If I euthanise my mother, will I be forgiven?

Published: October 29, 2012
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I often cry like a three-year-old, when memories of my mother flash back into my mind. I remember her love and care. PHOTO: REUTERS

She can’t speak, she has no concept of reality and she is not living anymore.

This woman who just exists now is my mother.

Nine years ago, after a terrible car accident, my mother went into a coma, leaving three children at the mercy of a heartless world. I was only 15-years-old when this happened and my younger sister, Aiza, was just five.

Aiza couldn’t even comprehend where her mother had gone.

It was earth-shattering to see a once vibrant and lucid mother’s sad transformation. My father devoted all his time and efforts to fill the gap my mother’s sudden loss had left us with. Simultaneously, he tried desperately to bring his wife back. We, on the other hand, kept praying to be taken to school by our mother the next day, just like our class mates were taken by theirs.

However, God had willed it to be different.

We now spend our Eids, birthdays and almost all our vacations in the room of a private hospital where my mother is kept. We love her and her pain and misery is unbearable. Shrinking everyday into a vegetative state, it is heart wrenching to see her.

My father has hired top-notch doctors, but they are not very hopeful about her recovery and have asked my father on several occasions to remove her from the life support machine. He is a religious man and believes pain and agony is a test of God. He usually quotes some verses from the Holy Quran that say that those who patiently wait and persevere will receive rewards without measure.

My grades at school dropped drastically after my mother’s accident. My siblings lost their appeal towards their studies as well and together we became the object of sympathy from our extended family.

Aiza is struggling even to pass her eighth grade exams at the moment. My father can’t concentrate on his business and now we are just consuming the mark ups of some savings. Our mother was not the only one who went into a coma that day; all four of us went along with her. Our lives seem to have become stagnant and we seem to living a wretched nightmarish existence everyday.

I want my mother’s agony to end;I can’t endure her condition anymore.

She just exists, but she doesn’t live.

Is this life worth living?

We spent nine long years waiting to see a happy family again. We are still waiting to see a time when all of us will sit together and laugh. Sadly, it seems as though we are living in a fool’s paradise and that these thoughts are just for dreamers.

If I talk of euthanasia, I am considered an evil son, but I want to ask of you a simple question:

Is living in such a condition any better than death?

Is dying so miserable and painful that you would prefer to be living in such a state?

I often cry like a three-year-old, when memories of my mother flash back into my mind. I remember her love and care. How she used to teach me and cook for me. And now, here I am, her son, talking about ending her life.

Euthanasia is legal in many countries including some states in the US. No one can better comment than me about the shock of seeing a loved one’s body and mind deteriorate. But to choose euthanasia as a respite for suffering is an even harder call to make.

Our society has specified rules of behaviour for every individual. A son must treat his parents in a particular manner and crossing the line means becoming a victim of ridicule for everyone. People around us cannot see the pain in our eyes but what they are steadfast at is commenting on our lives, and these comments are what my father fears the most.

I cannot talk of euthanasia; it’s a taboo in our society. I fear people will say that I killed my mother and what a ruthless son I am!

But is delaying the inevitable rational? Can hastening the death of patient be considered an act of mercy?

Unfortunately, I don’t know the answers to any of the questions above. I believe that in reality we are tired of this unfortunate circumstance. No matter how noble our acts are on the exterior, deep inside us, we just want to end this trauma.

Am I being selfish? Can this be the right call to make?

Can anyone put me out of this misery?

I really don’t know.

Do you think euthanasia should be legal in Pakistan?

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Umair Imran

Umair Imran

A graduate of Bahria University in management sciences. He is an employee of the Federal Government (Ministry of Defence) and is helping various NGOs in Pakistan to support people in war-torn areas.

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.

  • https://twitter.com/pugnate Noman Ansari

    What a terrible terrible thing to happen to someone. My heart goes out to you. The short is that your family should let your mother take fer final journey to god in peace. It seems like your father is using religion is a crutch to hang on to his past life. :(

    It is all very heart breaking, and I felt very heavy as I read your post. Your family needs a grief councilor. Please seek one out. Also, you use can find religious texts to support your, and the doctor’s views. Please find some way to convince your father to let her go.

    It is not just for him, but for your mum, and your family. :(

    You were just a boy when this happened to you, and now life has thrust you with a heavy responsibility. You’ve had to grow up faster than you should have. If your father is not thinking straight, then perhaps it is time to find allies in your family (aunts, uncles), who think along the same lines as you to convince him.

    Please, please, you and your family should seek out a grief councilor. It will help. Trust me. You need a good, non-religious qualified one. If you wish to contact me on Facebook, I can recommend one locally, and I can recommend a lifecoach online. Please take care. Recommend

  • MAHFOOZ UR RAHMAN

    I am 68 . I was the only child of my parents .My father left us 1995 while my mother died in 2006. Towards the end of their lives , both underwent eye operations performed by one of the finest eye surgeons of Rawalpindi . Both operations failed . It was with great feeling of helplessness that I saw them falling into their deaths .Besides , I saw their deaths of my three children : the last was my son who was doing his PhD in Applied Mathematics .The doctors asked for my permission to remove the life support .Believe me , that was the toughest decision I took when no other option was visible
    However , life is meant to go on . Recommend

  • http://secularlyyours.wordpress.com Alishba

    I second Noman Ansari.
    The question of euthanasia, like almost everything else, cannot be answered via religious dogma. It will be an act of mercy. It is far better to remember the best of your mum rather than letting the loss of her personality overshadow the real person she had been.
    I’m sorry for what you are going through and I hope that you will find strength and courage to do what’s best for you and for her.Recommend

  • Syed Farhan Ahmed

    Dear Brother,
    Instead of seeking common ppl poll seek guidelines thur QURAN….

