Seven reasons girls can’t answer the phone

Published: March 11, 2012
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When it comes to picking up the phone when you need to talk to them, women are simply untraceable.

If you are in a relationship, you’ll probably agree that phones and women just don’t go together. Sure, they have their iPhones, Blackberrys or Nokia E7s. They are even connected to Facebook and Twitter on the go, but when it comes to picking up the phone when you need to talk to them, they are incognito, untraceable and off the radar. Mostly, they won’t call back or even text to let you know that they are okay – unless, of course, they have to talk to you.

Having been married for over five years, I have probably heard every reason possible for not being able to pick up the phone. Here are some of the most common:

(Disclaimer: I’d like to point out that my wife has seen mass improvement in her phone attendance over the years and nobody can say this is a direct attack from me on her. That being said – enjoy the list!)

1. I was in the other room

Perhaps this is the most sensible of all reasons, but honey we do not live in a castle. It is a one bedroom apartment that’s slightly bigger than a bird cage. Does it really take you that long to get to your phone?

2. The battery was dying

Yes, the battery tends to die, that is why the phone makes that irritating sound near the end of its life – it’s literally crying out like a shrieking little baby to be fed. Remember the Nokia phone I recommended to you that has a seven day battery life, but you wanted to go for the oh-so-amazing iPhone that requires charging after every 12 hours? Now you see why I made that offer.

3. I was busy watching Humsafar

I don’t even want to dignify that with an answer! But just to let you know, that time you were busy watching Humsafar and I called you, I was about to buy you a big-fat diamond solitaire ring…but that urge to spend on you has suddenly passed.

Still enjoying Humsafar now?

4. I didn’t feel like picking up the phone

I don’t feel like going to the office every day but I do, so that you can stay at home and watch your Humsafar, while I pay the bills. At the end of the day all I expect is for you to pick up that little gadget you begged me to get you – also referred to as a cell phone and my-constant-state-of-misery-in-trying-to-get-in-touch-with-you.

5. I didn’t hear it ring

Seriously? So let me get this straight, you can hear our neighbor whisper something about your cooking or dressing from the other side of the house but you can’t hear the phone ring from your bag? Even with the vibrate setting on ‘holy-crap-it’s-an-earthquake’!

6. I didn’t have enough credit to call you back

Of course you wouldn’t. Why would you have enough money for that, after all of it is rightly spent on the clothes that you need for every occasion because the previous ones simply disintegrate after you wear them once, just like the messages in a Mission Impossible movie. And then there is the necessary expenditure of random decoration pieces and cosmetics that will never be used – how could I expect you to pay your phone bill? My bad.

7. I was on another line

Knowing that a gossiping session between female friends normally lasts for three hours, I think I will call back when the emergency I was having is over.

Women seem to hate their cell phones and yet when it comes to letting out all that anger you have against us, you use the SMS (short messaging service) as an LMS (lecture messaging service)I have received a scolding from my wife that was eight SMS’ long!

 

Adeel.Ansari

Adeel Ansari

Adeel Ansari moonlighted as an RJ on Cityfm89 (as Jellyman) but now works at Henkel after completing his MBA-Marketing from Lahore School of Economics and is currently settled in Dubai. He tweets as @Adeel_Ansari (twitter.com/Adeel_Ansari)

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.

  • Ali Hasan

    1, 2, 5 & 7. Epic lulz. Recommend

  • https://twitter.com/MalalayMeenaGul Malalay Meena Gul

    Refreshing list. Gotta memorize these and many more for “My Turn”. :)Recommend

  • Qaisar

    amazing!! and I wonder what will happen to you if your wife reads it all… I am sure that despite your disclaimer, you are gonna be in a mess!! lolxxx…

    “cell phone was on vibration/ silent” needed to be focused more!! :DRecommend

  • Taimoor

    epic!Recommend

  • Parvez

    Great read, a lot of truth involved. Not to worry………the intricacies of the female mind has baffled the best for ages.Recommend

