Let’s talk about sex

Published: May 13, 2011

Access to comprehensive sex education is every child’s right.

While the Behavioural Surveillance Survey (BSS) found a vast majority of young people in Pakistan to be sexually active, another study showed that Pakistan is witnessing a rise in sexual abuse cases.

Statistics released by an NGO, Sahil, in a report called “Cruel Numbers Report 2010,” reveal that victims of sexual abuse comprise 73 per cent girls and 27 per cent boys. These findings mock the belief that young people do not know, need not know, or, have nothing to do with, sexuality because they are protected by Pakistan’s culture and tradition.

Abuse and violence shouldn’t be the only standpoints to advocate for sex education, but they have become important to consider, especially when the Pakistan government has refused to allow sex education in the school curriculum.

The reasons given are myriad including that it is a “Western” concept against the traditions and culture of Pakistan and will encourage young people to engage in “promiscuous” behaviour. There is a group that feels, by introducing sex education in schools, the abusers will be provided with more opportunities to sexually harass and abuse young people.

The recent release of Dr Mobin Akhtar’s book “Sex Education for Muslims” aimed at educating Pakistanis in the matter, led to a big controversy. Dr Akhtar, 81, says the fact that sex is not discussed in Pakistan is resulting in serious repercussions. As a psychiatrist, he says he has witnessed this himself, and that is why he felt the need to write this book. Dr Akhtar says:

“Ignorance about sexual matters is causing a lot of our young people unnecessary psychological distress.”

Despite the fact that he toned down the title for the Urdu version of the book, from “Sex Education for Muslims” to “Special Problems for Young People,” Dr Akhtar received many threats due to the release of his books.

It’s sad to see the hypocrisy, double standards and bigotry that exist in this country, where we are constantly busy sweeping everything under the carpet.

Take for example Lahore – the city is infamous for its red light district, called Heera Mandi. Men pay a few rupees to sleep with girls, often young girls, who have been kidnapped and trafficked or who have been forced to sell their bodies for survival. Everyone knows what goes on there, but nothing has ever been done about it, at least officially.

Another example is the huge market for stage shows that display explicit matter through crude dialogues and dances, all performed in front of male audiences. In some instances, these dances even turn into strip shows – another adaptation from local culture.

It seems Pakistan is caught somewhere between sexual repression and sexual exploitation – two extremes.

Spreading basic sex education in conservative communities like that of Pakistan is a progressive move – one that could benefit future generations.  Policy makers should base their decisions on rational thinking and not on chauvinistic and moralistic ideas of culture.

Banning sex education will only hinder efforts to prevent the spread of HIV/AIDS, unwanted pregnancies, and sexual abuse, thus putting young lives at risk.

Access to comprehensive sex education is every child’s right.

Anam Gill

Anam Gill

A graduate student of media studies from Kinnaird College for Women who is passionate and committed towards the issues of human rights and social justice.

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.

  • Dodo

    Are you kidding me? In a religious country like Pakistan, introducing sex education would be tantamount to suicide for the government that introduces it. Don’t you know the main thing religion(s) tries to curb is a person’s sexual urge (for whatever reason that might be). And educating on it would mean that you’re actually condoning the act.
    It does not matter if people die of STDs or young girls get exploited for the trade due to ignorance. As long as religion is the utmost/absolute authority, nothing educational (which can be beneficial for the population) can ever be achieved. Recommend

  • Sabahat Naseem

    wish it gets heard!Recommend

  • Arsalan

    You have given good reasoning and valid points. Sex education is important but “education for sex education” is more important especially for Pakistan. There are still many people who think that in sex education classes, children will be shown porn and will be taught how to have sex, and that too will be in co-education! A campaign should be started by the government to convince religious parties (Jamaat-e-Islami will be the first one that will call for strike and will come on road) and other people that sex education class will be separate for boys & girls and they will NOT be taught about pornography. Also, in Pakistan it will be “Islamic sex education”, that will also teach about evils & problems of sex before & outside marriage. I’m sure if executed in a proper way, people & Mullahs will get convinced that instead of spreading “vulgarity”, sex education will be better for society and according to teachings of Islam.Recommend

  • parvez

    The self appointed keepers of our countries morals are all males, our courts are dominated by males, our law enforcement is overwhelmingly male dominated, our clergy is completely male dominated. To this I would add bigoted, hypocritical chauvinistic male domination. This lopsided equation has to be addressed, not necessarily by increasing the number of females in these field, but by a grass root educational process and an active enlightened judicial process.Recommend

  • http://www.linkedin.com/company/sociality-360 Babar Khan Javed

    Wonderful. Now how can we make it a realityRecommend

  • http://saidcanblog.blogspot.com Said Chaudhry

    During our OB/GYN rounds in final year of medschool,a well renowned Gynaecologist in Lahore told us that the incidence of venereal diseases and illegal abortions has increased many folds over the past few years. Yet, people remain tight lipped about talking about such issues openly. In the West, sex education classes are mandatory for high school students (separate classes for each gender) where they not only inform teenagers about prevalent diseases, but also offer advice on how to protect themselves. Something similar needs to be implemented in Pakistan. Unfortunately, as is often the case in Pakistan, people remain in denial of such problems rather than tackling it. Recommend

  • http://omarchughtai.com Omar

    I could not agree more. Pakistanis love their facade of morality, and easily dismiss anything remotely progressive as immoral and ‘Western.’ I recently had someone discuss Mother’s Day as a Western concept!

    You don’t need to look too hard to see what’s happening in the Red Light district or in certain ‘upscale’ social circles. The young people at both ends of the economic spectrum are equally ill-informed about ‘Special Problems.’ But hypocrisy reigns supreme, and discourse is shunned. Recommend

  • Saqib

    sex education will never be introduce in Pakistan Recommend

  • Ali

    i take the view that you are supporting Sex education just to prevent people from Hiv/AIDS, unwanted pregnancies, and sexual harrasment but not counting after effects of Sex education.

