Rehman Malik tops 2011 ‘Hall of Shame’

Published: January 1, 2012

"They were wearing black clothes like in Star Wars movies." PHOTO: APP

Be it Veena Malik, Shoaib Malik, or Rehman Malik, there is one thing I have realized; it’s not easy being a Malik in Pakistan.

The Maliks of Pakistan are forever surrounded by controversies. Despite stiff competition amongst politicians and artists who struggled to top the “hall of shame, 2011,” guess who has managed to secure the first position once again? Our very own, very dear, very entertaining, Dr Abdul Rehman Malik. To acknowledge his outstanding performance, he has even been awarded a PhD degree by the Syndicate of Karachi University in recognition of his “matchless services to the country.”

Some of his golden words uttered during the year 2011, that range from outlandish to hilarious, are listed as follows:

1) Statement: “If someone insulted Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), I, too, would shoot him”.

Event: On the assassination of Salmaan Taseer. The government responds in a way the authorities are supposed to: by promising the laws would stand, but Rehman  Malik comes up with this bizarre statement instead.

2) Statement: “I am thankful to the Taliban who did not carry out any attack on Shia Muslims and showed respect to their rituals.”

Event: During the event of Ashura, Rehman Malik passed another shocking statement to the media. He actually thanked the Taliban for not attacking Shia processions! And no, he did not stop there. Rehman went on to say that he had appealed to the Taliban, asking them to spare the processions of Shia Muslims, and that he was grateful that they  responded positively to his appeal.

3) Statement: “The Tablighi missionary centre in Raiwaind is the breeding ground for extremism and terrorism in Pakistan as the centre has a major role in brainwashing the extremists.”

Event: Rehman Malik made this statement to the audience at the security think-tank International Institute of Strategic Studies (IISS) while speaking on the topic of ”Countering Extremism in South Asia’.

 4) Statement: “If Google and Youtube do not help the Pakistan government, then Pakistan reserves the right to block these services to prevent terrorists from using it”.

Event: The Interior Minister when talking to the media at the FIA headquarters, urged the internet service providers to extend their help to the government for exterminating the menace of terrorism from the country.

5) Statement: “I had given a warning yesterday that there should be no match-fixing. This time I am watching it very closely. If any such thing happens we will take action”.

Event: Before the World Cup semi-final against India, Pakistani cricketers were warned beforehand not to indulge in any match-fixing by the Interior Minister Rehman Malik who said he was keeping a “close watch” on their activities.

6) Statement: “PML-N had embraced Osama bin Laden and was responsible for bringing Osama bin Laden from Egypt to Pakistan for his treatment”.

Event: Speaking at the National Assembly, Malik denied opposition leader Chaudhry Nisar’s claim that the government was sleeping while the US operation was carried out. He lashed out at PML-N for bringing Bin Laden to Pakistan.

7) Statement: “Extortionists should quit extorting and leave the city”.

Event: Talking to the media after addressing a ceremony held at the Karachi Chamber of Commerce, Interior Minister Rehman Malik warned the extortionists and target killers to quit and leave Karachi else stern action will be taken against them. I bet they were scared.

8) Statement: “When it is reported that 100 people were killed due to target killing, investigations reveal that only 30 were its victims while 70 others died at the hands of their wives or girlfriends.”

Event: During the press conference in Quetta, when target killings were on an all time high in Karachi, the Interior Minister said that the reported figure of deaths due to target killing were not accurate because half the men were killed by the women in their lives. Now that’s some imagination Mr Malik has there. Too many action-thriller films I would say.

9) Statement: “They were wearing black clothes like in Star Wars movies, (one) with (a) suicide vest. They had small beards and two of them were between 20-22 years old while the third who blew himself up was about 25.”

Event: This classic comment erupted from Malik’s mouth when he was talking to the media after the PNS Mehran attack. Our dear Interior Minister came up with another bizarre analogy and compared terrorists’ outfits to Star Wars characters. Told you he was into action flicks and stuff.

10) Statement: “All ground intelligence shows that Ilyas Kashmiri is dead. What I can say is that there is a 98 % chance he is dead”.

Event:  Interior Minister Rehman Malik told the media that although he had no physical proof, he was ’98 % sure’ that senior al Qaeda operative Ilyas Kashmiri was killed in a US drone strike in South Waziristan. Let’s add clairvoyance to his list of countless other outstanding traits, shall we?

tanzeel.ahmad

Tanzeel Ahmad

A UAE based marketing professional who is interested in politics and cultural issues. He blogs at www.tanzeel.wordpress.com

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.

