If you can’t marry, don’t date

Published: August 27, 2012

We often fall in love without thinking much about our differences that may result in a sad ending. PHOTO: AFP

Not all love stories have a happy ending, nor can any of us foresee the fate of our love. Ye, I believe that sometimes the actors of the love story are not entirely committed to the beautiful end at all – they have no desire to get married but are just in the relationship to have a good time.

We often fall in love without thinking much about our differences that may result in a sad ending. To me that is perfectly normal, because no one plans to fall in love and it just happens. While the couple may take all the possible steps to ensure that their differences can be worked out (for example family, social status, religion) it does not always end up in success and, well, that is what life is all about.

So when I see individuals struggling to persuade their loved ones to accept their preferences for a life partner, I feel sympathetic for them.

However, I also come across couples where one of them is in the relationship for “passing the time”, as they call it. Now this attitude is something I take serious offence to.

Some people are raised in families where inter-family marriage is considered more of a mandate than a norm. So when boys and girls are brought up within these families, they have a fair idea that they are going to eventually marry their cousin or a close relative. Most of them also usually don’t have any inclination towards breaking away from this tradition and they respect it.

Having said as much, some of these young boys and girls, frustrated by their forthcoming arranged marriages, tend to use their pre-marriage time to experience falling in love, by orchestrating a “falling in love” episode for themselves. The sad part, however, is that there is always an innocent party that has no idea that they are being used and are destined to be ‘dumped’ on usually the following pretexts:

Ami nahin maani.”

(My mom did not agree).

Meri behan ko talaq ho jayeigi agar mainey khandan mein shadi nahin ki.”

(My sister will get divorced if I don’t marry in the family.)

Tum humaray zaat ki nahin ho.”

(You are not from our cast.)

Now let me tell you that these excuses are often prepared way in advance to be used once the time is right. They are like a packet of instant noodles that will be quickly cooked and served to you just as needed.

Doesn’t this complete disregard for the other partner’s feelings seem nothing short of cruelty?

I have also come across people who believe that they are doing nothing wrong, because the opposite party knows very well that it is not going to work out, and so they are equally responsible for their fate. Well, I beg to differ here. Nobody wants a bad ending to their love story. Often it is the naive girls who keep on thinking that a miracle will happen if they keep hanging on to their relationship. Miracles might happen if the desire to get married is authentic on both sides, but I guess they don’t realise that the key ingredient – that is the will of the other -is often missing for the miracle to happen.

So here is my request to everyone out there who is in a relationship just ‘to pass the time’; please have some mercy on your willing partner. If you do not have the guts to convince your family to allow you a choice for a life partner, do not punish someone else for it. Be honest with your boy/girlfriend and don’t assume that they have the same motives as you to be in this sham of a relationship.

Read more by Nadia here.


Nadia Rizwan

The author is currently pursuing her PhD in Marketing and is a Lecturer at an Australian University.

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.

  • And Justice For All

    Girls are as much to blame as guys for failed relationships these days. There are certain schools and colleges here in Lahore where a girl is considered an outcast if she does not have at least one boyfriend and if she cannot get a few guys running after her at all times. This has become the cultural norm for this supposedly ‘elite’ section of the society and has led to many failed relationships because these girls are hardly in class 8 (in some cases class 5 and 6) when they start all this. Call it peer pressure or bad upbringing but the fact of the matter is that these girls are ready to enter in to a relationship on a whim and also exit the relationship anytime (for another more financially feasible option or other materialistic reasons).Recommend

  • from India

    @ABkhan: Which Raja you are talking about ? Can you name a few ? See if you’re religion permits incestuous marriages then whom am I to say anything ? But, that doesn’t the change the fact that such relationships are termed as incest. Recommend

  • Sarah B. Haider

    @Doctor: I don’t believe in injustices. Yeah, and I would rather want a daughter.Recommend

  • Zeeshan

    It literally felt like it was written by my ex-girlfriend.Recommend

  • AK


    The strikingly similar situation I can completely relate to as I was recently dumped by my shia boyfriend because he couldn’t handle the situation. Wish he had the courage to stand up for something he believed in.

    Your girl is very lucky.

