9 reasons why I am not a Twilight fan

Published: August 31, 2010

A seventeen year old high school student with a centuries old man. Pedophilia, anyone?

1. The length: One fine morning Stephanie Meyer woke up from a nightmare and told herself she could write. The product was the Twilight series. Inundated with horrible grammatical errors and overused adjectives the plot (or lack thereof) has been extended over four books. It  is excruciating.

2.Pedophilia: If it isn’t a seventeen year old falling in love with an old vampire, it is a werewolf falling for an infant. The author needs therapy for her convoluted imagination.

3. The hype: The frenzy around the books is inexplicable. What I fail to understand is how and when the human brain stooped so low as to obsess over a trashy piece of literature that is nothing but an assortment of clichéd themes. It is amazing how Twilight fans go rabid over the mere mention of the fact that the books totally suck.

4. The films: As if the books were not enough to torture the masses, some intelligent people thought it’s best to make movies out of them too and exploit teenage minds further

5. The feminism: Meyer has reduced the female lead in the book to a clumsy, irritating, dependent woman whose only purpose in life is to fall irrevocably in love with Edward and become a vampire herself.

6. The superficiality: The author is shamelessly superficial. Stephanie Meyer has created an Adonis so perfect, it surpasses all known standards. She has described and re-described Edward’s perfect features throughout the book

7. Vampire baseball: Seriously?

8. Ideology: The reinvention of vampires as urban, super heroes. With amazing cars and super powers the vampires are ‘vegetarians’ so they won’t suck human blood. Oh, and they sparkle in the sun.Give me a break.

9. Literary Comparisons: The comparison with the Harry Potter series is crazy. Twilight does not even begin to compare with the J K Rowling adventure.

Bushra Maheen Rahman

Bushra Maheen Rahman

A doctor from Peshawar who writes, blogs at www.pistaye.wordpress and tweets @MaheenRahman

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.

  • http://bakedsunshine.wordpress.com/ Shumaila

    Point 8 bugs me the most. May Anne Rice strike Meyer dead for this blasphemy against traditional vampire lore.

    LESTAT FOREVER!!!Recommend

  • Colgaze

    i just can’t thank you enough…..now i believe i am not the only victim of pathological hate for twilight ….imagine four friends decides a movie night because one of their friend is leaving for country ..happens to watch Twilight…what a night to remember !!! and baseball …my 19 year old brother loved it…but he loved Lord of the rings too ?Recommend

  • http://syedaabidabokhari.wordpress.com/ The Only Normal Person Here.

    10. if you haven’t read/ seen it, no matter how much you loathe it. You are an outcast among your peers.Recommend

  • Kamila

    The book covers – they look so cool on the outside – they are so lame on the inside.
    The INTENSE wanna-be emo style monosyllabic conversation.
    Bella’s taste in men – why choose a sickly pale dead man who treats you like an object when you can have a hot younger man wolf who adores you?

  • I hate Twilight

    The fourth book anyone? Absolute slaughter of a lame but bearable series. The fourth book was full of porn!Recommend

  • Muhammad Ali Zahid

    Very well written Maheen. It is really a total eclipse of the mind :pRecommend

  • sami

    Give me break too man, film genre n nothing.Customs n tradition changes, they r in the market of competition, they not suffering frm oligopoly n stuff like tht, they need to do something different, to make the film availble on the list of BOX OFFICE chart…
    wat i can say, when everybody have decided to to walk on the road of cynicism, jst keep walking….Paedophilia or Pedophilia.I think tht 9Critque feminine or masculine ain’t seen the American Pie series…whn it was realeased, it got the Pedophilia kind stuff…

    If all u think like, you give ur self break to holiday, go through DarkKnight, Super Man, Fantastic Four and 2012..Recommend

  • khaleeq

    WAs it worth Publishing??Recommend

  • Mustafa

    Sure you’re a fan … as are all girls. It’s not unlike having a really bad crack addiction. I’ll bet you all are just waiting for your next fix … right?Recommend

  • SS

    Similarly you woke up this morning writing off this piece…
    wondering u r of much importance people will reach out to know ur reason of “disinterest” ….Recommend