  • http://707monty.blogspot.com Pakistan politics

    What a foolish articleRecommend

  • http://twitter.com/SamiSaayer Sami Saayer

    since the writer is a close friend of mine, i must announce that poor chap will not get food for three days as a result of publishing this article. the earnestness of this article didn’t go too well with his wife.Recommend

  • http://brewingstorms.wordpress.com/ samaha

    hahahaha its always no1 for me :DRecommend

  • zerbakht

    it might be ” seven reasons wife can’t answer the phoneRecommend

  • Shahid

    @Ali Hasan: Lulz? Do you even know the meaning of that?Recommend

  • Saniya

    Guilty of 1, 5 and 7 =P
    The others, not so much. I’m an avid phone user.Recommend

  • http://wp.me/W0C4 EmmeFemme

    I was busy cooking….until you came back to BURNT food :P Recommend

  • Fahad

    “my-constant-state-of-misery-in-trying-to-get-in-touch-with-you”….ROFL…
    A fastidious attempt on the road to explore the veracity.. .:DRecommend

  • http://www.nabihameher.wordpress.com Nabiha Meher Shaikh

    Wow sexist much ET?Recommend

  • http://www.ritaindrayani.blogspot.com Rita

    Humsafar, Gossiping, spending money for useless things…..amazingRecommend

  • asma

    Disgustingly sexist and very immature choice of wordsRecommend

  • abdullah

    i think you should get a divorce! LOLRecommend

  • A Girl

    Sigh I would hate to admit it but almost of all it is true. [except for the “Humsafar” bit. Never followed that play]. I suppose I understand your misery too on the issue. My parents, best friend and boyfriend must feel the same way too!

    PS: Im saving up to buy an Iphone too! :PRecommend

  • Logic & Reason

    Excuse me but what happened to the simple & most honest, “I did not feel like talking” or “I did not feel like talking to you nor anyone else.”Recommend

  • http://thetechmag.net Saad

    HAHA awesome… 5 & 7 are hilarious… Recommend

  • Ayesha Pervez

    This is very funny n darn true… I do the same… am very bad at picking the phone and have to hear about it from my husband all the time :SRecommend

  • Stranger

    While I’d like to hate on you for being so shamelessly misogynistic I am guiltyof almost all of the above and will therefore simply say – you are luck to have us. Appreciate us and put up with our quirks.Recommend

  • Mariam Khan

    SPOT ON….very interesting……LMS loved itRecommend

  • the only rationalist left

    Adeel, I hate these “ten reasons I hate” etc sort of reads.

    But I must say, you hath spoken the truth. Your words are surgically precise and explain the misery we men have to endure in “maintaining” relationships.

    The most common excuse I heard was

    “I do not keep my phone with me, usually it is in other room, so I missed your call.”

    Then why the heck do you keep a phone at all? One time, forgiven, But if you keep on doing this 1000th time, someone got to hammer your foolish head, woman. Recommend

  • the only rationalist left

    Stranger, I am proud shameless misogynist. I am not lucky to have you. I change girl friends like I change toilet paper brands. Put up with us men too. Recommend

  • Indi-Pop

    Brilliant! Agree on all. Let me point out the most common men’s excuses for not attending phone calls. “I was busy in a meeting.” Now men can manage to tweet the latest cricket score during an important meeting (“Every meeting is important,honey!”) but sending a one line SMS to their wife/girlfriend that they are in a meeting and will call back later is so difficult to manage. :(Recommend

  • iftikhar hussain

    all reasons are useless should attend telephone on first ring no arguments thanksRecommend

  • http://www.wowelldone.blogspot.com Did Anyone Else Notice This ?