    I would strongly recommend to seek ALLAH’s mercy upon you n your family and dont pursue euthanasia this will give you rest of the life regrets…..

    my mom suffered with cancer for 10years and eventually doc advised me after ten years in her last stage of aggravated cancer, if i wont operate her she would eventually died with painful & miserable condition and if i operate her chance of survial is just on the operation theatre.. i seeked my sibs feedback and every1 decided to go for operation and let the life in the hands of hte ALLAH.

    Operation was turbulent b/w however she died after a reason after 10days of operation after getting a timely relief from her multiple fracture of your hip due to bon cancer… i still owe this pain in my heart and cry like 3-year old boy every now or then… i didnt pursue euthanasia but it was euthanasia for me as we had opted operation instead of keeping her painful aggression in front of our eyes as no further drug was available to give her relief and only Anesthetic molecule over vent was only relieft for her aswel…

    I would strongly recommend you dont pursue euthanasia it may regret to your last breath.

    thanks.
    A Mother-less CHILD.Recommend

  • Safoora

    I experienced my grandfather\s death and I do believ euthanaisia should be legal,when there is no hope of recovery and you are just delaying the inevitable..its cruel to keep someone alive.There are lot of catholics who believe euthanasia is ultimately an act of mercy rather than murder because you are freeing someone of his pain.Recommend

  • Sumbul Rizvi

    I’m totally speechless by reading this. Tears are flowing down my eyes but they’re of no use. Only the one who is suffering from all this can better understand what kind of killing yet depressing feeling is this.
    I don’t know what our sick society thinks about euthanasia, and we over here just can put up our comments and suggestions here. But that lady is in so much pain and i feel it’s better to make her relieve with it rather than exaggerating and making her and your family in more trauma. I know that would be the most toughest decision of your life but trust me you can’t do anything more about it. It’s better to give peace and comfort to the one who is suffering for such a long period rather than just giving pain to her. May Allah bless your family. Ameen.Recommend

  • blue

    God bless your family!Recommend

  • Ahsan

    Brother you are a brave guy. Its a very hard decision. I can’t even imagine how you and your family feels. I just know that I lost the most important person in my life that is my Grand Father (My NANA) May Allah bless his soul in the highest ranks of Jannah. It was the worst moment of my life when we kept him on a life support for just 9 hours and we still regret that why did we allowed the doctor to keep him on a life support because once he was on the life support his condition got no better but worst and I saw the pain in his eyes and blood all over his body. That was the worst day of my life.

    Go on brother, I know its a very hard decision but you know what’s best for your mother. She’s must be in a lot of pain right now. Consult with your family and come up with a decision soon my brother. May Allah help you and your family in this difficult time. Recommend

  • Salman

    Dear Mr. Umair Imran,

    There could be two things, either follow Islam or not to follow Islam.

    If you follow Islam, then you can’t take someone’s life without the reasons being mentioned in the Koran.

    If you don’t follow Islam then do whatever you want to do out of mercy or psychological pain, (and lack of patience and the jazba of qurbani which Hazrat Ibrahim portrayed while slaughtering his son by the will of Allah, only because he could submit to Allah), without any fear of the comments or whatever from society.

    Pain is something given by Allah, and Allah is the one who has helped people bearing various kinds of physical as well as other kinds of pains.

    I do not say that your mother’s pain is comparable to anybody else’s pain but being muslim, one must seek help from Allah in this regard and should try his best to submit to it otherwise would be held accountable, simple is that.

    The other matter you mentioned was the focus on your respective worldly matters, so I would like to say that people get through various hardships, some very serious indeed yet they hold their nerves and succeed in both forms of life i.e; worldly and spiritually.

    Baki Allah khair te bairay par!Recommend

  • Zohaib Asif

    I lost my mother to cancer in 2006. I was 24 at thst time not a teenager but still me and my siblings were not that mature either. During her treatment and chemeo therapy we had to witness her detoriating health each day. She was not dieing alone but all of us were going through alot during all that time. Brother to be honest when she died i felt better as i couldnot see her die every day and when i burried her i felt very relaxed as if she was finally at comfertable place.
    I think your misery and above all her misery will end if you decide to take her off the support machine but that is something i even cant imagine if i was in your dituation.
    Just dont worry about what people say your own heart should be at peace.
    I pray for her recovery or peace for your family.Recommend

  • Zahid

    Brother, I really feel sorry for you..In my opinion, you need to discuss stats with doctor as to what is the recovery chances in such cases. If probability of your mother recovering from such state is even 0.01 percent then i would suggest that you pray and wait for her recovery. Otherwise, if probability as per stats is very very low (Almost zero) then go for euthanasia .
    God bless you and your family.Recommend

  • Dr Saif

    I cant read whole article as it will make cry despite of the fact that I am a doctor and sees situations like these almost daily. My sympathy and lots of prayers for your mother.
    Though, Euthansia is not legal nor allowed in Islam, but families has to decide alongwith consult of Doctors about prognosis of patient. I cant say more but affordibility of family is the key point, otherwise you may keep patient alive on machine but financially murder his whole family and eventually your patient too.Recommend

  • Abidi

    I am really sorry about your mother and your family but my friend the question arises over here is do you believe in God or not?

