You are so not Prince Charming
A husband is a clingy, attention-seeking, insecure wimp, who's 'upset' with you all the time.
The more I interact with men, the more I realize how loathsome they are. They usually have just one thing on their minds when talking to a woman – no – make that always, and it doesn’t require a lot of imagination to think what it is.
Why, I ask is that? I understand that it might have a little to do with biology and chemistry and some other sciences but it gets boring, mundane and repetitive.
Even if a man has the power to hold my attention for more than a few hours with his intellect and humor, by the end of the evening he ends up becoming a carnivore looking for a piece of meat. And if a man has the guts to deny this to my face may God send the pox on him and his progeny.
I find, being single in these times hazardous to say the least. All kinds of vermin and weirdos creep up trying (quite literally) to crawl up your sleeves. Am I being crass?
What is a woman to do when men are, from all angles, sides, crevices and gaps trying to slither their way to you as though you are Manna from heaven itself? Men, please back off because for me pursuit is the key; if you stick to me like leeches, all I can do is bleed and try to get as far from you as possible.
I can say with authority that the Pakistani man is a desperate being. He wants a woman, no, he wants lots of women all the time, for only one thing and that thing only. Add to this the complete idiocy of our men doing the rounds, sticky hair sticking up, strange clothes plus stranger shoes, always a wife ensconced in the background but never really brought out and discussed in the open, stingy habits, sub-zero sense of humour and worst of all – no conversation.
I’ve lost hope of ever coming across a man who can converse well. Perhaps in the next life, or in another universe – no harm in hoping, is there?
So if you are a man, and if you have nothing to say then the best bet would be to stay clear of this deluded cow.
I want a hero
I do.
Is it too much to ask for? Have we been duped all our lives? Is the fairytale a very cruel joke?
All our lives, we women are fed stories of strong men who, aside from being tall, dark and stunningly handsome, are the epitome of courage, bravery, integrity, class, and politeness. Armed with the job of protecting and saving damsels (distressed or otherwise) they are mysterious like Zorro, lithe, athletic, well-read, patient, and fall madly in-love with us. Moreover, they stay madly in-love with us for the rest of our lives.
The rude shock of reality hits a girl with the first romantic relationship she has. Instead of a daring macho hunk, you are handed a clingy, attention-seeking, paranoid, insecure wimp who is ‘upset’ with you more than half the time you are with him. The twisted logic he gives is of loving you so much, that he loses his mind and is rude and jealous.
With marriage, all illusions one may have about love and romance disappear. Your husband, who is supposed to care for you, love and cherish you turns out to be a tattered soul in perpetual need for something or the other. Leave aside the thought of him taking care of you; he is the one in need of constant attention and appreciation whether he deserves it or not. He wants everything that will make him feel good about himself – he needs to be cajoled and pampered, put on a pedestal especially by his wife (apparently, something to do with male-ego.)
When you have children this facade starts to fade. Sometimes a grown man can be jealous of his own child.
Yet, despite everything I’ve seen I believe in dreams. So even if reality is crude, there must be a realm where the fairytale man exists.
The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.
hmmm…
no offense to anyone, i am happily married since the last 5 years, but to some extent, my husband does come in the category of the men mentioned in the article!!!
though i love my husband very much, and am always serving him, but it is wrong to say that we should have less demands to lead a peaceful life!!! we are living in the 21st century… for God’s sake!
men and women should be side by side and that is how my husband is, fulfilling my every demand!!!
but yeah, the only thing that men have on their mind is.. you know what… :)Recommend
women still expect all these from Mazloom men of pakistan who returns home working hard round the clock.. so ridiculousRecommend
The fact is, you are not looking for Men, you are looking for Women!! Just get over yourself and face itRecommend
Shun ur illusions, Lubna. Talking abt fairy tales? I recommend u revisit Shrek (where “Princess” Feona ends up with an ogre).Recommend
You’re brave for writing this. It does apply to a lot of people (though there are always exceptions–’normal’ or admirable guys do exist in our country who are worthy of marriage (or, on the flip side, of platonic friendship). Generalizations aside, one can’t help feeling sympathetic towards single women as well as ones married to philanderers in our hypocritical society.