    Since when has husbands grown so eager to keep in touch with their wives ? ;pRecommend

  • Nobody

    @the only rationalist left:
    Since I believe my previous reply touched a nerve with the moderators, I’ll rephrase… I find your shameless misogyny (and misplaced arrogance) both laughably amusing and slightly shameful, but all I can say is have your fun just as we all are, but do us a favor and don’t reproduce! Cheers ;-) Recommend

  • Raw is War

    boringRecommend

  • http://www.facebook.com/identitymag30 Identity Magazine

    That’s nice!!Recommend

  • Nobody

    any reason et moderators keep deleting my comment? I’ve seen far worse on here. Recommend

  • Nobody

    @the only rationalist left:
    Don’t know whether to laugh at your shameless misogyny or be disgusted by it. I’ll laugh at it since that’s better for my health! Cheers ;-) Recommend

  • Nobody

    let’s see et moderators, maybe 3rd times the charm?? Recommend

  • Ch Allah Daad

    Excellent article. Recommend

  • FKazmi

    haha truly hilarious and hilariously true!Recommend

  • Dr. Amyn Malik

    Epic!!Recommend

  • fantasia

    haha definetely guilty of 1, 2 and 5 but another reason why i fail to respond to calls from my mother or my husband is that i dont remember where i kept my cell.. i know sounds really dumb but its usually in some jeans pocket or some bag.. i forget to take it out when i come home :PRecommend

  • SaQiB

    Bwahahahahahahahahahah damn this one is hilarious….! :-DRecommend

  • Mariam

    Extremely useless article. not even funny. Your wife might put up with your whining but the readers dont. And reason number 6 is downright shameless. “Of course you wouldn’t. Why would you have enough money for that, after all of it is rightly spent on the clothes that you need for every occasion because the previous ones simply disintegrate after you wear them once”

    You should be ashamed of your self. Advice to the writers wife you need to get a job if you dont already have one coz clearly your husband thinks he is doing you a huge favour “ehsan” in urdu.Recommend

  • Farrukh Shahzad

    All true add one more. …changing baby pamperRecommend

  • Mrs. Adeel Ansari

    Hi honey!
    Yes this is me. Don’t bother to come home!Recommend

  • raza

    @Pakistan politics:
    Where were u even here reading this interesting thing.. After all your name says a lot about where you exactly should be.. Learn to encourage and appreciate.Recommend

  • The Real Mrs Adeel Ansari

    What the heck ! Who is that Mrs Adeel Ansari honey?Recommend

  • perplexed

    amazing read…..absolutely hilarious…..all the haters need to growup!Recommend

  • kay jay

    Mariam: what is wrong when the writer said about her excessive clothing, What is the problem if a husband lovingly teases his wife about her expenditure, don’t make or rate everything by the same yardstick, it’s insecure women like you who make the life of other normal women hell.

    what made you feel he is doing EHSAN, all i see these days is, women trying too hard to be gaining the respect they ALREADY HAVE, being a working woman is definitely a good thing but undermining relations and always being a pessimist isn’t much of a help…Recommend

  • Original Mrs. Adeel Ansari

    come home honey; I’m waiting for you with bat, wickets & hockeyRecommend

  • http://www.scribd.com/asifameer Asif

    Ever tried being single? Its AWESOME!Recommend

  • omer

    all those who think the writer is not getting any ”action'” or food for a week please raise ur hands upRecommend

  • Achoowehshi

    Good luck gettin some for a few days guy!Recommend

  • sarah

    lol. Epic<3Recommend

  • Fahad Raza

    8.I thought is was a wrong a number..Recommend

  • Akber Shakil

    Been married for 5 years myself, ain’t that true buddy ain’t that true.Recommend

  • farhan

    U r Legend dude!!Recommend

  • TMohsin

    @the only rationalist left:
    women cannot carry their phones with themselves all over the house because they dont have pockets in their clothes like men…why is that so hard to understand?Recommend

  • Faisal

    hahahaha..simply brilliant :)Recommend

  • umar

    hahahaha.. so true t be.. who can know more than this if he is hasband or bf..
    halarious .. specially the point 1,5
    bravo!Recommend

  • muhammad yasir qureshi

    totally agreed……..one word’alaaaaa’……:) that is y i love my BACHELORHOOOD…..:!!!!Recommend