    Just pray to God and dont lose you hopes… insha Allah she will recover. Your father is right if your pass this test God has put you in you will definitely be rewarded.Recommend

  • http://www.twitter.com/x420ade Pony Stark

    Your story is heartbreaking and your dilemma is heartwrenching.
    Suicide and euthanasia are explicitly forbidden in the religion of Islam.

    “Destroy not yourselves. Surely Allah is ever merciful to you.” – Qur’an 4:29

    So unless you like to cherrypick your morality,you must believe that allah is actually showing mercy to your mother at this time,and that’s not what I’m saying.
    But if you do genuinely care about your mother and if you do realise that religion has nothing to do with her pain and misery,you must make the toughest choice you would ever make and go for euthanasia.
    As for society,they are not living through what your mother is. And they’d do the same if they had to make that choice,trust me.
    This is an act of mercy and might not mean absolutely anything to your religion but it will mean everything to your mother.
    Stay fine. Thoughts.Recommend

  • cat

    I am so sorry to hear of this. My heart dropped several times and I felt so much anguish at your situation. Parents are precious, so so precious and the world tilts and rolls off its axis if anything bad happens to either of them.. I commend you for your strength and the difficult journey you are on, along with your family.. I shall send a prayer for you.

    I cannot comment on my views on the euthanasia part of your article since I don’t have much religious knowledge of it, but hearing how its impacting you and your younger siblings, I thought maybe I’d say something. My mum got breast cancer a year back and it was the most horrifying experience in my life to see such an active vibrant women reduced to a helpless weak being, curled up in bed, hating her condition.. and I used to panic if I’d ever see her looking normal again, being her old self again; those moments were sheer nightmares and I’d feel helpless because I couldn’t take away her pain and suffering.

    It started to affect my university studies and I had a major breakdown in uni one day where I felt like I just couldn’t go on. After having had a good long cry, I realized my mum wouldn’t want this, for me to give up. It would just make her suffering worse if she knew that her condition was killing me, my studies and life. So out of love for her, I made a humongous effort to bring myself back and struggle for her, so that she’d be proud of me. I know my mum’s illness comes nowhere near the severity of your situation, but sit yourself and your sisters down and gently talk to them that your mum is probably, in some dimension, aware of how this all is impacting you… she really wouldn’t want to see her precious family dying slowly from within.. Try to gather any courage you have left and start from scratch to mend yourselves, for her. To make her proud. To not let her love to go waste. Try for her. I tried for my mum. And succeeded to a degree. I hope I did not say anything senselessly heartless or mean, I just wanted you to know my experience. All the best to you and your family.. <3 InshaAllah there will be behteri, Ameen. Recommend

  • Adbawany

    According to the Islamic Medical Association of America (IMANA) “When death becomes inevitable, as determined by physicians taking care of terminally ill patients, the patient should be allowed to die without unnecessary procedures.

    IMANA say that turning off life support for patients deemed to be in a persistent vegetative state is permissible. This is because they consider all mechanical life support procedures as temporary measures.

    While turning off a life-support is allowed, hastening death with the use of certain pain-killing drugs is not allowed as this would equate to euthanasia.”

    Do istakhara, ask your father to do the same, discuss with family and elders and decide. My sincere sympathies!Recommend

  • Ayesha Pervez

    Heart wrenching blog, however I would advise against it, as life and death are in the hands of Allah. He is the all wise. The best thing can do is to give her as much of your time and read the holy text in abundance for her. InshaAllah, you, your mother and your family will be rewarded.Recommend

  • nudrat

    My heart cries for you and your family and believe me your family would be in my prayers from now onwards…. May Almighty Allah be with you and your family…. Please convince your father to let go your mother…. It will make things easier for you guys and for your mother too…. Islam is a religion that always prefers ease…I strongly vote for its favour !!!!Recommend

  • Omair Shakil

    Umair discontinuation of life support such as in the case of your mother is NOT euthanasia because the latter iran active process where a physician actively induces death either by prescribing medicines or using a medical device. Discontinuation of life support is a passive process where you allow nature to take its course.

    I completely disagree with what Salman has said. Firstly you are not taking your mother’s life, rather you are allowing nature/fate to take its course. (To come to think of it, keeping someone alive by the use of say artificial ventilation is more of an interference in fate than otherwise). Secondly, ventilation is an extremely painful process (the doctors probably have your mother in sedation to minimize her discomfort) so perhaps she is in more pain at the moment than she would be should she be allowed to drift to her creator. Thirdly, although I would hope it to be otherwise, your mother is oscillating between life and death. It would be unfair for you to think that you would be depriving her of life.