My ode to sleazoids: http://blogs.tribune.com.pk/story/3321/are-you-a-player/
Having said that, women’s expectations are sky-high because they’re fed Cinderella stories from infancy and expect wayyy too much from reality. More on that in one of my upcoming blog posts…Recommend
are you trying to tell the world that your very beautiful and guys die to be with you?
thats what i thought anyways.Recommend
@Sana:
love ur comment very trueRecommend
I completely agree with this!Recommend
Dear Lubna,
take it from someone who was born and raised in Germany. Fairytales are the biggest scam, an unreachble dream perpetuated by unsufferble hollywood movies. Prince Charmings do you not exist nor does MR.Right! Just take the mr. good enough that your parents are suggesting.
Contrary to popular believe, love requires hard work. Not for nothing failytales end with the wedding, because after that its all hard work. If you dont believe check out the divorce rates in Europe.Every 2.nd marriage ends in divores. Cleary love is not enough to have a happily ever after.Recommend
This was too lame, even for feminist me.Recommend
I feel your pain sista! you have replicated my sentiments in this piece. Well done!Recommend
I’m still a kid so I’ll not take offense. :PRecommend
Looks like a tragedy took place in your life involving the opposite sex.Recommend
Somehow I feel sorry for you…!Recommend
I really don’t understand why you think men only want “one thing”, that they are not good at conversations and that they are needy and clingy and what not!
Perhaps you have had a few really mean breakups in a series? :P
My “romantic relationships” did not even mention any such “one thing” while we were in our late teens and early twenties. And since that age, my “romantic relationships” are meant to encompass that “one thing” as well among other things such as caring for each other etc… after all, this is what a man-woman relationship is supposed to be about!
You really need to read your own article with a detached point of view and you’ll know what you sound like!Recommend
Ah… just another girl who thinks she’s too cool for Pakistani men! I hate to break it to you, uh not that you haven’t heard this before, but get out of your own insecure shell and look at people, in this case, men with a broader angle! Not EVERYBODY just wants to get it on with you. So many times girls think someone’s being nice because they’re trying to get ‘jiggy’. No woman, we have standards and not anyone and everyone would do, as you very carelessly like to think and express on an International forum!
Also, my suggestion is to roam around in better people and make better friends and maybe let your male friends know where you stand! Also, stop dreaming about a prince charming, when you, yourself are ruthlessly generalising Pakistani men… maybe with this better than thou attitude, you’re bound to stick with sissy guys! So please grow up, I’d say it’s almost time, but no, it’s kind of late for you, still never too late!Recommend
seriously girl u need to take a break, im a girl too, i know and have met guys too, but things arent as twisted as u think. if u make yourself a piece of meat and give them those kinda signals during your awesome conversations then obviously they would think like that. Pakistan or as a matter of fact the world isnt made up of Joeys and barneys, just like every girl is not a dumb blonde similarly every guy is not a jerk. Come on dont be that prejudiced!! its unfair now to call them leeches!Recommend
Can some guy with guts shows up and write a rant against (Pakistani) women ? You know, I mean, we have to live up to the expectations and I’m sure that there’s some Pakistani (male) monster here who wants to let his frustration speaks out. : o)Recommend
Dear Author,
Not only you have a thing for bad men but it seems like that you have a thing for getting attention too! i am sorry that your life is a sad little story. Everyone’s is. But there is no point to blame men for your bad action.
Real world is not a fairyland. Its reality which is cruel and hard. Yes you can live in your little pink castle with a pony and a crown but one day you will wake up to find that it is not REAL and there you will cry like you did just above!
Thank you!
PS: I can tell you to buck up and be a man…but that will be just ironic…would it not?Recommend
I believe you have been hooking up with all the wrong people, you are trying to find originality in a bunch of wannabes who dress and act weirdly? There still are men who like to stick to one woman for the rest of their lives, the thing is like women, men have emotional issues as well, have you ever tried thinking about what causes a man to get irritated and feel insecure? It’s because he knows that rest of the world out there is like the weirdos you have recently being hooking up with.Recommend
On second thought I don’t buy this. I think you’re highly intelligent because your observations are very close to the truth. You are a smart writer because you chose a first person style thereby becoming the punching bag for free flying comments and thereby making the blog more popular, but this not you, not by a long shot.Recommend
Article above & other blogs of ur’s are most against men & offensive…….if i summarize them
Men=Devil
Women=Angle
if u have so many problems with men why don’t u join ranks of Homos??? or spend ur life as single???……..because we men r made that way & not going to change into Disney “PRINCE CHARMING”………..