  • http://www.justknew.com Imdad

    Hay nice …. U knw that girls are mystery .. can not be solved in this universe :PRecommend

  • http://truthexposed123.blogspot.com Truth Exposed

    very well saidRecommend

  • ali

    LOL
    maybe another good excuse should be, honey i was making you a sandwich in the kitchen Lol Recommend

  • Umer

    Perfect …. Specially the eager of getting the latest phones and still not getting in touch … Ridiculous …. :/Recommend

  • Someone

    Dude marry me, my hubby never picks up his phone. Recommend

  • Rational mind

    Stop calling and stop being a p…..Recommend

  • Ismail

    hi,
    by God, it is 100% true, i experienced the same as well. but i totally disagree with your disclaimer that your wife has improved… you are telling lie man.. no women can change themselves in this regard.. believe me!Recommend

  • Azza

    This is hilarious !Recommend

  • AF

    Unlike men, women in this country don’t normally have pockets.Recommend

  • http://www.tanzeel.wordpress.com Tanzeel

    Its not about girls are bad at picking up the phone its you the bugger. Recommend

  • vaqas

    I had to look up the meaning of misogynist cause it ws being thrown around like candy here. I dont get how this article relates to that word. The guy at the very least is having harmless fun, at the most is extremely irritated by a trait of women that he feels is there. Does not mean he hates women. Just would like his calls returned. Im sure he likes women just as much as the next guy. But anyways keep fighting you guys im sure you all have plenty of time on your hands. We dont have any other issues at all.Recommend

  • AB

    Don’t spread words…Lolx……Good wife’s can turn to that..::)Recommend

  • alisha khan

    i think guys just over react :p
    they also do the same !!
    most of the times they irritate their GF
    so chill man
    tit 4 tatRecommend

  • disgusted at the readers

    Wow…I had come here to LOL at your post but the comments have gotten be side tracked completely.
    Its absolutely beyond me how the readers misconstrue the intention or the background of the post or the article as much as they possibly can and stay committed to that idea with a conviction that could be so much more helpful if positive.

    the readers instead of calling the bloggers judgmental should take a moment and look at their own words!Recommend

  • Naya

    Hahaha this is by far the most capturing pieces of writing I’ve read today, really says something. Nice one.Recommend

  • sidra

    true…i do have those reasons for not picking up the phone!!:D..job well done!!Recommend

  • Anonymous

    im sure there is a lot that u want to say to ur wife….but please do it in the privacy of ur own home!!!! n whoever the wife is …woman….let this man whine n get it out of his system!!!Recommend

  • AZ

    I didn’t have enough credit to call you back

    Of course you wouldn’t. Why would you have enough money for that, after all of it is rightly spent on the clothes that you need for every occasion because the previous ones simply disintegrate after you wear them once…

    Daantna band karo bhai..Recommend

  • https://twitter.com/#!/zax_ali Ali Rasheed

    lol, now i don’t get that 5th reason :P Recommend

  • Aye

    Sexist.

    And most of these are fixated on money/buying things for the girl. Don’t buy her gifts if you’re just going to complain and hold it against her later.

    Anyway, if these apply to all genders. Or it is more understandable if a guy doesn’t answer his phone? Recommend

  • bz

    You live in a one room apartment which is ‘slightly bigger than a bird cage’, yet you were going to buy her a ‘big fat diamond solitaire ring’ I think that is one of the reason she did not pick up the phone. You gotta build up the trust that you aren’t just saying that. However, I commend the hilarity and your attempt to make people laugh. Being a girl I would reluctantly agree with you on the reasons for not up picking the phone.Recommend

  • keaga

    hahahahahaha…hilarious, and this line is brilliant “after all of it is rightly spent on the clothes that you need for every occasion because the previous ones simply disintegrate after you wear them once, just like the messages in a Mission Impossible movie.”Recommend

  • faheem

    your article is a complete waste of time ….. Recommend