Laaleen Khan

An international columnist and media consultant who Tweets @laaleen

Hate commenter: Why are you reading this?

Yes, you. The one who’s going to post hateful anonymous comments about how all this is a waste of time and how this publication is printing trash and the writer is representing mindless elitists whose only interest is in indulging themselves and not caring about human tragedies and natural disasters. Yes, you, who takes the time and effort to read all of what is on the ‘Life & Style’ and ‘Gossip’ sections and then refuses to comprehend satire, misunderstands sarcasm, and wastes office working hours on reading ludicrous items like this instead of engaging in philanthropic work and visiting NGO ...

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January 4, 2011

10 reasons why cable TV makes me grouchy

I love going to the movies and the whole cinematic experience. I love DVDs because one can skip disturbing bits, pause to answer the phone, and there are no commercials. The Internet is also great company where hard-to-find videos and brand new TV shows can be streamed. I would have loved television, too, if we had TiVo. Regular television lets you down when one’s favourite channels abruptly go off air, only to be replaced with inferior ones (America Plus, E! and MNet, I miss you most of all). On one occasion, I emailed BBC Drama requesting the schedule for a favourite ...

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Curtain call 2010: When fun times rolled in Pakistan

It rained fashion weeks It was the year of the fashion week multitude; there were two in Karachi, two in Lahore and then Bridal Couture Week – yet more announced (Islamabad Fashion Week and Peshawar Fashion Week). The world’s fashion capitals Milan, Paris, New York have one fashion week. Pakistan, however, seems way ahead of the game…or not. Do we really have that many retail buyers in Pakistan? We definitely have enough bored housewives, busy darzis and a multitude of ‘fashion’ magazines. What’s next—Sukkur Fashion Week and Head & Shoulders’ darzi Fashion Week? Our social network Facebook—the ‘un-Islamic’ website was temporarily banned ...

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Are you a player?

Men who remain commitment-phobic for too long and have a relatively high success rate with women often continue bachelor lifestyles (whether married or not!) into their middle and even twilight years. With the right amount of energy, money, and zest for life, today’s desi‘champions can become the Hugh Hefners of tomorrow. If you think you are destined to stay forever ‘young’ while dressed in a brocade robe, answer the following questions and see where you rate on the playboy scale: 1) Exes from your younger days are now the mothers of: A  Babies B  Teenagers C  Grown men and women 2) Your pick-up line on women ...

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Do you have what it takes to be a society aunty?

Aunties are the essential thread that holds the delicate fabric of Pakistani society together. In fact, it’s quite surprising that a proportion of our country’s defence budget isn’t allocated towards the Aunty Brigade. ‘Society Aunties’ are the crème-de-la-crème of the Aunty Brigade. Deceptively formidable, they are armed with snubs, icy stares and an ammunition of feline comments. Beautifully groomed, dazzlingly arrayed, and possessing razor-sharp social finesse ‘Society Aunties’ reign drawing rooms, ballrooms, and fashionable weddings. Just don’t make the mistake of addressing them as ‘Aunty’ especially when they appear 39 and Botoxed while their classmates are getting hip replacements. Have you ...

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