she dsnt hesitate in sharing any mishap with you. Its their fear that makes the molestr even more confident. Dont let anybdy ruin your child’s life. Teach thm how to defend thmselves. Teach them to say NO. My heart really goes out to all those who have been thru such traumas and I sincerly wish I could do something for them :(
    But i wish to play my part by following my dad’s footsteps. I say you all do the sameRecommend

  • Close_enough

    It seems that writer has written my story. At the same age i was molested by a local Cleric and i still remember the every moment when he was abusing me. Whenever i think about it i got extremely annoyed. The time he was mistreating, i did not understand what is happening but with the time being i realized, what actually had happened with me. And i was not the only victim, when some other students grow; who belong to the same area share the same stories. Local Cleric manage to earn the confidence of local folk and was never caught because he was consider a very noble person. You will wonder, he used to abused his students (Age 4-6) in the premises of mosque, when no person were there. Recommend

  • Stronger

    @Insaan: You are insensitive. I meant SHE took a shower herself and made him watch and stay and touched inappropriately. If thats normal for you then kudos to you and your thinking. Also, even kids know if someone is touching more than they should.Recommend

  • Arshad Mahmooda

    I congratulate the writer for this extremely bold blog. ET’s efforts to create awareness about such an important and taboo subject is commendable as well. This blog and almost all the comments made by readers are really helpful in understanding the issue of child sexual abuse in Pakistan and the fact that in most of the cases the abusers are known to the victims and are either close family members or friends. This also shows that parents have a very important role to play in giving their children the trust to share everything with them.

    I hope media in general will come forward and highlight this menace to create greater awareness the way Aamir Khan did in his famous Star Plus show.Recommend

  • http://www.kbc-sony.in/ Neha

    @Waqar:
    It’s very pressurizing indeed when one fear that their friends and family members will not believe them. :-(Recommend

  • boco

    I’m truly sorry for what happened to you and others who have shared their story on this forum. The whole disgusting practice of blaming the victim and the stigma attached to being a victim of sexual abuse needs to be immediately curbed or else no one would come forward with their story and the abusers will remain powerful. One bit to add would be to all the parents or future parents to be extra vigilant where your children are concerned, teach them the difference between good touching and bad touching and consciously create an environment of trust and safety at home where the child feels confident and comfortable in sharing his/her problems with you. Also parents need to careful with their children in not letting them unattended in the presence of relatives and household staff frequently or for long periods of time. Another thing would be to be perceptive of the child’s behavior against certain people if its bordering on discomfort and keeping a look out for signs of depression or isolation and sadly also look out if a child is uncomfortable with a sibling or a close relative because that happens more often than you think.Recommend

  • Sidra

    you didnt had a chance then but you have a chance now, save his/ all other’s text mesgs, calls and if possible make a video of his flithy attempt next time, please make sure the scene should portray his act and you are not involved and guilty. dont tell him / others on spot you made a evidence then start blackmailing them back that you will tell your family and his/ their families esply wives and kids and rest of the world. And if still they do, tell your family / friends their filthy act if they will not stop. if they are texting from numbers so ypu have a great evidence and you can block their numbers by calling cellular helpline and tell them that you are being harassed by them you will have to have a post paid number, cellular companies keep a check after your complain and give them a warning and if they dont stop they take serious action against customer incuding blocking their sims. dont tell about past if you are very much afraid just tell your family they just started. stay strong 9 out 10 people face this, you are not alone. dont have doubts that noone will trust you, God forbid incase if no one will trust you then leave on God inshaAllah he will do jutice but speak for it dont let them molest you anymore. stay strong and firm. God bless you, will remember you in prayers, I wish I could help you personally if you need any help, please feel free to contact. hope it helped :-)Recommend

  • Najam

    Most of the abusers are the persons who are trusted. Be ware of everyone around your children. This world is full of mess and evil. May ALLAH bestow you the strength to get out of the trauma. Listen my friend They are the looser who molested you , you have a moral win over them. Stand tough against them, become harsh to the culprits. Slap them with words if they use abusive language for you or demand any more sins. Those wicked has shown they were the looser. Show them you are a winner. Focus on your Study, career and life.
    Best of Luck and regards,Recommend

  • thetruth

    Makes for very depressing reading.