  • http://awgilani.wordpress.com Syed Abdul Wahab Gilani

    Pedophilia ;p Nice one. I dislike this movie too.Recommend

  • http://www.TheIdeaArtist.com Umair Kazi

    Bushra, thank you for a refreshing change of pace from the otherwise tragic blog posts that have been dominating the lists here at Tribune.
    While we’re at it, thought I’d fire up the old school fantasy rivalry once again..
    Twilight < Harry Potter < Lord of the RingsRecommend

  • sumbul ateeq

    Thank GOD for putting this up.. i was beginning to think i was the only twilight loather out there.Recommend

  • sidra

    thank you for making this official!! my ears cringe whenever i hear anything related to twilightRecommend

  • http://www.tanzeel.wordpress.com Tanzeel

    10th thing: Grow up!Recommend

  • Ghausia

    You forgot to mention the fact that Bella is infatuated with someone who displays stalker/abusive boyfriend tendencies.

    Bushra, you should watch the parody Vampires Suck. I cried with happiness and laughter, specially at the ending.Recommend

  • Devil’s Advocate

    I understand you are not a big fan of the series, but you are a professional writer (I assume) and hence your critique should not be vehement and hateful, rather it should objectively analyzed.
    The facts speak for themselves.

    This series has sold over a million copies.
    I am not saying this series is a amazing piece of literature, but then again in these turbulent times of economic uncertainty and God knows what else, most people just want to be distracted.

    The fact that the book lacks a convoluted plot and still manages to enthrall a plethora of readers proves that Stephanie Meyer is nothing short of brilliant.

    Please note, I am not calling this series a brilliant masterpiece. I am just pointing out that it takes a genius author to lure out a mass audience following.

    Maybe your article should be directed more towards the choices of people rather than the book itself?

    Just a thought :)Recommend

  • http://twilightnewssite.com James

    The assumption that there is no value in the Twilight saga, simply because you don’t get it, is not reasonable. I think some readers of Twilight may misunderstand the series. Academically speaking, Twilight is a God-and-man allegory showing Bella — an unreliable narrator, with an unpolished narrative style — who reaches divinization through commitment, love, and sacrifice. The key here though is that she, like many people, fails even to see her own self very clearly (as her Edward points out often) until the very, very end of Breaking Dawn. You will notice many references to lying in the series, suggesting that Bella is “lying,” or at least incorrect in how she sees things. The surprising thing, at least to me, is that so many people believe her wholeheartedly. It concerns me when a cultural milestone like this awakes so many in our culture, yet is so widely misunderstood by its critics that it is criticized not on what it offers, but on what (they imagine) it doesn’t offer. For example, feel free to visit TwilightNewsSite.com and have a look at the Meaning area, or listen to a recent podcast. There is more there than meets the eye. Which is Meyer’s main point — for Bella, for the series, and for each of her careful readers who she rewards in remarkably profound ways. Recommend

  • Marvi Imran Khan

    hahhahahaha i definitely agree to this particular peice of personal judgment!! i bought the whole set of Twilight saga…as my cousions suggested it was a great peice…sumthing that was upto the level of Harry Potter series!!But it was a disapnmnt!! From the story cut-out to language!! All i could conclude from the story was..that a girl totally desperate…as she doesnt even knw if she was in love with a vampire or the werewolf,let alone the idea she couldnt fall in love with the human!!
    Although it was a diffrnt story line..not bad!! but still an absurd idea!Recommend

  • zargon

    løoks like u r one of the people who actually like it, going through all this pain to find small details about it. Yet you wanna show others you hate it, just to prove that you are different from others and not following the bandwagon!Recommend

  • Sarah B. Haider

    I hate the character Bela Swan from the core of heart!!! and the actress, she is an ugly piece of… :SRecommend

  • http://www.milk-n-cookies.blogspot.com Abeer Khan

    So glad someone came up with this! About time. Totally agree with reason no 1 and 8. I read the books only out of curiosity and discovered that half the planet had gone crazy over the worst story book of the century. No story. No character development. Damsel in distress scenario all the way. Bella is perhaps the worst literary model for girls. I wonder whether Bella might have spared Edward a second glance if he had been half as good-looking and happened to be a jharoo wala.(Somebody needs to write an alternate story on that theme!) Recommend