    I hope you are not offended; my only concern is that you or your family should not feel guilty over this situation. You are NOT killing your mother. You are allowing her to complete the journey that we all have to complete at one point of the other. Additionally you are making her more comfortable.

    This is a decision for your family to take in the best interest of your mother and yourselves. You and your sister have your lives in front of you and only after you let go will you and your sister be able to concentrate on becoming the children your mother would be proud. I am sure that she is at peace even now to have borne children whose dedication and love for their mother is admirable. I salute your courage and maturity and may God give you the strength to find a solution to this dilemma in a way that leaves you at peace with yourself.Recommend

  • Hubrah Siddiqui

    Respected victim,
    Not that I do not feel for you or your family’s state at the moment; but I comment as I can relate to your story.
    It is said that God does not burden a person with more pain than he/she can bear. How can you assume that this state is unbearable for your mother. She is in a coma, she can barely hear you. She does not feel the pain or unease you seem to gather out of her state. Just because you can’t bear to see your mother like this, does not mean she does not deserve to live anymore.
    My grand father went into coma, doctors gave up. We remained persistent and he started off praying five times a day -while in coma! M.A he is well now and living what God saved up for him.
    Stopping inevitable? Why the pessimism? You should be happy that at least their is one soul, still present that you can relate to as your mother. Do you realize the consequences on your sister’s future if society realizes she’s mother less? The importance of “mother” is innate, built in the needs we sometimes do not realize for ourselves. It is not important whether your mother reaches out to you. Just the fact that she exists is more than enough. I am a testimony to that!
    You think you can’t bear the thought that it will happen someday… If you end it now, you will always think of whether you did it too early; whether there was still hope; whether you tried all your best and whether it was the right thing to do. You would pray for just one more chance to see if God had maybe, just maybe tested your patience and planned a brighter future.
    If its about the inevitable… being a muslim, we all have to die. Then why is your life any more important than hers?!
    Two parts of taqdeer -the matter of life and death, and what you choose to do with them-. Your mother came down with the first one already written in her manual. Its better if you do not try to mess with that. The latter, you can influence. So be happy with the fact that you still get to see her face, she gets to hear you and feel your existence. You have no idea how that feeling heals her mentally and spiritually everyday; and how seeing her keeps you feeling protected and sheltered. Let it be… it was never under your or anyone’s control. So there is no point fretting about it. She will live for until its written. Don’t think you care about her more than Allah. He knows what is best for her, you and your family. This might not be your plan; but He is The best of planners! Trust Him, it’ll be fine i.A.Recommend

  • Reza Kazmi

    Such a heart breaking story.It was even difficult to go through the entire text as every new sentence brought more tragedy.We can all understand the sit.But since being muslims i wont go in favour of euthanasia and simple argument supporting this is Islam.Islam does not permit this.Its hard to even spend a moment like this but this has provided u enough chance to serve your mother and make better arrangements for the world here after.People in the past have passed through some more tragic times.Keep all this in mind.And most importantly dont loose faith.This faith has enough power to bring ur mother back sir.And i assure u that Mohammad o Aale Mohammad(A.S) k sadqe mai will get your mother back.
    It was just a suggestion.I would pray for ur mother and u as well that either she returns back to her life or is relieved through this painRecommend

  • Bisharat Baloch

    Dear Umair. I can totally understand what you are going through, as I have had a similar experience with a family member being in such a similar state. We all knew that he was never going to recover and that prolonging his life with artificial means was just prolonging the agony. All my siblings and elders held a meeting and we decided that it was best to remove all machine support. We also had the doctor provide large amounts of morphine to make him comfortable and so that he passed easily, as removal of ventilator was very painful. I think it was ethically and morally the right call.

    If you want some religious perspective, let me share some documents that I thoroughly went through while discussing. These were very helpful:

    http://www.iaari.hbi.ir/journal/archive/articles/v6s5ar3.pdf
    http://iiumedic.net/imjm/v1/download/Volume%2011%20No%201/IMJM%20Vol11No1-2012-p63-68.pdf
    http://www.asu.edu/clubs/bioethics/islamic.pdf
    Recommend

  • Ali

    Logically, the most appropriate thing to do would be to turn off the vent. The world will talk, ignore them. Listening to the world is the most useless thing to do in life. I’m pretty sure your mother will want the same for you guys. 9 years is a lot of time. She would never want to put you guys in so much distress. You and your sister are young. You have a career to make. The pain will be immense. The grief will be massive. But you guys WILL eventually move on. Trust me on this. Logically, this is the solution.

    If logic fails and religion has to prevail, go for an istikhara. That’s all you can do now.Recommend

  • BlackJack

    I can probably only feel a miniscule part of your pain, and it already makes my heart feel incredibly heavy. Although the same thoughts may have gone through my head if I were in your position, I cannot advise euthanasia without your father’s and siblings concurrence, as your actions could cause pain to those who are living and conscious; it has nothing to do with religion, but with doing the best for your family – and I don’t believe that suffering is part of God’s mysterious plan.Recommend

  • Trojan

    @Syed Farhan Ahmed:
    @Salman:
    @Pony Stark:
    In the era Sharia was laid down, the author’s mother would’ve been declared dead; it’s the modern day life support machinery that is keeping her going. Recommend

  • I.