    Mostly children are of curious nature, if they learn or hear some thing they try to apply it in daily life. They may discuss it with their relatives, neighbours and it is observed that these are the people mostly involved in sexual Harassment.

    sorry to state you presented a half truth, i am not inspired with your writting or approach.Recommend

  • NR

    Great article.
    Sexual feelings are completely natural, and Pakistanis need to be taught that. Sexual repression only leads to a frustrated and disjointed society.
    Thus, I’m all for sexual education. It’s a hallmark of successful societies for a reason.Recommend

  • why oh why?

    i’m in complete agreement with you. it’s beyond me WHY we treat sex as something bad. i mean after all that’s how we all came into this world right?!Recommend

  • SJ

    Totally agree with the author. I think this article should be published in Urdu newspaper as well.Recommend

  • http://think-islam.blogspot.com PostMan

    I am sorry.. but would introducing sexual education lead to reduction in ‘men who sleep with girls, often young girls, who have been kidnapped and trafficked‘ and ‘huge market for stage shows that display explicit matter through crude dialogues and dances‘ ?

    I really do not think so. I think you should have focussed more on abuse of children and adolescents.. and even in that case… making the parents aware would of more help.Recommend

  • Asad

    Anam!

    Its nice to see that ppl are now realizing the cause of increasing frustration in Young generation. I agree to the concept of Education at higher School level perhaps at Intermediate level in our system of education. Plus the most important part is that the contents of this education should be TWEAKED to our cultural and religious values. Else BLINDLY following the Western style of education at school level will result in more damage.

    Regards,

    AsadRecommend

  • Naam mein kia rakha hai

    Bravo, i Appreciate the effort youve put, not caring for what you might face for that, i once told a friend of mine the same thing and he was like do you wanna get killed?
    I said no.
    He said then shut the hell up and never talk about this in other people’s presence.
    My point is whats wrong with people why cant they stand one’s views?
    why do we fight instead of talking patiently, i hope you be heard ma’m. Good Luck. Recommend

  • Omer Akif

    Radical Alert. Do not. I repeat. Do not mention the words ‘sex’, ‘condom’, ‘bra’ in Pakistani print media or you will be termed as Amreeki influenced desi with no morals and shunned as ‘Ghaair-Islami Kaafir’.Recommend

  • Henna

    Thank you for bringing this up. It’s importantRecommend

  • Nobody

    I totally agree! Sex education needs to be given more importance. Considering “illegal” sexual encounters are already a part of society and will be whether people are schooled on it or not, why not make it safer and smarter since one can never eradicate it from a society. Atleast that way, people can be better informed about the choices they make. After that, the choice is theirs whether people like it or not. Sex education should not be made a moralistic issue, and simply educating people about it will not magically make people more sexually active. It’s a simple fact of life: people have sex. So why not offer it as a course for a more well-rounded education. In some cases, for a percentage of the population, it may be the only formal education they receive. Even they should know how their own bodies really work. Recommend

  • Scorpion

    Serious Issue…
    Why only schools are Responsible for education.Recommend

  • Aman

    Islam is a complete code of life.. Just follow it. You’ll nevr need such type of info if u follow Islam rules.. These type of habbitual ppl wont stop thmslve writng sch an articls. Always do best and leave rest to Allah, no doubt he is The King of the whole universe.Recommend

  • Rana

    My dear Sister, I am totally disagreed your perception on this hallmark issue all over the world. Countries like America, Germany, France, where sex education taught to children from grass root level resulted to increase in rape cases, growth of disease like HIV/AIDS. AIDS devolve from European countries to Muslims countries due to this act. Being a Muslim we have to adopt the principles of Quran rather than swing negative subject of European towards our motherland.
    Our focus aim should be to write against Heera Mandi and stage drama illicit act and forced to Government to take initiative steps to garbage it from our society. Islamic education in real means best way to removed sexiest activities from our soil rather than to height it in negative way.Recommend

  • Nobody

    @PostMan:
    Sex education per se may not reduce the frequency of *‘men who sleep with girls, often young girls, who have been kidnapped and trafficked‘ and ‘huge market for stage shows that display explicit matter through crude dialogues and dances‘ * but it will atleast educate the youth who partake in sexual activities. And yes, whether we like to admit it or acknowledge it, the youth is having “illegal” sex and frankly there’s nothing people can really do about it. That’s a separate parent-to-child moral/religious and PERSONAL issue, not state or school-(save islamic school)-to child issue. But educating them on the risks associated with [sometimes wreckless] sexual encounters will leave them better prepared. They’ll know how to protect themselves.

    And on a slightly different note, the hush hush nature of sexual education also leaves alot of people (mostly kids) in the dark about sexual abuse. You’re not letting kids know that it’s wrong & inappropriate when someone touches you in certain places. If something is never talked about, it doesn’t mean it won’t happen, it just allows for ignorance. Recommend

  • Two words

    Most excellent
    Write againRecommend

  • pl/sql

    “How Un-Islamic sister!” LOLRecommend

  • Noman

    Lot of other things to be kept in mind while implementing Sex Education but we cannot do it. I am not agreed writer observation due to some Religion obligations.Recommend

  • Atif

    In European countries Sex Education has been taught.
    But yet they do illegal sex before engagement. Recommend

  • Moderate

    @Arsalan spot on mate!Recommend

  • HZ

    Isnt youtube enough to give sex education? In this country,people dont get things straight. Pehlay dimag tu thek kar loo in loogon gay!Recommend

  • http://habloid.wordpress.com Habiba Younis

    absolutely agreed!!!Recommend

  • wizard jks

    I really have no idea how people can patronize our culture and confuse religion with it.
    Look around and you’ll notice how brutal the conflict is between Islam and our “CULTURE”.
    The infamous Red Light Area’s been here for centuries, teenage male sex workers are traded daily, women are sadly still treated like property.
    hush hush!~ or I’ll be dodging some maniac trying to kill me.
    Don’t ask don’t tell.
    If the our religion can speak of coitus I really have no idea how these people can turn a blind eye towards an essential aspect of human nature.
    About time we got out of the caves.Recommend

  • http://Multan ILLIDAN

    Talking about SEX is haram in Islam! :PRecommend

  • noor

    Wrong that,
    “Access to comprehensive sex education is every child’s right”, though adults should know things. however, more info to youngers spreads more frustration & more abuses.