    Such support coming straight from a guy is rare! Good luck.Recommend

  • Hammad

    @ Xara, can you please explain, How can some one marry without knowing the other person? How can some one love the other person without dating( in my dictionary ‘meeting’ a girl is dating)? Who amongst us knows the future? Even if the Guy has innocent intention, things might turn out the other way. The Girls MOM might need a tycoon to marry her child. Man disposes, God Disposes. Recommend

  • jeay bhutto

    Dear All

    I have recently been in a situation like this and was accused of my ex girl friend of the same thing “Time paaaaaasssss”.
    First of all let me summarise what happened. I was free(or jobless) i got to know this girl, we went out(more than) a few times. Nothing physical happened, it was all very decent and polite. WE had fun and enjoyed eachothers company. Suddenly on our 5th or 6th date she starts telling me that i am a play boy because i have dated other girls before and this and that and that she needs a commitment from me. Naturally i was hesitating because these girls tend to be crazy with this word “commitment” and so after a very long debate i agreed that i will commit and by that i explained that i mean i am commited to this relationship and nothing beyond a relationship, and remember i wasnt getting any action from her, big sacrifice on my part, you see.
    About a month ago i start hearing from her that she has had a few proposals for marriage and her family is pressuarizing her into giving in and telling her that the guy is good and he’s some big shot in the govt and this and that. Now i have just recently joined a new job after quitting 2 or 3 and have the responsibility of a fledgling career on my shoulders and this chick is indirectly asking me to marry her, knowing all well my position. And btw she herself said that her family only married into their own caste, and me being a pathan am obviously destined for the same fate. And this was understood right from the start. I explained to her that i cant do anything because i am not ready to marry anyone at the moment or even after an year and i wished her all the best. IF the guy is as good as she tells me, she has struck gold and has all my best wishes. Now she has the audacity to say that i am not faithful and that she is suffering because of me and i have had all the fun, when God knows that i\ve not had any type of fun, if you know what i mean. She’s getting married to a big shot, is getting rid of me without any fuss, has had the same fun that i’ve had and is accusing me of not being faithful.
    Now let me explain the concept of marriage and dating. Dating is a western concept where you donot get married to everyone you date. You try to build a steady relationship and see if you get serious and the time comes to take the next step, consider a marriage proposal. CONSIDER a marriage proposal OK. but here in this part of the world we try to mix things up. Girls try to take benefit of both eastern traditions as well as western traditions. NO DATING in our culture, ONLY MARRIAGE. DATING in western culture, NO GUARANTEE of marriage. Now please explain all this to the girls of our country so we may have a peaceful life

  • Sana

    @jeay bhutto:
    what do you mean by “i am commited to this relationship and nothing beyond a relationship”… can you ellaborate?
    Did you mean friendship? when people date, they are more than friends, may be not having “the thing” but atleast have some love for eachother. No one is stopping you being friends with a girl and keeping it clear that you are friends only.
    You are a typical confused guy, pulling west and east together … wants to have fun with a female but will always marry a girl of his mother’s choice (the one who preferably has never been in love before).Recommend

  • Vikram

    . All our problems are created by not following Islam but giving in to the freewheeling tendencies of premarital dating, premarital sex, etc that were ok for our infidel ancestors but not ok for our current society in Pakistan where we are trying to build a true Islamic society.

    Can Islam control puberty in boys and girls? Religions can’t control hormones or sexual desires. Even burqa, lashing people for doing it or stoning people, cutting clitorises, honor killings have not stopped people from doing it. Do you look away when a woman is coming towards you. That is against a man”s nature. Even religious police can’t make a difference. It will be better for parents to allow kids to meet so they can have some control. Fear pushes people to meet secretly in secret places and first thing they do is……..Recommend

  • tj

    spot on! this is the story 95% of pakistani guys tell to their girls ..ami nhi maani..they should be hangedRecommend

  • Vikram

    @Hammad: How can some one marry without knowing the other person?