    Some real monsters out there.

    If this happened to any of my family, you wouldn’t even find the bodies of the perpetrators.

    More than anything, time to get tough, need transparency and a logical solution to report such crimes.

    Of course theres a long way to go, but need to do more than is being done now.Recommend

  • A. Khan

    Child abuse is a serious issue in Pakistan. Unfortunately, it is also taboo to discuss it and all such matters are swept under the carpet. No one is punished. It is high time this is discussed and brought out into the open.It is crime and should be reported but as such given the police we have, I won’t be holding my breath on anything being done.Recommend

  • threatning

    @Laila:

    Agree, we need to give confidence to our kids, make them stronger. We should not give them lesson of cowardness. Then we can grow them with strong character.Recommend

  • naved hashmi

    My God…unbearable pain..may almighty God save you.Recommend

  • doom

    @Brand Manager of Uth Oye:
    It’s his uncle, Mr. Uth Oye. So he would end up revealing his identity.

    And two, even if it was someone else it is not ok to publish names of people you are accusing of a criminal offence. Because it would be wrong to do so until proven guilty. Otherwise anyone could accuse anyone of anything to destroy reputations. Recommend

  • d

    this is not the first time I’ve heard incestuous related sexual abuse stories in which the victim’s experience was extended over a long period of time — in pakistan. the fact that the victim has no one to confide to, since someone from their immediate family is responsible for the act is a real cause for concern. pakistani’s need access to public services through which a victim can be extracted from their hostile environment, in secrecy, and provided with legal aid against their abuser/s (since most cases involve children). lastly the reason why these episodes continue is because the victim fails to inform an adult; they need to be educated through seminars in their schools.Recommend

  • afza siddiqui

    @ ET. it is commendable the way u people have taken up this issue. our society is conservative enough not to discuss such things but its time we start educating our children. i never knew this is so common until i read about this here on ET. and insha ALLAH when i m going to have kids i will make sure to educate them. this is the least we can and we should do to protect our kids from such a trauma.Recommend

  • lost self

    today i am over sixty, and starting at a young age have experienced most of what has been narrated here. servant, aya, tonga driver taking us to school, an uncle, a tutor, a molvi sahab, seniors at school. even now i carry pain and the wounds deep inside.
    i have the experience of working in all male situations and mixed gender settings, locally and abroad, and this kind of harassment, and often molestation is more rampant than we accept, or acknowledge.
    as for going to the police, i have some experience in this area, the police in Pakistan are a barbaric throw back to to dark ages, they believe in ‘testing’ for themselves to ascertain if the person is telling the truth! and being an almost all male domain, homosexuality is the norm there! unfortunate but true.
    i find that talking helps, i have studied and occasionally counsel kids and grown ups traumatized by many types relative/acquaintance/office mate abuse, and have seen more people with abuse related PTSD and it saddens my heart.
    please try to find a counselor near where you are, and consult them, this is not being crazy, buy trying keep your sanity intact!Recommend

  • Insaan

    @lost self: “today i am over sixty, and starting at a young age have experienced most of what has been narrated here. servant, aya, tonga driver taking us to school, an uncle, a tutor, a molvi sahab, seniors at school. even now i carry pain and the wounds deep inside.”

    What exactly do you feel about what happened to you? How can some one help you deal with your pain and wounds deep inside? Do you think it was your fault? What would you tell a victim of sexual abuse that could help him / her heal? Recommend

  • Insaan

    Stronger: “Before I new he had started caressing and fondling my body….. I know this was not abuse in the technical way”

    What exactly is “technical way”? Recommend

  • Insaan

    A question to the author: what would you advise a man who has been in your situation 100% exactly like you to do to feel normal. I hope you realize that you were just a kid when these people started molesting you. Even if you kept doing it, it is not your fault. Telling your family at this stage will create more problems. What is exactly you want to happen?Recommend