  • Parvez

    Put him in the hall of shame, call him a bumbler, a clairvoyant, call him what you will. The fact remains he is not what he seems to be. Recommend

  • Imran

    This dude is still awesome!!Recommend

  • Imran

    This dude is still awesome !!Recommend

  • Sharmeen

    Epic, great quotes by the great minister of Pakistan. :-)Recommend

  • Salman Zafar

    8 and 9 were awesome…..Recommend

  • Munis

    You summed up Rehman Malik quite nicely ! (y)Recommend

  • Ali

    This is hilarious :D I feel sorry for our poor ‘innocent’ Dr. Rehman Malik… Lolzzz… Recommend

  • Safi ud Din Khan

    I dont like ur first point plz dont bring Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) into any thing . rest of points are good.Recommend

  • Rehan

    What’s wrong with statement 3? It’s unfortnuately very true.
    Regards,
    RehanRecommend

  • ahsan

    Way to go Dr. Rehman Malik!!! HahahaRecommend

  • Malik

    u r right that the year remained hard for maliks but Aik Zardari is still sub pe Bhari

    And another thing you have not mentioned his famous Quote “waqt anay per bataon ga”Recommend

  • http://ayazsays.wordpress.com Ayaz Ahmad Khan

    We are sick of him. He topped the dumbest personality list of the year.Recommend

  • Tanzeel

    Soon he’s going to expose the Transparency International as well.
    He says: “Transparency int’l is not a big gun. It is just a non-governmental organisation which works for its own vested interests”Recommend

  • Wahab

    and this man served Pakistan as DG FIA..!Recommend

  • https://twitter.com/#!/AnumS_ AS

    OH WOW. Couldn’t help but shake my head while reading this. Great collection, though!Recommend

  • Pinky

    lol..
    i bet he is related to that Baloch minister “degree tau degree hoti hai, asli ho ya naqli” ;pRecommend

  • Hira Z

    Great Post. Recommend

  • TK

    The author has summed it up in an amazing way. Just want to add what a little kid has to say about so called Dr. Malik. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=To3mHD-ynd4Recommend

  • Anjaan

    Truly hall of shame. Thinks everyone is foolRecommend

  • dr. malik

    I m searching you all on google map and soon you will be taken to task.Recommend

  • Sheikh

    REHMAN MALIK FOR PRESIDENT!Recommend

  • Junaid Zaheer

    Tanzeel Sahab tusi chha geyo! Awesome article. Recommend

  • zuno

    LOL good one :DRecommend

  • Veena Malik
  • http://www.tanzeel.wordpress.com Tanzeel

    Not just quotes, he’s good at Tilaawat also :P
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWB0W54HDQARecommend

  • http://deleted Shahbaz lodhi

    nicely write up””’Recommend

  • Sana

    Hey Tanzeel….brilliant blog. Join IRP back :PRecommend

  • Ashish

    We ,in India , also have one politician just like Dr. Malik. He is non other than Lalu Prasad Yadav.
    I remember Dr. Malik was also related with sone Banana joke.Recommend

  • RAW is WAR

    Veena good, rehman bad.Recommend

  • Ali Tanoli

    Hahhahahah after all dude is from Sialkot town is famous for ……………Recommend

  • A Ali

    I have a doubt about the ” DOCTOR “Recommend

  • http://twitter.com/#!/Arshad_Afridi Arshad Afridi

    Hello Doctor Tanzeel! so when is your Phd on ‘Daaktar Abdul Rehman Malik’ completing? :P Long time no see? :Recommend

  • http://syedaabidabokhari.wordpress.com The Only Normal Person Here.

    hahaha. Awesomest read.Recommend

  • http://NewYork Falcon

    Like the content but not the title of the article…it comes across a bit too harshRecommend

  • Azam Shah

    Malak saab tussi chaaa gaye ho thaa karkay Recommend

  • YK Yousafzai

    Hay Tanzeel! Thats a great article. Absolutely true.Recommend

  • ZM

    Once he said : ” hum dehsatgardoun ko awam k samney lain geyee …” n its make me laugh b/c he was already on my TV screen !
    Now one can imagine about d entire condition of education n country when these sots of cartoon characters are on our heads …. Oops ! Recommend

  • THE

    Loved this one Tanzeel! You should add the title Dr. Malik gave to Altaf Bhai after his speach in support of our greatest President. That would make # 11 on your list. Recommend

  • Shahid Shamsi

    Neat article, Rehman Malik should be given title of Sir against his achievements and remarkable statements. Well done Sir.
    Sshamsi
    Lahore, PakistanRecommend

  • Rafia

    Who they call Dr. ????