    In Western countries people date, sleep together for years, then get married and get divorced after few months. I am not saying people should not date, but it should be a “date” to know each other mentally. Recommend

  • jeay bhutto

    What has friendship got to do in this context???? I am friends with lots of girls doesnt mean i go out on dates with them, hold hands, make out or say i love you to them.
    By nothing beyond a relationship i mean no commitment for marriage, how can you marry someone you have known for 6 or 7 months and probably the timing is not important in this context, the main thing is that its a time in my life when i cant commit to a long term engagement with someone. And i did not feel like we could carry on long after she started telling me that she has rishtas coming. After all when i cant give her a marriage proposal why stand in the way of one. She most likely calls me unfaithful because i dumped her first. Had it been the other way round i am sure you would have been more understanding, saying stuff like “O but marriage was her priority and this is Pakistan, here you cant keep on a relationship with out the guarantee of a marriage”
    My advice to you is please dont get in a relationship if you are the sort of girl who has the “Khaabon ka raja” and “ghori pe bitha k le jayega” mentality ingrained into her brain by her great grandmother who inturn got it from her great grandma through years and years of eastern wisdom. Relationship and dating are fun things for a couple, dont suck the fun out of them by the constant bickering about commitment and marriage. If you are so afraid of getting dumped dont date.Recommend

  • http://8f3e1j0lr0hrex52swr9q--d6l.hop.clickbank.net/ suzy wong

    i totally agreeRecommend

  • http://8f3e1j0lr0hrex52swr9q--d6l.hop.clickbank.net/ suzy wong

    How can some one marry without knowing the other person? How can some one love the other person without dating( in my dictionary ‘meeting’ a girl is dating)? Who amongst us knows the future? Even if the Guy has innocent intention, things might turn out the other way. The Girls MOM might need a tycoon to marry her child. Man disposes, God Disposes.Recommend

  • Samia

    @jeay bhutto:
    ahan, so a girl should hang around with you so you can have fun without commitment. So lets take a lesson from this article, next time you date a girl, just tell her that you are in it for fun and only fun. I am sure she will never tell you that you were passing time and dump you instead? Is that difficult? perhaps yes because “phir chance kaisey lageyga!”

    great articleRecommend

  • jeay bhutto

    No a girl should hang around with me so both of us can have fun and [email protected] chance kaisay lageyga…. i am not a karachite, i dont talk like thatRecommend

  • Salman

    Thank You.Recommend

  • Someone Anyone Everyone

    As a personal experience i will also advise to refrain from Dating that you know, can not materialize in marriage cause in the end for the both parties involved it becomes an emotional remorse and a life long guilt even if you are happily married to someone your parents selected for you cause of the ‘memories’ you spent with that ‘once a loved one’ and the thoughts that ‘what if have not married to this brat my parents chose’ second thoughts :( it makes your life miserable as these thoughts keep on coming back after every fight with the ‘one that your parents chose’ …Recommend

  • Noor

    If we understand the Quran’s verdict that behind every opposition to violation of Allah’s instructions is Satan, we may save ourselves from many, which are presented to us beautifully.

    What stops us from obeying Allah????????Recommend

  • http://- Asad

    Suggest if a person wants to secure “her” future by not getting married, because after marriage his family will not let them happy or there will be no respect of her at that standard, how he should proceed and what he should do whether finish all love or refuse to family?Recommend

  • Atika

    Well from your description it looks like you dont have the courage to demand respect for your life partner. So to begin with, you should have stayed a shareef boy and gotten married straight away to the girl who your family would choose and respect. Now that it seems you have a girl in your life, yes do her a mercy and explain to her how spineless you are and how marrying to you is going to be a nightmare for her. and if she wants to live with those problems then isn’t that problem solved for you? marry her.Recommend

  • Talha Qrshad Awan

    @Bookie: That’s exactly what happened in “Love Aaj Kal”

  • Vikram

    @Someone Anyone Everyone: As a personal experience i will also advise to refrain from Dating.

    Life is not a piece of cake. Most people in Western countries date (and sleep together) for years, but get divorced few months/ years after they married. Love/dating marriages fail too.

    You should focus on the good moments you had with your date and enjoy good memories.

    Dating is good as long as people don’t try to use other person.