    Even today, there are more abuse cases in west, where there is more sex education.

    Islam is a complete code of life, only qualified scholars should be consulted to finalize the method of info passing.

    A good idea is that if we have qualified Imams in our Masjids and convert them into places of social interaction, including separate areas for females, we can solve such issues more efficiently.

    For the time being, let the parents & family elders sort the issues, media is already exposing more than required sexual allignment for people from all ages.Recommend

  • yasir`

    A good progressive move .

    It is important that as per requirement the education be imparted to the next generation so that in search for the hiden pleasure, the youngster may not become way wards.
    So its better to control the mind at the early stage . Recommend

  • https://www.facebook.com/Chalo.Gup.shup.Karte.hai Inam

    Does anybody know whether sex education is allowed in islam or not?
    I need an answer. People who are disagreed to this topic, can better answer this question.
    Thank U very much. Recommend

  • http://think-islam.blogspot.com PostMan

    @Nobody:
    Agree that the youth is indulging in sex, agree that they need to be told what risks they are exposed to by engaging in these activities.. still.. this will not reduce cases of men exploiting women who have been kidnapped/ trafficked and cases of men watching suggestive dance numbers on stage. I was just alluding to the link that the author was trying to establish.

    RegardsRecommend

  • http://russianroullete2.wordpress.com/ Jeddy

    Parents who have little or no time for their children – leave their children in the care of servants. The absence of the parents – helps sexually deviant servants abuse those children. The children cannot tell what they going through – because their parents do not have the required time to listen to them. Only after severe damage has been done – do the parents find out; by which time it is too late. Parents hush it up, they are too afraid to tell anyone what has happened – because it was their criminal negligence which was responsible for the suffering of their child. Besides anything to do with sex is too shameful to talk about openly in Pakistani societyRecommend

  • NR

    @Inam: The education of sexual behaviour (Kama Sutra, etc.) is older than Islam itself. Recommend

  • faraz

    Isnt pornography the better way than parents/teachers hesistantly discussing these issues with the children? Every college student ultimately ends up watching these movies whether he has had sex education or not.Recommend

  • Muhammad Ziad

    And who exactly would provide this sex education to children ? If you’ve been to any private or government school you would know before any ‘education’ they require discipline. Show me , point me one school where teachers are being respected by Students.Recommend

  • Everlast

    @ Inam, you can find book chapters if not complete books on “Sexual Education” by islamic scholars. In Islam there is no “sharam” by which I mean that one should know the rules laid out by Islam for everything even sex (my personal opinion is that it is everyone’s duty to do so) so people like Omer Akif,pl/sql I think are obviously unaware of it. In short we as a nation are completely “liberal” and “islamist”. So to say kind of “dhobi ka kutta na ghar ka na ghaat ka”

    The reason for not allowing the sex education in my opinion is

    1) We as a nation are too proud/numb etc etc to accept that this is a problem.
    2) The writer doesn’t state what kind of sex education.I mean it varies from how to have sex, when to have sex(age and days I think if you are an adult) how to prevent one’s self from STDs BUT this does not take in to account any abuse related things that have been discussed.Recommend

  • rk singh

    There is no proof better than to look at the number of comments this article has received to say, east or west, sex is best. Whatever your mullahs might think.

    @ Rana , you say
    My dear Sister, I am totally disagreed your perception on this hallmark issue all over the world. Countries like America, Germany, France, where sex education taught to children from grass root level resulted to increase in rape cases, growth of disease like HIV/AIDS. AIDS devolve from European countries to Muslims countries due to this act.

    From the way things are going, pakistan must be having the highest incidence of rape in the whole world. This is because of very poor education and lack of respect towards your fellow humans. Do you think Islam can answer these? Why do u people always pull Islam into everything?

    Recommend

  • http://www.thehrdesigns.com Hassan Raza

    I personally feel , there shouldn’t be any action against Mujra’s or Heera Mandi. Instead some sexual study should be introduced. The distance between the two genders is what causing the uncomfortable environment.

    According to a Survey, in most of the cases of Rape in US, convicted are elderly people. Ratio of Rape and sexual abuse is less in younger generation because of high social life and more interactivity with the other gender.

    It can be taken as a lesson to better visualize the problem. I personally believe the more we restrict and gap-pen the distance between two genders, more will be the problem.

    Open, free, co-gender environment with proper sexual study from early grades in school is necessary to solve the issue.

    How you expect a problem to be solved, when you are not even ready to discuss itRecommend

  • http://fruitforbidden.wordpress.com Fruit Forbidden

    Sex education needs to come from the parents. The way a parent can explain things to his/her kid no teacher or book can. There’s a huge generation gap and parents are totally uninformed of the needs, the peer pressure and the potential sex portals their kids have.Recommend

  • http://www.facebook.com/shirazdurrani shiraz durrani

    sex education is banned in pakistan as the satte wants to increase jehadis through marriages.Recommend

  • Mona

    Very Serious issue ..
    Many of the parents and teachers don’t know how to tell children about this concern .. government should take action even to educate parents and teachers . They should inform them the symptoms of Sexual abuseso that they could investigate these matters with their children. Now a days every child knows everything regarding SEX but they don’t know how to prevent it or sometime with their incorrect information which they get from their peer may become very harmful.
    Parents Should form friendly relationship with their child from very young age and should take knowledge for this type of issue to secure your child. Even you can talk to a 3 year old regarding Sexual Abuse with the help of pictorial book which tell that no one is allowed to see any ones secret part or touch any one’s serrate part. We can’t hide our child from society where there are too many people with whom our child me and we also not be there with them all the time to secure them . So sex Education is necessary according to their ages.Recommend

  • maXime maXimilien

    Before venturing out for an opinion, make sure that you wouldn’t claim any such thing which insults the common sense or which is tantamount to leading the reader towards something essentially false.

    “…victims of sexual abuse comprise 73 per cent girls and 27 per cent boys.”

    Per cent of what number in total? You didn’t mention this out of insinuation or what, I can’t say. As per Sahil’s report, the figure is 2,252 in Pakistan for the year 2010. (You may multiply it by 10 if you feel like)

    Then you draw a conclusion “These findings mock the belief that young people…” for yet another ‘important’ premise for the indispensability of sex education in Pakistan.