    All my sympathies and prayers for your mother :)
    Look up into Quran.
    Do istakhara,it works!Recommend

  • Moazzam Salim

    If you believe in Allah then you should let her try to survive on her own. May be its you who is fighting the will of God! Kindly do not extend her misery by artificially keeping her alive. This may seem to be a heartless comment but really it is not taking of life if you remove the artificial life support systems. Recommend

  • Decatur

    Having been through the same misery I can understand how no words can heal your pain. I dont know if you have thought about this option or if it has been ever suggested to you earlier, but you can also think opt for euthanasia with organ donation. Many lives can be saved/prolonged and improved with the help of organ donation.
    And while taking a decision only consider/involve your immediate family. Recommend

  • Waqar Khan

    Dear friend and brother Umair Imran,

    I hope you will reflect on my message, but may Allah forgive me if what I say is not the correct word of guidance.

    You have said that your mom is on “life support”. Although I am not in medical profession I trust that means she is unable to sustain life without the external help of a machine which in some cases can be partial or total. Although not aware of your mother’s case but knowing she has been on it for a while makes me think it is total or close to that.

    You also said that your father is a religious man however you indicated that the reason he is unable to take a decision is because he is afraid…not of Allah or God…but of others in his social circle – what people will say or think of him?

    First let me try to address your father’s state of mind. He has only to fear Allah. Whether he decides to keep your mother on life support or not, he shouldn’t be under any social pressure or at least not worry about people, let that be the first change you must help him make.

    Now coming to the core issue – so here is what I think – and I ask forgiveness from Allah if it is not the correct word. First, euthanasia is used when “intervention” is involved to remove suffering and ease death. It therefore means that a person is given a dose of some sort that will take his life. Hence euthanasia in your mother case isn’t applicable as she will die without you intervening with a dose of something.

    Now the question of life support. I believe you should talk to the doctor and slowly reduce her dependence on it. And pray to Allah that He The Almighty sustain her as He is the giver of life and the taker of it. Let that be Allah’s Mercy on her, and if she doesn’t respond then leave it to Allah but have faith in Him that if He wills He and Only He can sustain life and never be afraid of anyone except Him.

    May Allah’s mercy be on your mother. Ameen.

    P.S: I have stood by my father’s death bed as his life support was gradually removed and I have Alhamdolillah no remorse nor regret as I pray to Allah to forgive me and him, for He is the Best Protector and All Knower of what is in our hearts.

    Assalam o Alaikum.Recommend

  • Parvez

    What would your mother have wanted at a time like this ? Decisions like this are very personal and only you and your closest family can decide. I would never venture to try and answer that question.Recommend

  • MZJ

    Umair,

    i genuinely feel sorry for your mom. I can only pray that she finds peace in this world and the Hereafter.
    But as someone above said, either you follow what the people believe and say or you follow what God Himself has ordered. The choice is yours. Just think about what answer will you have when Allah questions you over this.
    People say many things, but people themselves will be the ones who will be judged too. Unless you think that you know the laws of human life better than Allah, i would suggest you follow Quran’s guidelines.

    May Allah guide you and give your family peace and happiness.Recommend

  • Cynical

    @Umair Imran
    I am sure you will find the strength to take the right decision. Trust me your mother is proud to have a son like you.

    @Noman Ansari
    Thanks a million for the advice. Your’s is an enlightened soul.

    @Ayesha Pervez

    If there were a nobel prize for an ‘original random idea’ you would have won it ten times over. Recommend

  • sarfaraz

    Instead of listening to all and sundry in a blog….just go to Darul Uloom and talk to them about what fatwa is there on this situation..there are plenty of such cases around the world and plenty of fatwas. Or write to several shaikhs on IslamQ&A site. They advise on these things. i took advise from some religious scholars in ME when my father was in his terminal decline..
    Really this is not a subject of a blog please…however bad the situation…Recommend

  • Hana

    I can’t express how sad I became after reading your story. I don’t think anyone can feel the helplessness that your family is facing. You should not care about what society has to say, but only do what you feel is right for you and your family. Allah is the most merciful and even if what you are thinking is a sin, I am sure he will forgive you because you persisted in His trust for 9 years. I can’t imagine and have never heard of such a persistent love. He is Compassionate, you must always remember that!
    Give love to your father and siblings. We can only pray for divine help. Recommend

  • Hindu Indian

    @Author: I am really sorry to hear about your mom , I am a Hindu and personally believe that pain is a human thing and has nothing to do with religion :(. Having said that though God might have a thousand things planned for people, i would rather see my mom happily leaving the world than spending days in pain. Its my personal choice and i know letting ones mother is very tough. I hope you find solace in the fact that she will reach heavenRecommend

  • Haider

    Dear Umair,

    She would be proud of you. I have a mother that I love immensely and one can tell, by your writing, how much you love and care for yours. Do whatever it takes to make it easy on her & your family (in particular your little sister).

