A daddy’s letter to his little girl (about her future husband)
Dear Cutie-Pie, Recently, your mother and I were searching for an answer on Google. Halfway through entering the question, Google returned a list of the most popular searches in the world. Perched at the top of the list was “How to keep him interested.” It startled me. I scanned several of the countless articles about how to be sexy and sexual, when to bring him a beer versus a sandwich, and the ways to make him feel smart and superior. And I got angry. Little One, it is not, has never been, and never will be your job to “keep him interested.” Little One, your only task is to know ...
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You can’t be a journalist, you’re a woman!
“This is not the right field for a woman”, he said, with an impudence that seemed at odds with his otherwise timid appearance. He offered his two cents, “advice” he called it, as if delivered with nothing but my best interest in mind. “Why don’t you go into TV or reporting?” Being a woman, with any kind of unique ambition in Pakistan, comes with the stigma of rebellion. Women, however, are no longer choosing their occupational roles based on societal expectations. There are now female taxi-drivers, camera operators, police force employees and photojournalists — and while this shows the progress the country ...
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My fairy tale wedding
I stand over the remnants of tea and pastries, the window creaks open and the wind howls. How did this happen? I close my eyes and my mind takes me back a couple of hours, to the beginning of the evening. “Oh darling!” exclaimed my overjoyed mother, “You look so beautiful!” She circled my chair for the millionth time, brushing imaginary specs of dirt and creases off the jamawaar kameez I was wearing, and adjusting a curl or two. I looked at my reflection in the floor-length mirror; as miserable as I was I had to admit, I did look beautiful. Almost ...
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Too lazy to work, too lazy to move: Make the wife work
Gone are the days when marriage meant that the husband was responsible for earning bread while the woman’s role is that of staying at home, running the household and taking care of her husband and children. With evolving times, the concept of matrimony has changed in developed, as well as developing countries. Now, a husband and wife are considered two wheels of a car in all aspects. Women earn as much as their husbands and take part in contributing to the household expenses. While this approach has been acknowledged worldwide, people belonging to the subcontinent, and mostly Pakistan, have contradictory opinions. For instance, a ...
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Advice to a new groom
Just like two hands are required for clapping, a marriage, too, is unlikely to succeed with the efforts of one partner alone. To all those readers who thought that my blog “Advice to a new bride” was overly derogatory to new brides, let me clarify, this blog is not a consequence of comments on that piece. This was already written even before the first was published. On that note, if I were to have my wish for a chat with the groom before the marriage, the following are some of the issues I would address. 1. Resolve your issues before marriage: If you ...
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Ask Sayeda: What are the grounds for divorce?
I’m from a pretty well to do segment of Pakistani society. Have been working for 10 years, and am on the brink of divorce. Being fairly spiritual, I wanted to know what is your opinion about what is too far in a marriage — what would be the grounds for divorce? I have lived with some minor physical fights that had more emotional trauma than physical; lived through ‘emotional’ affairs where my husband has been inappropriate with a woman online; and have also faced living in one room in my in-laws house because my husband does not financially support me, ...
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Dear women, equality comes with a price!
Pakistan is now producing more female doctors than male ones and it is not a good sign. According to some of the senior doctors and medical staff, Pakistan’s health system had won the gender equality battle at the cost of productivity. More women are now pursuing medicine, as compared to their male counterparts, which is affecting the health system adversely since a large number of women abandon the profession after completing medical school. Due to the open-merit system introduced by the Supreme Court in 1991, which abolished the 60:40 ratio for male and female students in medical college admissions, men and ...
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Stopped by the police?
Khalid and I got married a few months ago, and recently went on a trip to Lahore and Islamabad. We had to take the Daewoo bus from Lahore to Rawalpindi, and then a cab to our guest house. The bus reached Pindi around 11pm and we hurried into the taxi since it was extremely cold and raining cats and dogs. As our taxi approached the Islamabad check point, we were directed to pull over by the police. A tall, uniformed policeman knocked on our window and started asking the typical questions, ‘Where are you coming from? Why are you here?’ After a ...
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I was thrashed but not beaten: Never be afraid of divorce
I got married at a very young age. I was 17- years-old and had not even finished high school yet. I was married to a man who was 31 years old at the time, an MBA graduate from a university in the US. He belonged to an elite and very well to do family from Karachi and was also the only son. Marriage to me was all about jewellery, fun, laugh and play, but it didn’t take long for me to realise that although it was a new relationship it was definitely a very strange one. In the third month of ...
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Question: I suffer from chronic headaches. Sometimes, they are so bad that I have to stay in bed for a day or two. What could be causing these and how can I improve the situation? Answer: Chronic pain such as headaches can come from a variety of reasons. The cause could be physical, mental or emotional. Have you had a thorough check-up with your doctor? Headaches could come from any number of causes including anaemia, dental or sinus issues, common colds, eye problems, dehydration or even stress. First of all, make sure to have a thorough medical check-up. Ask your doctor ...
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