    However, I don’t understand if “sex education” is such a savior then why child sex abuse is still on the rise in countries which are self-proclaimed champions for the cause of sex education?

    Childhelp.Org reports in its “National Child Abuse Statistics” section that over 3 million reports of child abuse are made every year in the United States with the annotations that “A report of child abuse is made every ten seconds.” and “Almost five children die every day as a result of child abuse. More than three out of four are under the age of 4″ and “Child abuse occurs at every socioeconomic level, across ethnic and cultural lines, within all religions and at all levels of education.”

    Talk about sex, sure but make us all understand this paradox that you’ve created. Better ponder over what should be the purpose of sex education and what are the causes of sex abuse in divergent societies. Don’t create an amalgam.Recommend

  • Mona

    @Muhammad Ziad:
    ITs duty of Parent to give knowledge about this concern to their children , and parents can take knowledge from various resources which are available know a days . Recommend

  • Mona

    Anyone who wants to know the website to get this education can visit http://www.aahung.org/ , this website is under construction but you can check it latter after few days .Recommend

  • Scorpio

    Firstly, Islam is not against sex, rather it confines the exclamation of sexual feelings within the boundaries of marriage. The sexual crimes that we are witnessing in Pakistan today are not due to lack of sex education, neither will the spread of sex education in any way discourage the sex offenders. our problem is that a conservative society has been allowed access to a world of porn through internet, and chance to hang up with opposite gender through mobile phones. On the other hand getting married is an option normally considered until one gets financially settled. High exposure to explicit material creates frustration with no outlet available, hence the youth is indulging in illegitimate sexual relations and the frustrated commits sex crimes. In short, having illegitimate sex is far easier and accessible than getting married.
    Secondly, It is in no way the job of schools to give sex education to kids, rather its the job of parents to be friends with their children and make them aware regarding the sexual problems that they may face according to their age. If we tried to follow the western model of sex education in our schools it will escalate the situation rather than improving it. Recommend

  • Rana

    Mr. RK Sing,

    America and Indian both are in top ranking under the subject of most rapist countires in the world. This is due to liberty given their Religion and sex education. 80% of the girls under the age of 17 touch door of pregnancy with this act. We do not want to same situation in our land and moreover our pillars are based on our Islamic rules and regulations which should be adoped by America and India to survive rapist activity.
    Recommend

  • Dr Imran

    Islam encourages learning and hates ignorance.It is imperative to learn.As a doctor i have come across many patients who become victim to numerous sexually transmitted diseases due to sheer ignorance.We must appreciate the fact that imparting sexual education at appropraite level will enlighten the majority,remove the misconceptions and help to decrease incidences of diseases and sufferings.Recommend

  • SharifL

    It appears this is one subject, which is most important in our lives, and at the same time least talked about, except in the company of intimate friends in our youth. I read that in 1949, all light entertainment broadcasts on the BBC were made subject to a set of decency rules such as: ‘an absolute ban on … jokes about lavatories, effeminacy in men, suggestive references to honeymoon couples, chambermaids, fig leaves, ladies’ underwear etc., meaning ban on talking about sex.
    That process is usually feted with a sexual liberation. Since then sex has become progressively freer in UK and all over the non-Muslim world.
    We are born as a result of sexual relationship and since this aspect remains with us until, on average when men are 80 and little bit earlier for women, this subject has to be brought out of minds and into print. Unless, the subject is taken out of the cultural and religious compounds and analyzed scientifically, we will not be able to be aware of all the implications and happiness and frustration attached to the subject. I have heard many women complain that their husbands never try to make fore play and only satisfy themselves without satisfying women. I heard a married woman tell her friend that once she suspected her husband having extra marital relationship. At night she took clothes off and tried to arouse her husband. Now you hear the story of what men think of such advances in Pakistan: ’You are like a prostitute’ he scolded her. Many conservative men think it is only the privilege of men to make advances and the whole encounter is for men’s pleasures only. One husband told his wife (After she declined to have sex with him), ‘this is your duty and no is not allowed in our faith.’Recommend

  • http://bakedsunshine.wordpress.com/ Shumaila

    Sex ed needs to be done by parents and by schools.

    Parents need to tell their children about respecting their own bodies and others’, they need to get it into their kids that if anyone, and that means anyone, ever touches them in a way that makes them uncomfortable, they should tell their parents, instead of hiding or feeling shameful. Also about sex in itself, and our customs associated with sex (premarital is bad, can give you diseases, etc)

    Schools can reinforce ideas about the hazards of unprotected sex (unwanted pregnancies, STDs) and again hammer in concepts of sexual abuse and how anyone can be a victim and one shouldn’t hide but should always fight back or tell their parents.

    Its a two way approach and will be good enough to give basic education but not actively encourage things like fornication. Kids need to know, they guess anyway, and if they’re not edcated properly they will only get confused and be much more prone to victimization. I don’t see why people don’t understand this.Recommend

  • fahad siddiqui

    Absolutely rite….

    This is purly islamic and very good point too make…… and for all the mullah’s out there (haya ankh ma hoti hia … khatun ky libass ma nhe)…. but at the same time its also not easy to introduce sex education just like that…In our country we have amazing rang of mullah’s and there are few (bagar dari wala) mullah’s also who will play the bigger supporting role agianst it as compare to (dari wala’s) … 1st Govt. should take some religious scholar’s into confidence like they did or rather tried to … on polio vaccine issue so they can make some ground.Recommend

  • bhi jan

    Well all of us said very well but I have a small question from the author that currently education is in west as u know and said but In these countries what is the ratio of abuse of sex even after the said education. So what you are trying to prove here is not the remedy of the problem. If you need to understand or do something try to go to the root level of the problem. The sex is one of the basic instinct no one can deny it but its much better that the education should be through their own parents. The parents needs to be more educated for the same. No one can love children more than the parents in this world. Recommend

