Which Taraweeh character are you?

Published: August 13, 2012
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At Taraweehs you will meet the holier-than thou, the child beater, the gas machine and so many more. DESIGN: ERUM SHAIKH

We are in the last week of the blessed month of Ramazan. All Muslims are usually sugar, spice and everything nice during this month and you can see this at masjids, iftars, Islamic talks and oh yes, let’s not forget at Taraweehs.

As I read the article Taraweeh Superstars” by Hamzah Moin, it reminded me of the characters in the masjids of Pakistan. I’d like to share some of them here and don’t hesitate in telling me how many of them you’ve found in your masjid!

The speedy Gonzalez:

My first Taraweeh in Pakistan was with one of these Imams. I won’t lie but I was the kid who would miss the Qiyaam and run to catch the Rukooh. However, over here the ‘Speedy Gonzalez’ had me stumped; he rushed through the Rukooh before I had even made my move! And as Hamzah Moin hilariously points out,

‘It’s hard to be in a prayer with a Speed Reader because your nose keeps bleeding due to constant change of altitudes. Rukooh. Standing. Rukooh. Standing. Rukooh. Standing. All under a minute. It’s also hard because it doesn’t really sound like the Qur’an. It’s as if the Imam is just humming and doing aerobics. After 20 rakats you notice your gut has disappeared and have a sizzling six-pack.’

Exactly my point.

Uncle Hitler:

This is the uncle who will be found sitting at the back, beating up noisy and problematic kids, with the help of Mr Spank or Mr Danda. However, what never ceases to amuse me is the fact that Uncle Hitler won’t pray even after the children have been calmed down! Maybe he comes to the mosque simply to let go of some of the anger he has been holding on to.

The walking weapon of mass destruction:

Oh man, where should I start? This guy has eaten three lions for iftaar – no kidding! He has had dinner – either biryani or haleem – with lots of onions and garlic and has decided that the proper time to let all the gas out is during Taraweeh.

The people around him usually have burnt nostril hair and watery eyes. I wonder if the US is actually looking for this man as he definitely has some weapons of mass destruction in his belly.

Maybe he should be deployed to the tribal belt – it would definitely save us on ammunition cost

The so called religion master:

This guy probably has no knowledge of Islam whatsoever but when it comes to correcting your prayers using random sources, he is your man! I don’t know which dark corner he picks to watch you pray, but while you are happily pleasing Allah (SWT), this guy will find every opportunity to hiss at you calling on you to repeat your prayers because you ‘did it wrong’. Apparently, your Islamic education is not authentic and he has taken on the very noble task to guide your poor misguided soul.

Mr Hulk:

This guy usually walks in with a frown on his face, glaring at the world around him with bloodshot eyes. Perhaps it is because he did not want to come for Taraweeh but was forced to do so by his mum/wife? Or maybe he stubbed his toe on the way in? Or could it be that he filled his lota with hot water while doing  wuzu (ablution)?

I’m really not sure what the reason behind his demeanour is, but what I do know is that he is angry – very angry. He is definitely not one to make small talk with. Stay clear away from him!

These are just the few people I have met at Taraweehs who I am able to recall. If anyone can add to this cast, please do leave a comment and add your favourite member to the list!

Follow Adil on Twitter @icekold_adil

Mohammad Adil Islam

Mohammad Adil Islam

A satirist and first year medical student at Rashid Latif Medical College who used to be a cricketer for Saudi Arabia and played a List A match for Lahore. He has no wisdom teeth and enjoys writing about politics and cricket. He tweets @icekold_adil

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