Stories about marriage

‘No groom for you’ – The dilemma of an Indian gay man

Most concerned Indian parents worry about their child’s happiness and would like to see her/him live a happy and fulfilled life, and being married is traditionally considered part of that equation of fulfilment. The search begins to find the correct partner, by word of mouth and other avenues. One method includes placing a newspaper matrimonial advertisement in a local or national newspaper to draw upon the eyes of many potential suitors and their families for marriage. Once the ad is placed, the phones begin to ring and emails are exchanged, all leading to a potential match. Everybody is happy! Yay! However, for one such ...

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“Stop encouraging the idea of education within these children”

I recently got into an argument over class, status and ranks – the superficial boundaries that divide our society. And the greatest regret coming from it was the fact that even the most educated minds are still so deeply woven into these concepts that it provokes the irrationale amidst me. I grew up with four kids who did not belong to my class; they were children of my ‘maid’ who I lovingly call my second mom. When I was growing up, the word ‘maid’ and ‘nokar’ was prohibited in my household. She was known as ‘Baji’, who helped us around ...

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Is ‘Adultery’ the way to save a marriage, Paulo Coelho?

I first came across this novel when my roommate was reading it. Just the title, Adultery, caught my attention and intrigued me enough to ask him if I could borrow it. This was when another roommate, and student of psychology, told me the psychological content in this novel. This further elevated my enthusiasm to start reading this book by Paulo Coelho. To know what this book is about, the synopsis on the cover will give you an interesting gist: “A woman in her 30s begins to question the routine and predictability of her days. In everybody’s eyes, she has a perfect life: happy marriage, ...

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Why people should NOT get married in Pakistan

Before you wrinkle your eyebrows in a ‘holier-than-thou’ frown and judge my very existence, let me assure you that this blog is not a preaching of what you should or should not do. This blog is based on mere observations of human relationships and a concept that defines our lives in so many ways – shaadi (marriage). I was familiar with this word at a very young age. But it was at the age of six when my brother (eight-years-old then) told me something that freaked me out. In sheer exasperation, that only an older brother can have, he said, “I can’t ...

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You’re not the marriageable kind

An image of Akbar, her ex-fiancé, flashed into her mind as she elegantly sat waiting in her small, dark living room. A lonely candle flickered unenthusiastically on a wooden table by the window and the scent of the earth before the rain perforated the room. “Had I not come into your life, you would’ve destroyed yourself!” Akbar would say to her sternly. This memory of him haunted her. Choti (small), as she was affectionately known as, laughed a lot, travelled, was ambitious, made friends easily – perhaps had too much personality, if there is such a thing. Unfortunately, this approachability was routinely and falsely ...

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Stop making marriage a monster, it is not all about ‘compromise’

Marriage is an alliance of affection, companionship and an absolute sharing of heart and soul. But sporadically, we disregard why people take this step, commit their lives and vow their lives to each other. In our part of the world, we believe getting married is an antidote – a complete cure package for numerous issues. Therefore, many people get hitched because of extreme social and familial pressures, fear of getting old, monotonous routines and irritating inquiries of relatives and acquaintances who keep asking, “So when you are getting married?” In some cases, people choose matrimony because they believe in absurd myths – such as ...

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A grand wedding or a happy marriage, what’s more important?

I have strongly felt that as members of an educated community, we must show a sense of responsibility and bring about a change to dismantle some of the weird and complicated constructed norms that bring about no good, but instead intensify wrong trends in our society. One such trend is weddings becoming a status symbol.

Which would you prefer?

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Weddings in Pakistan are a waste of money and resources. What made me write about Pakistani weddings is the sense of waste, the lack of depth regarding serious and more important concerns in marriages, and the useless traditions we have been following since ages. I feel ...

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I cheated on my wife, but she won’t let me divorce her

While you may find many sympathisers for women, who everyone thinks are the only silent prisoners in the Alcatraz of a nuptial knot, there is hardly anyone who ever wants to understand a man’s perspective in a failing relationship. I fail to understand why women are often portrayed as ‘the victim’ in a failing relationship and the men as ‘unjust’. Why are women projected as the weaker link when there is much ado about women’s rights and freedom? Don’t get me wrong here; I am an avid supporter of feminism and women’s empowerment, which I truly believe are two different things. I have always supported good education ...

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Perhaps Jordan can teach Pakistan how to treat its minorities

The deadly attack on Pakistan’s Christian minority in Youhanabad left 16 people dead and was followed by communal clashes in Lahore. Soon after the incident, the Bohra community was targeted in Karachi last Friday. These attacks are not new to religious minorities in Pakistan, who have been living under fear of their lives for the past few years; their residential colonies, work places and places of worship are turning into slaughter houses in their own homeland. However, in case of other Muslim-majority countries, minority groups continue to live in peace and enjoy the rights and privileges prescribed to them by law. ...

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From the Terrible 20s to the Naughty 40s

I started to take stock of my life towards the last leg of my 30s. I recently approached my 40s and something inside me changed. Living in a world where we typically highlight milestones like our entry into adolescence, pre-teen years, and teenage years, people seem to think that once you are done with your 20s, it is all bound to go downhill. I learnt that my 40s are my walk uphill; challenging yet rewarding. I realised that the “duty calls” part of me had to sit back on the side seat and the driving seat had to be occupied by the “nurturer” in me. What ...

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