  • http://umairj.com/ Umair Jabbar

    All our Islamic Clerics from the Tablighi end teach all this to the youth when they are on their Jamaats often known as ‘Seh Roza’. Then why do they oppose the same thing being taught at school.Recommend

  • FAZ

    @Rana
    Is there any prohibitory note before surra-e-Noor that a person below 16yrs of age should not read it? Or Sura-eNissa is meant only to be read by women? My cousin, 12 yrs old reads Quran with translation. He asked me all the “sex” related issues after going through these Ahkaam-eKhudawandi. You know why he didnt ask his parents? Because sex has become such a taboo here that kids dont find it comfortable to discuss it with their parents. This is very dangerous. We need to aware children at an appropriate age about these matters as it was done at the times of the Rasoollallah (Sallallah ho allehay wassalam). Think about it Recommend

  • javed

    I agreed with rana….he is right…America and all foreign countries all provided sex education but their is rape ratio high..boys and girls sex in parties and their gathering…and this is not right… and school is not responsible to provide sex education…its the duty of parents..Islam says when boy getting marriage his father have to aware about sex..and his father have to give him full information about married life and sex life…when a girl getting marriage her mother have to provide full information about her marriage life and sex life…this is the responsibility of mother and father…
    And Islam also say that when a girl and a boy when become 18yrs old his/her parents have to marriage them soon…because they will be also safe from many sins….and their health will also be good..because they do not will be waste their health like in this article say in different hera mandi type places..
    So give information to your kids about sex and marriage life when they getting marriage… and done their marriage soon as they become 18yrs old….
    Many parents know a days they feel shy to give information to their kids…this is not right they have to give information about sex and marriage life to their kids..Recommend

  • Talib Abbas

    Mem. I am really sorry. Your problems are genuine but solution is not….There are many other ways to stop what problems you are stating…. The major problem is corruption not “NOT KNOWING OF SEX AND THEIR PROBLEMS”. Another root is the media…. How Sex Education can help in decreasing those numbers (rapes, porn, dirty dances and all those things)…Recommend

  • sls

    “Islam is a complete code of life, only qualified scholars should be consulted to finalize the method of info passing.”

    Yes, let’s have a completely male dominated courts run by “qualified scholars” who can make pronouncements on how it’s kosher to marry off a 9 year old girl. The sad part is that this particular cleric is probably a decent man, but he is bound up in a prison where any concept of right and wrong can only emanate from one place.Recommend

  • Pagla

    These words, right out of my mouth! Thanks for this….Recommend

  • Disco Molvi

    To all those who are asking:
    “How can sex education decrease the incidence of rape, incest, porn lust etc?”
    To them I ask:
    “Will not teaching about sex contribute towards the decline of these habits?”
    If the answer is ‘no’, then what do we have to lose if we were to teach it.
    For those are bringing in Islam and saying parents, not teachers, should teach their child about sex with in the confines of their homes.
    I ask, In Islam, is not the status of a teacher like that of a parent?

    Pakistanis term ‘sex education’ a ‘fahashi’, yet gleefully accept some really perverted and misogynist hadiths (I’m ashamed to even call them hadiths and vehemently disown) which openly scrutinizing the private life of Prophet Muhammad(p.b.u.h).Recommend

  • Taxed

    For those who favour that sex is immoral need explain to me one fact how did they come in existence if were not for sex?
    Sex is at it’s most itrinsic form bring forth life and a way of helping life to fight against an ever-changing environment. If one bothers to study Islam it is replete with sex education and to stop one using it in an immoral way not the act itself. Sex being bad is a doctrine of chrisitianity and esoteric religions of old. Both Judaism and Islam are totally against the concept of sex being immoral as leaders in these relgions had wives and children. If we are to be taught about morals then we need to know about sex otherwise the result will be uncontrolled immorality. Recommend

  • Saad Durrani

    Thank God! It is being discussed.Recommend

  • swa

    just to introduce sex education to this illiterate stubborn so-called Islamic society, a whole new social reform is needed…… this is a society where a child if abused will hide it from his family his entire life…because no one will accept him…after all so many bad HARAM things happened to that kid….. TCH TCH…..
    we need a broader perspective in front of us and this so called “religious” blindfold that has been tied around our eyes needs to be shed off… its high time people learnt the spiritual value of religion and not just the version potrayed to them.
    Sex education right now in our society seems to be a far cry SADLYRecommend

  • Nobody

    @Rana:
    America and Indian both are in top ranking under the subject of most rapist countires in the world. This is due to liberty given their Religion and sex education. 80% of the girls under the age of 17 touch door of pregnancy with this act. We do not want to same situation in our land and moreover our pillars are based on our Islamic rules and regulations which should be adoped by America and India to survive rapist activity.

    I respectfully disagree. First off I’ve never heard any statistic claiming America and/or India have the highest instances of rape, but perhaps you have somewhere, so no sense in harping on that. Rape is not a result of liberty given by religion, as no religion (that I’ve ever heard of) gives the liberty to rape. And educating people appropriately on healthy sexual relations does NOT a rapist (or sex fiend) make. Strange notion.
    And I’d like to know where you read that “80% of the girls under the age of 17 touch door of pregnancy with this act.” ? I’ve never heard such high numbers; in fact, while teenage pregnancy is not uncommon in the states, do you know the one thing that has proven effective in reducing these numbers? SEX EDUCATION. Informing the youth of the risks associated with sex of any kind and how to protect themselves has brought down the numbers of teenage pregnancy and the risks of STD’s. Now, while I agree this doesn’t mean the youth is necessarily having sex less, it just means they’re smarter about it, it’s a step.
    The problem in Pakistan (and other culturally or religiously conservative societies) is that people are not talking about this, AND “illegal” sexual encounters are STILL happening.
    That’s a different issue altogether (providing better Islamic education and maybe more hands on parenting is all one can do to attempt to control “illegal” sex especially among youth; beyond that, not much else).
    And I’m sorry to tell you but the presence of Islam in many countries has not done much to combat the rampant rape, sexual abuse, child marriage, forced marriage, violence etc. because it’s not simply a religious issue, rather a cultural one; the problems that plague society are due to a number of factors, the biggest one being lack of education of ANY kind, not lack of religion.
    Sadly, adopting Islamic rules has not done much for Pakistan’s society. Since the days of Zia ul Haq, would you say Pakistan has gotten better as a society??
    I can go on and on forever (and I almost already have), but I’ll leave on this note. Yes, people should respect religious tenets and each person has a right to follow them the way they choose, but nowhere in Islam does it say ‘don’t educate people on sex, sweep everything under the rug and pretend it doesn’t exist so maybe it’ll go away.’
    You won’t eradicate problems in one fell swoop, but ONE of the ways to take baby steps toward eliminating ignorance is to educate people, starting with a very basic human need: sex. It’s happening in Pakistan whether you want to acknowledge it or not so the practical thing to do is inform people, not run away from it or label it as something “dirty.” Cheers. Recommend