Even creator ALLAH has promised a lot of beautiful women in paradise as reward of good deeds……….who knows the creation better than creator????Recommend
@vigilant: Correction, my friend, Allah has not explicitly promised “a lot of beautiful women”. He has used the term “hoor” which in arabic ALSO means just a companion, or friend, of either gender. Do you really think God has planned for Heaven or Jannah to be a depraved sex orgy? I doubt it.
Plus, for your information, our BODIES dont go to heaven, our souls do, and SOULS are not physical matter hence what would be the point of being surrounded by “beautiful women” in heaven when nothing can come of it?Recommend
This whole notion that marriage is end of quest,then happy end and sunshine and all that ends well,it all fairytale,.Does not exist . Humans are the only spices who are mentally pre-programmed and conditioned from very beginning that marriage as an institution is a must for man/woman world,without which we are incomplete.Nothing is far from that farse,invariably we within few years are invariblely tired,dislutioned,bored and at best just looking out for way out,but we are stuck and like a ad in roach motel,you get in,but can not get out.I for many years thought on 2 topic 1) God,religion,Faith,and reason 2).The institution of organized marriage.The first one,masses need religion,wise and thinkers do not need organised religion and God,the rulers think god and religion useful.Second one really smart one who value freedom and free will excersize a thing which should never be compermised,stay clear of the institution of marriage,they are smart enough to find sex without strings,diufficult but possible,elsewhere.Those who are otherwise,suffer man or woman are condemned for a miserable life togather either divorce or death come first.We can not live with or without marriage.No way out.Those who stayed happily married, it is just that,make believe.Recommend
For all those people who supported her idea that its only Pakistani man’s mentality,I would advise them to go spend some time alone with a man of any nationality and then come up with these statements. I guess not many would even think of it if they claim to be decent.
Just for reference I would share a saying from our beloved Prophet (PBUH)
” When a man and woman are alone, the third one between them is Shaitaan”Recommend
I read the rant first and then glanced over the qualities mentioned in thr articlr image. Am I the only one who thinks they apply in the reverse direction quite easily too?Recommend
A complete waste of space. The writer seems a delude and self obsessed person. Quite immature work.ET should take care of what they are publishing. Disappointment!Recommend
Haters gonna hate. Whiners gonna whine!Recommend
I think out of all posts Muhammad Saad has commented logically.Men are not alike in all cultures.In the west they give respect to females.The segregation of sexes in our society has created the monsters described by the writer.The Western men are not angels but they are not one tracked and paranoid,though they are also after only one thing.Recommend
I dont agree that all men universally are alike. They are closer to the ones described by the blogger in sexually segregated societies.Recommend
Alas! so much hating and loathing just to attract a bit traffic to your blogRecommend
@A Engineer/scientist/and double PHD
i have a sister who shares the same opinion.. ;) if you are interested!!
@Leila Rage
Agreed!
@Vigilant
are you one of those men who use (or misuse in your case) Islam to accommodate your needs and desires?!Recommend
Your blog made me smile, felt like desi sarah jessica parker exploring her options.. nothing wrong with it infect, healthy for the Pakistani society that the young women are aware of their surroundings and just not carrying the “kharboza” on their head .. hehehe .. You seriously need to get to skool or find a career.. I think you need an activity so you can justify your existence..