    @ Salman and some others: You’re an evil little toad for condemning the author for contemplating on making the hardest yet morally responsible choice. Keep your backward thoughts to the confines of a cave. Recommend

  • Outraged

    Do what the doctors tell you. Recommend

  • Afshan Aziz

    Dear bro, you say your mum is in a coma, which means she is sill alive, if she were on life support that is when you or the doctors would have forced artificial life onto her, but she is in a coma, a prolonged unconsciousness. She’ll wake up or leave when its time, Allah does not test His believers for what they cannot handle, besides “azmaish” is for those closest to Allah, your father is right, this is a very hard time for all of you, it will and INSHALLAH it will pass, you all need to hang in there and pray to Allah for mercy. Am sure you and family will have already gone to every extent to bring her back, but bro its not going to work unless HE wills. Just recite Surah Yasin beside her bedside whenever and as much possible. It will make all your journeys easy and possible.

    I sincerely pray, hope & wish for your mother’s well being. May you all greet her with open arms and happy tears when she wakes up (InshAllah). Recommend

  • http://facebook Hira Mawra

    The details are really sad and heart drenching..bt the first thoughts which clicks in my mind are:
    “Zindagi aur moat Allah k hath ma hai”
    “Allah kisi ko b uski bardasht sy zada nahi azmata”
    “mayosi gunnah hai”
    Last two thoughts are v v diff to retain.. we start to think that we are not strong enough to bear more..bt we are indeed.. is baat ka mind ma rakhna zarori hai cuz Allha jo kr raha hai beshak wo hamaray haq ma sub sy behtareen hai. This thought really helps. As a kid and as a teenager we dream that life is going to b v smooth n beautiful..bt this is not life just fantasies.. life is what are through..now extracting the happiness and warmth out of it is for what we are sent here. Life will never get beyond this. Seeing others and cursing our fate is not something worth doing. Our life is what we have, what we have to bear and what we have to fix. This is a simple philosophy of life. Understanding it means living life prosperously.
    Euthanasia is something not legal and it shouldn’t be either. Allah asani farmai is family k haq ma. Allah un ki mother k haq ma asani farmai. Insaan ki zindagi Allah ki amanat hai.is fact py zindagi rokni nahi chahiye. For their mothers sake kids strive karn. Education complete karn n support father. Because he is alone. Unky partner ki support nahi rahi un k sath. Wo kami pori nahi ho sakti, bt kids ko strive krta daikh k unhn b himat milay gi k zindagi khatam nahi hoi.baqi hai. Allah asani farmai ga I.A. baqi is umeed py mayoos hona k wo nahi mil sakta jo kabi phly tha.. ye ghalat hai. Bx achay ki umeed honi chahiye kyun k insaan soch us Rab ki hikmat tak nahi pohnch sakti..hoga wohi jo wo chahay ga. Aur insaan waisa sochta nahi. Waisa nahi hota tou insaan budguman ho jata hai. bx achay ka guman karn n expectations r not always fulfilled. Bht mushkil hai bt dua n achay guman k ilawa kuch nahi kr saktay in halat ma.Recommend

  • http://peddarowdy.wordpress.com Anoop

    The only person you have to seek forgiveness from is yourself, even if forgiveness is really warranted.

    Body withers, but what we really grow attached to is the soul. You have to decide if your mother is really her anymore.

    I am sure you will make the right decision, whatever it is. Because whatever you choose will be the right decision. People cannot take wrong decisions out of Love. Love, I sense, is in plenty.Recommend

  • Brett Lee Gilgit

    Dear tears were rolling down and I was biting my nails while reading your story. I’m speechless and don’t have words to explain the pain. But may I dare to say being a Muslims we believe everything happens for cause, it all about Allah’s will,,,,,,You have top-notch doctors they can give the best advice under such situation,,,,, I know it’s an unbearable pain but try to digest the heavy dose dear,,,,Your mother soul will be happy only if u and ur siblings managed a smile on your face,,,,,,Wherever you are may you seek happiness, health and long life,,,Regards Aman Ali IslamabadRecommend

  • Ahmed Ali

    Dost, removing her from life-support is not euthanasia. That’s legal in Pakistan, and permitted in Islam. If your father is a religious man, tell him its better to take her off life-support. I’ve seen people start breathing on their own and recover in such cases.
    On the other hand, if she is in a coma. I don’t think she is feeling any pain or misery, that’s just a vegetative state, no one should be worried about it. And I have trouble understanding why she’s been in a hospital since 9 years. They usually keep people in hospitals who are unstable, and no one can stay unstable for 9 years.Recommend

  • Maryam

    Do Istikhara. Its the best way to solve ANY problem.Recommend

  • Hubrah Siddiqui

    Miracles happen brother.. its only fair that you give God a chance.Recommend

  • Historian 1

    Before sometime there were no “life support systems” available. I feel sorry but let your mother take the natural course and die if this has to happen. This will be hard for sometime but will bring you out of this hapless situation and to concentrate on your lives. Please don’t go for religious people God cannot be so harsh as they perceive. Recommend