  • KK

    Sex education has failed to prevent unwanted pregnancies and STDs in the western world.Recommend

  • KK

    The only thing sex education does is that it makes teens use condoms while indulging in willful sexual activity.

    Its directed for a society which believes it is O.K to have out of wedlock sexual intercourse. Recommend

  • http://laaleen.blogspot.com Laaleen

    The most common abuser is often from the child’s own family (cousin or uncle). This applies to both girls and boys. Young boys are also exploited by truck drivers and by peers at boarding schools. This happens in Muslim countries as much as everywhere else in the world, perhaps even more so with some adults acting out on children from repression. Educating children and teaching them how to protect themselves and alert authorities, if need be, is essential.Recommend

  • Amjad

    @Umair Jabbar:
    There are some things which you can’t discuss on each forum. Will you discuss all this with your brother. Also, many other things that Tablighi people taught you, did you discuss that to your school?

    The thing is that you don’t share your family matters at school, why you don’t discuss while you discuss those things within your family?Recommend

  • Sunny Shaikh

    This is the height of shame that political parties who pretend their selves like an orthodox muslim community, malign Americans and their policies. I would like to ask them why do they send their children there to get education. All the Molanas talk about Islam, but they dont know what Islam says or what principles of Islam should be followed. I feel sorry for that they are doing politics with Islam and pretending like the true followers of QURAN and SHARIA… Recommend

  • patriot

    i think sex education should come from parents, and the health ministry or any other concerned ministry should give parents guidelines how to do so effectively!Recommend

  • xoxo

    In the United States, 1.3 women are raped every minute. That results in 78 rapes each hour, 1872 rapes each day, 56160 rapes ech month and 683,280 rapes each year.
    1 out of every 3 American women will be sexually assulted in her lifetime.
    The United States has the world's highest rape rate of the countries that publish such statistics. It's 4 times higher than Germany, 13 times higher than England, and 20 times higher than Japan.
    1 in 7 women will be raped by her husband.
    83% of rape cases are ages 24 or under.
    1 in 4 college women have either been raped or suffered attempted rape.
    1 in 12 males students surveyed had commited acts that met the legal definition of rape. Furthermore, 84% of the men who had commited such acts said what they had done was definitely not rape.
    75% of male students and 55% of female students involved in acquintance rape had been drinking or using drugs.
    Only 16% of rapes are ever reported to the police.
    Recommend

  • http://- maimoona khan

    sex education should taught according to age group and with avoiding direct terms
    we always mix up our thought on cultural norm and religious one its all about public awareness if a person know he/she is in the state of sexual assault then maybe he/she think abt at once Recommend

  • Anam Gill

    The purpose of writing this piece is to generate a dialogue and it’s interesting to see an overwhelming response.

    Violence against women makes up 95 per cent of cases of violence reported in Pakistan. These statistics are even more chilling, bearing in mind that 70 per cent of cases of violence against women “do not get registered”. The Human Rights Commission of Pakistan estimates that a rape occurs in Pakistan every two hours and a gang rape every eight hours. The point is not about comparing the statistics with US. Let us just look at ourselves first. Why not we promote a healthy discussion on this issue that is useful and beneficial for our well being. Recommend

  • Nida

    I think this article was the need of time.. Well Done :) :) :)Recommend

  • Dodo

    @xoxo:
    and your point is….??
    Is it that Pakistanis are living in America, or Pakistan is now known as America?Recommend

  • rizwana

    well i think public awareness regarding “safe sex” is very important.HIV is spreading so fast in our country and it is very sad.sex education should be given too.children are so curious that they always find out so they should instead be told by their teachers and about the outcomes of it as well so that they know and if some one tries to hurt them they should know that they have to tell their parents about it Recommend

  • Saad H

    Most Pakistani parents, especially in England tend to be against sex education because they believe it’s a “besharam” topic. So in Pakistan, sex education needs to be taught in a way that parents and the children don’t get offended. Child abuse is very common in Pakistan, so I think there should be more focus on that.Recommend

  • Sarah Mehdi

    Just see the keyword and read the whole news without trying to comprehend it.
    Poor taste of the people and poorer judgement.

    Btw, good article.Recommend

  • Concerned

    Ok.. so it is about trying to decrease rape n’abuse and increasing sexual consent. Should teenager be told “use condoms beta and anti-birth pills, Don’t jerk off honey, pick someone to satisfy you” Really..
    Only thing comin out if this “education” is moral decline in young kids.
    I think its quite Naive for most of you to think “Sexual Education” is not given children, its required in Adults to have sex properly and with feeling responsibility to what they do.
    No body gives grains to a toddler cause they can’t digest them, it given at the certain age when they have teeth enough to chew them.
    Do you know what happens if you give early info about to kids these days in the world of porn and internet
    this below is story of 13 years old DAD
    http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2238252.eceRecommend

  • Concerned

    I think its quite Naive for most of you to think “Sexual Education” is given to children, thereRecommend

  • http://www.nicemangos.blogspot.com Eiynah

    Its about time people in pakistan talked about sexuality. The repurcussions of such denial are indeed grave, we face them everyday as pedophiles and rapists roam free, while victims are condemned. Hypocrisy is unfortunately such a large part of our collective being now… where do we even begin to change? I write a blog about pakistani sexuality, hoping to create a drop of awareness in the ocean of ignorance that is our country…do stop by if its something you’re interested in; http://www.nicemangos.blogspot.com

    if people speak out im sure a difference can be made, everyone has to stop being so afraid though. And to the 80 year old author of pakistani sex ed books, i say ‘bravo, sir’. Recommend

