‘Don’t tickle your baby’s feet’
It is a truth universally acknowledged that a young woman in possession of a new baby must be in severe, dire need of parenting advice – or so the aunties would have you believe. Parenting is probably the only profession where you can be an expert with the least amount of training. All you need to do is have a baby, or have a sister who has a baby, or have seen a fleeting glimpse of a baby bawling in a park. It seems like the minute you announce you are expecting, a swarm of visitors besiege you with ...
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Why I let my children smoke
“Amma, you’re very chalaak, sly and cunning too,” My son stood squarely in front of me, his face red with accusation, teenage angst writ large all over it. “Your whole reverse psychology business has made everything unexciting and boring for us. When my friends gather furtively behind an expansive leaf laden tree to share a smoke, I think to myself, big deal, I can do that at home too,” He relayed to me accusingly. “You were always enticing us with the choice of brands we should try, menthol or no menthol. At the same time telling us to make our own decisions and not be ...
Read Full PostThe wisdom of children
Last week, my son had a play-date with his friend. For a full hour, the two toddlers played and fought, snatched toys and cried bucket loads of tears, argued over bigger and smaller cars, and who’s slice of cake was larger. At the end of the hour, we wearily put our chai and samosas away and got ready to go. “Give him a hug and say thank you for having us over” I nudged my son. “As if!” my friend laughed. The toddlers stepped towards each other, planted big sloppy kisses on each other’s cheeks, waved a merry goodbye and were off. This ...
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What my 5-month-old taught me
Usually, what goes on in the labor room, stays in the labor room. While some progressive hospitals allows dads to enjoy the whole birthing experience, more often than not, us dads and the couple’s close relatives sit in the waiting area, praying for the health of the mother and the baby. Just like in the movies, the father-to-be can clearly be distinguished from the lot as he paces the length of dimly-lit corridors, biting his nails, waiting for the nurse to come out with some good news – it’s just like a scene straight out of a movie. It could take hours, ...
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What the **** did you just say?
Every family has different rules for their children and mine is no different. One of the most important rules is that no rude words are allowed to be spoken in our house. To my surprise, my kids eagerly follow this rule. If they hear a new word, they always ask me whether it is bad. The other day, both my kids came up to me and said “Mama, are we allowed to say ‘what the ****?” When I asked where they had heard these words, they told me they hear them everywhere. They told me that even the kids in their class use this ...
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We are racist, like our parents were
Growing up I was often told by my parents to stay out of the sun. Like most middle class Pakistanis, they were worried that the complexion of my skin will become dark if I spent too much time outside. My aunts flung concerned glances at me and my cousins during summers, especially when we were returning home after playing cricket, and made taunting comments about our tanned skin. Thus, from a very early age I learned that having dark skin was something to be embarrassed of. My classmates were also familiar with this racial demarcation, so making fun of kids ...
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For those of us who can’t afford private college
As a student, I knew I had to score a high grade in my Intermediate Board exams to get into a decent university. Unfortunately, I also knew an ‘A’ grade could not guarantee admission. In the face of financial constraints and family restrictions my options were limited. There was never a question of what I wanted to be, what I liked doing or what I was good at because only one thing mattered: what my family could afford. I knew my choice was likely to be a government university. ‘We can’t afford it’ My experience taught me that government universities, charge nearly a quarter what ...
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Invisible citizens: recognising Pakistan’s adopted children
Six months ago, a friend of mine had to take her daughter to a child cardiologist, two days after her birth. When the doctor asked her if the child’s birth was natural or caesarian, she informed him that she did not know. He looked at her perplexedly and asked if the father might confirm. She said, promptly, as if this was rehearsed, “I do not know her father.” The fact is, my friend does not know her daughter’s father. She has never met him. Ditto her child’s biological mother. Her child’s genes are a mystery to her. Regardless, she ...
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Good parents and vicarious dreaming
Usually we keep our likes, dislikes and interests in mind when we plan any activity. However, when we are planning the future for our children, we usually do not take into account what they like or don’t like or even consider their preferences. Being young and immature, most children cannot make good decisions without the guidance of either their guardian or parents. Most parents, when making decisions, usually keep their interests and desires in mind and do not evaluate the strengths, interests and weakness of their child. Sometimes these decisions turn out to be good ones. However, in more cases than not, ...
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