    If some one already knows he is going to marry his cousin, he should tell the girl. She may still have a fling with you if she is in the same boat, waiting to get married to her cousin.Recommend

  • Vikram

    @suzy wong: “How can some one marry without knowing the other person? How can some one love the other person without dating( in my dictionary ‘meeting’ a girl is dating)? Who amongst us knows the future? Even if the Guy has innocent intention, things might turn out the other way. ”

    How can one become good friends with starngers. I mean every freind one has is a stranger at one time. What love means to you? People usually want to date people they find attarctive/loving.Recommend

  • Rahim Virani

    @jaey bhutto

    ur situation was normal .. if u r a player … then stay as a player … if girl want commitment then move on … get another fling u know … this is pakistan … i can understand how u feel when girl ask u for the commitment and you cant commit … try to get some wannabies girls so you can have a good time and fun as i can see from your story .. u want to stay as a player but no guts … so get a LIFE BRO Recommend

  • http://- Asad


    Thanks for concern . . .
    Problem is that they both know each other problems in detail as they are in relation form more then 4 years now, but still hoping for positive in their favors besides her family do think like guy’s family, even when her family got to know about them they banned her to come college as well.. but later on they got agreed to carry on with her studies to complete ONLY..
    I am in one of representative from guy side, but don’t know how to convince the his family to go to her home. Mean while her more then 2 proposals in line..

    Well remember them in prayers as well. I purely wish for their better future along. :)Recommend

  • tj

    @jeay bhutto ahan so dint you constantly admire her for beauty and make her beleieve she was the one!! How can she talk you through getting comitted if this was the case then why couldnt she talk you through to get married, oh u arent such a kid, for Gods sake
    The basic principle of marriage is finding a person with who you want to spend the rest of your life with, she wanted to and you backed out because you didnt, so what was your comitmment all about then? Dating until getting her completely involved
    And saying one day oh sorry
    Meri mangni ho gai.so coward .. And girls resist their parents they fight with them so how can so called ” men” say ghar wale nhi mane. Chickens!!Recommend

  • tj

    What should be considered as a crime in these situations , is leading on your partner , in believing you will spend your life with them, dont you know of your parents beforehand how can you come
    Up and say i dint know wo itna oppose kreinge , and then in one day the girl who was the Goddess for you becomes a dark night secret.Recommend

  • curious

    If you can and must, then just go ahead and marry.

    Why think/talk/blog about dating?Recommend

  • Hannan

    I am the one who used to do the same thing’s, I was never commited with my parterner as they are. After a long time i realise playing with some one’s emotions is realy a disgusting act but then the time was over. I always feeling guilt on my shameful act. Recommend

  • Mary

    I’ve been victim myself, the guy with whom I was in relationship with knew from the beginning that his parents would never agree to get him married outside the caste but he kept me in the dark and the end was sad as expected
    And the funniest part was, his mother got so insecure when she found out about our relationship that she got him engaged to a girl from their caste right after a month.
    But I really miss that ”chicken” who couldn’t take stand for me, and God knows how much I loved him, but anyway I take it as a life experience
    Kudos to the writer! puraney zakham harey hogaye :’) (I hope I wouldn’t end up forever alone)Recommend

  • Sana

    thanks for such an honest comment .. i wish some people would learn from your experience rather than go through the experience and spoil so many lives.Recommend

  • Nobody

    No problem, wish you the best. I know how hard it can be; I’ve witnessed a few close female and male friends alike who are in this fight currently, but stick to it. Something I’ve observed is that even if you fight your parents for the person you love, they might be upset for a while, even after giving in, but at the end of the day they’re parents! They won’t stop loving you. So keep at it and remain loyal to your girl; you’ve lasted 5 years, don’t quit now! (I’m a sucker for a happy love story) Good luck! Recommend

  • http://www.itblabbers.blogspot.com/ M.L

    I agree with SomeoneAnyoneEveryone … if not anything else then one should shun dating simply to barricade the guilt associated with non-legit correspondence. Guess it sounds too clichéd in the supposedly ‘modern world’ Recommend

  • Haroon

    @Maria Tameez:
    the best cmmnt i’ve readRecommend

  • irfan

    many people fall for each other despite the differences society imposes on them in the name of faith, culture caste. It is only natural for them to get closer and develop a relationship, for whenever something is flourishing in the hearts of young, such differences are mattered very little. its only after a fair amount of time has passed when bitter reality dawns upon them. Yet they cling on to their love until the last moment in hope of a “MIRACLE”. Does that mean, cross culture, cross sect relations have to be discouraged? I don’t think so. Recommend

