Treat her like a lady, not a baby-making machine
Kaneez* has five young children with a small age difference between them. She works full-time as a domestic maid and takes short, rushed breaks in order to nurse her youngest child, a five-month-old infant. If her break becomes longer than the expected five minutes, she is severely rebuked by her employer. Life is hard for Kaneez. Not only does her husband expect her to make ends meet, but also wants her to keep adding more children to the brood. Her children fight all the time, demand clothes and toys when she takes them grocery shopping and throw tantrums when their ...
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Durr-e-Shahwar: Television blames working women
Last Saturday night, I sat down with my mother-in-law to watch a new television drama serial named “Durr-e-Shahwar” which has come after the much talked and blogged about “Humsafar”. She was quite eager to watch this new serial, and I decided to keep her company. However, a few minutes into the show I started feeling anger at the writer and producer. Here’s why: “Durr-e-Shahwar” portrayed a working woman who was so focused on her career that she ignored everybody around her – her family, her husband and her in-laws. While the show is well-produced and ...
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In marriage, golden jubilee anniversaries do happen
Sometimes memories of the years that have passed roll on in front of our eyes like old black and white movies. On April 8, every year since 1962, I have felt that way and am reminded each year of the day I married my beloved wife. This year is our golden jubilee anniversary, and I plan to celebrate it with my wife by my side, God willing. On this day, I intend to invite our relatives and friends, not to celebrate the day we got married, but the happy days we have spent together and how we have made an impact ...
Read Full Post‘My husband is my father’s age…’
A few weeks ago, I happened to witness the unfortunate crumbling and subsequent break-up of a close friend’s marriage. After hearing both sides of the story, I arrived to a conclusion regarding the main reason behind the failure: The husband was 20 years older than his wife. Although common in an eastern society where arranged marriages are the norm, such large age-gaps (10 years and more) often have great drawbacks in a relationship as intimate as marriage. In our society, parents are in a rush to marry off their daughters before they hit the twenty-fifth birthday mark (or even earlier), ...
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Why women need to complain more
I can’t tell you how much I relied on my girlfriends for my sanity in my 20s. During our student days at the University of Virginia (UVA), we were each other’s roommates, psychiatrists, parents, and siblings. Far away from my family in Bangladesh, my friends and I became each other’s families. But something happens to our female friendships when we leave our 20s and enter our 30s. As we get older and get married, have babies, work, work more, and did I mention, work more, we also begin to talk less. Why is it that when women need their girlfriends the ...
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10 things nosy ‘Pak’ers love to ask
Do you ever get riled up by busybodies asking annoying questions to ‘place’ people in their social world? Well, here are some conveniently snappy answers we wish we could respond with (you might even get away with some of them if you did; sarcasm is often lost on the unwitting). 1. Have you found anyone eligible yet? Yes (enter Mashallah), I have won the marriage lottery! She/he is, Mashallah, loaded and divorced only thrice. 2. Who is your father? He is Mian/Chaudhry (enter name) and owns (enter name of mill/bank). 3. What does your husband do? See answer number 2 please. 4. What village are you from? It doesn’t matter if you have never seen ...
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My quest to find Mr Right online
For the last couple of years my mother has been asking me the same questions: “Have you met someone?” “When will you start looking?” “Are you getting older each day or younger? (Umer ja rahe hai k aa rahe hai?)” The worst is when she tells me that if I don’t find someone for myself, she will do it for me. An image of Mr Kohli from Bride and Prejudice pops into my head after this declaration (shudder). You might think that I am talking about the biggest issue in Pakistan. But no, this is not about Memogate or about Zardari. This issue is ...
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You are so not Prince Charming
The more I interact with men, the more I realize how loathsome they are. They usually have just one thing on their minds when talking to a woman – no – make that always, and it doesn’t require a lot of imagination to think what it is. Why, I ask is that? I understand that it might have a little to do with biology and chemistry and some other sciences but it gets boring, mundane and repetitive. Even if a man has the power to hold my attention for more than a few hours with his intellect and humor, by the end ...
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Can you prove your marriage? Not if you are Hindu
A Hindu lady named Perrmessary Mai, aged 45 and mother of four, is the wife of Gomand Gee, and resides in a remote area of District Rahim Yar Khan. In July 2007, she applied for her Computerised National Identity Card (CNIC) after which the National Database Regulation Authority (Nadra) officials asked her to give proof of her marriage. In this regard she was asked to get attestation from the nazim (mayor) of her area or a Hindu MPA or MNA. As she was not able to get hold of a Hindu representative and the nazim refused to help her based on some personal reasons, ...
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How my driver said yes to contraception
My driver, Qasim, beamed at me in our car’s rear-view mirror. “Kara liya! Hum nay baccha band kara liya! Main nay apni biwi ka bachadaani operation say nikalwa liya” (We did it! We got permanent contraception! I got my wife to get an operation to get her uterus removed). I beamed back – the two of us, partners in glory. Strange conversation with a driver indeed. I settled in to my seat and thought back over the past few years. My mother was the first one to tell me about Qasim’s wife – pregnant with their eighth child, her listlessness and apathy had scared ...
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