So .. There is nothing wrong what you want but you should also be brutally honest with your own self that if this the right place you are trying to hunt for your man? and if your expectations are bit too high from the guy …. so please pardon me and since you didn’t mention in your blog, let me ask you that what do you have to offer in return of that super awesome dude.:) .. Let’s suppose, I am that dude, the guy of your dreams and everything you wanted, since you want so much from me, what can you offer me?? hehe .. From my point of view, I can tell you that dating a Paki girl is like a non stop drama; something similar to dating a super secret agent who will keep you on your toes all the time and expect you to be a master mind reader to match up with her thinking and schedule and understand what she really really wanted you to do on that very freaken moment.. ehhh .. and if you don’t do it right, she will explain how important people thought about and that they are super hurt and dude should feel really terrible and insufficient.. so now that she will have to pull a magic wand to fix the mess that I created. seems like bunch of bull to me .. please tell me whats wrong with desi chicks and What’s the point of multiple personalities, I tell you sweet heart, guys don’t like this.. :)
Next thing is the attitude, desi girls with attitude DO NOT look good… period… guys are no exception.. Please do not take me wrong but supposedly, if a guy smiles at you, it doesn’t always mean he carries bad intentions. Best thing you can do is to say hello and nicely so no (if he asks something inappropriate which is highly unlikely since you acted decent earlier) and walk out .. In Pakistan, I saw girls yelling and screaming with their lungs out on one set of people (servants for example) the very next moment they are sweet like a sugar candy with other people .. yuk .. it made me almost puke .. Hypocrisy sucks … allow me to say that Courtesy is contagious and it will spread out so let it start with you.
Another very important thing is physical attributes, you like the guy be over six feet tall, dark, fit and handsome — not sure how tall you are, but if you are an average desi — lemme guess you are little over 5 and thinks if she diet little more and becomes super skinny, you will beat Katrina Kaif in a jiffy. I suggest you come out and take a little breather in a real world and find out what guys think hot is for a chick and what you think hot is from your point of view .. I bet your world will turn upside down in no time. .. That’s why guys know that he is getting a bad deal and doesn’t pay much attention to you.. or he may think that since you are totally out of brain so why not at least look for a pretty face so there is compensation…
Darn it, I gota run.. Nice thoughts though.. keep em coming so I keep smiling and keep taking aims at you .. Pls. pardon what I just said, I meant no disrespect or hard feelings .. OK .. have a great evening ..
ciao.Recommend
Lubna Khan, you make me laugh.Recommend
It is true that women are fed up with the stories of prince charming since very early in their chilhood.And we women start growing up, believing that there IS one prince for us.But when the real life takes over, we women who have been brought up with the idea of perfect mate we turn repulsive, if that is the word that exactly desceribes the woman’s situation. We live in a male dominant society, and all the comments are a proof of it.We don’t want to discuss such topics openly and when it is done, esp. by a woman in this case, we criticise. We don’t let women express themselves through any means and if they do we criticise them.I completly agree with the author.Recommend
Dear unfortunate one,
The reason I have referred to you as unfortunate will be evident to you towards the end of this. I believe this to be an extremely shallow blogpost about men by a self acclaimed cynic. However, the content of which was substantially engaging and the argument undeniably true to a large proportion of the Pakistani male population. With my small Pakistani male brain and limited comprehension skills, I cannot help but say that you, madame, are wrong.
It’s true that most Pakistani men would prefer to hover over women like flies in search of “the nectar” but I would like to think, with reason, that men with taste, intellect and poise do exist. A one-woman man is not a rarity it is the epitome of being a man. Your memoir of countless uneventful encounters with men who cannot not maintain a conversation, humour you and have your attention without being actively intrusive is justified only by sheer misfortune. There is no reason to completely wipeout the idea that a capable, rational and balanced man might tread anywhere near you.
What I’m trying to say is have faith. I do not know where you’re coming from but I urge you not to disregard the whole male population just because of a few unhealthy relationships you may have had. I realize this may be painfully evasive but my inner-self (insecure, paranoid and unsophisticated as you believe it to be) was stirred into an emotional turmoil when I read your piece – I could not help but do this for the sake of the few sane men out here.Recommend
@Hero
can i have your contact info?! :)Recommend
Judging by the articles u r posting, its quite clear who is the attention seeker here…i believe men like ‘pretty trinkets’ because they shine and glitter…its not because they are life saving drugs or anything. If u want a fair deal out of any friendship, u have to be realistic and get out of the ‘trinket’ faze, cuz a man (and a woman) needs sex as much as food or water…and every one prefers ‘roast chicken’ to ‘daal roti’ even in that case.Recommend
Somebody is on rag! LOLRecommend
@Sana:
seriously?? that’s all you can think of?? my contact details??