  • victim

    but what for a girl in a relationship with many other boys at a same time , just to see who will eventually fall for her among them n if it doesn’t seem to make she tries and weep in front of every boy (one by one) just to show how innocent she is that she trusted him and he is not understanding he feeling now and refusing to marry??

    why girls are so desperate to get a LOVE marriage ? why are they out like a hungry wolf in a hunt of a life partner her self??? and in this struggle she even gives permission to the boy to go physical as well . i seriously feel annoy and hate this act of girls . Recommend

  • Sana

    this article is not meant for honest relationships, it is meant for those who were never in it to win it :) dunniya bhari pari hai dhokay bazon seyRecommend

  • Sunita

    He kept on telling me that he can’t marry me because I am a hindu, so I converted for him and then he left me saying he can’t marry outside his caste. Run away girls on listening to an excuse, there will always be a second one hidden somewhere.Recommend

  • Albela Rahi


    It seems from your comment that you are were so close to him like no distances, mainly what i would say that never perceive all Muslims are the same like him or really in caste issues and all, might he just want to make a physical relation and all that because of religion differences and he had already planned mind to just make a fake relation for his needs. As this crap mind set our youth having now a days.
    I can feel the great sacrifice you made for your love, your family opposition, and all other factors in accepting Islam.

    Are you muslim rite now????? sorry for asking as your name doesn’t shows that.Recommend

  • Gratgy

    If all dating had to end in marriage then why not marry directly? Dating could be to get to know someone better before deciding on marriageRecommend

  • yasmin

    @Sarah B. Haider:
    chickens!! hahahahahahahaRecommend

  • mahmood hussain

    Well the thing is nothing like the love that is being talked about here . Its all infatcuation nothing else. Love happens? If it does then its a disease spread by media.Recommend

  • ali Ahmed

    Why not just don’t date at all?
    Is it morally correct?
    Don’t the finally concluding love marriages fail?
    There are so many of them in our society
    In fact more than arranged ones. You BET!



  • Sunita

    Nope I have reverted as I had no support system. Recommend

  • Muhammad Usman

    My point is just that why you are going towards the western culture and mixing date with marriage. (if you can’t marry don’t date) If you wanna dating culture why you bring marriage at the end of relationship. I drive taxi part time in Perth I ve heard many many and many people talking about the ex-partner/boyfriend with their other friends. And guess what they are happily ready for making next relationship and then again the next relationship. ( i m saying about both male and females). And I ve never ever heard them saying anything about marriage. Even if they have couple of years successful relationship. So my point is either we should become exact like them (become westernize) which i am not agree though or go back to your own culture of mummy find girl for his son marriage. Do not just STUCK in the middle. Recommend

  • Albela Rahi


    OK.. best of luck for future life ahead… I was interested before you reverted back but I am late :) but we may be a good friend on Tribune :) u may reach me at my Email, if u are interested… ?Recommend

  • Sana

    @Muhammad Usman:
    You are missing the point here. People can date if both parties tell each other their CLEAR intentions i.e. to give it a try. BUT people in Pakistan don’t make it clear. You can tell your partner, “listen I am not serious yet, so if you want a serious relation find someone else or give our relation a bit of time”……. fair and square?

    BUT what our desis are doing is NOT telling their partners of their TRUE intentions!!! So based on my understanding, you can date as long as you are not being a HYPOCRITE.
    Its not a matter of being STUCK in the middle, it is a matter of being HONEST! Recommend

  • http://www.itblabbers.blogspot.com/ M.L

    Someone answer these concerns :

    How do you whether a person’s good enough to be married without dating ?
    Whats makes you believe you want to marry the person you’re dating ?

    Because you share some really baseline similarities : same age , same institution , same occupation , same movies, same songs ?
    Or because you’re able to joke and laugh with this person ?
    Or because the other person seems gentle and caring ?
    All above attributes can apply to a 1000s of people really : who doesn’t like the popular contemporary songs/movies ? who can joke and laugh with others and put their best face forwards for few hours ? EVERYONE CAN !