  • Mr. Bahri

    Mr. Rana, if you say that America and India are both in top ranking under the subject of most rapist countries in the world. I would request you to kindly post that website address from where you picked this extract, so that others can verify your false claim. Secondly, you are asking India to implement the pillars of your Islamic Rules and Regulations to prevent rapist activity in our country. Dude, India aka Hindustan is based on four pillars – Hindu, Muslim, Sikh, and Isai (Christians). Where you are not able to protect one religion being one big country, you are telling us to implement different pillars. Dude, India has more no. of Muslims than Pakistan’s total population they are still very much Indians, Very Much Muslims, and Very Much our Brothers. Do you even know, Pakistan had a law years back which stated that “A Charge of Rape on woman can only be confirmed if there were 4 males present while the rape was being done” WTF.. I don’t know if it has been changed or not yet but yeah you, SPECIALLY YOU RANA should know that. And anyhow.. Giving Sex Education doesn’t leads a girl to a door of pregnancy at the age of 17, it is the girl’s and boy’s foolishness which leads them there.. Sex Education always given them so that they can protect themselves from any thing which may effect their life like an STD.. or AIDS.. or even getting Pregnant. I salute writer of the blog Ms. Anam Gill for bringing out this topic, cuz while sitting in India, I also know that what is happening with the girls in Pakistan, which is apologetic and time filled with agony for those girls. Time has come when Pakistan shall Introduce Sex Education in their education system. Govt. should also try to open Public Schools in the backward area / villages of Pakistan, along with Madrassas, so that children of your country rise equally and fairly and also so that children of the coming time of both Pakistan and India learn and love to live together. Recommend

  • Raana Irfan

    @Anam Gill:
    Well it’s Raana Irfan and i by mistake posted this reply with Anam Gill’s name, sorry about that.Recommend

  • Raana Irfan

    Being an educationalist I certainly agree to what Anam has expressed in this article.I know that even in our schools children are not only harassed by their seniors but even the teachers are involved in such unethical practices.When we try to make this topic a religious issue we should not forget that what is happening in our mosques and madrsassas.There are many unreported,undeclared and un addressed incidents which are even ignored by the parents of victims.Unfortunately in our society the so called educated even feel shy of addressing these incidents and people around create a strange attitude towards the victims.The victims are treated as perpetrators and the culprits keep enjoying the situations.
    See the street children and unreported stories of juvenile jails.When this happens in our country and our society why cant we talk about it with our children.
    When Anam suggests about making sex education part of curriculum.I am sure she is aware of the fact that how it should be designed to convey to different age levels keeping all the moral obligations in mind.That is why she motivates the educationalists to play an active role.It is sensitive topic and we as part of the society should take equal responsibility to make our children safe ,mentally and emotionally healthy and fear free.Recommend

  • Dodo

    @Concerned:
    ummm had that 13 year old been educated he wouldn’t be fathering a child at his age (by the way shouldn’t be paying too much attention to a tabloid story anyway). That’s what the education is about. Plus, one should not read the word “sex education” and start drawing conclusions without much knowledge on the subject. The biggest portion of sex education revolves around promoting abstinence. A portion of it is directed towards contraceptives because hey, the kids who’re going to do it will do it regardless. Nothing can ever be achieved by brushing the issues under the rug.Recommend

  • Qasim

    Cant agree more wid the Author .. ppl r sayin dt country is nt suitable for sex education.. let me remind u , dis country topped the porn word searches on google in last 2 yrs consecutively .. First of all we have to re program our minds to dat sex is nt sumthin funny or sumthin taboo.. its sumthin dt goin to become evryonez lifez part some day sooner or later .. so y feel criminal talkin abt it? … dis is human psyche, the forbidden fruit always luks more sweeter.. same is wid sex in Pakistan.. let me get it straight 90% kids when dey pass school knw alot abt sex.. hw do they knw? googling for porn.. by watching rated movies or discussing wid their older mates .. sex education is surely a better method den all of dese ..Recommend

  • Qasim

    Cant agree more wid the Author .. ppl r sayin dt country is nt suitable for sex education.. let me remind u , dis country topped the porn word searches on google in last 2 yrs consecutively .. First of all we have to re program our minds to dat sex is nt sumthin funny or sumthin taboo.. its sumthin dt goin to become evryonez lifez part some day sooner or later .. so y feel criminal talkin abt it? … dis is human psyche, the forbidden fruit always luks more sweeter.. same is wid sex in Pakistan.. let me get it straight 90% kids when dey pass school still knw alot abt sex.. hw do they knw? googling for porn.. by watching rated movies or discussing wid their older mates .. sex education is surely a better method den all of dese ..Recommend

  • http://ahsanjehangir.blogspot.com Anonymous

    Dear Concerned,

    First talk about SAHIL/NGO and other NGO’s and are you reporting for it or victim of this NGO .. My friend worked here and know how they work on agenda of indoctrination and brain wash targeting Pakistan to become a sex free country and especially youth and hence forth women …

    Do read you religion and every thing it written in clear words what to do and how to do so you dnt need to sex education and being a agent/victim of something …

    No offense but you should know first how an organization works and who pay for it and whats purpose …

    Just look tribune a paid platform just keep watching these shared links on this platform as well dont be used for their purposes : http://blogs.tribune.com.pk/story/5864/can-i-afford-not-to-be-the-simple-girl-next-door/ http://blogs.tribune.com.pk/story/5827/5827/ http://blogs.tribune.com.pk/story/1178/why-i-do-not-date-in-pakistan/

    Dont ask for freedom of expression and dont ask me for human rights especially women rights … Women are most respected in Pakistan Society … I do admit the other part where people are obsessed or rights are not given to them either men or women but its not the way to spoil the picture of culture and enrich civilization …

    Freedom of expression and social networking are so called norms of west so stay in west dont panic east by your western thoughts with no philosophy and bases … Our religion is complete code of life …Recommend