  • Hira Sayem

    I’m assuming you bothered to read them. Poor you. Recommend

  • anyportinastorm

    Correct me if I’m wrong but vampires are fictional beings. Although they have historical beginnings they are still far from real and as such the authors portrayal of them is just another take on what the masses consider to be the traditional vampire. These so called vampires were created to attract certain audiences and the facts speak for themselves. The books have been realistically written for thirteen year old girls but it appears that age isn’t a limit when it comes to fantasies of the perfect pale skinned, gelled hair, vegetarian vampires. In any case the book was written for the masses and not for intellectuals to mull over and discuss in their bi-weekly bookclubs. Recommend

  • Humbert Humbert

    2.Pedophilia: I see no problem here.Recommend

  • http://bakedsunshine.wordpress.com/ Shumaila

    Of course You wouldn’t, H.H. Found another twelve-year-old yet? :PRecommend

  • Ghausia

    I love how all the fans are trying to come across as casual bystanders that are logically stating clever reasons such as ‘allegorical representations’ to defend their beloved crapfest! It doesn’t matter where you are, there will always be tards in the world lol.Recommend

  • maham

    I loathe the twilight series quite unequivocally but I thought some of your reasons sounded rather pretentious. I mean pedophilia? really? pick up any vampire folk lore- vampires are meant to be ancient and their lovers from the contemporary era. Stephanie Meyers didn’t dream that up. And again reverting to vampire stories as have prevailed through popular fiction- vampires are supposed to be filthy rich too! beats me where they are supposed to “funded” from but its the way it is.
    i definitely concur with points 3,5 & 6 though.

    p.s. I read the first book and couldn’t bear it anymore. I mean I LOVE vampires I really do so twilight just seemed all the more nauseating! it’s such glorified mills and bones with a vampire twist. Trash but not even “quality” trash at that.Recommend

  • hadi Hussain

    I m highly obliged for this piece. Recommend

  • http://kww.com.pk Majeed Jamal

    twilight is a KIDS movie… it moves lazily.. ‘underworld’ is a real vampires series… now they shooting BREAKING DAWN to tease us one last time.. but one thing goes to their credit, they got Excellent ADVERTISERS…… Recommend

  • Shamsunissa Khatoon

    I’d never let me kids read Twilight series, especially Breaking Dawn! It’s a twisted porn novel, where a mother’s lover falls for her baby, who happens to be an infant. Was I the only one who found that part extremely disturbing?
    The idea of sparkly vampires, who happens to be “vegetarian”, own fancy sports cars, and the latest designer brands surpass the epitome of lameness. And are we seriously running out of good-looking/charming mortals that we needed to present an obsessive stalker of a dead man for teenage girls to fantasize about? The werewolf is no better; first he falls for the mother and then her daughter. Makes no absolutely no sense to me!Recommend

  • Faraz Ahmed

    Point 8 just kills the concept of a vampire :SRecommend

  • kace

    why is that u took out the time to read n watch all of it…makes me wonder if u r really a hater of the twilight saga?Recommend

  • Same League

    THANK YOU!!!!! Finally someone on the same page as I am. I am almost afraid to reveal my name, as I fear repercussions from my Twilight-Loving peers. :)Recommend

  • http://goldenpages-mubi.blogspot.com mubeshra

    hahaha good one..not being a twilight fan either..enjoyed read this article :) Recommend

  • http://aliadnan.wordpress.com Ali Adnan

    oh ! it so “relieving” (and a little bit shocking at first) that their are girls in this world who have some literary sense and think of twilight the way it is .. utter crap!

    And the guys who like it .. are “not” guys .. seriously!

    thanks :) u gave me hope that world is not devoid of sensible ppl yet :)Recommend

  • http://www.bytehood.com/ Shuaib

    It isn’t that bad. At least Bella is so hot in the movies. :PRecommend

  • will

    It got some teenage girls to read a long book. Harry Potter or Twilight, if it gets kids to read, why not? I say, big deal. Don’t over think it. Recommend

  • Hamood

    For destroying the centuries old genre of real vampires and turning them into feminine beings who sparkle in sunlight. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. So sick of twilight.