  • Super Heroine

    Dear Umair,

    May Allah Bless your mother with health, you and your family with patience, peace and happiness … Aameen.
    If you take example of Prophet Hazrat Ayub (A.S), he suffered from a disease in which his whole body was wounded and there were worms inside his wounds can you imagine the pain he was going through… as he was conscious at that time and was able to express but he never said things like why mee….
    If euthanasia was permissible in Islam then I believe Allah must had sent his message through his prophets or in Quran…. Allah has not given this choice in the hands of humans He is the one who decides what’s the best time for a person to leave this world.
    I suggest you to continue praying for your mother…. Recite Quranic Ayats and give sadqa in her name Insha Allah whatever will be best for the whole family that will happen soon… Recommend

  • Haseeb Talal Khan

    Dear brother, i can feel your pain and agony, and my heart goes out for you. but in my opinion, you should euthanise your mother and let go her pain…Allah will forgive you, since its been 9 years, and you had tried your best…

    i can imagine exactly what are you are going through, but you have to take a bold decision to save your family from further damages…..May Allah be with you always…Aameen…Recommend

  • Ahmed

    Ethunasia is ending someone’s life when they are still mentally lucid and capable of understanding whats happening to them but are suffering from some non treatable illness which would eventually kill them very painfully like cancer. What you are talking about is removing the life support for someone who is by all definition already passed on. It would be ethunasia if you were to remove the life support and she was able to breath on her own and in that case it would be wrong since she will not be able to take part in the decision of how her life should end. That is why we should all while we are available let our family members know how we would want them to proceed if something like this ever happened to us.Recommend

  • http://www.pkhope.com Tashbih ul Hassan Kazmi
  • DM

    @Afshan Aziz:
    I would agree with you but I would add this.

    I have been blessed with the impossibles in my life only with prayers. ALHAMDULILLAH.
    I have experienced that the dua made in the late hours of night, i.e. TAHAJJUD is never left unanswered. You should go for this and seek recovery for your mother from her coma. I believe Allah can do anything, He has all the powers, to heal her or to take away her soul and to end your long test. Allah knows best. But believe me brother, I advise u like a younger brother, Allah is testing you all and you should ask for His mercy in the late hours every night. NAG HIM IN YOUR PRAYERS. HE responds when HIS servant NAGS HIM in prayers, because HE ALONE CAN GIVE YOU.

    Besides, do whatever you can to please Allah. He loves you 70 times more than a mother could. Its only we who do not listen to HIM. Try to start learning His book, learn what HE is saying to us through His book. Make a true intention to start it, Allah will be pleased with you, InshaAllah.
    Hazrat Ayub R.A was tested for a long period in his life, but He never gave up and continued praying to Allah. Recommend

  • Hussain Ali

    Dear
    I can feel that since long time you have been suffered and still suffering from this grief. But you know that our religion has taught us that we should always treat our parents with kindness in any case. I am sure that ALLAH SWT will rewards you all these sorrow and distress with blissful and prosperity. I can also imagine that now you have reached to the final limit and things are coming difficult to endure it more. While posting these comments I dont know why my mind repeatedly remained me that I should write that euthanise is not the solution and if you did so even unintentionally you will never forgive your self may be your mother or other sibs will.
    I can pray that ALLAH SWT grant you courage and health to your mother, Ameen. Recommend

  • http://www.apnidharti.com alina

    A.A God bless your family!Recommend

  • http://xerics.blogspot.com/ Xeric

    A heartbreaking peice.
    i feel sorry for your loss and pray that even though by some miracle, your mother may walk again.

    Ethunasia? The question is not whether you should go for it or not, if you feel for her so strongly while she is ‘alive’, the question i ask you is, will you stop feeling for her once you finally make her go?

    Also think about those who are away from their mothers even though they are healthy, atleast you can sit near her, hold her hands and cry in her lap; not many have such ‘luxury’ to avail.Recommend

  • Helper

    From a religious point of view, there is nothing wrong with removing your mother’s life-support system at all, it is permissible. Here’s an article I looked up for you, written by an internationally recognized and respected Mufti Sahab in South Africa.

    http://askimam.org/public/question_detail/18347Recommend

  • DM

    Brother, also listen to this, it really works.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XshOFqvpOoQ Recommend

  • Erum tahir

    Extremely mixed feelings reading your article.Deeply touched me… It’s very easy to comment but your family went through so much suffering.truth is, even if one person has fever, the atmosphere at home starts looking depressing and what you shared is so tragic . You are right, one thinks what should be done in this situation,even sayin it feels wrong but then nine years looking at her growing weak also must be unbearable. It’s brave of you to share …. .Incidents like these truly make us realize our life is worth nothing….this accident changed your life and reading it must have opened the eyes of many .Recommend

  • Amistad Revive

    I can to some extent relate to it. We humans are very weak and can at times not live up to the standards of books. Do what you think is good for your family, and know that Allah is extremely merciful to his beings – innamal aamal o bin neeyat.Recommend

  • Rani Khan

    The family should now move on. It is not natural and practical to hold on to her when she is already gone. The reason everyone has been so miserable and unable to go on is because they have not buried a person, there has not been a due closure for them. In my humble opinion, she is being kept artificially alive through a life-support system as she is unable to breathe and function on her own so she is probably clinically dead.

