What kind of Pakistani life do you lead?
Hello everyone, long time no see!
I’ve been mulling over all that has been happening in Pakistan over the last year and it got me to thinking, its about time I tried my hand at writing a quiz a little more all-encompassing than the Desi elite political identity quiz (though do take that if you haven’t already).
The big question: what kind of Pakistani life do you lead, should hopefully provide you with some perspective on whether things are looking up (or down) for you, not to mention give you bragging rights with your peers.
Keep score, keep calm and leave your results in the comments section below!
What kind of Pakistani life do you lead?
Q1: What is your sexual orientation?
A: Heterosexual Male
B: Heterosexual Female
C: LGBT – any/all other sexual orientations
[Give yourself 12 points for being heterosexual male, 4 for being heterosexual female, -10 for being any other sexual orientation]
Q2: What is your social status i.e. how much wealth do you have?
A: Filthy rich elite
B: Rich enough to own an iPhone, but not enough to own a farm/factory
C: Middle class
[Give yourself 30 points for A, 15 for B, 5 for C, -10 for D]
Q3: How educated are you?
A: PHD/Masters/Bachelors from abroad
B: PHD/Masters/Bachelors from Pakistan
C: Still in school, but my monthly school fees is over Rs10,000
D: Still in school buy my monthly fees is below Rs10,000
[Give yourself 12 points for A or C, 5 points for B or D, 0 points for E, -10 for F]
Q4: Which religion/belief do you follow (technically, even if you don’t practice)?
A: Islam (Sunni)
B: Islam (Shia)
C: Minority group (Christians, Hindus, Parsis etc.)
[Give yourself 12 points for Islam (Sunni), 5 for Islam (Shia), 0 for minority group, -30 for Ahmadi, -30 for Atheist]
Q5: Which province/region do you belong to?
C: Khyber Pakhtunkhwa
[Give yourself 12 points for Punjab, 10 for Sindh, 5 for KP, -5 for Balochistan, -10 for FATA]
Q6: Are you/is your daddy in any of the following categories?
A: The Army/Navy/Air Force/Intelligence agencies
B: Mainstream politics/bureaucracy
D: Supreme Court or Provincial court judiciary
[Give yourself 10 points for each category you or your dad fit into – maximum of 40 clout points]
7: Which language(s) can you speak/read/write in?
D: Any other language/dialect
[Give yourself 12 points for English, 10 points for Urdu, 8 points for Punjabi and 4 points for any other language/dialect – maximum of 34 points]
8: What do you consider yourself in general politically?
A: Right wing
C: Left wing
[Give yourself 15 points for right wing, 10 points for centrist, 5 points for left wing]
9. At any point in time, how easy is it for you to exit Pakistan?
A: Easy peasy, I got visas and passports galore
B: Slight hassle, but nothing my travel agent can’t tackle
C: Tough. I’m tied to this place.
D: Impossible (no cash, no visas, no contacts etc.)
[Give yourself 12 points for A, 10 points for B, 0 points for C and -5 points for D]
10. While answering the above questions, what primary emotion did you feel?
A: Felt pretty good/proud/I’m winning!
B: Felt nothing.
C: Felt shame/sadness/anger.
[Give yourself 20 points for A, 10 points for B and -10 for C]
You’re a privileged Pakistani (Score over 140)
Lucky you! You will live long and prosper, almost entirely because of the position you were born into. You can do pretty much anything you want, say anything you want, live life to its fullest, perhaps more so here than any other place in the world! You should consider yourself blessed in this country, and if you ever look outside your bubble, do try to help out others with all those privileges granted to you.
You’re a life is peachy Pakistani (Score 100-140)
Things aren’t so bad for you. Sure there is the odd chronic issue or two, but life is quite peachy and at the end of the day, you can go home and find yourself counting multiple blessings. Your bubble isn’t an impenetrable gold wall as that of the privileged Pakistani, so you have the occasional twinge to deal with, the odd hassle in a task, the occasional desire to self censor or be talked down to, but hey, almost as often, you get to do the same to others! Life is worth living in Pakistan. Enjoy it.
You’re an average Pakistani (Score 60-100)
Well this sucks. You may want to scroll up and work to change some of your answers because being an average Pakistani brings with it a whole lot of pain, injustice, unnecessary challenges that offer no growth and just a general hum drum, not-so-great life. Sure most days aren’t so bad, but the bad days can be really bad and they sour up whatever good times were to be had in the future. Life is a drag, but you will just have to put up with it.
You’re a troubled Pakistani (Score 30-60)
Uh oh. You are either troubled, in trouble, or always on the verge of getting into a serious mess. Mentally, physically, emotionally, Pakistan is dragging you down whether you recognize it or not. If it isn’t your values being compromised or seeing others suffer, its outright discrimination and lack of access to basic rights. If it isn’t money woes, it’s the terror of knowing you cannot escape this place. Joy is an active task you have to fight others or yourself to pursue. Life is no good, but what can you do?
You’re a doomed Pakistani (Score below 30)
Doomed. Welcome to your nightmare, though you were probably aware of this even before you started this quiz. You have all the problems of the troubled Pakistan (above) but just a lot more often and in greater intensity. If you can’t get out of the country, fight to change it by any means necessary – you have nothing to lose…
Correction: The question on sexual orientation erroneously had the labels male and female. The error is regretted and has been corrected.
The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.