    Hilarious people in our politics.Recommend

  • Saira

    ahahaha!!!wat a great man Rehman malik is …..I seriously like him ….Recommend

  • Tin-Tin

    I think the statement from the Information Minister, Dr. FA Awan stating that extended weekends will increase the population of Pakistan tops all politicl statements.Recommend

  • Ihsan chaudhry

    i just want to add .here in kuwait we hve Anwar Malik .. Recommend

  • Lobster

    Awkward, because MQM forced him get a honourary doctorate through their VC at Karachi University. Recommend

  • http://N/A Shahan Mehmood

    I Actually Started Doubting the legitimacy of Karachi University!!

    I mean.. Come on.. PhD of KU… how you guys are Feeling?? Humiliated?Recommend

  • Musaddiq Shah

    Very nice light and humorous piece. appreciated.Recommend

  • Alllooo

    WHAT WAS THIS HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!
    Cool now if the so called stupid leaders of a muslim country would say something like quote # 1 thn the dumbest n uneducated people of Pakistan would go kill any person plus the concept of jihad in such people’s mind is just like a cherry on the TOP!!!! Recommend

  • akhtar

    sirs Thenonly brave hard working man in Pakistan .,how come Muslims always turn against any one doing something good,
    Do you people like anybody ,may be you should ask american help to send you some nice people to rule you for the to,e being til
    you are able to produce your own
    the courts Taliban army Mannerless rude media men ,all after him
    someone is protecting him
    may be AllahRecommend

  • Tasneem A Siddiqui

    This is totally unfair to put Abdul Rehman Malik in the race of who will be # 1 in race of hall of shame. Normally poll or competetions are being conducted, only in case if there are lot of candidates in the competetion. But the post of number one is permanently reserved for Abdul Rehman Malik, and i am sure no one can snatch this post by him. He is all time number one in the hall of shameRecommend

  • Ali khan

    why he didnt said anything about veena malik yet :pRecommend

  • Ahsan

    Simply awsum. This guy is epic.Recommend

  • http://amnahhussain.blogspot.com Amna

    hahahaha! Great post! I had such a good laugh! :D

    Nobody can beat doctor sahab! :D Recommend

  • acha bacha…

    “To acknowledge his outstanding performance, he has even been awarded a PhD degree by the Syndicate of Karachi University in recognition of his “matchless services to the country|.

    no comments except LOLRecommend

  • Unbiased

    @Rehan:
    some beautiful words by Azizi (Sohail Ahmed)…………..and great analysis by Junaid………..about Tablighi Jamaat…………..!!!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_96QSTce9ERecommend

  • Ammara Farooqui

    Awesome blog, thank you tanzeel for making us laugh. ..Recommend

  • imrana

    rehman g tussi gr8 ho…. :XRecommend

  • http://www.journalistpakistan.tk Journalist Pakistan

    What else you can expect from our Home Minister. However, Veena Malik issue is not of that importance that our home minister have to comment on that.

    http://www.journalistpakistan.tkRecommend

  • http://www.didyouwonder.com Ali

    If it was not about Maliks, his excellency CM Baluchistan Mr. Aslam Raisani would top the list for sure.Recommend

  • Noor

    He is the new Veena in Making !!!Recommend

  • Asad Hasan

    And now Karachi University is looking for a new vice chancellor –

    Its a joke really. Which able bodied professor will come to be interviewed by a selection committee comprising Mr. UAG Isani – whose own degree is highly circumstantial – to say the least. Any self respecting academician will keep himself/herself away from this committee less their own name be sullied in association thereof……who has constituted this team……we wonder !!!

    And ofcourse, we have doctorates conferred on persons like Mr. Malik. Who would like to be a VC of such a university……????!!!!!Recommend

  • http://www.journalistpakistan.tk Nauman Adil (Institute of Journalism)

    @Asad Hasan:
    It is unfair on ur part if you raise a point on Dr.UAG Isani degree. I am sorry to say and worried that you might not be in this world when he was the secretary education and then the chairman of UGC(now known as HEC). He is above 75 years and serving as the Vice chancellor Iqra university and he is among the most reputable among all the vice chancellors and educationist.

    Therefore, in my opinion he is the best person to be in the committee.Recommend