    This should have come earlier, It really kills to see how each member has been affected, prolonged illness (so to speak) of a family member, it can wrench apart anyone.

    Please take the decision. Allah is understanding, merciful and forgiving. Recommend

  • Dante

    I’m going to tell you something heartless. But it is reality.

    Discontinuation of life support is not akin to euthanasia. In your mother’s case, all medical efforts may be futile. I cannot make a strong comment here as I am unaware of the medical course other than just being in “coma”. But if many physicians have already told you the negative, that’s what most like it is.

    How I have done discontinuation of life support is switch off all measures that sustain life (e.g. turn off mechanical ventilator if that is used to sustain breathing) and make the dying person as comfortable and pain free as possible during last moments. This is standard. In almost all cases, it was agreed upon by everyone including family that continuation is not only futile, but may actually be uncomfortable and painful for patient (unless completely brain dead, which for all practical purposes is actual death). The other point is, if for a miracle the person recovers, what would the quality of life be? It’s also a massive question to consider.

    And no, that does NOT mean killing your mother. That just means allowing nature to take its course. And this hopefully will not be a taboo thing. Euthanasia is a definite taboo, however. It is considered as such in America also.

    Sorry for a direct answer to your question. I couldn’t be more heartless. But I am speaking to you as a physician and I believe sustaining a life that cannot be retrieved will not bring the life back, and patient the dying person very uncomfortable.Recommend

  • Mubashar

    Reading this article just broke my heart. At the same time, it prompted me to do a quick web search on euthanasia and Islam because regardless of everything we might say, Islam still is very important and none of our decisions should go against what our religion tells us. Although there are many different views on euthanasia, I believe this one will help you make your decision:

    According to the Islamic Medical Association of America (IMANA) “When death becomes inevitable, as determined by physicians taking care of terminally ill patients, the patient should be allowed to die without unnecessary procedures.”
    IMANA say that turning off life support for patients deemed to be in a persistent vegetative state is permissible. This is because they consider all mechanical life support procedures as temporary measures.
    While turning off a life-support is allowed, hastening death with the use of certain pain-killing drugs is not allowed as this would equate to euthanasia.

    source: http://www.bbc.co.uk/religion/religions/islam/islamethics/euthanasia.shtml

    May Allah help you in making the best possible decision :)Recommend

  • Riaz

    Assalaim Ailakum,

    Allah aap ki mushkilaat assan kare(ameen).

    It is a painful experience I can relate . I just want to SHARE my own experience. My mother got cancer when I was 17. As being the youngest(only) daughter I was close to her . She was healthy and working woman. She was religious and patient. She got Cancer due to stones in gall bladder and I prayed for her health. She said to me that I should pray for ease in her Death(mushkil aur takleef khatam hogaya). SHe denied the chemotheraphy and said that she would die ONE day then why not without hurting her. I wanted her to live long and got treated but she said that she did not want to burden her children and herself in financial, mental, and emotional aspects. She wanted to die without pain. I started to pray for that her wish came true. During her last months she did not talk to me alot so that I got used to her. SHe said very calmly that everyone has to die so do not worry.Two weeks before her death She was not even able to recognize me . She was in PAIN. I do not know but I saw that my father and my brother gave her the INJECTION(do not know whats in it) to ease the pain after which she went into the coma. Then after these two weeks she died during the month of Ramazan according to her dua.

    Now I think she is in a good place. I would not recover from that loss. It effects me in every aspects of my life. However, Allah has given me the Best MOM and he has taken her because this world is not real and people hut nice ones.( whatever the reason). she deserves the best place. I am happy that my father and brother ease her life.

    My sweet seventeen year became a Year of Loss after which it is clear that no human would loves you as your mother do. Only Allah is with you. He will loves you,test you,punish you, and rewards you. Have faith and pray.

    I am on the verge of tears but dua karte hoon ki allah reham kare aur Assan kare app ki family ki life and aap ke Mother ki takleef khatam kare aur jo unke liyae behtar hai woh kare.(Ameen)

    Please FORGIVE me, If my words are wrong ,I do not want to hurt anyone.Recommend

  • Dr. Khan

    Dear brother,

    Really sorry to read about the tragedy your family is undergoing. I’m a practicing muslim and a doctor who works in the ICU. From what I can understand she is on life support aka at least a ventilator if not more. All these are artificial ways of keeping someone alive. Back in the days of the Prophet there was no such technology and when people got sick like this they were allowed to pass away naturally.

    Withdrawing life support is not any different from withholding it. Every day lots of patients die in Pakistan as they cannot afford to go on a ventilator and many of them have reversible causes. That’s not euthanasia so this isn’t either. If you take your mom off the ventilator you won’t be killing your mom. If she lives off the ventilator she lives – if she doesn’t then it was her time. At this time you should focus on comfort care while still not actively giving her any medications meant solely to accelerate her passing away. It’s a grave and complex situation but remember Allah knows our intentions and we will be judges according to that. May Allah help you make the right decision.Recommend

  • Ahsen Tanoli

    I can’t comment anything but your questions jolted my conscience.Recommend