  • Insaan of awaam

    This indeed happens to most of us in a minor/major way in our childhood. I believe such crimes get hidden and go un-noticed due to silence, even after several years. I believe such sinners should be brought to justice at all costs.Recommend

  • lost self

    @Insaan:
    as far as i am concerned, i grew up with the guilt of ‘what if’ i had told my parents? shouted and yelled to scare the perpetrator? i had gotten used to it, or become gay in the process?
    these thoughts made to study this phenomenon and learn, and learn skills of counseling so i could help others.
    ensuring i was open to my kids and other kids in the family and look for symptoms that i had studied in my search for answers!
    life goes on, time does not heal!, we have to seek help, only way out, or we live in the past and even when we are making progress we are pulled back into the abyss of hate, guilt, and anger!Recommend

  • Me Myself n I

    This is sadly alot more common than you think. When i was around 11, i used to spend quite alot of time gaming arcades. This one time my neighbor told me that my uncle was calling me so i decided to head back home. Naive as i was, he told me my uncle was at his house so i went to his house and he locked me into a room. He asked me to do things for him and he abused me. I never went to a gaming arcade in my area again. Since he was my neighbor he used to be around but i somehow always managed to avoid him for many years and i think he didn’t was afraid that i would tell my father. Now i am 22, whenever i see him i give him a look that makes it clear that i haven’t forgotten him and if push came shove i wouldn’t hesitate for a moment to break his jaw… My point is you are (I assume) older, wiser and stronger than you were as a child. you can and you should stand up for yourself and Let those men know that you are not a child anymore and you are not afraid of them anymore. So what if he is your uncle, he can’t disclose this so he can’t blackmail you. Only you can help yourself and Trust me on this, Act Strong and They won’t Dare to Head for a Confrontation. God Bless you.Recommend

  • Insaan

    @Stronger: “You are insensitive. I meant SHE took a shower herself and made him watch and stay and touched inappropriately.”

    I did not mean to take it lightly. I am curious how it influenced your husband’s personality development. Does he have nightmares about those times? Recommend

  • Insaan

    @lost self: we live in the past and even when we are making progress we are pulled back into the abyss of hate, guilt, and anger

    We all live in past, I think. Many times children molested turn into child molesters and cycle continues. Would you look at your past in a different way if you knew, people who molested you were also molested when they were growing up? May be some of them even tried to think about not doing it, but could not control.

    Do you let hate, guilt and anger control your present life? Recommend

  • Concerned citizen

    I can not begin to imagine what you must have gone through. Indeed you are brave to put it up. Being a human, I just want these guys behind bars for the rest of their lives. Of course this is your call, I am no one to put pressure on you. Good luck.Recommend

  • lodhi

    This problem is more acute in the societies where males and females are segregated.In USA there are young baby sitters and rarely such abuse takes place.Recommend

  • khurshid khan

    @lodhi:
    kiya baat kar di ?
    I was an ER physician in a suburban hospital in NY.
    At least once a week a couple brought their infant for asessment of possible physical abuse by a baby sitterRecommend

  • Think again!!!

    @lodhi:

    will not fully agree with you……

    EU and USA are filled with such examples as well….. The one thing gud there is that the children have enough education to understand and react faster…

    Please dont forget even NICK CARTER from BSB got abused….!!!!!!Recommend

  • Insaan

    @khurshid khan: I was an ER physician in a suburban hospital in NY.
    At least once a week a couple brought their infant for asessment of possible physical abuse by a baby sitter.

    Sexual abuse is much more pervasive in Pakistan. Big difference is Pakistanis hush up the matter as mostly the abuser is a uncle or another closed relative or a close family friend.
    Are you saying every week you found an infant that was sexually abused in ER of a NY hospital? This is only possible if lot of drug abusers lived in that area.

    Most baby sitters are females. Are you saying all these infants were abused by females? I have hard time believing you story. I live close to DC, never heard of such problem around DC, MD or VA.Recommend

  • Insaan

    @lodhi:
    There is lot more Incest in segregated societies and is more or less accepted by families.Recommend