  • http://ahsanjehangir.blogspot.com Ahsan

    @Qasim:

    This country did not topped the porn search for the google .. we verified from google and it was mistakenly showed that stats … and they said it was algo/search algorithm problem and for your kind information our majority is away from internet around 80 t0 90% …Recommend

  • http://ahsanjehangir.blogspot.com Ahsan

    Dear Author/Moderator : let my comment posted here and show freedom of expression …Recommend

  • Dodo

    @Anonymous:
    Amazing analyses I must say, do you want a pat on the back or a standing Ovation for this non-sense? You’re truly cocooned in your dogma and want others to view it through your demented perspective. What respect are you talking about? Just by giving up your seat on a bus to a lady does not necessarily mean that women are “most respected” in our society. Look at it yourself, the anti-harassment law was recently passed in Pakistan, prior to which, there was no such law. Women were (and still are) sexually harassed in Pakistan all the time; on the streets; at work places; on public transport, you name it. Young girls are married to Quran, women like Mukhtaran Mai can bang their heads on a wall all they want but they never get justice or still be termed “guilty” by others. Families don’t let their girls continue higher education terming it as “what are they going to do with a degree.” WTF!!?

    Judging by your comment I can sense you’re a man, otherwise you wouldn’t be saying such things. I’m not a woman myself but I do know how women are treated in Pakistan and the picture aint pretty. Recommend

  • SJ

    @Dodo
    Couldn’t agree more with you mate. I’m so angry with Mai’s verdict just recently. Recommend

  • http://ahsanjehangir.blogspot.com Ahsan

    @Dodo

    Ji didn’t write that for you and the moment i was writing that i was cent percent sure that it won’t act as an eye opener for many around us and what you did exactly proved me right. Quoting some lame examples from our society doesn’t actually prove you right. i didn’t give my general opinion. i mentioned Holy Quran verses which was taken down during moderation. and i am surprised on all articles and topic on Tribune/blog.tribune you will not see a single verse of Holy Quran and we call us Muslim and follower of religion, that was presumptuous enough to post article like “let’s talk about sex” where there could be debate on many other good topics that could be really insightful.
    you have the time to regret your opinions right now and you have the time to change yourself otherwise you would soon be among people who cry at night and regret finding comfort in sex discussions and other forbidden things.

    All i wish is that you get the understanding why our Creator sent us to the universe. what’s our cause here and where would we go after this.

    Sex is a part of life but it doesn’t mean that we should obsess ourselves with this and leave other important matters and start discussion on that.

    I guess that was enough to enlighten you. rest is upon you.

    Have a good life fella.Recommend

  • Maria Iqbal

    @Arsalan:Totally agreed!Recommend

  • Dodo

    @Ahsan,
    Exactly the reason why religion is so dangerous which keeps naive (read: superstitious) humans from learning and yearning for truth. A book written 1400 years ago does not hold all the “code” of life and is not the final word on truth and knowledge. With that out of the way, sex is important and believe it or not everyone thinks about it all the time, especially kids (teenagers). If they’re not educated on it properly they may end up doing what they’re not suppose to and get hurt in the end. I’m all for abstinence during childhood but with all the liberties to kids these days (which i’m not against of by the way) it is imperative that they know the benefits of staying abstinent or at the least know about contraceptives. Because as I said earlier, kids who are going to do it will do it no matter how much “religion” you shove down their throats.

    I’m glad Tribune moderates comments that have quotations from the Quran or Hadith (my comments have also been moderated where I quoted some hadiths). Religion is not end all and be all and should be kept private. Your belief in Quran’s authority or truth doesn’t mean I have to agree with you. We (as in Pakistanis) need to learn that and fast!

    By the way, I didn’t know you were commenting as “Anonymous” as well. Because my comment was directed at him/her.Recommend

  • http://ahsanjehangir.blogspot.com Ahsan

    @Dodo:

    Keep coming up with self-contradicting comments doesn’t least prove that you are right. If you don’t believe in Quran’s authority or truth then why did you mention passages from Holy Quran in the first place which according to you were taken down during moderation.

    If in your poor thinking Quran is 1400 Year old book and it teachings doesn’t fit well in todays modern age then i need to enlighten you a little bit. Newton scientific theories, galileo theories and all other scientist theories are also centuries old but still they are in use and modern science is flourishing based on these theories.

    Quran is the most scientific book ever known to man (if you do a little study you would find that out). if you can dispute that statement then come up with something concrete and don’t disappoint me next time which i am well sure that you would.

    your statement that “kids are not gonna change whether you teach them islamic teachings or not” then i must tell you it depends what kinda results are you expecting. Name one harm that islamic teachings do to individuals and i am gonna reward you.

    Just open your eyes and find out where our society has end up with these nasty teachings delivered by these substandard tribunes . use contraceptives ; find your own ideal life partner and all bla bla. kids have lost respect of their parents. they don’t even love themselves now. Hates their life and as i mentioned before they cry at night and wish they die.

    Please don’t come up with something stupid next time. this time i want you to be a little more discrete and come out of your small world and find the boundary line between right and wrong.

    Have a good life fella.Recommend

  • http://accuratewords.blogspot.com Haseeb Asif Bajwa

    Giving sex education to our youngster will not give them a stoppage but it will give them a idea to how to do it. the mind of youngster are immature.we should should talk on ground of reality. as we know this idea will not pertain in our society and our parents will not allow as to go such kind of institutes where education of sex is in there curriculum. western ideas are rejected in our society.there so many ways to control such things, primarily we should have parental control over youngster and its the responsibility of parents to guide them. more we discuss about such things in front of youngster more it will attract them.Recommend

  • Dodo

    @Ahsan:
    Do you not read properly or something? First you claimed my response was aimed at your comment (which it wasn’t, it was aimed at Anonymous) now you claim that I quoted Quran (I quoted hadith), what’s wrong dude? I quoted hadith to prove a point of how absurd it was not to promote it. Also, where am I self contradictory, mind elaborating a bit?
    In any case, don’t even get me started on the scientific deficiencies in quran because seriously quran has no science in it. Besides, I don’t think this is a good platform to hold that debate anyway. Recommend