and i thought men were one-track minded.. hahahaha ;)Recommend
@Mohammad Abbas
Agreed. But the point is that women, unlike men, have control over their urges. Or, they are good in hiding it. Where as men, they have their tongues hanging out every time they see a woman. Ever seen a lady do that?!Recommend
@hero
there could have been may reasons why i had asked for your contact details. maybe i wanted more of your opinion as you sounded very logical. maybe i wanted to get more insight and wanted to discuss a few things with you and needed a balanced minded male suggestion…. as i am trying to write a new blog on this topic but voila… you comment just proved that Lubna Khan knows what she is talking about!!!!
LolzzZzzzzzRecommend
@ Sana
No, but women ARE good at hiding it Yes. That doesnt make em different from men. And Dear, all men dont oogle at the next best body, theres no harm in appreciating beauty.(just appreciating, im not talking about cheating), but what all men do look for in a women, is understanding. Now that is hard to find. I bet ms lubna suffers from the same issue.Recommend
hahahahahahah. i m happy. i m excited and i m amazed. and let me say that after a very long time i seen a female talk against men with such solid arguments, depicting mens’ ordinary attributes as if evil chapters from a dangerous book. you know miss lubna, there are two kinds of people whom i adore, Atheists and Anti-men Females. because i always think i and they will have a months long, sizzling and heated row of continual arguments on this issue trying to convince each other or i shoul say ‘trying to enlighten each other . Being rightfully positive, i must say that i think you go on with anti-males phenomenon because you are brilliant and shrewd enough to have someone to converse with on the matter, as you mentioned. i really enjoyed your post for its vivacity. I DO NOT AGREE TO YOUR POST, AND THATS WHAT LIKE ABOUT YOUR POST..I LOVE IT.Recommend
Go scribble somewhere else.Recommend
most of the comments in response to this post agree with miss lubna( though unintentionally) by saying,’ ok some men might be like what miss lubna says, but this does not mean that every man has those attribute or have that kind of nature.’ this is wrong, because firstly what this post says about men’s nature is absolutely right and the description is general enough to fit every man around and can be proven biologically and psychologically and no one can limit it. secondly, if one agrees with argument of the most of the posts, who is going to defend those few poor men who suit the description. what this post says is true but incomplete and the responses to it also the same, incomplete. anyone who is familiar with Aristotelian logic can understand what this post does and how it functions.even the writer might not know What she did in this post but its obvious that she knows quite well how to do it.Recommend
I’m a great conversationalist. give me a chance.Recommend
@Sana:
I’m being asked for my contact details on a blog and i’m suppose to be one-track?
i rest my caseRecommend
@sana
but its nice to know someone is willing to take a keen interest in my opinions..
gratified :)Recommend
@hero
disregard me earlier post, because like the 99% of men, you also misunderstood!
the only reason i had wanted your contact info was because of the reasons i had mentioned, but you just proved once again… the writer knows what she is talking about!!! and i would like to add, please do Not be so full of your self… as Lubna said … “”You Are So NOT Prince Charming”!!!!Recommend
@Sana:
arrogance isn’t a virtue i agree..Recommend
“I can say with authority that the Pakistani man is a desperate being. He wants a woman, no, he wants lots of women all the time, for only one thing and that thing only”
Get a one week tour of outside world and you’ll praise Pakistani men for being in their limits..
Way too one sided. I bet you have a tendency to look half-glass-empty and is someone who has expectations nobody can even think to fulfill
Wakeup baby!!Recommend
@Ali Akbar:
Remember she is only talking for herself and not representing the women community!Recommend
“I’ve lost hope of ever coming across a man who can converse well. Perhaps in the next life, or in another universe – no harm in hoping, is there?”
Without any ill-intent but just to satisfy your ‘a man who can converse well’ craving, I offer my services. Money back guarantee! Seriously, I am not kidding (If you consider this comment offensive, do not publish it but I don’t mean any offense). Am I ‘becoming a carnivore looking for a piece of meat.’ By your definition, yes! but not according to mine. Do I sound any different to you? I guess not. Men and this life has really been highly unjust to you. You know, I have a feeling now, that you are one poor soul. Now, please don’t equate my statement to male chauvinism. I offer apologies on behalf of the men community, provided they are willing to grant me the power of attorney! I think I have been a lil too much verbose. I am sure you must have been extremely intoxicated by the exuberance of my written verbosity! Time to say adieu!