    So what decides whether you should marry this person or not ?Recommend

  • jeay bhutto

    completely agree with my cabbie brother here. You are spot on. I mean no one can say if they will marry some one before getting into a relationship so the question of committing before dating or even during it if you are not ready, is absurd, now love is a strange thing, i mean you might fancy someone so much that you want to marry them, the other person might not get that much invested into you during your relationship so its no body’s fault really. So unless someone expressly says that “I W|LL MARRY YOU” dont assume S|he will. I know its easy to assume things in these situation like a guy or a girl likes you fb pic at 2 am, u immewdiately assume they are interested in you, little things can mean a lot when you want them to, and its natural considering we live in a society where showing emotions is a taboo of sortsRecommend

  • mohsin

    Great article….Recommend

  • hafsa

    fully agreed…well done !!!Recommend

  • Ayesha’s dad

    @Ayesha Ahmad:

    Innocent women? bull crap. Women are no more innocent then men. Recommend

  • Sajjad Shaikh

    @Ayesha Ahmad:
    Is it really important to get married?? Why Cant you just live a nice lovely life with your partner. Why do we have end up getting married??Recommend

  • Nousheen

    @ Sajjad Shaikh

    Why not get married when you can afford marriage?? I mean how can you differentiate a partnership in bed with someone you love and being with a prostitutes or call girls for hooking up?? Marriage provides a respectful relationship…..I don’t think I am being conservative even in west people date and mate just to find the right partner (marriage partner actually!) and not a life long out of wedlock PARTNERSHIP…..lOVE IS NO BUSINESS!Recommend

  • afranhamid

    That’s the first article i have read in ages over Tribune that actually makes sense and is good, as normally i see Anti Pakistan and Anti Islam posts over Express Tribune filled with Blatant Lies! Great work writer!Recommend

  • Siraj

    hahaha…… You said u’ll try ur best… It seems your r gonna marry the girl of ur mother’s choice not the one u r in relationship eiht.
    Secondly, if ur brother is engaged to a girl of his choice and u know that ur mom is hurt then y in the first place u choose to be in relationship with some girl of ur choice,,,,, I think to make things complicated…..Recommend

  • Siraj

    By the way, i agree with the writer 200%….Recommend

  • XYZ

    OMG the same thing happened to me! I grew up in America, so I didn’t know people actually did this. Some guy from Pakistan moved to my state, and boom I fell in love. Even though I exceeded in social class and everything else, I just fell. Then he dropped the “I can’t ruin your life” bit on me. It wasn’t until months of clinical depression, hours of thinking what I did wrong, a trip to Mecca, etc I find out he was already nikkaed to his cousin in Swat! 2 years later, still no apology because he thinks he did nothing wrong! He thought just because I’m American that he can do whatever he wants and still go back to his village wife!

    But thanks for this article, I’m glad I’m not the only poor soul this happened to! lolRecommend

  • Arsalan Habib

    On a much related note, don’t date. Dating is much more of a western thing. Let your parents look for your better half or if you must, gauge a person’s interest before you actually become emotionally involved with them. And if you still choose to go with the date route, stop whining about it cuz you knew you run the risk. Accept responsibility for your stupid actions, stop feeling bad for yourself cuz its pathetic and move on.Recommend

  • Ahmed

    Thank you Author for NOT being Gender Specific..!!!!Recommend

  • Taha Ali Adil

    Dating us per !! Raam Kahni …. Shaame :) Recommend

  • http://nill.com Batool&Shamil Khan

    Well, there is a simple solution to this problem. Be honest and clear, don’t promise anything and neither expect. just flow with the flow guys. And enjoy your time together till your parents decide for you, as “Parents are parents and they do make decisions keeping not one two or three things in mind but so many, that we may have no clue of”…Recommend

  • abdullah

    Paki girls r so damn materialistic ..jahan paisa dekha wahin muhabat shuroooo…Recommend

