Help! Am I still in love with my ex?

Published: June 18, 2011

When do I know it’s time that I got into another relationship?

Hi,

It has been four months since my ex-fiance and I broke up but I can’t get over her. We had a good relationship and to be honest, the break-up was more from her side than mine.

Anyway, it’s been over four months now and I have had no contact with the girl, though I miss her dearly from time to time. There are things that remind me of her. At times, I wonder what she is doing, what she must be thinking, whether she is missing me too. I understand this is normal, and that time is the best healer.

There are days where I see myself actually moving forward, and there are days where it seems like I have made no progress at all.

How do I get over this?

When do I know it’s time to start another relationship?

Perhaps in my case, this has more to do with the feeling of being rejected than love.

I might come across as confused, or knowing the solution, but I want to hear what an independent, third party has to offer.

Cheers.

Trying to move on

Dear Trying to move on,

At least you do not wonder what she’s wearing. That would be creepy.

Coming to your problem – I will answer your questions one by one, but not particularly in the order you asked them.

First – when do you know it’s time you got into a relationship? Right now.

I really don’t think you should waste your time fantasising life with a woman when you could be with one. I have encountered many men in my life – and let me tell you, there are very few things worse than a young man wasting away his manhood in his room.

So get back on the horse, and go out and find a new girl. Because trust me, soon this one may be engaged to someone else, which will quickly materialise into a marriage followed by children and the works. If she can find all this happiness, why can’t you?

Getting over someone you love is not easy. We have all felt strongly for someone who may not have had the ability or desire to love us back – but the fact is this is not your loss: it’s theirs. You spent one year engaged to this girl so you are bound to wonder about her, think about her and be curious about where she is now. With time these thoughts will grow further and further apart. It is not necessary to forget someone to get over them. You must remember the hard cold reality – you are not meant to be with her. Once you accept this you will see that life is full of possibilities.

It’s not about giving up. It’s about moving on.

Do you have a problem that you can’t solve all by your lonesome? Miss Informed is here to help! E-mail her at [email protected]

miss.informed

Miss Informed

A Karachi-based social guru who will help untangle all the complex questions life throws your way. Ask Miss Informed for advice on romance, work, family or even how to make the perfect pumpkin pie!

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.

  • http://Islamabad Taha Ceen Tayyab

    Probably after reading this he might start thinking “what is she wearing?”
    Lady dont put ideas in his head!Recommend

  • Billu

    Now tell me someone, is this all made up or does MIss Informed really gets issues mailed to her ?Recommend

  • Moazzam Salim

    Why is it always so important to “move on” to “forget”…why cant one simply keep the good memories? love SHOULD NOT be confused with a foreplay to physical union. It is much more than that and if it is not then it is not love. I get confused when people say with utmost authority that you should do this or that when in love or when not in love. How could you be NOT in love. It is not a phase, not a path that you take, not a destination that you reach. It is beyond that and beyond one’s self. Love, in my opinion, is eternal. So if you have this feeling that you are some how out of love or have grown out of it or are moving on then rest assured you were never into it in the first place. Recommend

  • Umair Waheed Sheikh, Khayban e Hafiz,Karachi

    My Ex left me for a mature 30 something guy who looks like a complete freak although he lives in the US. Even though I have a fiance now I am still in awe of her. I cant stop thinking about her. I dont know but ex’s are like magnets their absence makes the heart grow fonder. Nazia come back to me!Recommend

  • Nazia

    lol @ umair waheed and sorry at the same time too :PRecommend

  • Umair Waheed Sheikh, Khayban e Hafiz,Karachi

    @Nazia:
    But you are not my Nazia!Recommend

  • Junaid Alam

    nothing I read today was as amusing as the above three comments.. :-)Recommend

  • http://none vikash

    you should not leave herRecommend

  • Madiha

    Time is the best healer… nd juz u need to realize dat woteva happens.. happens for a reason! Recommend

  • Mooed

    why did you let her to breakup with you in first place?

    “Breaking up is like knocking over a coke machine. You can’t do it in one push. You’ve got to rock it back and forth a few times and then it goes over.”
    Read more: http://www.latestngreatest.net/breakupquotes.htm#ixzz1Pu9YjkRVRecommend

  • Sana

    @Junaid Alam:
    LOL, i swear! :DRecommend

  • http://www.facebook.com/noman.ansari Noman Ansari

    Dude, you are in mourning. The loss of a loved one through breakup, distance, or death will do that to you. Consider yourself lucky that you got closure, and that she had the class to make it clear to you where she stood, instead of prolonging your pain. You should be thankful for that. The fact that you feel that you have no hope will help you move on faster, and again be thankful for the fact that she was forthcoming.

    As for when is the right time to get back on the horse, as the columnist said, the best time is now.

    Your feelings or rejection will go away when you enter a new relationship. Be kind to yourself. Get something you always wanted. :)

    The other advise is hit the gym. Hit the treadmill, start working out a bit. You will feel better automatically.

    My one last and most crucial piece of advise is this. When you enter a new relationship, you will be on the rebound, big time. This is quite dangerous, especially for the new girl you will be seeing.

    It is easy for a person on the rebound to seek validation and deflect feelings of rejection by getting attached to early to their new partner. It creates infatuation, which they mistake with feelings of love. This will be misleading for your new partner, so please be careful about hurting her in the process.

    Take it slow. Be aware of your own feelings of rejection and vulnerability; they may unwittingly cause you to use your next partner as someone to boost yourself and toss aside. I am not saying you will do it deliberately, but it is a natural psychological reaction. Recommend

  • http://www.facebook.com/noman.ansari Noman Ansari

    @Madiha:

    Sorry dude, but I respectfully disagree. This guy sounds sincere and sensitive. Life isn’t full of sociopaths who can just think of a giant cliche (whatever happens, happens for a reason) and just move on without a tremor in the sea. They need closure, dignity, respect, time, and someone to ease the problems… not multiply them.

    This guy is lucky that his ex has been clear with him. His feelings of rejection will go away when he finds someone who likes him for who he is. Recommend

  • http://www.facebook.com/noman.ansari Noman Ansari

    @Junaid Alam:

    LOL that was absolutely brilliant. Recommend

  • Zubair Lodhi

    I agree with the idea of the miss informed. it is reality that after separation we spend our time in such kind of thinking, so the right way has suggested hereRecommend