P.S. It was after I had written the above ‘bakwas’ that I got to know that you are married. In fact your line of reasoning and ‘vichars’ never reflected that you were the victim of this tragedy! Alas! it was too late by then and I could not reword my ‘vichars.’ Praying for you and your fairy tale man!
FROM: A strong man who, aside from being tall, dark and stunningly handsome, is the epitome of courage, bravery, integrity, class, and politeness. He is also armed with tactical nuclear weapons as well the the job of protecting and saving damsels (distressed or otherwise). Coincidentally, this man is also mysterious like Zorro, lithe, Spider man, Superman, Simpson, athletic, well-read, patient, and falls madly in-love with women folk.Recommend
lol tahir…Recommend
@Sana:
Yes! my next door neighbour!Recommend
Comments are in response to your old piece dated June 8, 2011: “Where have all the good men gone?”
Since comments on above referred piece have been closed, I thought to take this route.
Part of your piece (blog piece) made me laugh, part made me feel concerned and part forced me to respect your opinion in reals sense.
‘Utopia-lubna’- now I get the essence of your ideas and thought process!
Your fairy tale line of reasoning may appear a lil too far from reality but is compelling indeed.
Do you think the kind of men you eluded to in your piece ever existed in this land of pure? You know what I think! I don’t know whether they existed in the past or not, they do exist today! (wait lemme look in myself in the mirror-yes! yes! I knew it….)
If you take my advice, which I have a gut feeling you will not: Replace your “bloated, used-up, paunchy, balding, sweaty, uncouth, dishevelled, unattractive’ lenses with “clean cut, stylish, laughable, intellectual, manly, reliable, strong, caring and honourable ones!”
This way you may find the fairy tale men of your dreams jumping, running, walking and doing all kinds of graceful stuff near and around you!
After after all it’s a utopian world!
Signing off for now, will be back soon!Recommend
@Sana:
……….Where as men, they have their tongues hanging out every time they see a woman. Ever seen a lady do that?!
Blissfully yes! my next door neighbour! lolRecommend
Agree, even we men suffer from being adam-teased from time to time………
:PRecommend
@Blog Administrators:
I have a suggestion. Please insert ‘Replies’ to a particular comment immediately below it instead of placing it in the comments sequence. The symbol ‘@’ does help in identifying the primary addressee but makes establishing the context difficult.
ThanksRecommend
get real girls no one is chasing girls.everybody is happy with there life in Pakistan every man is working day n night to have a good pleasure full life.this topic is directly presenting that u think that u r prince charming be real not every man is searching for meat after all.
regards
hammad
.Recommend
BURN BABY BURN !!! AWLLL THE MEN :p
its such an awesome post followed by awwwwww comments..BRILLIANT !!! :DRecommend
you think
women are stupidand than this article.. what exactly are you looking for??.. :pRecommend@Shermeen Akif:
Good idea………..but b4 u do that, ask yourselves a question! Will women-folk be able to live without makeup, fashion, style etc etc? Now this will prove who is an expendable commodity! I hope you got it! After all women are the most wisest creatures on this earth! If you did not get it, then lemme say………………………..
BURN BABY..BOYS BURN !!! AWLLL THE WO..MEN :p
Oh yes! it reminds me of a wonderful joke (a joke or reality bites! see it for yourself).
When women talk to each other, the poor Devil sits in a corner quietly, listens and….LEARNS! (there cannot be a better ‘School of Instruction’ than this!) lol!Recommend
wow so much spite you spilled. Guess who is the attention-hog here?? A good piece of advice for you would be to break the smoke screen around you and face the reality. Do not cite the fairy tales that you have grow up listening to. Then the problem lies with you more than it lies with the men. Who in this world does not want attention? if you think women are in any way different than the male counterparts, well you are wronged and try not to look at the world through the biased perspective. This article has only one version and in my opinion this generalization does not stand fit.Recommend