  • Eeman Sahal Baloch

    Well, Its right bc there are so many people in our society who play with feelings of girls and also there are so many girls who use boys. But I agree with this article bc Its true so many ppl are in relationship just bc of time pass. Being host in Tv and doing a show which totally youth oriented I have gone through so many cases like this and when I questioned them WHY U DO SO then boys reply bv EVERYONE DO IT AND NOTHING WROUNG IN IT JUST ENJOY LIFE. But -its natural that opposite genders have attraction for each others but Girls should takecare bc this society dont blamed the false boys but they do blamed the girls.
    please b strong and wait for right person who really loved u and make u his life partner for ever
    and for boys if u truely love any then plz think bfore can u convinced ur family r not , if not then finished relation earlier … DON’T SPOIL GIRL LIFERecommend

  • Abdul Haseeb

    Why don’t we just follow our religion and stop falling in “love” as you call it. If you like a girl, send her a marriage proposal through your family and don’t start dating. This way no “innocent” girl or boy will get “hurt”. Please be very clear that Islam prohibits dating in all its forms. Only a meeting with the girl is allowed in presence of her mahrams, and thats it. Dating will never lead to a “happy ending”. Saying this I don’t say that arranged marriages always end with a happy ending. Even the companions of the Prophet had marriages end up in divorce but as Muslims we must endeavor to follow what the quran teaches us.Recommend

  • Noor

    @Ayesha Ahmad:
    It was already stupid of your friend to attach herself with a stranger(read non-mahram) without due authority from our code of life(religion).

    She was saved, though late but better late than never.

    Lesson for all those who think all that glitters(seems attractive without proper authority/relation) is not gold(durable/acceptable).Recommend

  • Amira

    Yes I agree I am going thru this just now ad I have children :((@Ayesha Ahmad: Recommend

  • Qamar Abbas

    well i had my own opinion . being a muslim we had to look in this matter as in accordence with the preachings of islamic idealogy. i am not a theocrate might people glare at me.the values specially which reflects the culture of our eastren muslim society has its own attraction, colour, and the grace . but all those values are having a down fall. we may be copying west for there rituals and non believing materialistic approach . the tragedy is we copy them in destruction not in contruction.the author has its own idealogy . we should be loud and clear in our concepts. get rid off this hypocratic phenomina firstly . First decide that are we muslims are not, if we are then the whole dimension the whole seenario of this discussion is going to get changed. . so called freedom of exprssion is leading us towards decline. theories and inventions are not going to lead us towards the solutions.. whats this concept of dating . OMG. So cheap it sounds. when ever one will intercept the rules of nature The Almighty. it will be riuned in the end. please peoples come into the peace of mind.Recommend

  • Sundus

    @Qamar Abbas:
    What are you trying to say? You should avoid using difficult words to show that you know English. Use simple words and may be you can get your message clearly delivered.Recommend

  • Qamar Abbas

    well u raise your level first . i am trying to say that we should stable this fact first that are we muslims or not if we yes then there will come islamic laws and rules according to which we have to spend our life . we deliberately ignore the facts. free interaction of male and female is never ever allowed in islamic ideology. its banned unless and until there is a legitimate relation between a boy and a girl . so question of this word dating and other bullshit is absolute sin . got it ? look how cheap the title of this blog is . is this sentence or terminology allowed in a genuine islamic society . will any one please answer me plzRecommend

  • kamal

    the concern of author for the innocent unware partener is quite genuine…:-)Recommend

  • Sundus

    @Qamar Abbas:
    How do you form a legitimate relationship with a girl, when you actually never have a chance to talk to her? Secondly, this article has nothing to do with Islam. It has nothing to do with even Pakistan. It is simply saying, if you are a conservative person and belong to a conservative family, you should just stick to living your life with the bride selected by your family. The message is, dont be a hypocrite. If you are dating, then atleast have intention of getting married, if not then dont date. I am sure you are following true Islam and have never spoken to a female and hopefully not looked at them? have you? Be realistic.Recommend

  • Akhtar

    @hina jamal:
    Hina…are you following the same principle….living independent and happy too?Recommend

  • Qamar Abbas

    well i am not getting my point conveyed i guess . well if you are proposed by some one but your family must be aware of and with the permission of your family or the guardian you may be allowed to communicate with that person . even in islam there is said that girl should loosen up herself . but this idea of dating i am not getting convinced. i am follwer of islam . i had the knowledge of islam too. as for as u say that i have never spoken to a female or did not seen any one what should i say to this line of urs / hmmmmmm ??? Recommend